Monika3489

My heart. It's crying because it can't find a passion and joy because it's constantly bombarded by fear from the mind. My mind is sick. It needs to constantly say that everything is pointless and that nothing matters.

Teal, it breaks my heart to read this. I feel so strongly about this. It is a tragedy that as women we have to sacrifice our femininity for our purpose or destiny. There are no words i could say that would explain that i empathize with how much pain you have to go through. I wish you to recover as best as you can, in your own time, and I hope the best for you in this extreme difficulty 😢❤️❤️❤️

Wooo! Seeing this, it makes TOTAL sense to me that I have times when I am a person who is NOT artistic and then times when I am EXTREMELY artistic. Even have different thinking and perspective and opinions ! Wow that's the stuff! They are splits!!! 😲

Good music, a beautiful painting, beautiful junk journals, beautiful landscapes, a well organized room.

A point that threatens me is; that we are all one, there are no real barriers between us, we are a part of each other - this seems to me that when i interact with other people or give them love, i have to identify myself as them, and i feel that it infringes on my identity, and that I have no choice as to who i am and how i see myself as. This bothers me especially if i have to identify myself with someone that has a low self esteem. I see so, like SO many people with low self esteem and I just want to flee away from it cause it's painful to feel and watch. That's ego i know. But that's how it is.

My pre birth intentions to experience tragic events in the future.. ..

0:18:45 I have chronically blocked both my ears since my childhood. If I don't wanna hear the reality relative to men and women, or people, what does that mean? Does it mean that I am not empathetic enough, or I don't want to hear what their motives are for doing things, or I don't want to hear their pain? I don't see how I would be denying reality. And I have had parents who argued a lot in my childhood. I would really need a closer explanations of this.

I would go study abroad to a specific country, preferably to a mountain region. If I found friends, I would move in that country. I would go on hikes and nature walks and paint and create music and buy stuff I need and have fun with my friends. I would go camping or road tripping all the time and I would own a car or a van. I would visit mountain cottages where you can sleep. I don't want to own a cottage myself, i just want to sleep in different cottages. I would visit museums, concerts, theatres and exhibitions. I would often go swimming in the lake or the ocean. And if I had so much money, I would invest some in a charity.

You wrote something honest. I feel like you. I neither feel like "oh awesome, so much love and light" and I don't understand how people can feel like that right now and why they write it. I feel depressed and slow brained and sad. But you know what's even worse, the people you reject are all parts of you mirrored externally and it's hard to take it like that.