“Her own wisdom and that of all about her, is insufficient and so she keeps seeking and through that seeking will lead” - Abraham Lincoln’s Stone Statue –
Yesterday, I wrote a blog called “Three Handprints” in which I exposed one of my repetitive dreams to the public. I explained that I had not yet done my favorite process for decoding dreams on that particular dream because my inner child didn’t want to be alone with the dream anymore. My inner child needed witnesses to it. It needed to be seen and heard and felt so no one was oblivious anymore. Exposing this dream (and an aspect of my own subconscious with it) accomplished exactly what I was hoping for.
In yesterday’s blog, I explained that all aspects of the dream are the dreamer. And I said that I would use a process that recognizes this truth about dreams, to decode and interpret this dream and then reveal the results in a follow up blog. Today’s blog is that follow up blog. I will tell you that many of the results surprised the hell out of me. I am now feeling empowered about the dream instead of haunted by it. Now, given the perspective I gained through this process, the dream has taken on entirely different meaning. If you are interested, I invite you to read these various perspectives and then flip back to yesterday’s blog and re-read the whole dream through again. But this time with a new understanding of the true meaning behind the dream. Perhaps it will serve as a brazen example of how to decipher your own most troubling dreams.
Isuzu Trooper – I am reliable. I want to keep the family together. I want to keep everyone in my bubble. I represent belonging. Wherever we go, we all go together. I never want to be too old to be used so I keep going and going and going. I will take the family wherever they want to go, whether it is a good idea or not because all I care about is being reliable. I will show them what family can be.
White Hand Prints – I am like a promise that can’t be kept. I cannot stay here because the elements will wear me down until I disappear. I feel disappointment because I was made in a moment that was good. But good never lasts. I represent something that was wanted but that never came to be. My purity has become dirty as time goes on. I am now just an old memory of something hoped for that wasn’t meant to be. Like a photograph of someone who was supposed to be part of someone’s future, but instead has died.
Old Grey Game Boy – If I can keep his attention (brother), I will save him from having to see what is going on around him. If I can keep him distracted, he will be happy. I feel frantic to keep his focus on me. If he looks up, his world will fall apart. I need to keep him distracted just long enough to get him out of this mess. I am like a lullaby. Allowing Teal to wake him up is dangerous. Keep looking at me little boy. Keep looking at me little boy… and it will all be ok.
Brother – This world confuses me. I don’t get it and I don’t want to feel how I feel because it’s not ok to feel bad. I’m the sunshine kid. I am the captain of the everybody club. Mom’s hopes are riding on me because my sister is so fucked up. I’m scared that whatever is hurting her and causing her to be so dark is going to come after me too. I don’t want to get close to her because she scares me. It’s just easier when they all leave me alone. I want to be alone and I just want to focus on something that I understand, like Mario.
Radio Show (A Prairie Home Companion) – I refuse to die. I represent all that was good about this country when life was simple and when people got their entertainment out of just being together. In my world, there is no war and there is no pain. In my world, the whole family is gathered around the table eating powder milk biscuits. I make people feel cozy in a harsh world. You can smell the bread baking in the oven. I am here to soothe this family and remind them of what really matters.
Red Motel – I am sitting here like a witness to a crime. I don’t want people to come here. I want to warn them, but I can’t speak. The people who live here are dualistic. Like wolves in sheep’s clothing. They act nice, but they eat other people. They are sadistic. Sometimes I wish I could be set on fire so the firefighters would come and see what is hidden beneath my floorboards. One day, someone has got to find out. They just have to. It’s only a matter of time. I hate my paint. It looks like blood. And I hate looking like new. The truth is, the paint covers all manner of crimes.
Manicured Lawn – Everything’s fine, everything’s fine, everything’s fine, everything’s fine, everything’s fine (denial).
Dogs - These people don’t know what they are doing. They’re walking right into the trap. We’ve got to protect them. We’ve got to keep them away until the alpha figures it out. Now!
Shadowy Figure – I am another aspect of Teal’s consciousness. I feel so much horror in this place that I have escaped to the trees to try to hide. I don’t want them (The Luciferian Order of The Brotherhood of the Beast) to see me because if they see me, they will put me in the basement again. I don’t want them to hear the dogs, if they hear the dogs, they will kill them. I have to lead them on a chase away from here. I want my body over there to RUN!!!
Raven Corpse – I am a warning. She needs to see me and run. She needs to see that it’s not fine. Nothing is fine. She needs to see the sign and run. There is only death in this place. They are trying to trick and lull the family into a waking sleep so they can suck Teal’s blood without anyone ever knowing. Notice me and run!
