At the base of the canyon, held in the embrace of the cliffs, the Abbey exhales steam into the sky. Just as it has done for hundreds of years. Surrounded by forts, Luxembourg is a city of cliffs. A lazy river snakes through the old buildings that can’t quite decide for themselves if they are French, German or Dutch, or a mix of all three. I have come here to meet with my old friend, who is a new friend in this life, Emmanuel Imana. Like myself, Emmanuel built his life on a bedrock of uncertainty and suffering. He is a survivor of the Genocide of Rwanda. I cannot tell you how good it feels to be near someone who, like me, has seen the worst of Humanity. The kind of humanity where humanity is lost. When you have seen this kind of darkness, you end up feeling alone because truly, no one gets it until they do see it for themselves. No one gets the scars it causes and the aftermath. No positive focus could ever come close to touching it, much less healing it. I spent my life in this darkness. Having a friend who also knows this kind of darkness is like having a hand to hold in that darkness.
And so here I am. Luxembourg is Emmanuel’s abode, his place of peace. He has been sharing it with me. Luxembourg is a strange city. Like London, the new modern empire has been built as a backdrop to the city that it once was. Preserved, as it has always been. The old Luxembourg is where the magic is. It hides you. After walking through this city, I am convinced that people must have actually used this city and these surrounding woods as a hiding place.
Emotional Substitution is the dominant negative vibration of Luxembourg. If the people of Luxembourg had a saying it would be, “I don’t need friends, I have money.” This is an example of substitution. But the people of Luxembourg have many substitutes for their emotional needs. Substitutes like collecting things, work, watching plays or movies that express the emotions they don’t express and deviant sexual fetishes for example. The result is a deep emotional gap between people. It feels like the people of Luxembourg are desperate to keep space between themselves and 'other' people. They are suspicious of one another and of outsiders. I do not know how people could possibly make friends here.
I went into a New Age shop and even the woman who ran that kind of a ‘peace, love and light’ shop was drowning in emotional chill. She spent great effort explaining to me that once you get your energy on something like a spiritual tool or an elixir, you can’t let anyone else touch it. As if “other people” will poison whatever you identify with. It is sad to me. There is a vacuum where closeness should be here. In this way, Luxembourg has taken the worst of the social habits of all 3 of its influencing cultures. For this reason, I am glad that there are a few people here that are determined to bring connection to this place.
The dominant positive vibration of Luxembourg is: A Safe. By a safe I mean a literal safe. Instead of the dominant positive vibration being described in relationship to a concept it is instead describable in relationship to a thing. That thing is ‘a safe’, like the safe you would use to lock up treasured items, hide them away from those who would take them from you and protect them by keeping them in. This vibration is the exact vibration Luxembourg itself holds. It is like a geographical safe. It is like a protective vault for valued things. I am sure this is what made it a match to the financial empire that now calls it home. But the city was built with enormous forts surrounding it and cliffs hold it in. And the wealthy have been using it as such since its inception. It is so pleasant to feel like you are an item in a safe when you are here. Exposure is a foreign concept to Luxembourg.
There is plenty of space in Luxembourg to think. I have been thinking about this recent trip to Ireland. I have realized that the best thing I ever did for my relationship with my mother was to go to Ireland. My mother and I…trigger each other. We take everything each other says or does personally. Growing up, I couldn’t figure out why on earth she was the way that she was and eventually ended up telling myself that it was because we didn’t really love each other. Our differences seemed to be a total invalidation of each other’s being.
But being in Ireland made me completely understand my mother. Being there made me see the experiences and cultural adaptations to those experiences that set the perceptions and behaviors that she has been influenced by. Today, I had a situation arise with my mother that would normally have caused us to get defensive with each other. But this time, I was able to see my mother objectively enough that I started directly helping her to express her boundary and let go of guilt for having that boundary instead of fight about the surface circumstance causing the discomfort. I could see what was going on with her so clearly. Not only that, I saw what was going on with her and realized it is something that goes on within me as well.
I am thinking now that one of the most pivotal things that you can do to heal parent-wounds is to go to the place where they come from. To go back to your ancestral lands and observe the people and the culture objectively. I cannot believe how much impact the perceptions and experiences of one generations has on the next and the next and the next and the next. It is passed like a blessing or a curse through the bloodline like a virus. Going to these places allows you to see why they are the way they are. It helps you to see that much of the way they are is not because they are inherently bad or because of something wrong with you, but instead that they are at the mercy of their own lineage programming. Ireland not only made me understand my mother enough that I no longer find her threatening; Ireland also showed me the similarities between us. And that is absolutely priceless.
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