Ask Yourself...

Male lovers

Any step towards intimacy and connection

Reading some awesome sci-fi book.. Cant stop myself falling into to the imaginary epic story's. Neither to stop myself reading before the last page comes up.  Example, princess of mars.    

Work i do not eat through the day, and i have no problem sleeping......... most of the time but i do hyper focus on things and forget to sleep. Mostly elden ring...... lol

For me it's a constant existential crisis. Still working on it.

Inner conflict. Lack of joy, lack of selftrust. Reminising everything, again and again. Bulldozing myself. 

A dpwnwoardspiral of fear, wich usually ends in a nervous breakdown or in an unhealthy relationship where I try to fix and be fixed. 

Life seems unreal at this point the trash is repeating itself. It's like the trueman show. 

Edited August 17, 20224 yr by LucyMad

Not knowing weither I've made the right choices. Not knowing anything. Worrying. Fear of not having what it takes to succeed. Perfectionism. Fear of my inner voice and subconscious mind. Fear of truth (along as it's subconscious and unknown) I just feel it in my tummy, like there's something wrong, and I'm not getting it, I'm not hearing it. It's a gut feeling. There's something I'm supposed to know, see and do, and I don't know see or do it. And that's making me feel very unsafe. And I don't like that, so I distract myself in counterproductive ways, and I forget to eat and to sleep. And because I resist it, it persists. 

Sometimes I wake up with this exact feeling. 

The feeling signature of this experience to me, is highly related to childhood and trauma. (the feeling of something beeing totally wrong, and feeling totally unsafe) it feels powerless, and sad, and vulnerable. Defenceless at the mercy of others. 

Sing

The long list of things I shouldve changed and done something about.

Focused on nature while in nature

Concentration 

When I’m taking care of others...like my kids and husband. I tend to put their needs first until I’m dizzy and shaking because it’s the afternoon and I forgot to eat even though I’ve fed everyone else. 

Writing Music.

Making art, enjoying beauty in the world, grief, and crisis.

Not a thing ✌🏻

My conscience

Chores. Housework. Anxiety, worries. 

I think part of me spirals into negative thinking, to force me into having a break sometimes. 

Unmet needs. 

Mathematics and programming. Basically anything that provides intellectual stimulation.