Parents – We’ve got such a great idea about how everything should go this weekend. This is what we always wanted. We are showing our kids the beauty of the nature that we love and have spent our whole life protecting. We don’t care what is really going on here, because we can make it however we want to make it. We trust people. We know that the kids will love this trip. Teal needs some fresh air. We don’t understand why she’s so unhappy. We do everything we can to make her happy. We give our kids everything and get so little gratitude back. She has no reason to feel this bad, she has more than most kids. Maybe if we keep trying to show her the things that make us happy, she’ll come around one day. This is just a phase. If we give in and see Teal where she is, we will have to see parts of this world that we can’t handle seeing. If we see Teal, she will drag us down to where she is and it’s too scary. We need to bring her up to where we are and the world we want to see.
The Endless Road – I am lonely. I am tired of being alone. I am alone all the way from my start to my finish. I want to trap people here so I can be less lonely. I love it when cars break down here. But people just piss on the side of me and change oil on me and spit on me and throw cigarettes on me and I am starting to feel like I will never be loved by anything. In the winter, animals like my heat and come to lie on me, but then they are killed by drivers. I hate those drivers. I want to kill them. Why wont anyone STAY with me? When it’s hot, I can see the mirage over the top of me. She is pretty. I have loved her all my life. But she is a seductress. I can look at her, but never touch and she never stays in one place. I am cursed to be here in this place. What did I ever do wrong to deserve this never-ending isolation?
The Heat Mirage - I love the road. I know the road wants me to stay, but why would I stay here with the road when I can leave this desolate place? I have to preserve myself. I am just to beautiful to be ruined here. To be honest, I am Teal’s beautiful face. Everyone wants me. But if I stay, no one will see what’s really underneath. When people see me, they forget the road because I’m too pretty. The road is Teal’s bones. Her loneliness is in the marrow of her bones. She is trying to run away from this loneliness. I don’t want to help her do this; I want to lead people to her so she can finally find someone to love her enough to STAY.
Gas Station - I fucking hate people. But I want them so badly. All they do is use me and use me and use me. But one day, I snapped. I decided to lead them to their death. I entice them here with candies and things than they need and they are too stupid to realize that they are here to stay. Killing them is the only way to get them to stay. They have to stop coming and going, coming and going, coming and going. This time, they are here to stay. I’m cutting the phone line so they can’t go anywhere. My spirit has managed to manifest in one of my corners. I can’t move yet, because I am a gas station but if people come close enough, I can make them forget the rest of their life and be whoever I want them to be and to STAY.
Figure (Hybrid) in the Corner of the Gas Station – I am terrified of myself. I feel stuck here. I don’t want to kill people to have to get them to stay with me. I feel out of control of myself. I feel like I have to do whatever the gas station wants me to do. I am its slave. I do it’s bidding. I see Teal. I don’t want to pull her into this darkness. She is too beautiful to erase. But the gas station is telling me that she belongs here. I don’t believe the gas station, but I have no free will. Go away Teal! I can’t yell at her, she doesn’t hear me… I feel really afraid that she doesn’t hear me. Go away Teal!!!
The Blood on the Floor – I am the glory. No one will silence me. No one will ignore me. I am loud and vital and I will not die. This place is marred by death but I will not go quiet into that good night. If Teal still has life left, I will flow and show her the way out of this place. I belong to everyone. I am the force that connects them all. This blood is the boy’s blood, this blood is Teal’s blood, this blood is the world’s blood and it will remind her that she is alive!
The Boy Corpse – I am the side of Teal that can be sacrificed so she lives. I am the tomboy that can be erased because I am not who Teal really is. I was a false identity. She is a girl. She has been thinking she needs to be a boy to survive this place and the people who never stay. This god-forsaken place makes everyone hard. She has to keep her softness. If she sees me dead, she will leave me behind and save her softness so in the future she can grow up to be the first woman who belongs to the world. When she sees me, I want her to see that she has to save herself and not lose herself to this identity and to this gas station that wants to keep her and keep people. She needs to run so she can be loved by the world and belong to the world.
The Desert – I am here to motivate Teal to change this world. If I became soft, she would stay here and never change the world. If she is lonely here and doesn’t have her needs met, she will keep going. She needs to keep going. There is a big master plan at play here. I represent a crucial step in this divine order.
Car Headlights – I can see Teal, I can see Teal. She is right ahead. I want the family to see her. If I could scream, I would! She’s right fucking there!!
