Ask Yourself...

That I'm a bad mom, not a mom at all. That I'm very unloving. 

Threatens me, because I don't want be an asshole. And I want my son to have a good life and feel loved.

Responsibility in a most likely lost cause. Beeing imprisoned. 

That I won't be able to connect with anybody bc they will judge me dark side, but I have to embrace that shadow aspect of myself in order to not being consumed by it!... workin' on it!

Not being able to stop feeling guilty for cutting my family off

The Absolute assertion that existence is BS. 

I'm not living, real or 'spiritual'. Whatever a facade holds, it's always assumed if someone lives in fear, the worst of you is projected. And in the past I owned those projections. Labels that are worse, therefor not apart of this world, and am a danger to myself and others if others cannot identify with me, and if they can, it might be in a bad way. So I try to do shadow work and learn. Then feel like an outsider because half the country, it seems like more sometimes, is still living in another paradigm. Then I do not allow myself to at least be myself and love - because no one needs to know my life story on the street, I can still be a human being. Yet, I find myself repeating the same path on my own. Repeating the cycle, and therefor reaffirming to myself that I am not safe - because I do not feel love, and therefor try to fit in again, instead of myself, just living again. I got out tonight at least, for a long walk. I don't like using the word love, because of how it implies a distortion, because if I'm talking to the public, there's a chance that my own distortions of others is also as clouded as sometimes other peoples ideas of 'love', is. Maybe my own distortion is something I have accepted from being hurt for so long, in how I see myself and create based on that S%$#. At least I know it better now. My distortions being considered real is what threatens me, because others are more likely to believe them than I am. (Does that make sense?) I know it does to me.

The so called "new normal" perspective/narrative.
Cos I find myself with the problem of either accepting the anti human rights limitations imposed by a new normal society or start faking vax passes or so in order to be able to travel and see my loved onesaround the world. Which feels like a great legal o physical risk if caught.

My point of view (which is also a limiting belief and a harsh truth at the same time) which is threatening is this: as a single mom I have a handicap (financially, professionally, intimate relationships and so on). I feel threatened to go ahead in life continuing to be a single mom. At the same time I value true love and connection and I will not choose a relationship with a man just to not feel threatened anymore.