Ask Yourself...

My answer to this question is a question mark. I dont know, and that pains me.

I don't know what I want, let alone what I want badly enough. I wish I did know. It would give me some sense of direction and movement, rather than the stagnation I find myself in.

I DO know that I like the feeling that comes with spending quality time with friends and loved ones. I want to love and be loved in all aspects; even those which I feel are unsavory or dark. I want to feel understood.

I also want to feel the feeling of interconnected-ness that arises when I imagine the vastness of the universe, with all the myriad shapes and forms in which it expresses itself. I like the feeling of belonging, of communion with a larger whole.

I also like the cocky, confident feeling that comes with being an unapologetic alpha male. I like the feeling of relaxed confidence and power that comes with being a badass; the feeling that I can do anything in the world no matter how dangerous or difficult.

I like how I feel in all these situations, but these feelings are so fleeting that I soon lose interest in them.

I guess you could say I want purpose, movement, growth, masculine confidence, intelligence and a feeling of interconnected-ness with the whole. I just have to figure out if I want it badly enough.

Edited May 12, 20224 yr by Sackr1
Per

A companion with harmonious vibrations.

love

I don't know, I have parts of me (the majority) that value my self and my son and life. And I have one part that basically cares about nothing (and this part ends up making alot of stupid decisions bulldozing the other parts at the end of the day, because it cares about nothing, it's numb and full of rage, and left alone) 

Last time this happened the convo went like this, this is all going to be reversed and destroyed now, we gonna start over from rock bottom without a plan how to fix this. 

All my other parts screaming asking for kindness and saying how important this, trying to communicate, not wanting this.

This one part: I don't care, meaning (decision stays the same, don't care how important this is or how you feel, everything is going to be destroyed and reversed, we are going back to rock bottom)

I call this part of me doom. 

My child.

Revenge on people and the universe at largeXD (I feel like this is a hidden shadow aspect) Wich does not consciously resonate with me, but it's there, and it's no goodXD

Also a relationship with the people around me, including my mother, even if those relationships are without intimacy and don't even really meet my actual needs. It's like better someone around, than Noone around. I even discard actual intimacy for this one, and it's hurting. 

(interesting, I have really low standards for people and relationships, how come I end up in so damaging relationships.) Wich actually aren't real relationships.

These different aspects aren't a match thats the problem. They collide. 

Being a Dj, and spiritual couch for other ❤️ who need me to raise their souls 🙂

Honestly life has shown me, it's not what I like to think. 

I think it's beeing emotionaly authentic and true to myself, or maybe relationships? But No. 

It's having my own space free from enemies and frenemies, the problem is everyone (except for my child maybe) I view as a frenemie. So this doesn't work out very well. But I still have a huge part within me, that just desperately hates fears distrusts other humans, and also to be honest relationships themselves in general. This part ist traumatized. And maybe this is where all my crazy comes from. Cause this is very unhealthy. 

Well I would always do this with romantic relationships. This isnt the case anymore, but my younger self learnt his lessons and has expanded because of his decision to do so😘

1.Soulmate

2.authenticity