The meditation was interesting.
The desert was made of yellowish rock (not sand), but didn't have any loose rocks larger than what fit in the palm of my hand. Bright blue sky. Tossed a rock and saw some bugs scurry away. The most distinct feature was a dead tree. The raven landed on a branch, cawed at me, then flew down and came up to me, cawing again, as if curious.
Every day is the same I've already been bothered by it, but I've done what I could to prepare for my next step (maybe I overlooked something, but I have done everything I can at the current stage to my knowledge). I'm kind of in a waiting period for the changes to manifest. I'm not putting up with this for even half a year more, much less ten years.
The raven brought me back to the desert, to the exact same spot we met. Landed on the same branch of the same dead tree.
I didn't know what to do from there, so the raven came down from the tree, and hopped to a spot about 3m to my right. As I followed I saw a deep pit with a lake at the bottom, that had just escaped my view from where I stood previously. The sides of the pit were made from the same desert rock, no plants, and no way down. So I went "eh, what the hell, this won't hurt me" and jumped down. Lake turned out to be deep enough and I didn't get hurt (it was a deep pit before the water's surface). Found a ring in the more shallow water and gave that to the raven. Then Teal said to walk back out into the desert. But there's no going back from that jump. There was an opening in the rockside though, big enough to walk through, so I followed the river for a bit before ending the meditation.
I think it means I'm on the right path and it just takes one more step before I can see the change I've been looking for. And then I gotta jump in, knowing I'll never be back. I guess there's just one tiny thing between me and my goal, and I just haven't found it bc I have just been waiting for it in the same spot. Ironically I came to this video to find the tiny thing. I think I'm okay. Definitely had a moment of "I've waited long enough, let's see if there's more shadow work to do" which I stopped doing a few weeks back bc I couldn't think of anything else to integrate. It's like the waves of an ocean tbh. Shadow work, rest, shadow work, rest, shadow work, rest. The waves roll up on a beach, then retreat, then the next wave. I'm ready for the next wave, I guess.