Words have power. One of the powers they have is the power to make someone feel loved. Words of Affirmation is one of the ways that human beings express and receive love. And certain individuals feel especially loved when they are given words of affirmation. So, let’s look at words of affirmation in depth and learn how to express love through words. Expressing love through words is about verbal compliments, praise, encouragement, reassurance, validation, appreciation and speaking well of a person to others. It is also about written (especially hand written) messages of the same nature. With words of affirmation, you are using language to demonstrate love. But with this way of expressing love, it can be very helpful to stop thinking solely about demonstrating love. Love is one of those words that is used to represents a whole host of different things and so it feels quite nebulous for most people. With words of affirmation, you are looking to say positive things to them or about them that make them feel good. Words that make them feel valued, appreciated, wanted, secure, safe, trusted, believed in, seen, recognized, encouraged, empowered, esteemed, special, energized, included, relieved, supported, like they belong, comforted, cherished, committed to and admired etc. When the meaning behind words matters a lot to someone and so, the primary way they receive love is through words of affirmation, negative words are the great un-doing of a relationship with them. Negative words to them (or about them) tend to make them feel unloved, deeply anxious, not valued, unwanted, pushed away and horrible about themselves. To give you some examples of what the antithesis of this love language is, think criticism, insult, silent treatment, sarcasm, withholding of positive verbal response, empty flattery, manipulative flattery, passive aggressive comments, robotic and automatic scripts, broken promises, distracted listening, forgetting what they say, unattuned verbal responses, backhanded compliments, complaints, jokes at their expense and failing to express love verbally because you assume they should know how you feel about them. There is a real vulnerability when it comes to receiving and expressing love. When a person receives love in a specific way, their heart is open towards that way of receiving love. And this open door can be used to manipulate someone through that specific way of showing love. With words of affirmation, when someone is starving for praise, validation, affirmation and to feel valued, it is as if their emotional tank needs those specific words to feel full. Because of this, they are often much quicker to believe them. They want and sometimes deeply need the words to be true, so they swallow them, even if those words are laced with poison. Their desperation for words of affirmation can make them blindly trusting and easy to mislead. When you give them the exact words they want to hear, their defenses instantly drop. The good feeling that they get from a compliment or an apology can easily blind them to actions that don't match up with the words being spoken. They place a high value on what is spoken, so they assume other people do too, which just isn’t always the reality. It is critical to caretake this vulnerability rather than exploit it. To be in alignment expressing love with words of affirmation, you need to hold yourself accountable to never manipulating or misleading the person you care about just by saying the right things to them. Now, here are some tips for how to show love through words of affirmation. If you find that you have any resistance to expressing your love through words of affirmation, instead of bulldozing that resistance, resolve that resistance first. If there is some part of you that is in opposition to expressing your love through words, you are likely to just not do it, effectively starving the person on the other side. Whatever the reason is that you may have resistance to expressing your love with positive words, you need to become aware of it and work to resolve it. Don’t wait for special occasions. Think about sprinkling deposits into the emotional bank account throughout every day. These little ‘throughout the day’ deposits can be things like leaving sticky notes with loving things written on them for them to find, sending them texts at random times, giving them compliments, noticing and verbally appreciating little things they do and saying I love you with real intention, not just casually like most people do. Switch from generic praise to specific praise. Name the exact detail that you appreciate instead of using broad, everyday phrases. This will make the words hit harder. Generic praise usually comes in the form of common, autopilot phrases like "You look great" or "Good job." Specific praise describes the exact action, trait, or moment that made you feel positive towards or about them. For example, instead of saying "you look nice," say, "That color looks absolutely amazing on you." Instead of saying “Thanks for taking care of the house”, get specific by saying “Thank you so much for watering the plants and organizing the mail today.” Instead of saying “You’re supportive”, say “I love how patient you are when things get stressful.” Anyone can say "You look nice," but saying "That shade of blue makes your eyes pop" shows you really, really looked at them. Remember everything they say. Remember old conversations. And then bring