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Look Deeper... Look Deeper


The space between skin and skin

is torment.

But here

The space between souls

makes the space between skin and skin

a comfort.

The truth is hidden

and yet its whisper reaches us

in the sweet luxury of a smile.

In the brief consumption of embrace.

It tells you to look deeper…

To look deeper.

Look beyond the space between us all and


that you are that smile.

You are that embrace.

You are the civilian

whose life was lost to hatred.

You are the man

who strapped a bomb

to your own body,

and in the name of hatred,

took those lives.

You are the earth

that held them both

and converted their bodies

into new life.

Your pain is a congress of tears

called the ocean.

Your joy is a collation of light

called the sun.

The whisper of truth

tells you to look deeper…

To look deeper.

Until the truth is revealed

that there is no space

between skin and skin.

That there is no space

between souls.

ground-zero-81886_640.jpgIt is a strange time to be alive.  It feels like every morning we wake up to discover what new terrible thing happened in the world while we were sleeping.  Like so many times these last years, I awoke this morning to the news of yet another terrorist attack, this time in Manchester England.  It was an attack that claimed 22 lives and wounded 59.  The attack has been claimed by the Islamic State... again.  Ironically, last night, I spent the whole night out of body in Kabul (a Muslim city). 

Every time these attacks occur, people seek solace with teachers and leaders, like myself, to deal with what has happened.  They post messages on my social media walls.  They write me e-mails and letters.  And I wish I had something comforting to say.  The truth is that it is difficult to know what to say.  It is difficult to speak truth relative to these events, rather than to simply provide Novocain for the masses.  I want to take the pain away.  But awareness is our only hope of thwarting these attacks in the future and awareness is not often comfortable.

first-3570299_640.jpgI believe that the human race is capable of doing what it will take to end the battle between us all.  But the fact that someone is capable of something does not immediately guarantee that they will do that thing.  This is just the beginning of this trend of terrorist attacks.  This is the new climate of the world. 

We may know that oneness is the ultimate truth of our universe, but it is nearly impossible to be on the receiving end of such an attack and see the attacker as yourself.  It is instinctual if you have lost loved ones or if you have lost the safety of your streets to such a person or people to push them away from yourself.  It is instinctual to want them to pay for what they did by losing their own life.  It is instinctual to hate them.  And I think it is cruelty to ask people who are suffering on the receiving end of such an attack to either forgive them or to love them.  Which is why, in this blog, I am not addressing the people who have directly been involved in the attack.  Instead, I am addressing everyone else.  I am addressing those of you who woke up to read about this event in the morning papers.           

woman-3797696_640.jpgIt is inevitable that under enough pressure, anything will break.  When we see a man strap explosives to his own body and use his own life to take the lives of others, we are looking at the kind of pressure that makes a person break.  I have tasted those emotional spaces myself.  Spaces where the pain is so intense, it doesn’t matter anymore. Your life doesn’t matter and other lives do not matter.  All that matters is relief.  Enough pain will make a man do anything.  And anyone who does not understand that has not been in enough pain to know this truth. 

We all have a collective problem that creates this kind of event.  This collective problem belongs to both the perpetrator and the victim of any crime.  The problem is on both sides of the gun.  I will speak about this later on, but it is a problem that requires a much more conscious approach than the majority of people are ready for.  For that reason, I’m going to begin on a much more ‘grounded’ level.  On a grounded level, the problem that needs healing is on the other side of the gun from where we are usually focusing. 

pregnant-745741_640.jpgNo baby is born suckling on mother’s milk and thinking about how wonderful it will be when they get the chance to kill a crowd full of people along with themselves in the name of a cause.  They reach adulthood with this thought because of the circumstances they encounter along the way.  And these circumstances are not circumstances of love and belonging.  They are circumstances of loneliness and ineffable pain. 

Hatred is merely a cover emotion for hurt.  Think about a time where you hated someone.  Think about a time when you hated something with every fiber of your being.  Can you see that below that hatred the truth is that they hurt you in some way? This is the vulnerability that hatred is protecting. 

us-1767688_640.jpgLike all religious doctrine and even more so cultural doctrine, there are beautiful aspects of the various Islamic faiths and there are aspects of the Islamic faiths that are downright dangerous to the human mind and human heart.  Inherent in so much of the culture of religious communities is “us vs. them” thinking.  This is the danger of any religion thinking that they have the ‘one and only truth’ and that all other people are wrong and lesser.  This kind of thinking leads to an indoctrination of distrust and fear and superiority within the minds of children being raised in these communities.  But this is not enough to create the kind of hatred that pushes a person to commit desperate acts of hatred.  For that, deep and personal pain must be experienced relative to a situation where there is “us vs. them”.

