When it comes to self-awareness, one of the most important things to become consciously aware of is the WHY behind whatever we are doing. Most people are simply not consciously aware of the WHY behind what they are doing, even though their WHY accounts for a very big portion of the energy behind their action. And the energy behind an action is everything. Two people who make the same decision or say the same thing or take the same action, will have a totally different experiences and experience totally different results when the WHY behind what they are doing is different. If two people have different reasons behind why they want something, they will have a totally different experience and experience different results. The WHY even changes what you are a match to on a vibrational level. In short, the WHY changes everything.
So that you can understand what I mean, here are some examples:
Carol has spent the last 3 months with a fitness trainer and has decided to be on a diet where she restricts both her portion sizes and what foods she is eating. The WHY behind Carol’s desire to do all of this, is that she hates her body. In fact, she disgusts herself. Because this is Carol’s WHY, the way she goes about losing weight is in alignment with being against herself. Her body perceives the decisions she makes and the actions she takes as being an attack. This energy behind what she is doing, triggers an inflammatory response in her body. Her lymph nodes swell. She starts getting frequent body aches. She experiences intense fatigue. And her skin has started breaking out in rashes and eczema. On top of this, she feels like she has to force herself through her workouts. She feels like her fitness trainer is there to whip her into shape. She dreads her time at the gym. She hates meal time and is developing food anxiety. Because the energy behind what she is doing is so resistant in nature, she is in fact feeding energy into the very thing that she dislikes. And so, she does not see tangible results. And she is primarily a match to two types of people when she’s at the gym. The first is other women, who are also miserable and getting no results when they are working out. And the second is what Carol calls “the beautiful people”, people who seem blessed with exemplary genes and who love to be at the gym and who cause her to feel even worse about herself.
In contrast to this, Brooke has spent the last four months also with a fitness trainer and restricting her portion sizes and what foods she is eating. The WHY behind Brooke’s desire to do all of this, is that she is done with neglecting herself and taking care of herself is her new personal growth goal. Because of this, she feels like her fitness trainer is a huge support to her. She loves her time at the gym because it is time she is finally dedicating to herself. She has found some exercises that her body actually likes doing. Even though they are not the foods that she prefers, when she eats foods that she knows are good for her body, she feels like she is actually making progress relative to her goal. As time has gone on, she has realized that she has started to crave healthy foods, something she never thought possible. She is seeing tangible results. She has lost some weight. Her energy levels are increasing. She is in a better mood lately. And she feels more powerful in the world. She is primarily a match to two types of people when she is at the gym. The first is people who seem very interested in befriending her and having someone to either work out with or hang out with. And the second is people who started working out many years ago, and who have incredible results; from men who look like they have been perfectly chiseled by an artist to women who look incredible for their age. And Brooke feels like they serve as an inspiring reminder of what is possible for anyone who cares about taking care of themselves enough.
Here is another example. Trent is married to a woman named Jeannie. In his marriage to Jeannie, he takes care of her. He prioritizes coming home to be with her. He gives her foot rubs. He makes sure she has eaten and if she hasn’t, he feeds her. He does things that need to be done around the house. Jeannie is very happy in the relationship. She feels adored and contained. The WHY behind Trent’s behavior is that he likes the feeling of power and self-esteem that comes from being depended on and from able to please a woman.
In contrast to this, Mason is married to a woman named Lacey. In his marriage to Lacey, he takes care of her. He prioritizes coming home to be with her. He gives her foot rubs. He makes sure she has eaten and if she hasn’t, he feeds her. He does things that need to be done around the house. Lacey is miserable in the relationship. She feels like she is drowning in pressure and is on her own. The WHY behind Mason’s behavior is that he wants Lacey to make him feel secure in the relationship. And he is convinced that the ticket to doing so, is to please her.
The two very different WHYs behind what Trent is doing and what Mason is doing, lead to drastically different experiences for the women they are with, even though at face value, both are taking care of the woman they are with. Behind everything that Mason does for Lacey, is a take, rather than a give. Trent doesn’t need anything from Jeannie when he does what he does for her. He is truly feeding her with energy. Mason is doing what he is doing to get something from Lacey. He is in fact gaslighting her because even though it appears that he is containing her, he is in fact doing things for her, so that she provides him with a sense of containment.
Because of the WHY behind what Trent is doing, Trent’s energy and body language is masculine when he is doing these things. Because of the WHY behind what Mason is doing, Mason’s energy and body language is like a young boy when he does these things. When Trent rubs Jeannie’s feet, she feels dominated in a sexy way and it turns her on. When Mason rubs Lacey’s feet, she feels like she is in a relationship with a minion, who is desperate for her approval, and it makes her angry. Trent does not have to be asked to do things around the house. He takes the initiative himself and as a result, Jeannie feels relieved and free from pressure. Mason, has to be managed to do things that need to be done. So, Lacey needs to tell him what needs to be done and even though Mason immediately does them, the pressure of those things is never off of her because she is the one that has to keep track of them and initiate Mason doing them. Mason loves to please her by doing what she asks. And does not seem to understand why Lacey is never pleased.
People often avoid facing the WHY behind what they are doing because of shame. In order to become aware of the WHY behind what you are doing, you have to take the risk that you may not like what you see. You may have to admit to things about yourself that you and/or others might judge as bad and wrong. But you will pay the price of preserving your self-concept and so will other people. And it will be a price that ends up being too high to pay.
No matter what it is that you are deciding or doing, you’ve got to become aware of and put energy into understanding the WHY behind it. Doing so will reveal so much to you. Most especially, it will reveal why you are having the experience that you are having and why you are getting the results you are getting. Your WHY is the heart of your intention. By directly facing your why, you may find that there are much better ways to satisfy your intention. To learn more about this, you can watch my video titled: Why Your Intention is SO Important.
Everything you decide and say and do serves a purpose. The purpose behind your decisions and behind what you say and behind your actions is everything. The question is, what is that purpose?