up those exact details they said in later conversations or actions. Circle back to previous conversations. Reference their ideas. Quote them. This is the ultimate proof that 1. You were listening, which proves to them that you care. 2. You get that what they say matters. When words matter to a person, their own words matter and they need those words to matter to you. Let the details they share today become a part of the specific compliments you give them tomorrow. Remembering that they told you they love a certain food or fear a certain thing lets you support them well in the relationship. A pro tip is to keep a log of the things they mention. People share dozens of details a day and it is hard to remember everything. So, keep a log of things to remember. Write down things like their favorite foods, things, places, and people. Experiences they love or would love to have. Things they want to do. Their shoe size, bad things that happened to them, their fears, the names of their childhood pets, upcoming stressful dates etc. And do so right after they mention them. This will serve as a great reference for you to use. Use words to establish a sense of relationship security for them. They want to hear words that say that their relationship with you is safe, solid, and secure. This means use “we” language, remind them of your commitment to them, express words that make them feel that you want them, value them, need them and choose them. And when anything happens that might make them fear a loss of security in the relationship, such as an argument or if they make a mistake or fail, reassure them of the security of the relationship and/or that you still see them in a positive light. For example, if they fail, say, "I am still so proud of you, and this one mistake doesn't change how talented you are.” Or if you get into an argument, say "I am upset right now, but I still love you and we are going to fix this." Use words to encourage and empower them. To do this well, you want to think of yourself as being their cheerleader when they are pursuing goals, facing challenges, or are feeling insecure. Celebrate their wins. Be the loudest, most enthusiastic person in the room when they achieve something. Push them toward their dreams and verbally demonstrate your belief and faith in them. Say, "You are incredibly talented, and you should absolutely go for that new opportunity." Be their anchor when they are in doubt. When they say "I can't do this," look them in the eye and say, "I know for a fact that you can." Praise them in any way that puts them in touch with their own power, significance, confidence, excellence and capability. Speak well of them to others and in front of others. Pro tip: Let them overhear you. Hearing that you spoke well of them or better yet, directly hearing you praise them in front of other people, gives them a massive boost of confidence. It publicly validates their worth and it builds a beautiful cocoon of loyalty around them. Brag about them. Talk them up. Compliment them to your friends. Post positive social media posts about them. Defend them. When you speak well of them in front of others, it makes the praise feel twice as real. When you praise someone in private, they might think you are just being amicable. When you do it in public, they know you truly mean it. You are telling the world, "I am proud to be associated with this person." It shows that your private relationship matches your public one, especially your public loyalty. Master the art of the hand written letter. While any kind of letter, be it over text or e-mail counts as love and goes a long way with people, a hand written letter is the ultimate, tangible proof of love for someone who receives love with words. It demonstrates effort. You took a long moment out of your busy day just to think about them and communicate to them. The fact that you wrote it by hand means you intentionally set aside a time of no screens and no distractions, only pure focus on your positive feelings about them. Your unique handwriting makes the letter feel intimate and close and deep. It lasts forever because they can save the note in a box, a drawer, or a book and pull it out to re-read it on a bad day. You cannot always give positive feedback in a relationship. Every healthy relationship requires negative feedback, hard conversations, corrections, uncomfortable truths, boundaries and arguments. For someone who feels loved especially through words of affirmation, this can feel like a train crash. The way to handle this is to wrap the negative thing you are sharing inside a thick layer of safety, reassurance, and respect. Give explicit reassurance of the security of the relationship and of their value. During an argument or fight, their brain tells them, "They are yelling at me, which means they don't love me anymore." The key is to get out ahead of them regarding the terrible thing they could be making things mean and to actively speak against that terrible meaning or fear. For example: I am really mad right now, but I want you to hear me say that I am not going anywhere." Or “we are having a really sucky conversation, but we are still a team”. One of the low hanging fruits you can use for this is the sandwich technique. This is where you put the negative feedback in the middle of two strong pieces of positive reassurance. For example: "I love you so much, and you are my favorite person to spend time with. That being