The Secret to Self-Awareness - Becoming Aware of The WHY - Teal Swan Articles - Teal Swan Jump to content

The Secret to Self-Awareness - Becoming Aware of The WHY

To put it bluntly, people are not self-aware. And people are not truly conscious. And perhaps the thing people are the most unconscious about, is the WHY behind what they are thinking, saying and doing. Most people are running around, thinking, saying and doing things instinctively and automatically; driven by their subconscious mind. 

To give you some examples of what I mean, a man drives down the highway filled with road rage. He speeds down the road refusing to signal, speeding up to block merging cars out, finger flipping, yelling and swearing at anyone who he feels is in his way. He has no idea that the WHY has nothing to do with what is happening on the road. He has un-resolved pain about how powerless he feels to other people. Of course, admitting to this would be too vulnerable. But because he feels powerless to other people, anger and aggression feels like empowerment. He feels the need to dominate in order to feel safe and empowered. And this is especially possible when he doesn’t have to face a person. After all, when he and they are inside a metal object, he can “thingify” them. This is the WHY behind his road rage.

A woman sleeps with her best friend’s boyfriend. She says she is sorry. She never wanted to hurt her. She just couldn’t control herself when he came onto her. She is not looking deep enough to see that the WHY behind what she did is that she feels insecure and insignificant. These feelings are made worse when she compares herself to her friend, who is so impressive in so many ways. So, when her friend’s boyfriend came onto her, what mattered more than their friendship in that moment, was the opportunity to feel superior to her friend. If her friend’s boyfriend was choosing her over her friend, it meant he had decided she was more desirable. 

A young adult has to decide between taking a gap year to go travel around Europe or going straight to college. He decides to go to college. He tells people that he made that choice because he wants to get all his required classes done as soon as possible and not waste what little money he has. But the real reason is that his parents are against him taking a gap year. He can feel that his parents will not approve of him if he does go on a gap year and they will keep getting into conflicts. One of his top values is peace. Another is family. The real WHY behind him going straight to college is that his top values would be threatened by taking a gap year in Europe. 

A teen girl keeps thinking terrible things about herself. It seems like there is a voice inside her head that is always criticizing her. She is unaware that the reason this voice inside of her keeps generating these thoughts, is in fact to keep her safe. Deep down, the WHY behind these thoughts is that she is convinced that if she criticizes herself first, other people can’t beat her to it. And if she criticizes herself, she will hold herself to a standard that will guarantee that she will be liked and approved of by others, rather than disapproved of and rejected. 

A man says “I would love to be friends” to a woman he knows. And proceeds to establish a friendship and hang out every day. Later, when she gets into a relationship with another man, he flips out and feels taken advantage of by her and used by her and betrayed by her. He is unaware that the WHY behind him saying that he would love to be friends is that he wanted to say whatever it took to be around her, regardless of whether it was or wasn’t true. He had the hope that over time he could change her mind about him and make her want to be his lover instead. He was sure that if he devoted all his time and effort to her, that would happen. When it didn’t, he felt like all that time and effort was for nothing. And he blamed her for how crappy that made him feel about himself.

Most people live at the surface of things, not truly questioning themselves or others. And not diving beneath what they are thinking, saying and doing to discover the WHY behind them. This is a tragedy because the WHY is the very purpose behind their action. Everything you decide and say and do serves a purpose. The question is, what is that purpose? You cannot keep your attention on the surface and ever hope to find the WHY. The WHY is deep under the surface. 

Facing the WHY can be hard and it can be scary and painful and you may not like what you see about reality or about yourself. This is why so many people also subconsciously or consciously deflect or tell themselves stories or distract themselves or make excuses etc. specifically so they can avoid looking directly at the WHY. But what people don’t understand is that you will pay the price of preserving a feel-good illusion and so will the people around you. And you will pay the price of preserving a positive self-concept and so will the people around you. And it will be a price that is too high to pay. Much higher than actually looking straight at reality; looking straight at the WHY. To learn more about this, you can watch three of my videos. The first simply titled: Reality. The second titled: Why You Should Know and Accept the Truth, Even if it Hurts. And the third titled: Self Concept, The Enemy of Awakening

Becoming aware of the WHY behind what you are thinking, saying and doing is life changing. And here are the major reasons why.

