Chanelly

I would like to live authentically and impact people around me that way.

Keep working when I want to rest.

Smile at people.

My bravery to make jewelry and walk in that part of my hobby.

I am afraid I will move out and not be able to pay my rent and bills.

Pretending not to know I am scared I will never get what I want.

A wandering healer. Presence healer. Healing by being present.

Stop putting up with other people's bullshit!!!!!

I am here to inspire, give grace, be an antidote, be present, get what I want and love... to speak my mind and to find success despite misunderstandings and hard feelings. I am here to change and grow, to learn to love myself, and to be a badass when needed. I am here to rest and find comfort, to collect gemstones, and appreciate each step.

Growing up, I had many dreams I was falling, and would jump awake. I remember scary movies sort of opening a door to the demons and I began to fear mirrors. In high school, I decided I could no longer stand scary movies, especially after I watched The Ring, and in my Spanish class, we watched a video, but before they set up the video to play, they shut off the lights and we saw the screen that had the static. I began having a panic attack and felt out of control, wishing somebody would turn it off. To this day, scary movie advertisements are all it takes to make me see demons in the mirror at night especially but also during any time.

I am willing to revisit painful memories of my life to heal. I am willing to save money and job search and work new places. I am willing to be seen and misjudged if it helps in the long run. I am open to sorting out my boundaries instead of reshattering my unhealed fragments by remaining in painful silence. I am willing to choose things that I believe are in my best interest, whether or not others follow suit. I am willing to delay my reflex to run away before trying to fix an upset with someone who I love. The long run will have less regrets. I have ran a lot in the past. I know what that gets me by now. I am willing to allow others to hold their own opinions which may differ from my own.

I am envious of cops and professionals who put their lives on the line for others. I envy their ability to use judgement in stressful situations and envy the authority they have. I also hate the stigma I feel about them simultaneously.