“It’s exactly like invisible white water rapids,” he said to me, standing by the door about to exit. He was talking to me about the turbulence that planes experience in the air. I was fortunate enough to have been visited by a pilot this weekend for a one on one session in Atlanta Georgia. Obviously I ended up confessing my resistance to flying in airplanes. We ended up laughing while arguing back and forth about it. Him making the case that airplanes are liberating and safe. And me making the case that airplanes are essentially a metal death trap of no return.
Now, from far up in the sky, the turbulence tosses the plane this way and that. And I feel better somehow. “It’s all water when you think of it, whether it’s in a river or in the sky as a cloud and it behaves the same way” he said. Now, my body feels the memory of being in a raft in the rapids of a river, going up and down and being turned slightly sideways and being pushed into eddies. It’s exactly what it feels like being in a plane in the turbulence caused by weather patterns. It’s so damn awesome how the exposure to a different perspective can cause a dramatic shift in our life experience. I think this is what I love the most about my “job”. I love offering a perspective that un-winds the knots in people’s lives. This is also what I love the most about going out of body. There are times when the perspective you are introduced to out of body, changes your entire viewpoint on life. And life can never be experienced or lived the same after that.
Like most nights, I went out of body last night. As I laid down to fall asleep, I could feel the familiar frustration of overwhelm come over me. And a question occurred to me. “What is the primary root cause of the suffering which people experience here on the earth today”? I entered the vibrational phase of the out of body experience. A super high-pitched sound took over my body this time, like being caught in a jet engine that screamed. To my surprise, the minute that I detached from my body into fourth dimensional perspective, one of my deceased clients was standing in the room with me.
For any of us who work in the field of “helping people”, we must work on not identifying with people so that we are able to love them unconditionally and free from our own projections and wants and needs. Some people come and go from your presence easily. But then, there are those people who come to you for help and you immediately feel an identification with them. You feel the frightening feeling of becoming attached to them. When Helena came into my life five years ago, I remember thinking “fuck… I’m going to really, really struggle with my attachment to this woman.” She was a vision splendid. Her tall, model like frame lead up to an angular face with a head of gloriously soft, pure silver hair. She walked straight up to me and cut straight to the chase. The questions rolled into the air between us and it felt like she was drinking from my world so as to figure out hers.
She came from Czech Republic, the place I resonate with most in the world. There was an esoteric power to her that was obvious to everyone but that she was unaware of. And as our time together progressed, I felt my bond with her deepen and deepen. A few people who had never met my mother in fact mistook her from my mother because there were similarities in both our energy, presentation and appearance.
Then, one day she walked through the door looking worried. She told me that she had been diagnosed with lung and bone cancer. They had given her only months to live. Looking into her life paths from the beginning, for various reasons, her recovery was not appearing as a potential. With me, we spent the last bit of our time together figuring out how to really live life instead of just survive. I became close with her daughter through the process, which was yet another blessing. Helena’s soul knew her temporary embodiment was preparing for death. We all watched her wither away before our eyes. But the day it was clear to me that I would lose her soon, I sat in my room and I cried. I cried again in the car on the way home when I saw her and knew it would be the last time I would see her in body in this life. We had said goodbye.
I attended her life celebration just a week ago. To my surprise, I stood up and gave a tiny speech in front of the rather eclectic group that had gathered to share their memories about her. I will forever associate Helena with sunflowers and so; I read one of my poems about grief, which features a sunflower. We all painted pictures in honor of her love of painting. And last night, upon exiting my body, her thought form stood in front of me. She was in a bright yellow dress. She was smiling with knowing eyes that had found peace. She said jokingly in her thick accent “This time I get to answer your question.” And she took my hand as if to take me somewhere. Everything went blurry.
We were standing in a baby’s room. It looked to be a middle class household. We were standing over the side of the crib. The baby inside of the crib was crying. Being connected to all things from the dimension we were in, it was easy for us to feel that the baby had a need. The need was connection. Connection brings a sense of peaceful, secure safety and satiation for the baby. She was desperately trying to communicate that need to her mother but she could not and so the desperation had caused the baby to cry. Tears of despair rolled down her cheeks. The emotion was strong enough to make me feel queezy. The baby’s mother was doing dishes in the sink in the next room. She could hear the baby’s cries, but told herself, “she’ll just cry it out and fall asleep… I’m so exhausted, I need some time for me right now… no one ever told me this would be so hard.” She was feeling burdened by the baby’s need for connection. She felt manipulated by it. She also felt that by meeting the child’s needs, she would be “owned” by her child and have nothing of herself left.
I could see the pattern so clearly. The mother did not know how to be attuned to her child’s needs. And there was no one else available to meet the needs. And indeed, she could not understand her own emotional needs. She would meet the child’s emotional needsinconsistently or not at all. Usually by luck. But the child’s need for connection was the strongest core need of all. And so, she fell into a pattern of despair and torment. The connection between her and her mother just kept unpredictably coming and going. There was nothing she could do to maintain it or to guarantee it would be there. Her need for connection would feel like a burden to the mother and cause her to disconnect or shame her daughter. The little girl started fearing the pain of the withdrawal. The loss of connection and powerlessness to get it back put her entirely at the mercy of her mother’s desire or lack there of to connect. This created rage and powerlessness so much so that at a certain point, this little girl shut her mother out. She developed an emotional wall. And the mother reacted to that rejection by feeling like a victim to her own child. Having no awareness of how she set up the dynamic from the start, she decided something was wrong with her daughter. Subconsciously the girl had decided that it was better to cut her mother off entirely than suffer the coming and going. This decision however, led to an isolation within herself. Even when people were with her, she was alone inside herself in torment. She lost the ability to connect with others. We watched her commit suicide in her teens.
At that point, I “zoomed out” my perspective and saw this dynamic of the unmet emotional need for connection play out over and over and over in so many different scenarios all over the globe. I am now more convinced than ever that this is the emotional Dark Age. People disconnect emotionally from one another as a result of wounding relative to their emotional needs. This lack of connection is what is creating the bankruptcy of compassion between people. You cannot cause harm to something when you are genuinely connected to it. We cause harm to one another because we are not connected to each other because our need for genuine connection was not met. As a result, to try to keep ourselves emotionally safe, we walled off to the world. This dynamic is in fact what is fueling the era of preoccupation with technology.
To turn the world’s suffering into joy, we need to put all our efforts into genuinely connecting and in the flesh. We need to connect with other people and create opportunities for connection.
When I was done assimilating the understanding, I clearly understood that Helena had been the one to bring me to the answer, because her story was part of it. It was her wound as well. It was the root cause beneath it all.
And so, in honor of Helena’s life and the perspective I gained with her, I am going to request that anyone who reads this blog, does good for the world in whatever way they can by bringing connection into this world.