lightworker

If I could change my life somehow with no risk, what would I change? And knowing that, what risk am I trying to avoid by not changing? I'd have more offers and be more confident in myself in my business, tell my mom to fuck off and get therapy, and just really GO for selling in my business. The risk I am trying to avoid is my entire life changing, having to be a "girl boss" which I do NOT want, not being taken care of by anyone, never being compatible with anyone because "I've got it all". I'm trying to avoid change, and the responsibility that comes from having your life together. The responsibility inherent in freedom.

What is timeless, ageless and unchanging in me? My inner child. My connection to God.

What makes me lose my connection to myself? Believing other people's opinions despite my own doubts. So, doubting myself, gaslighting myself, thinking "maybe they're right" when I know they're wrong. Not being healthy. Hanging out with people I'm not compatible with. Eating crappy food. Not exercising or getting sunlight. Watching TV or the News and believing what they say, or not being critical of what I'm viewing. Not paying attention to my emotions, body, feelings. Drugs, alcohol, doing work I hate. Not taking care of my appearance or body. Not having my nails done. Letting people mistreat me. Not having really, really good boundaries. Not following my heart every day. Not having any fun - all work and no play. Conversely, all play and no work. Equating work with doing things I don't want to do for survival. Limiting and false beliefs that make me feel caged, trapped, stifled. Not being centered in myself, being ungrounded. And what makes me get that connection back? Stepping back and looking objectively. Disidentification. Saying "no". Trusting my own judgment and estimation of events, validating myself. Eating well. Exercising. Meditation. Nature. Sunlight. Green juice. Conscious media consumption, being aware of symbols in the news and in stories. Stories that humanize and spiritualize the human experience. Really good art. Being grounded in my body. Being sober. Doing work I love. Scheduling time for both work and play each day. Making work and play synonymous. Writing fun stories. Making fun art. Doing my nails. Dressing cute and comfy and put together. Saying no to people I'm not compatible with. Saying no to people who mistreat me or misuse or abuse me. Saying no to people who are being disingenuous, manipulative, rude, trolls, bullies, making fun of me disguised as joking, or can't accept the gifts I give them. Saying no to people I just don't like or want to be around. Being kind to people. Random acts of kindness. Smiling at people. Gratitude. Nature. The sky, stars, wind, rivers, ocean, trees, bugs, plants, rocks, canyons, lakes. Looking at pretty houses. Beautiful clothes. Pretty jewelry. True artistry and craftsmanship. Following my heart. Connecting to my heart daily. Meditating on god, the sun, the galactic center, Jesus, etc. Doing what I love for money. Getting paid and making money. Having more then enough. Having just enough. Not having enough and knowing it will be okay anyways. Trust. Faith. Allowing. Letting go. Shifting beliefs, doing shadow work, doing parts work.

If I had no guarantee of success, I'd still be doing what I'm doing but I'd do it WAY more selfishly, and have WAY better boundaries. I'd do it more exclusively rather than trying to cater to everyone. I love what I do. I think it's fun and meaningful and I'd do it until I died. I think I just realized I need much better boundaries in my business. I also need to do it for me, not for other people, even though my work is technically serving others. If I'm not doing it for me, I can't serve them effectively, I'm seeing. I need to be a lot more selfish. Only in being more selfish can I be more selfless.

Be present with my heart.

OMG I'm in such a different place now than when I wrote this. I ended up starting two businesses, one of which I now do full time. And it's EASY. I literally get paid to exist it's fun. I did have to move back in w my mentally abusive parents. It was that or be homeless. They're still unsafe people mentally and emotionally, but I mostly try to ignore them. I realized it was my own inner self sabotage that was keeping me from succeeding. My inner parents. I had to work w my inner saboteurs like Teal talks about. I realized most of them have good reason for not wanting to "succeed", and so I worked with some, repurposed some. It takes effort and consistency and self-discipline, and it's a slow process. It takes a lot of belief work and inner work. I'm still struggling, just not with this. When I first wrote the original comment, I was living with abusive roommates, who were heavily gaslighting me, and I'd just lost all of my friends so I had no support system.

