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#88

What makes me lose my connection to myself and what makes me get that connection back?

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From "100 Of The Most Powerful Questions You Can Ask Yourself"

Nothing has the power to completely alter perspective and therefore your thoughts and actions and life quite like a question. Inquiry leads to understanding. The quality of the answers we arrive at, correspond directly to the quality of question we ask. The better the question, the better the answer. One of the most important things to realize about a question is that a person learns far, far more from the process and work involved in answering a question than from the answer itself. This is why spiritual teachers throughout history (including myself) have tended to pose so many questions to their students rather than to simply offer a direct answer. For this reason, I have selected a collection of 100 of the most powerful questions that you can ask yourself.

Make sure to take time to carefully consider each question that is posed in order to meaningfully answer them. And don’t forget to come back to these questions again and again throughout your life, especially whenever you are feeling stuck, because the answers will most likely change over the course of your life and also cause you to change your course in life.

- Teal Swan


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Not feeling understood or accepted by people I care about, not having my wants, thoughts and feelings validated. Depending on how much my truth diverges from what (I think) is expected of me, I push parts of me aside. As soon as I am alone, I feel nervous, insecure about what to do, super unintuitive and try to continue the distraction from myself. I need to be alone for a good day or so to get back in touch. And then it helps to reconsider what I identified as core values and feel good, empowering activities in more connected moments. Those activities are things such as taking care of my body or my environment, cleaning, taking a shower, wearing comfortable clothes, drinking my favorite tea, going for a run with nice music, trying a new yoga flow, conscious breathing, singing, watching a Teal episode, journaling,... But ONE THING AT A TIME.

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Becoming too focused on the past or future and therefore losing the ability to recognise the present moment. Usually I do this by allowing myself to become my thoughts/feelings rather than just acknowledging them and letting them go. This usually manifests as anxiety or depression and can be really tough to shake! But having awareness about my thoughts helps bring me back to the present moment and helps reestablish the connection to myself - the consciousness/life force that is aware of my thoughts is the true me. 

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Being around people who I don't feel comfortable with. Or being around something that my mind labels as negative then it will drag me into superstition. To get out of this state I'll try and make myself question my resistance and see if I can release it which sometimes I can

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What makes me loose my connection to myself...

being in a very close relationship I allow myself to get swallowed up even sometimes when I think I’m there and I’ve got it this time 

I get myself back in between 

I rebuild sort of understand where my choices took me

repeated a lot changed a lot still learning 

 

 

 

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What makes me lose connection with myself is tiredness and frustration and perceived overwhelm and the need to control all people and outcomes. What makes me reconnect with myself is realising what I'm doing, drink water, have something to eat and move my body. 

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And to answer the question:

Not *trusting* my inner knowing which leads to self-doubt which = loss of connection. The reasons for that happening to begin with have varied. 

I think the biggest game changer was rediscovering radical self-worth. And reviewing all the times in my life when my intuition was right instead of focusing on what went wrong. AND finding the core beliefs underneath (without judgement) and creating the third option when there’s a split. Powerful stuff

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People pleasing makes me lose that connection to self. Not in terms of just helping people but when I do it so that the person is pleased with me or likes me.  I can feel the difference internally. 
 

What brings back that connection is getting back to myself. Gratitude has been immensely helpful. Because I find when I can connect with the good in my life, I don’t need to look elsewhere for my value. 

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Thoughts of self-hate and self-rejection.

Lovingly taking care of the part of me that is thinking those thoughts and the part of me that is hurt by them

 

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feeling powerless makes me lose connection to self, I go into reactivity mode. Fear of being abandoned also.

Having a sense of power makes me feel connected to myself & confident. Feeling assured that I will be accepted also.

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I do too many things for connectedness with others, I spend to much time and energy on helping them solve their problem, I made their problems ours, it makes me loose myself out of sight. 

My therapist does think I do this cause I want to get away from myself. Cause I told her, cause my mother told me. Thats not actually true. I did it because I felt lonely. And my end goal was friendship and connectedness.

I though dont really feel alot less lonely through my actions, a little maybe. But overall just more lost. 

I also realise, weither and how much you click with others, doesnt depend on how much you do for them, but more on how much your overall vibes click.

I dont regrett helping people, though I guess (hopefully) in the future I wont put myself so much back in the line.

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 Anxiety (rooted in)

-change

-Relationships I feel I need to have, but also make me feel trapped in and that wont ever let me be myself and shine, bright like a diamond.

-selfhatred,

- strong judgments towards myself, situations and emotions

- viewing myself as THE problem

- not trusting and opening up to people and staying alone

-denial of reality ( to stay close with people who hurt me and deny my reality completely)

- anxiety from being alone (having noone, no friends, no family)

I basically quit alot on whats actually true (for me) in order to bond with a fiew people. And if those relationships feel threatened I feel threatened, so I go and decide to be with them, only to regrett it a few moments later. Its a never ending cycle.

I have a huge fear of being completely on my own, alone. and I think I have a chaotic attachment style. (towards some people)

 And all of this is rooted in childhood trauma, my father sexually abused me at the age of 3 (and he was very violent towards the whole family) apart from that he didnt deny my reality that much, he actually kinda respected it to a degree. My mother on the other hand denied my reality completely and she also scapegoated me and was cold and violent towards me, she basically hated me, deflecting and neglecting and using me all the time, and drinking alot (and her core hasnt really changed till than). And I guess this is the root of it, and yeah I have a whole bunch of issues, such as anger, hatred, poor self esteem, anxiety. Its rough, my life is and allways has been a rough experience. And things need to change.

The reason Im still beeing with my mom is 1. cause she wont let me go, she will hurt me only to create a bond if nothing else works anymore to make me stay, she will literally destroy my peace 2. because I still want her to see me, take me for real, and save me. only for once. But thats never happening shes neglecting and bypassing me emotionally, constantly. 3. I have little to no actuall friends or people in my life, and its hard for me meeting all my needs by myself and beeing so alone. (so its better being hurt again and again and not having my needs metXD)

I have to "get rid" of her (this relationship)

This is one relationship, of this kind, all my romantic relationships actually mirror my relationship with my parents (mainly with my mother, from what I recognized)

And 95% of the time, I rarely ever feel like exsisting or beeing myself, wich leads me to thinking I dont know who I am. (but I do know kinda, very well)

And all of this is exhausting.

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