Ask Yourself...

#37 what do I not want others to know about me?
I have no boundaries, no filters. I often tell the lady at the bus stop my most intimate details and although I feel confident and content to do this, I knew this was wrong somehow by her reaction. I discovered late in life (50 odd) that I am asperges, thus the social keys for me are a mystery. And I see how disastrous it can be with my own aspi kids. 
Be more tolerant humans we are all pure love initially and forever 💝

That I really do not want to deal with anyone’s crap and that I don’t want to directly be responsible for cleaning up anyone’s fuck ups ,, but I do always try to help because of the whole oneness thing and because their fuck ups are literally parts of the inter connected world we live in so I’ll lightly help a bit 🙄

Now that would be telling!?! 🤔😅

I don’t have anything spring to mind yet.

Although I have noticed that I haven’t mentioned to anyone much that my dad has had another stroke, just gone blind in one eye & I can feel he’s getting ready to leave his body within a year or so. 
We didn’t have much of a good relationship, in many ways, but I love him. He told me he loves me too today. The first time he ever said this to me was when I was 24 or so, when I nearly died. He has said it occasionally since though.
Something he saves for near death experiences, I guess! 💞😅🕊

That I am observing my truth about my life and that is that I keep parasiting on some people's help, my good friend,for example who helped me with housing. I have a hard time to be an adult. I feel ashamed of my life , because of my developmental delay...and I feel also jealous and hurt to see many people have a life. I also want simple family life....

....sometimes I also feel as a horrible person because of my emotional waves. I do not want people to also know that I don't want to work in an ordinary job as I happily dream about setting up my own business and becoming a millionaire. These are few things I don't want people to know. 

That I'm a failure ... that what I do is never ever good enough ...

I don’t want others to know that I am constantly questioning myself because I’m terrified of admitting to what I really want. I ask for direction from outside sources(blind spot oracle deck, guides, numerology, symbolic posts, this website, etc.) all the time because I’m convinced that making my own choices will result in me being alone and isolated, but I feel that way a lot anyway. When I think that I want or like something I question whether it’s true. I don’t want people to know that I am so afraid and second guessing myself all the time.

What do I not want others to know about me?

That I have not got my life together after 50+ years!

That I live in isolation because of fear of abandonment.

That I get so angry and depressed I want to die.

That I have deep mistrust and anxiety around men.

That I feel stupid and uneducated academically and emotionally.

That I desperately want help and support but am too scared to ask for fear of being deemed weak and dependant.  

I do want people to know everything about me.

But there are some truths that some people would not be able to handle, understand, and/or have empathy for.

I dont like to show my deep struggle und feeling of been lost although my life seems to be" having manifested a big dream of mine", so i look like not that thankfull as i should be, oh my god what kind of a mindfuck🤪

The parts of me that hate myself

On 11/7/2020 at 7:47 PM, Lesa Spravka said:

That I have poor dental health. 

Thank you for normalizing this !! 

I am heterosexual, I had forgotten this for a while. 

That I am seemingly  totally split apart on the inside. I feel like I dont know who I am. Silence, my intense emotions and beeing alone overwhelm and scare me at times. That I think about killing myself on a daily Basis. 

I am diagnosed with depression and ptsd 

But to be honest I dont know what is wrong with me.

On 5/15/2021 at 8:40 AM, Hannah Black said:

I am heterosexual, I had forgotten this for a while. 

Me too.

I felt alot of shame about this, and still though was very open about it.

What Ive learned some people do understand and some just dont.

And now a few years later I actually do think those who dont, do not really love you. 

And I know how it feels.

Thank you for your comment.

I've been brutally honest. People are harshly judgmental. Too many things. Dont know where to start. 

Consciously: My darkest fears. 

Subconsciously, internally: giving little to no fucks about societal norms, hating human race/society whatsoever. 

I know, I know.. 

Edited August 15, 20215 yr by LucyMad
Had to edit

That sometimes I would rather go back to before I had kids. Even though I couldn't go back emotionally with the knowledge I have now.

I value power more than anyone in my life wants to admit.  They see an altruist, I see an environment under my control.. muahahaha;)

That I'm alone. And I'm not as happy as I seem. I feel ashamed for feeling alone, and not having many friends. I don't want people to know that I'm going through uncertainty. I want to display that I'm outgoing, fun, funny, passionate, friendly. But behind that, I feel disconnected from people and I struggle with unworthiness, doubt, loneliness, uncertainty. 
 

I guess everyone goes through that behind their facades. As Brene Brown puts in, we all have our "secret shame lives", behind closed doors. Most of the happy faces we're met with, may just be a facade. There is always more beneath the surface that you don't see. Behind a funny, outgoing person, may be the darkest depression and loneliness. Behind a successful person, may be sleepless nights and stress that leads to addiction. Behind a picture perfect family, may be dysfunction and hidden suffering. 

What you see on the outside isn't always the full truth. 

I don't want people to see that I feel lonely, because I don't want them to pity me or reject me and make me feel outcasted. So I put up a happy facade that's friendly and full of laughter. But behind that facade, is loneliness and sadness. 

That I am a an A-lister in my school and college and now find it difficult to have any work that I feel capable of doing

1) Both how fucking crazy and how fucking boring I really am.

2) That I simultaneously hold this vast sense of deep care for humanity but I can also really not care about people’s emotions and individual trials and tribulations. 
 

3) How much I long for belonging and approval from others.

4) That I still care for every person I’ve ever cared for even if they hurt me or don’t care about me.

Edited December 6, 20214 yr by sunandacarmela

That I really want a close and loving relationship with the people around me (specifically my mom), but it feels "weak" to ask. I'm also worried that she will say "No," in her own way, because in the past my parent's love was super conditional on me being "convenient" as a kid (no needs allowed, not even emotional ones, not allowed to cry even if I had fallen and hurt myself). I just want to love her for me, but in my heart, I feel like she is truly unwilling and it's very painful. 

I don't want people to know how much ashamed of myself I am. Also how much dependent I am. Always waiting for people to guide me. Always seeking for someone who would tell me what to do so I wouldn't have to take responsibility for myself. After breaking up with my boyfriend I am just looking for someone in whom i could enmeshed myself again. I'm 27 and since I was 18  I went from relationship to relationship. So there's fear of loneliness. I never lived alone and am afraid of it. Afraid of not having anyone or anything I could blame as obstacle in my life.

That I cry a lot

That I am into esoterics a lot. 
That I have cheated before. 
That I have an ageplay-fetish or something similar at least.
That I sometimes have terrible, attacking thoughts about other people.

To sum up, I don‘t want other people to know how much of a „villain“ or creep I sometimes am, dabbling in a lot of areas that society deems as bad or weird. There‘s so much shame and guilt attached to that, making me feel like I am secretly a bad person.