Sex that is nourished by love is an alchemical phenomenon. This is why it creates life. Over the past two weeks, I have heard the saying again and again “be like water”. It has followed me around. It has caused me to think about water itself as an element. Water, is the combination of hydrogen and oxygen. As the two kiss, a third element is made, an element, which sustains all life. The thirst of all beings on this earth is satiated by it and sustained by it. Their life depends on it. But that got me to thinking that love, is like water. Like oxygen and hydrogen, the unification of two hearts, makes a third element… Love. Love, like water sustains all life. The thirst of all beings on this earth is satiated by it and sustained by it. And like water, their life depends on it.
I had a full day of one on one therapy sessions with my clients yesterday. And the overwhelming theme of the day was sex. Client after client came to me with a slightly different version of the same story. That story is that somewhere over the course of their lives, the idea of sex had been corrupted by their parents or by society at large into something that is laced in shame, misunderstanding and confusion. Now, in their relationships, they suffer. The gift of the pure, unobstructed alignment that sex is, though offered, is not recognized as a result of all of the damaging thoughts that they hold about sex. It is painful to me that people have corrupted and tried to control perhaps the purest expression of unity we experience in our physical lives. But it makes sense doesn’t it? If those who seek to control others and make them powerless ultimately live by the creed “divide and conquer, because together they are strong”, it would make perfect sense to disrupt an act of pure unity. It makes sense to make it into an offense, unless it is being used to propagate life (create more people to ultimately control and use to your own devices).
Religion is (as usual) at the front and center of this corruption. Religion was designed not as an expression of God’s voice, but as an expression of man’s voice. It is nothing more than spiritual truth laced with justification upon justification for one person’s or many people’s self centered desires to dictate how other people should and shouldn’t behave. They reflect societal beliefs that were in practice thousands upon thousands of years ago, in a day and age where it was common practice to stone people to death. I will use the bible for an example, which is only one of many outdated religious texts. If we were to adhere to the bible exactly, we could not play football without committing a sin before god (Tim Tebow gasps in shock). Traditional footballs are made of pigskin. Leviticus 11:8, when discussing pigs states “You shall not eat of their flesh or touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you”. You could not wear polyester or any other fabric that is a blend of two materials. Leviticus 19:19 reads: “You are to keep my statutes. You shall not breed together two kinds of cattle; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together.” You could not get a divorce. Mark 10:11-12 states “And he has said to them, ‘whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman, commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery’.” Add to that Deuteronomy 22:22 “if a man is found lying with the wife of another man, both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman, and the woman. So you shall purge the evil from Israel.” I find it an absolute travesty that we choose to keep so many of the archaic and damaging beliefs alive that are offered by the very same ancient texts that so obviously state rules that are ludicrous to us based on our modern understanding. We have kept so many of the beliefs about sex alive that were offered by the same people who think that it’s good and fair justice to stone their wives to death. Think about that for a minute.
We are threatened by our sexual feelings and by our sexual natures and so, we shame our children when they are coming into their age of sexual curiosity. It is as simple as saying “no-no” when they are exploring their sexual organs at age 3. We set them up to believe that there is something unnatural about part of their body, something frightening and unacceptable about their sexuality. We build them a solid foundation of sexual dysfunction before they have ever had feelings towards another boy or girl. And then we wonder why sex has become such a source of pain in the world. We wonder why rape and sexual abuse is rampant. We wonder why porn addiction is everywhere and we wonder why we can’t orgasm with our partners. Is it really a wonder?
For years, I have been shamed for my sexual energy. This is a problem, because it is part of who I am. I leak it out of my every pore. Over the course of my life, I have been told that it is evidence of my impurity and evil and that it is my fault that men have hurt me in the past because my sexual energy “eggs them on and invites them to attack me”. I could not switch it off because it is part of my essence. I turned against myself. I hated the way I looked. I hated the way I moved. I hated myself for what I was. Because I could not change it, I just figured those were just the cards I had been dealt. I was designed to suffer at the hands of men and to be hated by women. I could not cover my sexuality up, I could not tone myself down and so I allowed myself to slip to the dark side. I became a lingerie/nude model and figured, “fine, if this is what I am, then this is what I am… Let them use me and let them hate me”. But over the course of my healing process since then, I have learned some things that I want to share with you today.
Sexuality is at the core of everyone’s essence. The only thing that sets us apart is that some people suppress it and some people express it. It is at the core of everyone’s essence because oneness is at the core of everyone’s essence. Inherently, we all possess the same desire to find unity, not only in and of ourselves, but also in and of each other. Sexuality is not evidence of our evil. It is evidence of our inherent goodness. It is evidence of the purity of our desire for harmony and for love. And to tell a woman that her sexual energy “invites and instigates rape”, there is nothing more to say except… Are you fucking kidding me?
We cannot condemn sexuality without condemning ourselves at our deepest, most intangible levels. We cannot condemn sex without waging war with ourselves and with each other. We cannot condemn sex and ever hope for sex to become a healthy, healing part of our society. If we condemn sex, we are condemning our most sacred spiritual act to the dark and often sadistic world that exists behind the curtain of the “18 and older” signs we post on the wall. All we will know is the temporary adrenaline high of mutual masturbation. Our souls will forget how to touch one another through the unification of our bodies.
Every person on earth deserves to know the rapture of sex that is fueled by love. Every person on earth deserves for love to open him or her to a world where no boundaries exist; to the act of sex in it’s most exalted form. It is possible to find enlightenment through sex, because the very nature of sex dissolves the ego. The ego cannot exist in it’s light. You cannot tell the difference between yourself and your lover. Death means nothing to the man or woman who lives in a state of love and love’s various natural expressions.
Love is the universal language. All beings in existence understand it. And sex, is the body’s response to that understanding. We are compelled to combine ourselves with one another. We are compelled to touch eternity through one another through sex. And what a sweet taste it is, when in every inch of your lover’s body and in every glance that passes between you, genesis is spun. How sweet it is to allow yourself to open up to the degree that you can feel the earth rotate beneath you, when the whole of existence has stopped and the present moment is the only moment. Their skin in a pervasive slide over yours, learning the notes to a melody of flesh, hunting the nectar that is lying beneath the surface of your ability to control; your bodies arcing into one another, desiring to conceive of the feeling of union, writhing to the pulse of two unified heartbeats. You are not even two people anymore. You are one.