Last month, the United States dropped the largest nonnuclear bomb in Afghanistan.  That same month, Syrian planes enacted a chemical attack on Khan Shaikhoun.  I will never forget one of the headlines I read: 13 year old lost 19 family members in Syria Chemical attack.  As usual, governments and radical groups wage war with each other and civilians are the ones who pay the price for it.  Perhaps this boy will grow into a man who teaches about love instead of war.  But I can’t help but see the shadow potential inherent in his story.  

war-2545307_640.jpgPutting myself in this boy’s shoes... I have no family left.  I have nowhere to belong.  I have been hurt so badly that grieving is almost impossible.  I cannot swallow even half of it.  The powerlessness to the pain exacted upon me naturally converts itself into hatred.  Perhaps when I meet other people who share that same hatred, I have a place to belong.  Perhaps when they tell me of a plot to destroy the very people who killed my family and took everything from me, I feel less powerless to my own pain.  I feel a sense of purpose.  The truth is, I have nothing to lose by destroying them.  My pain now has a direction.  And with that much pain, my dedication is strong enough that I don’t care what sacrifices I have to make for it.  Even if that sacrifice is my own life.  I feel the promise of relief.  I would pay any price for that relief, even if it only comes with my own death. 

I cannot tell you how many people who have grown up in the Middle East over the last few generations have stories like these to tell.  I cannot tell you how many people, who have been born to parents who grew up with these kinds of painful stories to tell, carry on that legacy of family pain.  This is the danger of any war or conflict.  The mark is left on so many generations after the first that experiences it.  We cause hurt to each other that breeds hatred.  And then we wonder why these kinds of attacks occur.               

Any “simplistic” answer given to these world conflicts are ignorant.  For example, it is simplistic to say that we should merely stop invading other countries.  It is simplistic to say that we should merely kill all extremists. We need to stop long enough to comprehend the pain on all sides of the equation to see the problem that really needs addressing… The problem that is under the surface of our conflict.  And we will never be able to see the root problem (which is pain) if we continue with this ‘good guy and bad guy’ thinking.  It is easier to not think of terrorists as people.  It helps us to sleep at night when we see nothing of ourselves in them.  It is easier to sleep at night when we put them behind bars, just like we did with the aspects of ourselves that are anything like them. 

jump-1653000_640.jpgThe collective problem that creates this kind of event is fragmentation.  Our wholeness is short lived when we are born because we are born relationally dependent.   Being born relationally dependent into families that socialize us into a society that is not fully evolved yet, spells trouble.  Basically we learn that some aspects of ourselves are acceptable, and others are not.  What is acceptable vs. unacceptable depends on the perspective of the family you’re born into.  The aspects of us that are seen as unacceptable (both positive and negative) are rejected by our family (pushed away) and the aspects that are seen as acceptable are not (included).  Essentially, we are only shown love in response to things that people around us want to include as part of themselves and their lives. 

 Being relationally dependent and in the name of survival, we try to gain control over our environment and preserve ourselves by doing anything we can to disown and deny and suppress those aspects in ourselves that are disapproved of whilst exaggerating those that are approved of.  We dissociate from what we disapprove of.  This creates a split within the person that we call the conscious and the subconscious.  This is the birth of the “personality”.  It is ironic because this self-preservation instinct is in fact our first act of self-rejection (fragmentation). 

We develop a “this is me” and “this isn’t me” attitude.  Our “Us vs. Them” thinking about the world outside of us is nothing but a reflection of this internal fragmentation.  It is why the world is fragmented.  It is why we can read the headlines in the newspaper and feel immediate hatred towards “those Muslims”.  It is why we can enslave or segregate “those blacks”.

dandelion-729693_640.jpgThrough our life experience as well as socialization, the thing that we learn is the most unacceptable thing within us, is vulnerability.  The truth is that your personality is a coping mechanism designed to hide and mitigate your vulnerability.  We cope with the threat to our vulnerability in the world by seeing our own vulnerability as “other” than us.  It is buried, rejected, disowned, denied and masked.  

What is the solution?  We have to stop disowning and instead re-own aspects of us.  Especially our vulnerability.  We have to reverse the process of fragmentation within us.  We have to see “other” within ourselves and take care of the hurt within us that is behind that fragmentation so it does not turn into fear and into hatred. 

