As a mother of my 1 year old Cedar, I feel that my career is a bird whistling at the window, beautiful, a charismatic journey that I know will take me to wondrous places of growth. He whistles to engage me, catch my attention as I look out the window asking me to follow him.
Motherhood is so so rewarding, but it's hard. The guilt, shame, sitting with emotions, learning to be responsible and the pain of falling into old patterns that I fear would hurt my boy. Some days my mind races, where's that bird! Come back to the window and I'll follow you, but he never comes. Other times I feel powerless and then he comes to the window, beckoning me swaying side to side with his long straight tail. I realise he comes when I want to run away. I can run away from all of my fears, giving away the responsibility to look after my inner child and do what my parents did to me. It whistles, on challenging days, to repeat the cycle, to ignore my inner voice saying, be with me, be still with me. Be with me in the slow winter of new life for your boy. Find your centre, your power here where it matters, inside you to.blossom out and share with your family.
I don't hear him whistling when I hear cedar laugh, play, as I cuddle, nurture him and play peekaboo. Im filled up in a way I've never been filled before, from the inside out. Overflowing with love and bliss watchinf Cedar grow and learn.
As I write this I feel my self face the window and although my heart is yearning I smile, because I know that when the time is right I will open the door to feel a summers breeze and follow him, not as a child but a woman who found herself to truly follow her bliss ❤