I would trust in my artistic qualities, I would ask for help, I would hold on to my value, I would hold the love for my body, my sexuality, my authentic self, I would study art and cocreate more art since much younger, I would discern what is truly loving, truly friendship.. I would love myself enough to follow my inner voice and do what pleases me instead of following a path to find an approval that will never make me feel loved...

and I am actually going to visualise going to my teenage years and tell my teenage-self how worthy she is and show her what love truly is
 

Love , Marta

I'd whack all the teachers who messed me about

Be strict about fitness from early on as well as train in something early on so I can be good at it when I'm an adult. 

I’d promote everything and anything that I was passionate about patten it and get my $ , defend my little brothers more, focus more on my life and future more than anyone else’s, never allow myself to become overweight, never get over involved trying to please or make ppl happy instead of doing that for myself because it’s never appreciated and I end up lost, have more structure instead of bsing for years, n maybe find a bruja to tell me what my purpose is so that I wouldn’t feel like I wasted time. 

I would express myself more and not place so much importance of approval from people that it makes me scared of them

Put myself out there with respect for myself early on. Stand up for myself.

I livid inside a prison od self doubt and a box where I was afraid to try something different in case of judgement...I couldn't be authentic in this state and me and my friends and family would reinforce those prison bars any chance we got...anything out of that box wud be dangerous territory. It took me coming to the place where I had no credibility to lose by trying to be more authentic...I would have done this earlier if I was to start over again...its only now I'm starting to feel a bit more unapologetic about chasing g my interests and following my gut..regardless of how it looks...I would liked to have done this sooner

First thing that came to my mind. Walk away more often. Do things in favor of my own sake. Cut them of if they dont work. Take a different route, focus on my own life, my own self.. Rather then on people & acting in peace.. less codependent. And never stay stuck for nobody, let them come and go. Just focus on my route. At peace. 

I'd put people in their place when they bullied me. I would confront them.

I would try to love myself more and not be so hard on myself. Not worry about the opinions of others 

I would take more photos of myself 

I would make more time for fun and adventure

I wouldn't people please as much, I would be myself

I would go back and tell myself that failure isn't a bad thing. Perfection is not a good coping mechanism

Finish college in 4 years instead of 6. Finish graduate school the first time instead of the second time lol 

Practicing non attachment. 

I would believe in myself and be softer with myself. I would encourage myself to make consistent efforts towards my goals without beating myself up when I fail to reach my unrealisticly high standards for someone who is a beginner at learning a skill.

To be confident in my confidence. I've always been proud of myself (quietly), and I dimmed my own light bc of the criticism I received when I shined. Babyyy, no more. I'm practicing being OK with making people (women specifically) uncomfortable with my being confident in myself *and my displaying said confidence,* confidently.

Get a post birth abortion for myself. Immediately start the procedure as soon as I begin coming out

I'd take more advantage of being single before having a child. Traveling and learning and going wild because I had no idea how much responsibility this would be and how I feel like all my decisions affect him. So for example traveling to a different country would be a lot easier without a toddler lol

Really … nothing

I would more often than not, choose myself.

Oh, so many corner-stones I've missed that I'm surprised that I'm still here.. But its a temptation.. to rewind time and the authentic choices I've made in life. I say no to restart it all as it would be cheating. I wouldn't want to restart it all over again but rather learn being in it or after I'm done with it. 

Yo not ever question myself and my sanity

Counterquestion: could i do something different even if i could? There are def people that were just and just a waste of time to spend with, but did i do that or did they! - but again, how would i have known...one thing though i wouldn't have done if i knew but i am glad i did. 

Don't pay to much attention to what everyone 3lde is telling me

Trust myself to keep boundaries and speak up about psychiatric abuse before losing my freedom for much of my life, and leaning on those and seeking support from my own heart and community that can see me for who I am and not a distorted label that hasn't even been accurate. A part of me wishes that I could have those years back.

I always wonder if I would have evolved faster better had I given up my resistance toward certain  things earlier. It took me 11years to get divorced.Given the circumstances Had I given up resistance I would never gotten married to the man I chose. It was not bad but filled with an internal war that looking back I would have wanted to avoid . I never want to do that to myself again.

now again I live with a man who supports me like I always dreamed of and at times I find myself in doubt. But while in my marriage the reasons to leave where outstanding big here I find myself in Doubt because. ..??? I don't know why really . I've tried several times to clear this up for good but no success yet . and now I remember that it feels like a stretch sometimes. one trying to make her own way business the other stuck deeply in jobs who he does not find fulfilling  .  funny how I do forget that at times. I just love our relationship . sometimes I wonder if it is enough if I just take off and fly. no matter what he does . I wonder if he could fly with me if I just took off. well I will try to enjoy  I guess . ...

Not use hard drugs at such a young age.

Everything, I dont know where to start and where to stop this list I feel unable to change. I feel totaly stuck. 

First of all to where I put my energy

Am I really relaxing, or am I scrolling compulsivly through the internet? Is this maybe even a state of resistance???

Reality is important.