• Armor and Flower

    The morning hit me like a semi truck.  It is cruel against the veins and tissues that I am so estranged from in the night.  I tensed against it.  My whole body trembled and I was frozen somewhere inside that tremble.  “You are Teal Swan, you are 32 years old.  You are in your house.  You just woke up.  This happens a lot when you wake up.  Nothing bad is happening.”  I can hear my own inner voice talking to the aspect of me that (having just come back into the body) has no idea where I am and no idea of my identity. 

    shutterstock_271332740.jpgThe worst thing about out of body travel is that your reference for time and what is ‘real’ completely changes.  You realize that what is ‘real’ to you is just an illusion created by your sensory perception.  You realize that much of why we think this waking life is ‘real’ is because of time.  We come back to the same linear timeline again and again.  This consistency makes it seem more real than dream time and more solid.  This is why when we wake up from a dream, we can say “ah…. that wasn’t real”.  This starts to not be the case when you can see that linearity is not an indication of ‘realness’.  It is simply a way of experiencing things so that progress and expansion can be better perceived.  It is a construct.

    3bda916cd3671350ccc362cfcb19e3d3.jpgI spent time last night surveying one of the human conditions.  The lose-lose scenario of connection.  The reality is that for the most part people are not emotionally safe to be in relationship with.  Most people walking the earth have experienced some kind of trauma and as a result, they have armored themselves against the world.  In fact, personalities and ways of being have developed as a protection to wear within the world.  Instead of vulnerability, we interact with each other’s armor.  We mistake that armor for ourselves.  Armor and protection mechanisms are not safe for the person who is left outside of them (other people).  This is why we usually never take off our armor around one another.  No one wants to be the only one walking around a battlefield with their flesh naked against both shield and sword.  But this creates a world where pain in relationships is inevitable and people’s degree of comfort with this fact has to do primarily with three things:

    1.     Whether their past experiences have shown them that the hurt caused by other people (the rupture in a relationship) can be remedied and reconnection can be achieved.

    2.     Whether they have developed the ability to regulate their own emotions so that if they get hurt, they can make themselves feel better regardless of what the other person does or doesn’t do. 

    3.     Whether they can disconnect from other people as a coping mechanism. 

    download (2).jpegSadly, many, many people do not fall into these categories and so the human condition is this:  UNSAFETY.  The lose-lose scenario of choosing between being completely alone and isolated as well as the starvation and unsafety that isolation entails.  Or being around other people and trying to establish relationships with them when you will inevitably be superbly hurt by them and the unsafety that connection entails.  Either way, you are committing to pain and therefore it is unsafe. In other words, one of the basic human conditions is not feeling good (safe) emotionally if you don’t have relationships with other people and not feeling good (safe) if you do have relationships with other people.

    Last night, when I spent time exploring this human condition, I did not come back with any concrete answer for how to solve this ‘between rock and a hard place’ dilemma.  Rather, I came back with a solid awareness of the condition and the inability to speak.  This has made for a day of silent concept digestion.  I was also left with the awareness that having a different experience within the context of relationships is also the only possible way to heal relationship dysfunction.  Relationships that are safe, teach us to be safer towards others in relationships.  None the less, I did not want to write anymore of my new book in this attitude.  So instead, I recorded a new guided meditation.  This new meditation is called ‘Discover Your Self Concept’.  It puts your conscious mind in a state where your subconscious mind can reveal the hidden truth of the actual self-concept you hold.  The idea is that you will experience the authentic truth about the way you really think about yourself, feel about yourself and see yourself.

    Click This Link to Hear the New Guided Meditation: Discover Your Self Concept

    Ask teal film.jpgI’ve been changing the way I do things lately.  The tide of energy in the world is changing and so I have had to change with it.  I’ve been hosting more intensives lately than one day workshops.  I’ve been writing in waves as opposed to for days and months straight.  I released premium content finally and I’ve committed to being less of a recluse by connecting to people through daily update videos.  It feels good to be leaving some of the first phase of my work in the world behind.  I feel sentimental towards it but not sad that a metamorphosis is taking place. 

