Silje

Parts work, definitely. It's something that I've told myself I need to do many times, but I always feel inadequate in either time, energy, ability or all of the above.

I'm confused because I feel like I have experienced both abandonment trauma as well as enmeshment trauma, and that I have a hybrid version of both attachment styles. When you talk about the types of trauma, I relate to enmeshment because I feel like I wasn't allowed to fully be myself and I had to alter my personality in order to get close to my parents. I grew up as the "golden child" because of this, however I feel like I didn't all the way succeed at giving up my true self. I spent my schooldays putting up a mask and blending in, but lived the life of a loner on my free time because it was such a relief to get home and feel like myself again. I relate to the style of attachment that Teal was embodying with this guy, because I've had at least one friendship with a girl who was totally in control of how close we were and I sticked beside her in order to receive the approval I wanted, but I also didn't get too close because I felt like that would make her push me away. I'm not the golden child in my family anymore and I honestly don't know if I need to focus on independence or not. I guess part of me really needs that and then another part of me feels absolutely terrified of being alone. Edit; nvm I kept watching, guess I have disorganised attachment.. shit.