I received a message from someone today that inspired me greatly to write a blog entry about a subconscious pattern that so many of us have within us. It is a pattern that keeps on surfacing throughout our lives. It is the perpetual search for a rescuer. What do we want rescue from? We want rescue from our own minds and emotions and lives. We are in pain. Why did we find our way to the spiritual life and to self-help in the first place? Because for us, happiness is not easy. For us, happiness is like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
There is a children’s Pixar film called Ice Age. In the film, there is a prehistoric saber tooth squirrel named Scrat. Throughout the entire film, the scene keeps going back to Scrat, who is trying to find the perfect place to stash his treasured acorn. Of course Scrat seems to be cursed by Murphy’s law. Just when it seems like Scrat has found success at last, something happens to separate him from his acorn. It drives him mad. When I first watched this film in me teens, I laughed. But it was not a laugh of hearty enjoyment. Rather, it was a laugh that said “that hits close to home”. Scrat’s cursed quest to find a way to preserve his treasured acorn, was Teal and the perpetual search for happiness. Yes, for any of you who would benefit by a confession, I have never had an easy time being happy. FYI, it never occurs to someone to write a book (like I did) on how to find happiness, if happiness is or was ever easy for them. (Insert video of Scrat)
When we have a hard time being happy, no matter how much we tell ourselves that no one else can make us happy, we keep dreaming that someone will walk into our lives and do just that. We want someone to ride in on a white horse and rescue us from ourselves. Deep down, we do not feel worthy of happiness. Why? Because we feel like we are bad or defective. And we were taught that “bad kids do not get cookies, in fact they have to spend time in their room”. We fear that it is inevitable that the universe already knows that we are bad and is therefore out to punish us. And we fear that people will one day discover that we are bad or that something is wrong with us and abandon us because of it. We start to subconsciously think that maybe everything that is happening is bad karma. We don’t remember of course that this idea was planted in our minds by people who influenced us to believe that something was innately wrong with us. And even if we do remember them planting the idea in our head, to blame them for making us feel this way about ourselves, makes us feel guilty and therefore feel like we are even more “bad”.
When we feel bad about ourselves and worthless, we attract people into our lives that mirror that to us. They mirror that we aren’t worth it to them. We feel bad enough about ourselves that when other people do things to hurt us, instead of blaming them, we blame ourselves. We feel like they did it because we are so bad that they do not care enough about us to add to our happiness or try to meet our needs. This causes us to either stay in miserable relationships, or to have a lot of short term relationships.
The thing is, when we want rescue from ourselves, we are in resistance to ourselves and so, all we get is more of ourselves. We end up either alone, or with partners who make us feel alone in the partnership. It feels worse to feel alone when you are technically in a partnership than it does to feel alone when you really are alone. We end up reminding ourselves that we can’t rely on anyone else to make us happy. We tell ourselves that we need to be more independent and stop being effected by other people. But instead of empowering, that makes us feel completely isolated and companionless in a hostile world that is against us. We cannot conceptualize of a universe that is supportive instead of antagonistic. We do not feel the freedom of being able to create our own happiness, instead we feel the heavy weight of independent self sufficiency.
Independence is a treasured attribute in human society. Human society sees independence as a sure sign of strength. And it sure feels better to think that we can be completely independent than to feel powerlessly dependent, especially when we think our “badness” makes it so we can only be dependent on people who will never be able to value us enough to meet our needs.
When we treasure and glorify independence, it is because of one thing… Our needs have not been met. We feel an empty dissatisfaction with life itself because of it. So we find our way to spirituality. We find spiritual teachings to live our life by. We try to meet our own needs that way. But then, we use spiritual truths as a tool to beat ourselves with. And the spiritual truth that we use to torture ourselves with the most is sacred to us; it is the teaching of independent self-sufficiency.
It is an appealing and beneficial thing to learn that we, alone create our own reality when we have believed that our lives are at the mercy of the circumstances we find ourselves in. And when we feel like victims to the reality we are currently living in. But after we experience the temporary improved feeling of that independent power, we feel the isolation that follows and the pressure to do it all on our own. The idea of independent self-sufficiency contradicts the universal truth that we are all one in the same way that hatred contradicts love. The opposite vibration of love is fear. Anger is an improvement on fear. The opposite vibration of empowerment is powerlessness. Independence is an improvement on powerlessness. Shall we stop there though? No.
Ultimately, to recognize independence, is to recognize yourself as apart and divisible from the collective. This recognition is only beneficial to move you from a feeling of powerlessness to others to a feeling of empowerment. It ceases to be beneficial and instead, becomes detrimental when it causes you to feel isolated and separate and as if the weight of the world is on your shoulders alone.
Most spiritual teachers and channeled entities teach according to where human consciousness is right now. This means, if people are powerless, they will teach them how to empower themselves. This means, they will teach them to create their own reality and stop depending on that which they feel powerless to. They will tell you that you do not need to be effected by anything other than your own thoughts. They do not have the attachment to truth that you do. And so, they will offer you a belief that serves your progression regardless of whether it is objectively true or not true and regardless of whether it is illusion or not. The truth is, you have an effect on everything that is and everything that is, has an effect on you. You are indivisible from it. Because of the truth of oneness, “they” are all “you”. This means “they” will always be a reflection of “you”. We are learning from our reflection.
Everything that other people do, affects you because everything that you do affects you. But by re orienting your focus towards something positive, you can create what you want to create regardless of what they are doing or not doing. Because you are only as powerless to what other people create as you are to what you create. The perspective that “they” are bigger and more powerful than you is an illusion, when you realize they are nothing more than your reflection blown up to a world scale. The collective is moving away from utter powerlessness, and so its time for a progression in comprehension. And so, it is time to move beyond independence.