  1. It makes you aware of your genuine motivations and genuine needs and desires. Most of us run around trying to meet our needs and reach our desires and satisfy our motivations in subconscious, sneaky, round about ways all day, every day. Our words contradict our actions and we don’t act like we are committed to what we say we are committed to. And because of this, not only are we super manipulative, we are very unsuccessful at looking directly at what we truthfully want and need. We don’t go straight for it in the most effective ways possible. Therefore, becoming aware of the WHY, makes you much less manipulative and much more effective at directly bringing about what you truly want in life.
    Two people who make the same decision or say the same thing or take the same action, will have a totally different experiences and experience totally different results when the WHY behind what they are doing is different. The WHY even changes what you are a match to on a vibrational level. To learn more about this, you can watch my video titled: The WHY Changes Everything
  2. Becoming aware of the WHY puts you in the position of conscious choice. When you see what your true motivation or reasoning is, you get to decide what to do with that information. It puts you in the position of genuine empowerment. Are you going to align further with that reason or motivation and go about doing so in a different way? Or are you going to change the WHY behind what you are saying and doing? Can you change it, or is it a reflection of a solid personal truth? We experience our free will, only when we become aware of the WHY.    
  3. It causes you to live according to your values. Our WHY behind what we do, reflects our values. Becoming aware of the WHY, causes us to look directly at our deepest values. And living consciously according to top values, is how people create a fulfilling life. The life they actually want to live.
  4. Becoming aware of the real WHY is the road to becoming truly authentic. If you don’t know the WHY, you don’t know yourself. You don’t know what motivates you. You don’t know what you really want. You don’t see your needs. You don’t see your insecurities. You don’t see where you are still controlled by society and your upbringing. You don’t see your fears. You don’t see your negative patterns. You don’t see your strengths. You don’t see yourself. So, so much of the truth of you, is contained in or revealed by the WHY behind your thoughts, words and actions. 
  5. Your relationships will improve drastically. It doesn’t take me to tell you that when someone is not aware of (and is not admitting to) the real WHY behind what they are doing, it makes relationships totally unworkable. Chances are, you have been on the other side of this yourself. It preserves dysfunction. It makes painful patterns continue to no end. It makes people act like they can’t control their own behavior and like they don’t know why. It makes the relationship a zero-sum game rather than a win-win. Relationships can’t not change when the WHY is revealed. And they only ever change or end because either the WHY reveals that they would not have gotten better. Or, they actually get better because the two people are changing things according to reality. 
  6. It causes you to make the right decisions for yourself. When you see the truth of your actual WHY, it simplifies things and gives you clarity. And with this, you have a much better idea of what the right thing to decide or do is. Also, it brings clarity about different and better ways to do things. 
  7. You know what you need to work on, what your growth path or healing path is and therefore, you are more in alignment with your expansion. When you discover your why, you might find things that no longer benefit you, things like insecurities, limiting beliefs, detrimental patterns, hidden expectations etc. Self-development and figuring out your WHY are a married pair. 
  8. You will no longer be confused or in the dark about yourself. So many people, even though they live inside their own skin, are unclear about everything… Why they behave how they behave, why they made certain decisions, why they didn’t do certain things, why certain things didn’t work out in their life, what they really want, what really matters to them, why things turned out a certain way, etc.  You will understand yourself and because of it, be able to be in a conscious, healthy relationship with yourself. So, self-awareness and self-love depend on finding out your WHY.

If you want to become conscious, self-aware, authentic, have successful relationships and live the life you want, the bravery you have to have, is to look directly at, and admit to the WHY behind anything you think, say and do. Rather than to tell yourself a positive self-concept inducing story about what you are thinking, saying and doing. You must commit to the practice of diving under the surface over and over again. But doing so, is your ticket to the life you have been looking for.


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