said, lately when you seem to want to spend more time with your friends than you do with me, I feel unimportant to you and hurt. I want us to stay close, so can we try to schedule time for just us during each week? Another important thing is to prepare them before you deliver potentially painful words. Blindsiding a person with a complaint when their guard is down, makes the painful words penetrate deep. It can also make them feel attacked. Preparing a person verbally gives them time to brace their emotions. To do this, you can ask permission to share something that won’t feel so good. You can tell them that you need to share something with them, but are afraid about how they are going to take it. You can also decide on setting aside a specific time together for negative feedback, so it happens in a container. For example: I need to share something that has been bothering me, when is a good time for this to happen? Be careful of your tone and volume. For people whom words of affirmation really matters, a harsh, sarcastic, or shouting tone of voice hits just as hard as the actual words you use. A calm, soft voice signals to their brain that they are not in physical or emotional danger. Sarcastic jabs feel like cruel emotional bullying. If this is a problem, try writing your feedback in a letter or a long text. Doing this allows you to carefully choose more deliberate, tactful and even more gentle words. It gives them time to read your feedback, process their emotions in private, and respond calmly instead of reacting instantly out of hurt. Rebuilding and repairing words matter a lot. Saying the things that bridge the gap creating distance between you and that heal the wounds are very important. Apologies go a long way! So does acknowledging positive change and creating a clean slate. With all that in mind, here is a collection of ideas for ways to express love through words of affirmation: Hide your words of affirmation in places they will accidentally find them during a normal day. Write a sweet message on the bathroom mirror with a dry-erase marker. Create a custom image on your phone with a quote about why you love them and set it as the lock screen background on their phone when they aren't looking. Fold up a sweet letter and tuck it inside their umbrella. When it rains and they open it, the note will drop out. Create "Open When Envelopes” by writing a series of letters for specific moments. Put them in labeled envelopes that say things like: "Open when you miss me," "Open when you have a bad day at work," or "Open when you are feeling insecure”. Create a stack of affirmations where they get to tear one off and read it each day. Write them a love or affirmation letter. Put them up for an award. Fill a large glass jar with tiny rolled-up notes. Tell them to pull one note out at the beginning of every day. Create an affirmation journal. To do this, buy a blank notebook and write one line in it every week about a sweet memory you shared or something great they did. Give them the completed book on an anniversary or special date. Create a customized crossword puzzle. Use a free online tool to build a crossword puzzle where all the clues and answers are things like inside jokes, favorite memories, or compliments about them. Create a music playlist for them. But find songs where the actual titles of the songs, when read from top to bottom, spell out a hidden, sweet message. Take a photo of the two of you and use a computer tool to recreate the image using rows of repeating words of love and affirmation. Create a puzzle message. Write a deeply meaningful letter on a blank piece of cardboard. Cut the cardboard into jigsaw puzzle pieces and put them in a box. They have to build the puzzle to read your message. Record a series of short, sweet audio files on your phone. Send them throughout the day with clues about where to find small treats you have hidden around the house. Create a shared page in your phone's Notes app. Dedicate it to listing things you love about each other, and watch the list grow in real-time as you both add to it. Secretly record short video clips of yourself over a month saying one thing you appreciate about them. Stitch them together into a longer video and send it to them out of the blue. Buy a blank wooden dice block. Write a category on each side (e.g., Looks, Kindness, Intelligence, Memories). Roll the dice during dinner and give words of affirmation based on what side of the dice it lands on. Make the very first thing you say to them in the morning, something positive. Set a weekly reminder on your phone to send a meaningful message so you never forget. Figure out what their traumas are and what deep, emotional need they had during those traumas and then cater your words of affirmation to meeting that need or those needs. Speak about the things you are looking forward to about your future with them. Put a note in the current page of the book they are reading or somewhere hidden amongst the project they are doing. Create a list of all of the things you love about them and give it to them. Tell complimenting, flattering stories about them with others. Dedicate a toast to them at a party. Do a whisper pass by. What I mean by this is: walk past them in a busy kitchen or hallway at a party, lean in, and whisper something lovely like "You are easily the smartest and best-looking person in this room tonight," and then keep walking. There are for sure many