AshRhea

I am pretending to not know that the person I love so deeply simply does not love me to the same intensity that I desire or deserve. I pretend that I have no knowledge of the fact that; regardless, of his )or anyones) understanding to the value of my presence and the genuine love I give does not make myself or my love any less valuable. I refuse to know i am worthy of love, appreciation, and acceptance regardless of any one’s external validations of it.

If I could start my life over, what I would do differently is be more gentle with myself. Most of my life I have sought perfection and strived to be the tough one or strong one. Always wanting to be right. Beating myself up for not being able to obtain these ridiculously high standards I set for myself that aren’t feasible or healthy. Yet, holding the bar so low for the people in my life; to avoid disappointment. I would allow myself the liberty to be wrong and make mistakes or ask for help when I needed it. I’d allow myself to say yes more to what would make me happy and do it unapologetically. I would be less forceful and more fluid. I’d pick me every time instead of putting myself on the back burner. I’d give myself the same optimism and understanding that I hand out so easily to everyone else.