I love you lol. I'm currently updating my views on race and racism. I was an antiracist activist and BLM supporter from 2016 until 2021. I am now coming to terms with the fact that every black person I was ever friends with emotionally and mentally abused me and belittled me for being white. I was abused in these spaces to the point where I developed a severe mental illness and self abuse coping mechanism, as well as protector parts that continue to gaslight me. I don't think this reflects poorly on black people as a whole. I know they're not all racist. I was in a cult, and I had poor boundaries. I'm not blaming myself for their behavior, it was just the truth of how I endee up there. But I do need to validate my experiences of antiwhite racism. Which I see is getting worse in the world as whites become a minority, and is already horrible in places where whites are a minority (see South Africa which is in the stage six of white genocide where white farmers are murdered for the color of their skin every day). I'm doing my part to heal the rift by admitting to the pain of antiwhite racism because right now our experiences are being denied, belittled, and gaslit. I am relearning to see the world for what it is and for what I want it to be. The reality is that we are not equal and that each race has different good and bad qualities. And the world I want to live in has no racism in it, not due to colorblindness and forced faux "equality" or multiculturalism, but due to self love in each race that radiates outward and is shared. This world cannot be achieved when white people hate ourselves for the color or our skin and put up with racial abuse to seem like "good people". Aho.

12:12 is when Teal is at her best. She understands masculine and feminine energy so so so so so so so well, truly a master. What a gift to the world.

The guy at 2:28:00 is disconnected from his heart and fully existing in his mind, I wish Teal had called that out in him. She did circle back around to him owning his choices in this reality (being here and embracing that) and resisting life, but his issue is disconnection from his heart, which is the seat of the soul.

Omgggg I find my own masculine aspect extra sexy I had no idea other women felt this way. I think he's super hot he's literally my standard for all men who now come into my life. If a man cannot contain and support me the way my inner masculine aspect does it's just not gonna happen 😌 My femininity just adores my inner masculine aspect and he loves and respects her so much.

you may have figured this out by now but i have experience w these kinds of parts. they are part of you, manifesting as someone else to keep you safe from something. the key is getting to the root of their goal, which is benevolent, even if they use abuse to attain that goal. for example: i had a part that manifested as a roommate who had been gaslighting me, when i went into it, i realized that this aspect was me trying to keep me from being narcissistic like he was, by considering his perspective above my own to the discredit of my experience and reality. this part manifested first as an abusive roommate, and i healed that layer. it then manifested next as a group of people who had abused me, and i healed that layer. i had been again putting their experiences and perspectives above and over my own experience and perspective so that i wouldn't be narcissistic like them. unfortunately, this beautiful intention manifested as internal self-abuse. finally, this part again manifested as my own mother who had gaslit me my whole life, and when i healed that layer i realized it was me all along, trying to protect myself from my mother who only ever considered her own needs and desires to the detriment of my own. i never wanted to be anything like that, so i gaslit myself about my own experiences to consider others' above mine, which diminished me. there are no "demons" or "other entities" that can attach to us without us already being a perfect match to their energy, so when we heal this aspect of ourselves, any demonic attachment will fall off. any demons we have are ultimately us, so it's always something in ourselves that we need to face before blaming it on any demon or other being. it's always us.

Teal says we must embrace the sex we came here to be. She also says that gender, which is an energy - NOT an identity, manifests differently in all people, but women naturally are more feminine and men are naturally more masculine. If you have resistance to these statements, that is your call to heal. You were born with a male or female body, so you are either a man or a woman. These are not "identities", and thinking that they are shows your own massive confusion and self rejection around the subject.

I love this perspective so much LOL. I'm "in sales" (I have a business that requires selling) and this is pretty much it. You really have to make content that "spoon feeds" people why they need you, and doing it without manipulation is so key. I like the image of the mother doing what is best for the baby and making it fun.

Honestly I'd be too anxious to do anything. I don't feel like I'm anywhere near where I want to be yet. I can't afford to do anything I want to do. So I guess I'd work really hard on healing my money vibration so I could manifest a bunch of money and travel all over, meet new people, spend time w my family, finish my novel, create more art, go outside, exercise, eat well, and just BE more. I'd post mad content for my business so I leave something substantial behind. I'd sum everything foundational up and create content from that. I'd cry and dry heave a lot.

The shadows in sales according to Teal: - manipulation - rejection issues arising - charging what you're worth - mirrored ego (all about me vs about their needs) - judgment - lack of planning - attachment to a specific outcome/ how it will happen - unwilling to adapt - blaming others - lack of presence with people