• The Most Terrifying Ecstasy

    The morning chorus is broken by an even louder noise, a howler monkey barking in the canopy of trees lining the hillside of the river.  The locals call these monkeys ‘congos’.  Like an alarm clock, the primal bellow of his sounds rumbles through Philia awakening everyone and everything to a new day.  The tips of the palm trees are gently lifted as if being fondled by the breeze.  Downstairs, the sounds of the kitchen are already in motion.  I find the morning stirrings in the house comforting as well as the scents that are soon to follow.

    Philiat.jpgDownstairs, the rest of the members of this intentional community are trickling in.  They are coming as if each one of them has been drawn out of the woodwork of Philia itself.  Each one of them is like a different ingredient that enhances the emotional flavor of the room.  It culminates in a social coziness.  We greet one another as if we haven’t seen each other in a year even though we have only been apart for the night.  I am in heaven on mornings like this.  This is really living. Really living is loving each other.  It is terrifying to know that by loving someone, they have so much power over you.  Sitting here at this table, I feel how brave a person has to be to love.  You have to be willing to admit that you’re committed and because of that commitment, anything they do or don’t do will effect you.  The most unhappy people on this planet are the ones that live their lives trying to not be effected.  The happiest are the ones that surrender to the fact that they will be effected and as such, place their delicate hearts in other people’s hands to hold.  What a gift it is to hold these people’s hearts in my hands and to know that they hold mine in theirs.  It is what I have always wanted.  It is the most terrifying ecstasy to be felt on the planet.         

    The retreat this last week was incredible.  It was the kind of experience for all of us (attendees and staff alike) that cannot be described.  It is ineffable… Ineffable growth, ineffable awareness, ineffable connection.  There is so much confusion between people today.  The false security that our relationships were built on is no longer able to pass itself off as real security of connection.  Looking around the world, we seem puzzled about each other.  We seem as if we are at a loss to understand each other.  So much of the time when we run into conflicts in a relationship, we have no idea what is happening or why it is happening.  We slip into the perception that the other person is completely unjustified and is being unfair with us.  We tell ourselves that they are wrong and that they are crazy.  We try to make sense of what is going on without remembering that the universe is a mirror. The universe we live in is a giant fractal mirror.  Your reality mirrors you precisely so that by recognizing the mirror, you become aware and arrive at conscious choice.  That being said, we do not often recognize the reflection when it shows up in the mirror. Because of this universal mirror principal, however you make someone feel (regardless of whether it is intentional or unintentional) will eventually become how they make you feel.  All people and even more than that, all beings, make you feel exactly how they feel.  And it isn’t usually intentional or conscious on their part.  It is that their reaction to how you are making them feel, ends up making you feel the exact same way that they feel.

    For example, a man works from sun up to sundown.  Because of this he is not making his wife feel loved.  She feels like she has no value to him.  Eventually, she gets a lover and cheats on her husband.  He finds out and feels unloved.  He feels like he has no value to her.  Or for example, a wife feels secure when she controls all the planning for the household.  Eventually this starts to make her husband feel totally powerless and out of control.  Soon, he refuses to commit to any plans that she is making.  This starts to make her feel powerless and out of control.

    images.jpegOr for example, a person feels as if their life was destroyed by a group of people.  Eventually, this person grabs a gun and starts killing them.  This makes them feel as if their lives have been destroyed by this shooter. 

    We can use the fact that people in our lives put us in the position to feel exactly the same way that they feel like we made them feel to our advantage.  We can use it to understand other people completely.  We can use that understanding to resolve our conflicts fast.  We can use that understanding to see ourselves and our impact on other people clearly.  Whenever someone makes you feel a certain way, especially in a conflict, consider that the way they are making you feel is the way you either have made them feel or are currently making them feel.  So, first identify how you feel.  If you’re in a painful relationship, write down the many different ways you feel.  Then consider how you might have made or be making them feel that way.  Despite what they may be saying or doing, see them and their actions through this new lens of seeing clearly how they feel because now that you are feeling it, you do get it.       