The first step we have to take individually, which will reverberate out into society is to step squarely into awareness, which is in between these two polarities and hold them both.  Neither is bad and neither is wrong and neither can be cut off from us because both are a part of us.  We need to see the good intentions in the protector and ensure it that we are capable of taking care of the aspect that it is hiding, which is vulnerable.  Then we need to acknowledge and take loving care of that pain and hurt belonging to the vulnerable self and begin to meet its needs. 

question-2950967_640.jpgThe need of the vulnerable self is not to have the threat be killed or brought to human justice.  The need of the vulnerable self is to be kept safe and to be loved.  It is only when we become aware of the vulnerable self that we can become aware of its actual needs and begin to meet them. 

If we do not start to become aware of this split within us between the vulnerable self and the self that is protecting that vulnerable self against the world, the world will merely continue to mirror it externally.  We will only feel the stirrings of that vulnerable self when we see the death toll of the victims of attacks like we saw this morning.  Instead of becoming conscious enough to mend the split within us, we will protect those victims by turning against the perpetrators of these attacks.  We will lock them behind bars.  We will eradicate them in the name of keeping ourselves safe.  We will simply play into the current unconscious and instinctual strategy of our own protector self, which is to eradicate harm by treating it as “other”. 

pentagon-60569_640.jpgIt is a kind of fate that until we mend this split within ourselves and begin addressing each other’s vulnerabilities, the world will be nothing more than our protector selves waging war to keep our vulnerable selves safe.  And in doing so, we will be making the opposition feel the exact same terror that our own vulnerable selves feel.  The grenades will go back and forth, back and forth… endlessly. 

It is a kind of fate that by doing that, our vulnerable selves will be more deeply buried and more in danger than they ever were before.  And that is why I see that these attacks are not going to cease.  Instead, they will continue to increase, like they have been.  Until the day that the reflection in the mirror grows large enough that we either have the courage to see it, or cannot avoid seeing it any longer.  You are the civilian whose life was lost to hatred. You are the man who strapped a bomb to your own body and in the name of hatred, took those lives.


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If your neighborhood no longer feels awesome good, and there is too much smoke in your near-healthy food, you may go for a different fair-way walking , or choose some space-philosophy talking with a friend of Stephen Hawking ...

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I wish every single individual in the world would read this blog.

I wish I already had found my way of teaching this, to as much people as possible. I wish I already had found out how I can and will use "the force"  

I am  still the silent witness, the student... I am listening to you with every cel in my body. You are mirroring my future, our future as mankind.

Thank you, dear sister for keeping up and holding on,  thank you for staying there, despite all your personal suffering.

Thank you for showing me part of me. Us part of us: Our light, our wisdom, our courage.

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Awesome!  Well said!  You would make a great leader of the world! I'm thankful I have found your website, you helped my eyes to open, not only from this blog, but your awesome Youtube videos!  Ever since I started looking at myself, my reactions and healing, life is getting easier and easier!

Thank you, 



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Yeah, this blog really reminds me of my own experience. I used to be a mormon for 30 years. I was taught that our church was the only true church. At the moment I didn't realize it, but this idea gave me a feeling of superiority. Everyone else was wrong and I was right. After we left the church we expereinced the disapproval of mormons who saw us unfaithful. We learned what it felt like to be treated  by others as inferior. We were on the other side of the coin.  When I realized I have made others feel this way, I felt  awful. 

We left the church after we were bullied in the street by a church leader. It's true mormons teach charity but many times in the practice they do the opposite. We were rejected by our leaders for complaining about things that were not right. People we thought were our friends stopped talking to us. It was obvious the leadership warned everyone about us. And I hated mormon church leaders. I also fantasized about temples and chapels  blowing up. But not only that, I imagined these leaders being hit by lightning or getting hit  by  a train. And it felt  good. Sometimes I felt I was evil for thinking  this way. I felt guilty. But I learned to accept my dark side without condemning  myself. when the time  was right, I was ready to move on  and  start healing.

If I ever lived in the Middle East  and people killed my family, I'm  sure I would have become a terrorist and killed everyone, just like Rambo  in one of those movies everyone likes; because it's ok for  Rambo to kill everyone and it's ok to to watch this  and enjoy it, right? Because Rambo is the good guy. see the irony? The hypocrisy of the society we live  in? Someday we will be faced with  the  ugly truth that sometimes we do things that make people hate us. (Like when I acted superior, for example). 

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Wow Teal. Thank you for sharing this. Your vulnerabilities and your protector self alike. Everything makes sense to me about you now. Are you a Gemini??? I love both sides of you, and I feel like you're the only person I want to be friends with in this life and talk to! You are amazing.

