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Self Sufficient-Self Reliance

Someone who read my post about how I see the world informed me that my description of how I perceive the world, sounds very much like someone experiencing an LSD trip or DMT trip.  He commented that he thought living like I live, would be very much like living permanently on a “trip’ and that it would be very challenging to live like that.  I agree with his assessment.  Many people, who partake in Ayahuasca, come back saying that they experienced the world like I see it while on the medicine.  

I went out of body last night.  After surveying collective human consciousness, I have the following to say:

Self-sufficiency and self-reliance have been glorified.  Both are empowering ideas compared to the powerless people feel relative to each other.  But self-sufficiency, like anger is merely on the way to true alignment.  It is not all the way there.  We need each other.  End of story.  People need each other.  And need, while it may imply focus on the lack, is still indicative of our deepest desires.  Which are love, intimacy and connectedness.  And we will not live if we do not allow ourselves to line up with our deepest desires.  The most self-loving thing a person can do is not to become self-sufficient and try to become a fulfilled unit in and of themselves.  The most self-loving thing a person can do, is to allow themselves to accept themselves fully and merge with others.  Only then, can we become the living embodiment of oneness.   The independent self-reliance that has been glorified in the modern, western world is indeed one of the unhealthiest patterns that has ever emanated from our time space reality.  Empowerment is not the same thing as separate individualization.

We tell a lie in the self-help industry, that we cannot hope to be in a good relationship if we are not ok in and of ourselves first.  But a crucial part of our well-being is merging with others.  A person cannot be a universe in and of themselves.  The ego is the only one that says they can.  We have all attached to a profoundly sick ideal, because we have been raised on it, we believe in it so deeply, we do not question it.  We feel guilt for our level of “need” for each other.  But this “need” is simply a universal truth peeking through, telling us that we are not and cannot be separate.  In an interdependent world, dependency is an absolute of our existence.  This world is a mirror, and you are dependent on the reflection because in this universe, it is every bit as much you, as you are.

anger-18658_640.jpgSimply put… anger feels better than powerlessness.  That is why it benefits people to get angry.  And independence feels better than powerless victimhood.  That is why it benefits people to get independent.  But if our progression stops there, we will never find true happiness and our civilization will never progress.  The teaching of independent self-reliance, is a step on the ladder from powerlessness to empowerment, like anger.  But we worship it as if it were all the way there.  As if it were empowerment.  True empowerment cannot be experienced in individualization.  Happiness is meaningless, if it is not shared.

So many people will tell you that you need to learn how to be ok alone.  This contradicts basic human biology, which is a state of resistance to your physical self.  It is taking an avoidant position to dealing with attachment.  Which is in and of itself resistant in nature.  And it implies that you cannot find yourself within the context of a relationship.  That is an illusion.  Dependence is not powerlessness.  That is... it doesn't have to be.  Especially, when we have the power to create our own reality, and thus create what we are dependent on.

people-2616695_640.jpgDoes it really benefit you to believe that you can never be satisfied by someone else or with someone else?  This is it's own kind of powerlessness.  Every bit as much as it is powerless to believe that you can only be satisfied by someone or someone else!  It means you've come out of one trap only to fall right into another one!  A painful one that causes you to have to pull yourself up by your own emotional boot straps and invest in yourself as a single unit, which is the very definition of ego.  And so, ego has caught you again.

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This idea of empowerment while acknowledging dependence on other people has honestly been a difficult concept for me to grasp. My mind tends to view dependence as a bad thing and independence as a good thing. I definitely think it's due to our Western Society, but it's also due to the emotional incest that I grew up with (which I think is more common in nuclear families than most people will admit). I was taught at a young age that I needed to take care of my parents - be their therapist, marriage counselor, or real-life teddy bear (so icky). Subconsciously, I recognized their inappropriate dependence on me and felt angry at them. I also felt like I couldn't trust them to hold or take care of my needs. I thought "I can handle all their problems AND my own problems all by myself." It's a horribly isolating way to live, but it's definitely encouraged by our society...

Anyways, I look up to you, Teal. From your example (and through therapy), I've been opening up more. I've realized that other adults can hold me and my needs. I've also been learning how to have boundaries and be authentic with others. All these things I wouldn't have been able to do on my own. I need relationships with other people to heal, learn, and grow. It's just a balance of not becoming too dependent or independent.

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