    I have a confession.  I discovered an aspect of my personality that really, really does not like being on stage and that is soft and receptive and ultra feminine.  I buried her years ago to accomplish what I wanted to and to stay safer in the world.  I’ve decided to name this aspect of me Lavender.  She moves slowly, is quiet, loves simplicity, loves lace and even pale colors, she can feel people’s physical needs.  She’s not much of a thinker and she’s really, really sweet.  When I’m allowing myself to canvass this side of me, I feel sweet contentment.  But most of all, she’s a kitchen witch.  I mean this side of me eats, sleeps and breathes cooking.  I’ve committed, for the sake of my overall health and wholeness, to letting this side of me out once a day at least.  The result is that I have developed at least 60 new recipes over the past two weeks.  I have been so happy in my kitchen I cannot even tell you. 

    For this reason, today instead of leaving you with something epic to finish this blog (like the other sides of me want to do), I am going to leave you with one of the new recipes I’ve developed in the hopes that you will try it for yourself.

    Because I live in an intentional community, I developed this recipe to feed about 30 people.  So, feel free to scale it down for a smaller family!   

    Teal’s Seattle Soup

     

    10 cups Vegetable broth

     

    8 cans (16 cups)  full fat coconut milk

     

    20 cloves garlic (crushed)

     

    5 Tbsp sea salt

     

    5 large butternut squash (peeled and cut into large chunks 3”x3”)

     

    5 large sweet potatoes or yams (peeled and cut into large chunks 3”x3”)

     

    8 green onions (chopped)

     

    10 pinches (large pinches) cumin powder

     

    6 Tbsp dry parsley flakes

     

    8 Tbsp. Vegan butter (or coconut oil)

     

    5 Tbsp. Olive oil

     Place butter, oil, salt, sweet potatoes, squash, garlic and green onions in a very large put and sauté 5 minutes.  Add broth, cumin, coconut milk and parsley flakes.  Bring all to a boil, turn it down to a simmer and cook until veggies are tender.  this takes about 35-40 minutes.  Mash the big chunks up a bit so it is both creamy and chunky.  Serve it hot.

    sullivan_butternutsoup4-scaled1000.jpg


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    Hey lavender, 

    thank you so much for showing yourself :) I'm so excited  to try your recipes and use your courage as inspiration to uncover aspects of myself that were similarly kept in the dark. 

    I absolutely love this blog post and can't believe the synchronicity it matches to my own life, as I let down my armour and move sadly away from some family members. Lots of love forever helena x

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    I enjoy this "lose-lose" insight. Then if rarely anyone can be safe then we have got to love the unsafety itself. Love and allow to feel that hurt that might come up as a result of this human condition. Unable to escape it in the long run...then a practice to feel as much of it as possible is in store to hopefully make it a tinsy bit safer than it once was before.

    To allow the human condition to be felt...that is our practice as sensitive intuitives.

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    That might be the reason why I have always felt like your body langage on stage where horrible. Your voice (fast and lack of compassion in it, kinda "disconnected") , your gestures and movements ( they reflected everything but presence and compassion), even the way you responded to people... I just felt that way.

    I feel relieved to see that it's because you were denying Lavender,  it means that my ability to read body language is not flawed ( I thought it was flawed because I believed that someone as aware as you couldn't have a "bad" body language, and that I must be the one who is projecting my own issues... lol)

    Thank you dearly for the recipe Lavender.

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    Hey Lavender, nice to finally meet you out in the open. I have often seen you there in the background of Teal's eyes anyway, but with that softness and shyness - so it's great that you now wish to express yourself more openly.
    This idea of another personality is of course the same as developing an online persona or avatar - except you have turned it around and instead of developing a macho-heroine role persona, you have gone the opposite and gone softer. Will you start to show yourself more, in Teal Premium? Please, as I'd like to know more about her thoughts, hopes and dreams - as I think we all would.