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Life has a funny way of coming back to us to teach us. Think of "the Way the West was Won" - your supposedly American heritage and what lust for the native Indian lands has done to American society.

We in New Zealand are no different - the expansionist settler policies of Great Britain led to the "Us" and "Them" between Pakeha and Maori. The same has happened in Australia with the Aborigine. In fact any indigenous race has felt the effects of "Us" and "Them". The breaking up of traditional lands in the middle east by the Second World War winners France, Russia and Britain has caused this Jihad. What were once traditional roaming routes for different seasons of all the migratory tribes got cut off by the Border lines delineating new countries of Iran, Syria and Iraq - creating opposing tribes stuck behind imaginary lines called "countries". And we wonder why they turn on us.

The Train is coming Middle America, the train is coming.

The mirror is there for a reason, folks. There is so much to learn for Humanity to overcome all this I wonder how many will be left to see it.
Thankyou again Teal for your words, your insight, your depth of feeling and your love for us all.

In Hope
crystal Rob

Edited by Crystal Rob
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Your words Teal are so pure and so honest with clarity of vision it's like looking through my eyes and feeling your experience as my own.

Your teaching is based on knowing to be able to say "become aware of the vulnerable self that we can become aware of these needs and begin to meet them."

The instinctive self is natural and to see nature as our raw emotions before the experience and being told in this life. That's the depth of real deep.

In my summary when you see a tiger you know if you offer your hand to it your hand is no longer yours. However you can't always see the tiger coming when you're surrounded by the trees.

Accept all that want to hate so they can focus, talk and act on how things are getting worse creating desires for human destruction. Whilst the rest of us continue to be light over dark expanding focusing on everything good.

That's how you have survived during your darkest desperate times in this life. You could still see LOVE even then and that was and still is your power and your strength.

You are giving us all so much it's like being washed clean and wrapped in  the softest cotton wool with goodness coming from every word you speak feeding our souls of knowing you are right.

In return you only ask of being loved, apprecated and respected. That's not a lot to ask when you give back so much to this life. I can only speak for myself when I say I appreciate, respect and love everything you say and do always and for you know that. Love Mark x




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Thank you teal, extremely wise words, as usual! Going to continue to do my best to be the best example of truth for my own well being and to help unify. Sat nam! Much respect you to you, thank you for your courage, and service to humanity!

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Here is that line from the Matrix where Neo stands in front of the Architect, where they discuss the unbalanced algorithm of the program. "The problem is choice".


But Earth is the planet of free choice, so it was designed by the Divine Creator, All That Is. And as long as free choice is suppressed, there will be resistance. All governments suppress, and on multiple levels resistance will increase over the coming years. And the Universe will kindly manifest a mirror for the human consciousness so that it can understand. Until mankind understands that freedom to believe whatever one wants to believe is our birthright. This is what the Age of Aquarius is about and will move us as a collective out of the child-mind stage into the next one. That'll be the redefinition of 'God'. Oh boy.

love & gratitude

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Practicing is so hard.

I'm still ashamed of crying in front of people, and I know better than to be ashamed, but whew that stuff still sticks.

I do cry often, like everyday.

Sometimes it just is embarrassing because it's just something small but precious that I see or hear and I can't contain how touched I am.

Yeah, I'm lonely. But that doesn't cover it.

How does any of this relate to what you wrote? I'm bothered that I'm not practicing everything you teach at once. And I know better than to try perfection too-the nothing/perfection game.

But again, this stuff still sticks.

I've been thinking a lot about the 'hurt me' vs the 'angry me', so in a way, I'm doing it.

But I'm not *practicing* anything.

All of your videos, your books, your blog. I'm endlessly hungry for every insight, and suggested practice, but I feel the sting of imagined exasperation in you, if we were to be face to face: "Stop studying, and start practicing, Olivia". 

I'm just going through the same questioning over and over.

Maybe that's something. But I'm "onto" me.

I know she is a slacker-well, that's some childhood trauma, but whatever.

I love you for your repeated wisdom and love.

I want to be better.

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On 29 May 2017 at 10:32 AM, Olivia Bell said:

Practicing is so hard.

I'm still ashamed of crying in front of people, and I know better than to be ashamed, but whew that stuff still sticks.

I do cry often, like everyday.

Yeah, I'm lonely. But that doesn't cover it.

But again, this stuff still sticks.

I've been thinking a lot about the 'hurt me' vs the 'angry me',

"Stop studying, and start practicing, Olivia". 

I'm just going through the same questioning over and over.

I know she is a slacker-well, that's some childhood trauma, but whatever.

