I'd just start singing in every public place I could right now.

I'm trying to avoid being humiliated & judged negatively.

So I'm not singing anywhere, but my room.

Having an open mind, 

not getting what I want

   This question caused me to remember that as sad as I am about having to live with my family, under the circumstances I am, that I am doing this because it is the safest option. That gave me rest

I would love to live in Bali , in one of the great world locations where I can continue to do my healing work from. I can see myself living in a bungalow or some rented rooms in Bali , with a pool...that's one of the options, energetically and practically how I would love to change my life with no risk! I would be able to settle down in one of the Asian locations, by allowing myself to fully say yes, no risk....and choose and go and live there....the risk that I am trying to avoid is to feel small , because I may need to ask for money initially to start up a new life, ...foundraising etc...and also my other risks are my fragile health as I was healing my guts from parasites etc,....and also finances that I won't be able to support myself with a new business, ...and that there will be visas complications, .....that country will require certain amount of money in my account and other things that may be a risk for me to try to go there to start my new life....my other risk that I am trying to avoid is that  I actually may change my mind while there and realise that now I do not like it because  I prefer a having my own kitchen , ... western world and western shops,....although on deep level I know that is not the truth, I would love to live in Asia.

Making friends. the risk im trying to avoid is being manipulated into doing things that I don't want to do.

I would establish healthy and strong bonds with people I could consider my family. I would show myself as I am and allow to be loved for who I am. I would go to the places where I can find these people, I would actively look for these connections and initiate the creation of a community or a net of persons. I would travel to the places where I can find people I can develope trust with and true connection.... I would like to create something with others. Cocreate a mission I can work side by side with other people. That's what I most want. I would COMMIT. I would commit to a project that i desire to create. Maybe an art project or a socio-cultural project, a community project... Probably an artistic project. And I would commit to people around me.. It is scary.

I am afraid of being myself... I feel like a bad person. I feel like I can't love others. I feel like I can't commit because I am not what others want and they will soon feel disappointed. The risk I am avoiding?... Is probably the risk of being abandoned for who I am... proving I am not lovable... I also feel I don't know how to have healthy relationships and I end up isolating myself because I feel emmeshed.. Thus I am avoiding the pain of hurting people and being accused of being the bad guy? Being rejected for having boundaries? I have the belief that there is always an intrinsic incompatibility and will always be since I haven't had another type of relationship? 

So I am trying to avoid rejection and abandonment by not ever getting close to anyone... Is it worth avoiding that risk? I am actually risking it all already by not taking that risk... How can I work towards what I want to change? I can develope healthy boundaries within myself and start loving myself more which is what I have been dedicated to in the last year, and when ready, start opening to having healthy boundaries WITH others and thus creating healthy loving committments and relationships... I think I already need to tale the step. I am ready to continue discovering more of myself with others. It is no longer a risk, is part of the process of uncovering myself.

Also... I would commit to creating music and writing poetry/songs, share them and collaborate with other artists. I would love that.

I feel like I risk feeling incompetent and lost and not knowing how to proceed. I feel like is too late.  I am afraid I will be judged... I feel people will sense my self-doubt and will reflect it back to me... There is a part of me that doesnt want to start at all... why? because I just feel incompetent... I am avoiding the risk of being laughed at. 

Is it worth taking the risk? I need some clarity of what I truly want. cause I want more social inclussion and acceptance than fulfilling that desire of creating art as my form of living. will I feel ever loved though if I never let my full true expression? I guess no. So how can I fullfil myself and feel loved? by being myself and doing what I desire.

I have this fear of physical injury... I would LOVE to move past this risk and do crazy stunts... I would love to play sports (especially extreme sports) like Parkour which would bring me momentarily close to death every time.

Basically I would love to live like I'm going to die every moment. 

Also, I would love to bravely challenge tyranny of any kind. If people are being forced into compliance by a tyrannical government that threatens to put people behind bars, I would love to fight for their freedoms, even if it means risking going to jail.

I would be more open in making connections and valuable friendships with people as I’ve closed up mostly to protect myself seeing I’ve been hurt so much by so called friends in the past. 
So I’m avoiding being hurt again. 
 

Dammit! 

On 6/29/2021 at 12:37 PM, Sackr1 said:

I have this fear of physical injury... I would LOVE to move past this risk and do crazy stunts... I would love to play sports (especially extreme sports) like Parkour which would bring me momentarily close to death every time.

Basically I would love to live like I'm going to die every moment. 

Also, I would love to bravely challenge tyranny of any kind. If people are being forced into compliance by a tyrannical government that threatens to put people behind bars, I would love to fight for their freedoms, even if it means risking going to jail.

seems like youre scared of death  why not try it tho? LOL not like kill yourself, but at least know you know what the risk is and whats holding you back  i think those are wonderful goals!!! why not try it?!!

Who are you?

I feel like you know me

On 10/27/2020 at 3:12 AM, Olivia Bell said:

I'd just start singing in every public place I could right now.

I'm trying to avoid being humiliated & judged negatively.

So I'm not singing anywhere, but my room.

Olivia, please do this! Don't feel abashed, just go for it! I want to encourage you. Also, if you're worried about singing badly, don't be! I sing as well and I come to realize that people singing badly leads to a much more humorous situation than singing well. And if you do sing well, well then there's no issue!

I would leave everything behind and start something now somewhere with my partner... Have our own free lifestyle beyond societies needs and expectations 

I would start hiking in the forest like I planned, but someone put sticks in my Wheels so to speak to stop me from having a good outcome to the situation I already changed. Im still gonna try thou. But when you live with restrictions based on false truths its challenging.

#49 

If I could change my life somehow with no risk, what would I change? 

I'd live on the French Riviera, or on the coast in Spain or Italy, and I'd be a full time artist, writer, and life coach to women. I'd drink organic Italian espresso in the mornings and eat grapes all day, visit with my friends and kiss my lover.

And knowing that, what risk am I trying to avoid by not changing?

Being alone again, not being supported. That in-between period where you make a big change and it sucks. Leaving behind all that I have ever known for something I have no guarantee will work.

I would stop doing shadow work. I'm trying to avoid Loosing control, making a mistake, or falling apart and finding myself. I avoid uncomfortable feelings and change. And I avoid reality and getting hurt. 

If I could change my life somehow with no risk, what would I change?  And knowing that, what risk am I trying to avoid by not changing?

I'd have more offers and be more confident in myself in my business, tell my mom to fuck off and get therapy, and just really GO for selling in my business. 

The risk I am trying to avoid is my entire life changing, having to be a "girl boss" which I do NOT want, not being taken care of by anyone, never being compatible with anyone because "I've got it all". I'm trying to avoid change, and the responsibility that comes from having your life together. The responsibility inherent in freedom.