    Teaching-kids-compassion-750x325.jpgFrom there switch your strategy of resolution.  Now that you recognize how they feel, make the conflict resolution deliberately about the way they feel.  Do and say things that make them feel the opposite.  For example, using one of the examples I gave previously, the man would go straight to the root by addressing the feeling of not being loved and valued.  He would do things to make her feel loved and valued.  The wife would go straight to the root by addressing the feeling of being totally powerless and out of control. She would say and do things that made him feel empowered and more in control of himself.  If we focus our efforts on making them feel differently, (for example valued or in control instead) it is an inevitability of this universe that they will in turn make us feel differently. The reflection in the mirror will change.  

    There is a certain beauty to this cruelty.  We are in essence condemning each other into a state of forced compassion so as to awaken one another.  And even though it is an entirely unconscious process, it shows how deeply we want to merge with one another… How desperate we are to love. 

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    Honestly, the value of this advise is so precious, valuable not only in and of itself, but also rare. 

    Teal (or anyone whom has access to Teal), if you are reading this, I would love to know in great detail, how did Teal arrive at this level of awareness? Not in general (as she has discussed that at length in several cases), but on this topic, in specific. Is there a chain of events or "bread crumb trail" of sorts that we readers can follow her to having figured this out? I feel like the context would be incredibly informative. 

     

     

     

     

    P.S.  This is everything. It addresses, and helps solve, what is most important in my own life right now. (How do you DO that??!!) 

    Edited by MeganIAM

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    The ship was heading further south to avoid the late fall as the attorney Mrs. Whynott-Shlamjerks watched a modern-art mirror painting named Me-RR-or-more in the upper deck restaurant while having a lunch-conversation with the sci-fi filmmaker Cliff Hangers and high-court judge Mr. Alz Heimers, just before the ship-actor Tom Bruce Cruice was supposed to steal secrets from the past when entering a time-wormhole in the new movie Sail Hard 2, and the judge confirmed to Cliff that 20+ years old crimes may be prosecuted in several countries, so he would like to know where the travel was supposed to take place , then telling them he was sometimes still beaten up by his sister due to a stealing of weekend-candy 70 years ago ...   

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    What if you make the changes to yourself, but the other person or people do not reciprocate? I know your probably going to say, "then they shouldn't be in your life." It's sad when those other people are your immediate family. Cutting them off if they're unwilling to acknowledge me or support me in my life is cold, but likely something I'm going to have to be mature enough to do. Then starts the exhausting game of trying to find conscious people who really do want to reciprocate relationships..

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    I really enjoyed reading this article.

    "There is a certain beauty to this cruelty.  We are in essence condemning each other into a state of forced compassion so as to awaken one another.  And even though it is an entirely unconscious process, it shows how deeply we want to merge with one another… How desperate we are to love.  " -- Teal Swan's "The Most Terrifying Ecstasy"

    Very well put! This is such a great few sentences. 

    Are you calling me desperate?

     

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    All too often I find myself thinking about random events that changed my life. Usually lessons that needed to be learned.. usually the hard way and more often the hardest way imaginable. All of which mostly involve relationships, or lack thereof --would be more accurately stated. 

    Today while shopping I suddenly thought to myself how strange it was that an old friendship of mine went from so incredibly amazing to ending like a world war between two severely scorned women. I realized in that same moment the reason. We were quite different however there was one thing we had a perfectly matched vibration for... neither one of us understood love.. how to give it, how to receive it, how to feel it at all really.. and so with that ofcourse came little understanding of boundaries.. I personally had no concept and i KNOW she certainly had no clue. 

    I've been following your work since May of 2015. You've helped me a great deal. It's fair to say because of your work I've learned, ATLEAST the 'concept of all that love is <and isnt> and how to have healthier relationships. 

    And all too often i have these random thoughts and on the day or within days passing, it's become normal for me to check out your latest video or blog and find that it is the very topic your covering. Not always.. but often enough to keep me believing. 

    Thank you Teal. :5761e0b45d018_EmojiSmiley-08:

    Edited by evalovesteal
    misspelled a word

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