more great ideas. But hopefully now, you have a good understanding of how to express love in this way. Think of this way of sharing love as something to be done consistently. It works like an emotional battery that needs to be consistently charged. When people feel loved through words, they need a steady, consistent stream of positive, good feeling communication. Make sure that your words are sincere. When you are saying things just because you have to or when your affirmation is lazy or routine it can feel worse to a person than no affirmation at all because it feels fake or forced. When words matter this much, silence is not neutral, it is negative. It is loud and impregnated with negative meaning. But knowing all this, words of affirmation can be a powerful emotional and psychological stabilizer. It can quiet painful inner turmoil. It can act like a shield in an often hard and cruel world. It can create emotional safety and a foundation of trust. It can serve as fuel for growth and success. And it can heal emotional wounds. So pick a way to express your love through words of affirmation and do it today.

When it comes to anything in life, your mentality about it and your energy towards it matters. Your mentality and energy towards a thing, dictates what relationship you have with it, which in turn brings about specific experiences and outcomes. Money is the main gateway people use today for getting the material things they want. Things like goods, services and experiences. It is the primary mechanism. A universal medium of exchange. But if you begin to relate to money as if it, itself is the limitation to having what you want, this can quickly bring you out of alignment with money, abundance and the things you are wanting. Given that money is the main way that people get what they want in today’s world, and given how there is a price tag on so many of the things that a person needs and wants, it makes perfect sense that if you lack money, money itself starts to feel like it is in and of itself the limitation to having what you want. I’m not going to come in here and gaslight you that the lack of money isn’t a huge limitation. No more than that, a huge source of suffering. All a person needs to do is to be desperately in need of something like medical treatment and not be able to afford it to really get the hell spiral that can happen towards money. It is serious when someone’s experience is that they cannot get what they need and want due to lack of money. And as people, we are going to have to face the fact that we have chosen to venture far into hyper capitalism, commodification and plutocracy. As the human race, we are overdue for a reckoning and an awakening regarding whether a society that allows people to suffer for lack of money is the human society we want to maintain. But in this specific video, I’m not going to be debating whether a market society and a monetized economy is the correct structure for human society. The reality is, if you are in resistance to money, money can’t flow into your life experience. And when you feel like money in and of itself is the limitation to having what you need and want, naturally you will go into resistance against money. Here is an important principle. Money enables you to have what you need and want. It is a gateway to getting what you want and need. But not if you believe that money is the limitation to getting what you want and need. Not if you believe that money is in and of itself is the problem. You may have heard the term whatever you resist persists. So, it may be tempting to think that if you resist money, you get more of it. Even better, if you resist capitalism, you end up begrudgingly wealthy. But this is a serious oversimplification and is therefore not a true reflection of how resistance actually works. It is true that when you resist something, you direct an intense amount of energy towards that thing you resist. But what is it that you are actually resisting? It may not be as simple as what meets the eye. When you go into resistance to money, it isn’t money itself that you are actually in resistance to and thus are directing an intense amount of energy towards. It is what money represents for you. It is what you associate with money. What you project onto it. Which isn’t good! For example, bad character or immorality, unfairness, lack of love, responsibility, pressure, traumas related to finances, control, inequality, exploitation etc. If you go into resistance to money and perceive it to be a thing that prevents you from having what you want, you relate to it not as an ally, but as an antagonist. A threat. The result will be that your subconscious mind will go to work protecting you from money. And this will cause you to engage in financial self-sabotage in ways that you are unlikely to even notice. When you go into resistance to money because you see money as the thing that is standing in the way of you and what you need and want, you may be desperate for money, but underneath this, you resent money. You feel like it holds power over you. Imagine you don’t feel as if you can be happy or safe until a specific gatekeeper gives you permission to get somewhere. Naturally you will grow to hate that gatekeeper. Suddenly your relationship with money is that it is the villain blocking the path rather than the enabler. It doesn’t take a genius to see that this is an abundance blocking mentality. It is a fast track