Ask Yourself...

On the other side of the pendelum swing XD. 

After giving birth, spending time with the baby, getting to know the baby and spending time with myself. 

Spending time with people I love. (where I can be my true self) 

When Im able to be the best version of myself and believe in myself and what I'm doing. (and nothing can stop me) 

Going for long spiritual walks barefoot & "alone", beeing homeless & going somewhere else.

When I win a large amount of money at the casino, (or just winning in general, like shooting, card games) I enjoy competition, and I like to use my abilities. 

Swimming

When I'm expressing my true self, in clothing. (wich some say is eccentricXD I don't think so) 

I in general don't feel alive. I feel like a dried out lake.

When I sing, I sing without my heart, I don't want to sing for anyone. Reminds me of: I feel nothing for you, from the plot in you.. 

This reminds me, 2 years ago, I did feel alive, skateboarding and listening to the plot in you. 

When I gave birth to my child and 4 weeks after that I felt alive and like myself, and almost like my inner child or higher self beeing present. (but I in a very stressfull moment, with trauma loss and fear involved, I decided against those aspects of myself, and this is why I'm now in a loop, and downward spiral, all over the place emotionally) 

I feel alive walking through the summer rain. 

Sex makes me feel alive sometimes. But that's also a long time ago. 

Dressing up and going out to a pub like a teen. Beeing with friendsXD (wich I don't really have)

I don't know. 

Water usually makes me feel alive:) oh what a suprise:) Water is life:) 

I punish myself alot. I should do more of what makes me feel alive, and instead of "sabotaging" those things and moments, be present. I feel like I don't deserve to live.

Exceedingly brief and rare moments in which mental illness and spirituality are not torturing me. Usually but not always, during deep non-rem sleep (which itself is rare). 

When I am embodying the essence of my bitter hatred for all divinity/spirituality.

When I am singing and other people are playing the musical accompaniment.

When I am connecting with people on a deeper level.

When I feel the freedom to act on my impulses without fear of doing something wrong

when I'm gardening or engaged in something creative

Near death experiences make me feel alive. Pain also makes you feel alive. Pain reminds you, you're still alive. 

This is why I consider trying bungee jumping. Maybe if I jump of a cliff, I won't be so afraid anymore in my day to day life. Maybe I will even feel a renewed sense of gratitude, livelyness. And be a bit reborn again. And maybe Ile be no more afraid of heights.

Bungee jumping seems like a way to committ suicide, without committing suicide. And to me it allways seemed very risky. So Ide be taking risks and reevaluate my bravery and strength through that. 

Or atleast activate the right neurons for bravery.

I have to start somewhere. 

Edit: I love this question

Edited January 30, 20233 yr by LucyMad
Because the first thing Wich came to my mind as I read this question. I didn't write down. And I felt it.

During a deep intimate conversation, one on one😊

When I am out in nature