I want to be better.

Apologies @Olivia Bell for paraphrase quoting your quote. Know this, you are doing. And by doing you are changing. Every thought you put to your practise of changing (note the change of meaning of practice to 'practise') which means in your case a method and form of refining what you are doing. Before you were half-hearted and you are now refining what you do by what has been with hopefully insight into what can be. The difference from before is your new-found focus. (that what we lend energy to, will manifest and show up in our reality)... you are creating a goal in front of you and inspiration for a better way.

So to recap - Olivia, you needed to cry and probably still do. That's your emotional compass telling you what's needed for you, here, now. When you find situations where you are numbed or unconcerned - THAT'S WHEN you should be very, very scared. Most people with more wisdom that you or I can be unconcerned and treat it as they have become 'enlightened' to the point of it not mattering anymore. Ask yourself when someone puts that out there - and think of how teal, in all her wisdom and contact with higher realms and dimensions, can still be overwhelmed by world events where anyone gets hurt. So these enlightened ones - are they so enlightened or just pushing it out of their experience?

And as for your questioning Olivia, Teal once presented (book or event) a small winding, increasing circle. Then put a horizontal line through it from the central point out to the right past the circle. Then said something like: "The central point is an experience we have had - and ever since then we have grown and expanded and learnt; which is the expanding circle of our life experience. The horizontal line is the same even cropping up from time to time through our life. When it comes we go "Oh I am facing the same situation I thought I had fixed before. That hurt has come back." Teal then explains, we can experience what we think is the same but in fact we have learnt since then and face what we may think is the same hurt but handle it a different way the next time. And the next time. And the next time. Until it no longer affects us when it next crops up.
The reason we think we have the same hurt is just old patterns. To break the pattern teal has The Completion Process. I suggest if you haven't found out about it, do so. Even do it. There should be someone local near you or a trusted friend - maybe best place to start. 

So the whole point here Olivia is, I believe you have started your journey - confront your fears and single them out for what they are - just events that are there to help you re-intergrate fractured parts of yourself. The crying can be cathartic rather than from hurt - can transform into Insight and new ways to transform yourself.

One secret you will discover along the way is to believe in yourself and the most truest friend is yourself and all that you will ever need - rather than relying on others for your Bliss and happiness; that you can give it to yourself.

Bon Voyage Olivia! I wish you well on this journey you have started.    
With love crystal Rob 

life outwards experience.jpeg

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 Beautiful Teal,

  Thank you. This is a gorgeous essay.  Simply perfect....  I agree with another commenter ; I wish everyone on Earth could read this .... and agree..... and mend the split. That would be everything.  Lately, what has been most prominent in my thoughts are accessing the feeling of being everything I percieve.  Being an animist helps.  Also  something I keep uppermost in my thoughts is the fact that fully-realized beings allow ALL. This is hard, because this means that if you see an animal run out in front of a car, you don't save her, because everything that happens is happening because it should be happening, (Byron Katie) and "everything is perfect as it is".  These are cosmic truths,  yet they butt heads with my compassion sometimes.... and so it goes....

I have come to see the cockroaches in my apartment as great teachers  because they help me come to accept and then love that which I have been programmed to hate. It is going well. When one is ready to make his transition ( I have noticed that they come out into the open at these times - maybe it's to give us the opportunity to expand far enough to include them i.e. love them)  I often will sing to her, and  I imagine  soothing comforting pink and gold light surrounding her. If it is an "elder" ( larger one)  I will take her outside to make her transition on  a soft bed of grass in nature.... I love doing this and it certainly opens my heart. Can you imagine crushing someone under your foot at this very delicate time!?  Yet most people do this.   My personal  belief is that all  anima - ls  ("anima" means "soul" in Latin)  are off-planet races who have volunteered to come to Earth to guide, teach and carry specific vibrations for us until we are ready to assimilate them.  Loving cats and dogs is easy but real expansion comes when you can love those you hate, because, in so doing, you're loving your own shadow elements externalized in them.

  I remember hearing about a woman who sounds like a fully-realized being to me:  Her son had been killed by a gang of boys ( I think it was a racial attack; boy was black; gang was white) and in the courtroom when they were both present and she was asked what she would like done to him, she said she would like him to come live with her and raise him as her own.   I cannot think of this without crying it is so beautiful....in fact, this shows us the POWER OF LOVE -  upon hearing this, the boy collapsed , fainted away.... As you say, love transforms any vibration unlike itself.  It is true, even though sometimes it seems hard to believe, that LOVE really is the greatest and only power there is......

I love you  Teal


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