to financial issues. Just to name a few, this pattern very quickly leads to disdain for the very thing you want. For example, say you really want to travel, but you can’t afford it. You may start criticizing tourism as a selfish and trivial use of time. By resisting your own desires in this way, you dull the pain of not being able to afford and therefore have them. You may also go into a pattern of learned helplessness and defeatism. If you see money as your only barrier, but you don’t have enough of it, your brain may decide that attaining what you need and want is impossible. So, you stop taking action entirely. You don’t look for alternative paths. You don’t network. You don’t develop any skills because you decide it is all pointless. Blaming money for your stagnation and powerlessness protects you from the vulnerability and pain of trying and failing. Lack of money becomes the shield protecting and concealing your fear of inadequacy. You may also slip into the pattern of hatred towards those who don’t have the barrier that you have. Ie: People with money. You may rage against wealthy people, corporations, or the economic system in general. This can become a personal obsession. This obsessive opposition is a protection against feelings of envy and frustration and powerlessness. Something critical to get is that self-concept matters to people. Each and every one of us was socialized. People care about being perceives as good and right. If you make money and those who have money out to be an inherently evil thing, on a subconscious level, you are making sure that you will never accumulate money because no one is going to put energy towards becoming the villain. No one wants to become bad or wrong. So, what should you do if you recognize that you are in this pattern? See money for what it actually is, a neutral tool. See it like a stick that a monkey would use or a hammer. A tool that was created so as to not be limited to the degree that a barter system limits you. When you see this truth about money, money loses its negative emotional grip on you. Separate the neutral tool of money from the painful associations and meanings you have added to it and challenge those associations and meanings. These are the things money represents for you specifically and therefore what you project onto it. Ask yourself: If money is just a neutral tool, what threat have I projected onto money? When you find the answers, really question whether these things are a fundamental truth about money and question where these associations came from. For example, say you realize that you associate money with being controlled. Challenge the idea that money equals being controlled. Ask yourself where this association cold have come from. You may realize that you grew up with a parent who used finances as a kind of tool to force you to do what they wanted you to do or to foster dependency so you couldn’t leave them. Realize that making money the problem here is like making the hammer the issue when it is used in a murder. Your issue isn’t with money, it is with control. Money does not inherently imply control. The real issue is a relationship issue. Discover what the true underlying need or desire is. This is the deeper motivation we are seeking. We can get there by starting with what we think we need or want and from there, we ask: Why do I want that thing? What do I think that will give me? For example: I need a sports car. Why? Because I will feel successful when I drive it. Why will I feel successful when I drive a sports car? Because it signals to the world that I made something of myself. Why do I need to signal to the world that I made something of myself? Because I am sick of feeling looked down on and ignored. What would it give me if I was not looked down on and ignored? It would make me feel like I matter and I am important and have value. This is the underlying desire. To feel important and valuable and like I matter. The sports car was the multi thousand-dollar tool chosen to solve a feeling of insignificance. As you can see, when you were trapped in the idea that you needed money to get what you want, it isn’t actually true. Money is perhaps not even the best way to get these underlying needs and desires. Almost every desire we have boils down to a way we want to feel. When we have identified the feeling we want to have, and put our minds to ways that we can get to that feeling that have nothing to do with money, we no longer relate to money as the only way to get what we want. And it ceases to be the big, bad wolf. Challenge the premise that money is the ONLY bridge to the goal. The ONLY way you can get what you want. When you are focused on money being the way to get what you want, money isn’t your actual need. Rather, it is the strategy you believe is the only strategy for getting what you need. Play the game of: If I remove money from the equation, how else can I get what I need and want? Especially play this game relative to how to get the actual, underlying needs and desires you have. In order to stop seeing money as the thing blocking you from what you want, you’ve got to break the habit of making money the default first step to getting what you want and need. Look for non-monetary options and non-monetary currency. Entrepreneurs often force themselves to think this way because they are often working with limited capital. But even wealthy entrepreneurs force themselves to think