Anger, is an improvement upon powerlessness. Independence is like anger. It is only an improvement upon powerlessness to others. Interdependence is actually a vibrational improvement upon independence. Some other words we could use for interdependence are symbiosis or mutual empowerment. The bottom line is… You are dependent! You cannot be other than dependent on everything. And everything is dependent on you. This universe is dependent on you. You are as dependent on source, as source is on you. Without you, source could not know itself and could not expand. Without source, you could not be alive. Even if your perspective is that you aren’t dependent on a person, you’re still dependent on the carrot on your dinner plate.
So why does dependence scare us so badly? Because we don’t trust that we create our own reality. We doubt our ability to create. Perhaps we even think we are not worthy of what we want to manifest. It has nothing to do with hating that we depend on other things. It’s about hating that we feel as if we are powerless to other things creating our reality. Depending on something would not be a problem at all if we trusted that we could create what we are dependent on; that is wasn’t out of our hands what experience we had and therefore out of our hands how we felt. We doubt our ability to create so much that we use spiritual truths to try to convince ourselves to not need what we need and not want what we want. We think it is less painful to convince ourselves to not need and want what we need and want than it is to believe that we cannot have what we need and want. Needs and wants are not bad. You all have them. The only reason a need or a want would ever feel bad, is if you believed it could not or would not be met and achieved. Our problem is not that we have needs. It is not that we need other people. It is that by needing them, while feeling powerless to create our own reality, we think they create our reality. We give our power away. We believe we are powerless to what they do or don’t do. We become a victim to our own creation.
You are not powerless to what you are dependent on as long as you create that which you are dependent on. But we doubt that we can do that. We are constantly told by advocates of independent self-sufficiency that it is not appropriate to try to fulfill ourselves through other people. It’s not ok to try to use people to fill the void within ourselves. That every need should be filled in and of the self. But this is to see other people as separate from you. They ARE you. If you use them to fill the void within you, you are using you to fill the void within you. We are looking to fill an empty void inside of us, of need. But the answer is not to stop needing or wanting. It is to realize that we have the power to create what we need or want. Even if what we need or want to fill that void with, is another person.
Let’s pretend that you needed your loved one in order to feel whole and comforted. One could argue that you are powerless because they could die and you’d be left at the mercy of that experience (which is torture) so the only lasting peace, is to find wholeness and comfort in and of yourself alone. But, to believe this, we would have to assume that we are in fact at the mercy of their presence, and could not manifest someone else to feel whole and comforted by. It is our dis-belief in our ability to create in our own reality that is actually hurting us in this scenario, not the fact that we are dependent in general on something other than us.
In a world that is one, you can only ever be dependent on that which is you. And in a world that is one, you are dependent on everyone else and they are dependent on you. This does not mean that you are powerless. We mistake dependence for powerlessness, most especially the powerlessness to create. But they are not the same thing. You cannot become independent. To do so, would be to separate yourself from the rest of the universe. Not only is this not wanted; it is also not possible because you are the universe incarnated in the illusion of a separate physical body.
Let’s say I am dependent on a significant other to feel safe. Traditional spiritual teachings say that this is inappropriate. That I am now powerless to my mate and to what my mate does and does not do. But in a universe that is the reflection of thought, I have created my mate (caused the universe to bring him to me by virtue of law of attraction). So all I am dependent on is my own creation. All I can feel powerless to is my own creation. And each creation of mine, causes me to learn more about me and hone/improve my creations. My creations are therefore constantly evolving. And therefore, my sense of safety is constantly evolving. If I don’t like my creation, I can always improve it and change it.
If you depend on your creation (which ultimately everything is), then you trust your creation. Your creation is nothing more than an extension of you. So, to depend is ultimately to trust yourself. This is why Source (God) trusts us completely. Because we are the extension of Source, the creation of source, and it trusts itself completely. Independent people trust themselves only slightly more than powerless people do. But neither, actually trusts themselves.
Depend is not a bad word. Yet again, it is a beautiful concept that has been confused for a different concept that is “ugly”. To depend is to become one. The world is so much more gentle and supportive than we realize. So much more gentle and loving and interwoven than we will let ourselves understand; because we still feel so powerless to the world at large, that we are trying to be a universe in and of ourselves. The ego has used spiritual teachings that are designed to empower your ability to create your reality, as a tool of separation. The only people who resonate with teachings of personal empowerment that inspire independent, self sufficient reality creation, are those who have felt powerless to others people that could not meet their needs. They had no choice but to turn to themselves. But that is an intermediary step, a step towards empowerment. It is not all the way there. The next step is to recognize your complete dependence on you. And you, includes all the other beings in existence, because they are all you. This is an interdependent universe because the most absolute truth of this universe is the truth of oneness.
To want to only be dependent on yourself (as a single unit) and to only want to meet your own needs is to want to dis-include all other parts of you in this universe, because you’ve bought into the illusion that they are “other” than you. It is much more in alignment to include everything that could be seen as “other”, as part of you, and therefore inter-be with it by allowing your dependence on it.
As an extension of source, you are endowed with the power to create. But the only independent power you possess is the power to create that which you are dependent on. The time has come for empowered interdependence, instead of powerless dependence.
If we want someone to rescue us from ourselves, the problem is not our dependence on other people; it is our hatred of ourselves. If we want someone to rescue us from our unhappiness, the problem is not our dependence on other people; it is our distrust that we can create happiness for ourselves by attracting people who will value us enough to add to our happiness. If we suffer from the perpetual search for a rescuer, we do not need to learn the importance of independence as much as we need to learn to love and trust ourselves completely.