My way to cope is escapism. Dissociation, procrastination, Internet... Especially watching Teal videos is something that helps me create a safe bubble around myself. One thing I realized is that I am pressed by walls of pain all around me so I kinda can't bring myself to be in the present moment rn and see/feel the pain and see the ways I could change stuff. But it's all bursting out in my dreams so I know I desperately need to implement changes to my life, but I also desperately need help and support and guidance. I am actually trying to implement some changes to my life, but at this point I need the coping mechanisms as well. I just wish I was more conscious of them and the ways they benefit me/are detrimental to me. Teal world is the only safe space for me right now, I guess it's still a better coping mechanism than smoking my life away which I quit not long ago. Progress, but not when it comes to actually changing my life around.
I'm currently choosing to reconnect to myself through dreams, but it's fucking painful to see all the truth that comes up. But idk.. putting the puzzle pieces together from a safe/detached place feels better to me rn than being swallowed by all the cruahing pain in the present moment. So I guess I'm not doing so bad when it comes to coping. But I did need the reminder to really commit to that so thank you ❤