    And so to Kitchen witch - please think of a name for her?
    Most people will completely identify with split personalities and so again Teal, you show your human-ness to us.

    In appreciation of softness. Keep on like this and I will have to reveal my poem to you I composed back in February...
    Love, crystal Rob

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    Wait a minute... I love the worrier Teal. Let's not dismiss her 😀. And yes, there is kind of an anger-power that drives this worrier Teal. We can feel it. I can identify with that anger-power in which the anger is completely invisable because the anger-energy is totally focust on bringing the messages across: "wake up you frightened souls! Claim your authenticity! Be brave!". The worrior-energy is soooo empowering.....'yes we can!'.

    So please let's not dismiss her. I love her. She a revolutionary.

    The soft Lavender is the one that eases, relaxes, massages, comforts, enjoys, nourishes and let's go. It is home. It is the part that gives herself the feeling of fullness, not depending on others like a husband  to feel the a soft tender connection and safety. 

    Ofcourse I am probably projecting. 😀. This is how I feel. 

    And o yes synchronicity!! 

    Love you Teal

     

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    That mountain that is called 'ego' is a tough climb, even for the humble Master. And the mountain seems to get higher with every quickening. Missing pieces want to be found and identified. As long as the 'iLabels' are deemed necessary to satisfy the brain... The heart cannot find joy 4:44. At some point, words are no longer required. That is the only true Source perspective. 

    we love you, keep doing what you are doing!

    Spirit

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    I just wanted to say thank you, for the post, I am going to look at cooking your soup, Do you know any web addresses for healthy recipes?

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    As usual, my process is so parallel to yours that is is uncanny. I've recently uncovered a part of myself, and in order for my husbands (yes, there are two of them) to be able to identify when this part of me was present, they wanted me to name her.

    "She isn't really a fully personality," I explained. "She is just a collection of aspects of me that have not been integrated due to old wounding."

    "I know," Greg said, my newer husband (married since May 2016). "But it would be helpful if I had a way to address this aspect of you."

    "Violet," I said, spontaneously, and it felt right. Then, by all mystical things, I began reading The Valley of Amazement which caught my eye at a book sale, and the main character's name is Violet, and she is very wounded, indeed. And this past week "lavender" has been a byword as I had to get a sunburn to finally realize my subconscious was asking me to stop obsessively gardening and spend some more time in self-care. And hence, lavender has been a daily part of my life this past week – in the form of essential oil. And also, I've been planting lavender in my garden.

    A purple flower and a purple flower. Like the twin souls we are Teal. I adore you – shadow sides, and light sides! Nice to meet you Lavender, even at a distance. *hugs*

    May your vegan cooking thrive and nourish you and yours!

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    Thank you for the new meditation, the recipe, and the inspiration!

    I sense a cookbook in the works (that would be so cool!!), and I really hope you use Lavender as your pen name!

     

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    Wow, I just signed up as I read your newest blog, about belonging, and decided on the username Lavender. Then I read this one. Gave me chills when you used that name. I gave a good bit of thought to what I wanted to be called here if I decided to have interaction.  Maybe not coincidence? Really! I'm shocked right now and then left with even more shock as I see someone else had coined herself violet. I truly envisioned what would define me best and Lavender was it. What does this mean? Did I pick up on your thoughts? Is this a form of metaphysical talent? Or is it all from you? Is it just coincidence? Everyone who reads this may be thinking, get over it, big deal",but little things like that help me verify connection I suppose. I was really wishing we were friends right before I decided to create an account.  I was going to just tell you what I saw in you, but felt silly and awe struck so I didn't, thinking I was being like a pathetic groupie, though I suppose my  judgement on groupies could stand to be less critical. Im sure you've surrounded yourself with plenty of people that feel like me. 

     

     

    Edited by Lavender
    Add more/ fix typos

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