this way because of the creativity it inspires. After all, why use a bunch of your own money when you might not have to. One thing they do is to make a list of what their goal requires, but to forbid themselves from using currency to solve any of the problems. They imagine that a law was passed making it illegal to spend currency to get to their goal and force themselves to come up with how they would go about achieving it then. They force themselves to map out how they would acquire those resources using non-monetary currencies. Things like labor (trading time or effort for what they need), social capital (ways you can help someone who already has what you need, so as to gain access to what you need). Barter or skill trade. These are things you can exchange, teach, build or organize for someone else in exchange for their resources. Underutilized assets. Things that exist around you that are currently available or better yet, are going to waste and how those things can be utilized to help you get to your goal. Another game they often play is to create a low fidelity version of their goal. Doing this proves that the essence of what you want is actually available and accessible immediately right now. Doing this means separating the core value of the goal you have from the expensive package it usually comes in. You figure out how you can keep what really matters by spending the least amount possible. For example: Say you want a luxury apartment. What actually causes you to feel so good in that luxury apartment? Is it clean lines, natural light, zero clutter, curated art? Start by cleaning your current house, go on social media to look for opinions from home décor experts about creative ways to make small spaces seem large, paint the walls a crisp color. Maximize your windows or get a window decal that makes it seem like you are somewhere else. Print high quality art from public archives. Go to thrift stores to find super high end expensive things without the hefty price tag. When you take immediate action toward the thing you want and need, this will bring you more into alignment with the thing you ultimately need and want. Consider it a stepping stone. When you shift your mentality from “I can’t afford this” to “how else can this thing I want and need be experienced?” It changes your brain chemistry, you start looking for the windows that are open, rather than being stuck at the door that is closed and money stops being the master of your life experience. It simply becomes a tool you could use on your path to what you are trying to actualize. Recognize the value of your skills and qualities. Ask yourself: If the economy collapsed tomorrow and all currency became totally worthless, the playing field was totally leveled, what skills and what qualities do I have that would make me valuable to society? What do I have that people would still trade things for? For example, you might answer: I am intensely creative, I am a good cook, I know how to raise animals, I am very kind and nurturing. I am artistic and know how to throw pottery. I am smart. I have excellent communication skills etc. This exercise makes money no longer feel like an overwhelming monster of a gatekeeper with all the power. Instead, you are forced to see where the real value lies. When you are making money the problem, you are actually scapegoating. The question is what is the actual problem? It is far more effective to identify the actual problem because when you directly address it, you are acting directly upon reality. This actual problem is usually a deeper, more uncomfortable reality we have to face. For example, money is not actually the problem when corporations are operating with the level of corruption they are currently operating with. The actual problem is human disconnection. The real problem is narcissistic relational behavior in humans. The real problem is legalized monopoly and regulatory capture and externalization of costs within human society. Money may not be the actual problem when people can’t afford their basic needs. The real problem is the financialization of human needs, which detaches economy from human wellbeing. Or for example, by deciding that money is the problem, you don’t have to face your own lack of focus or effort. Or for example, money and the obsession with wealth wasn’t the actual problem in the family, the problem was that everyone was obsessed with social status and spending time with you was way down on the priority list for your parents and they met none of your emotional needs. It may be beneficial to ask yourself: If the truth were that money (including the lack of money) isn’t actually the problem in this situation, what would I have to face? In a systemic reality where inequality is a reality and where everything has a price tag and your lived experience is that money is the tool required to get the things you need and want, experiencing anxiety, anger, envy, helplessness and feeling like the odds are stacked against you is a normal human response to that systemic reality. There are real systemic issues to be solved. Reality is more complex than “this is a mindset issue”. It is both dismissive and cruel to tell you to just stop seeing money as a barrier. The thing is, when the lack of money is causing you pain, starting to relate to money itself as the problem or the villain will pull you out of reality and it will cause you to resist the very thing you need more of.