Mirrah

That I'm alone. And I'm not as happy as I seem. I feel ashamed for feeling alone, and not having many friends. I don't want people to know that I'm going through uncertainty. I want to display that I'm outgoing, fun, funny, passionate, friendly. But behind that, I feel disconnected from people and I struggle with unworthiness, doubt, loneliness, uncertainty. I guess everyone goes through that behind their facades. As Brene Brown puts in, we all have our "secret shame lives", behind closed doors. Most of the happy faces we're met with, may just be a facade. There is always more beneath the surface that you don't see. Behind a funny, outgoing person, may be the darkest depression and loneliness. Behind a successful person, may be sleepless nights and stress that leads to addiction. Behind a picture perfect family, may be dysfunction and hidden suffering. What you see on the outside isn't always the full truth. I don't want people to see that I feel lonely, because I don't want them to pity me or reject me and make me feel outcasted. So I put up a happy facade that's friendly and full of laughter. But behind that facade, is loneliness and sadness.