Song - Somewhere Over The Rainbow - I am sick of myself. I am on repeat. I don’t understand why people wont just let me die. They sing along to me, they feel sentimental. I seem to remind them of good times they have had but I don’t know why. They haven’t had any good. And I AM NOT A HAPPY FUCKING SONG! I am a sad song. I am a song about hoping for something that wont ever come. Turn me off. Stop being in denial. I’m a sad song, not a happy song. If they are this far in denial, they will not see their daughter who is standing right there and who is in danger.
Disappeared Handprint – I am forgotten. I am lost. I am forsaken. I have been left behind to become a memory. I wonder if I ever really lived. No one can see me anymore. I am sorrow and grief. The thing is, it was all just a lie to begin with. I never belonged with them. They never wanted me anyway. And now that I’m gone, I don’t know if no one notices or if they know I am gone and are happier for it. It’s easier for them to sing their songs and to feel happy and to think that the world is a good place to be without me. I bring misery anywhere I go. I have vanished like magic, hoping that if I really do die I’ll finally be back where I belong. They don’t feel like anything is missing because they never bothered to know me enough to mix my world with theirs in the first place. They just spent their time trying to get me to live as a lie. So they deserve to lose me. But it hurts. It is a funeral before I’m even dead. I am lost to them forever.
Teal’s Exposed Shin Bones - I wont break. I am determined to get her where she wants to go. I want the heat of this road to burn through me and heat up the cold of the loneliness inside me. Her skin disintegrated because she had no protection. Then her feet gave up. They couldn’t understand why they were forsaken and why she was left behind and so they gave up. They fell apart. They stopped chasing because they have accepted that they are unwanted and so the future would never be good. But I care more about what Teal wants than about whether anyone wants Teal. Her ankles gave out because she couldn’t get any love. Teal’s deepest belief is that she will always be alone and forsaken because she doesn’t belong with anyone and no one wants her. She can’t support herself anymore. She can’t stay intact without love and belonging. I will not let her fail. I will get her to those things if I have to die trying.
The Remains Of My Legs On The Road – I have no will to go on. This is the reality. I represent reality. The reality is Teal has lost all hope of the future. The reality is that Teal has lost all hope for love. The reality is that Teal was not wanted. The reality is that Teal does not belong. The reality is that there are some things that you can’t sew back together… like faith and hope. Things she will never get back. Not even the brightest surgeon could put all this carnage back together again. It is a relief to stop trying. It is a relief to give up rather than to keep trying to be loved and trying to belong and trying to be enough to be wanted. It’s over now. Her heart told us so. This is the reality.
The Sky - I am merciful. I have left the world the leader it needs. I am merciful. I have granted life instead of death. I am holding her in my embrace. I can see the big picture. A picture Teal does not have yet. Sanctuary would cause her to stay here but she has to keep going. The future is important. She has to cut her losses and take all she does have into the future to lead them. I will replace the hope she has lost with new hope… A penny. A symbol of luck, hope and divine assistance.
Lucky Penny – I am shining! I am here! I will hold her up when she is broken and forsaken. I will remind her the universe will not forsake her. I am a token of hope. I will be her sanctuary. I will be just enough motivation to make her go on. I must remind her. I want her to cling to me. I love the feel of her fingers on my surface. I want her to hide inside my copper.
Stone Statue of Abraham Lincoln – I am the promise. I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me, seemed insufficient for the day. I am immortalized because I am an emblem of what she is to become. To Teal, her own wisdom and that of all about her, is insufficient and so she keeps seeking and through that seeking will lead. If she belonged to her family, she could not belong to the world. She must take her place among us. She must find respite in the immortal, confident, morality of her purpose here on earth. I am stone for my time has passed. She is flesh and bone because her time is coming. I want her to know me amongst the many. I am but one of her predecessors, but the softest among them.
Imagined Place (Memorial Park Washington DC) – I am the peace and sanctuary she will find only when she owns her role here on earth as a leader. But she must be braver than this. She must bring her body with her. I will give her just enough peace to restore her morality so that she returns to put the pieces of herself back together again. I will give her just enough peace to give her the will to pull herself up off the side of the road and keep going. The sounds of the birds here will soothe her wounds. The smell of the blossoms on the trees will remind her that the future does not have to be like the past. I represent how her life will be in the future, the rise after the fall. The guilt for leaving herself behind will get the better of her. And she will go back to retrieve herself. No death will be granted to this little girl. She has to live into her future for the sake of the world. In this temple as in the hearts of the people for whom she saved the union, she is enshrined forever.
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