As living beings, we are hard-wired for survival. We're motivated towards life. But as we all know, sometimes the painful conditions of life can overrule that hard-wiring and instead we become motivated towards death. Feeling suicidal, having suicidal thoughts, attempting suicide or committing suicide are all symptoms. They are symptoms of a deeper underlying cause; a root trauma or wound.
Thinking about suicide or attempting or committing suicide is just a symptom. It is a symptom of a deeper emotional condition. It is that emotional condition that needs our unconditional presence and conscious focus.
Before getting into the meat of this article, I will tell you that I am not just going to be talking to you from the standpoint of a spiritual teacher. I’m going to be talking to you from the standpoint of a survivor. Suicide is something I have struggled with since I was a child. I have attempted suicide four times. So what you can know going into this is that if anyone understands the kind of torment that you are in at this current moment, it is me. I’m going to tell you what most people tell you which is that if you’re genuinely suicidal, contact a mental health professional or check yourself into a hospital. This is an option if you really don’t feel you can trust yourself to not kill yourself. So I’ll leave that judgment to you, it may very well be the best decision for you at this time. But I also know from personal experience that being admitted to the hospital is a temporary fix that may enable you to be kept safe from yourself long enough for the extremity of the suicidal feeling to pass. And speaking for myself, I did not meet a single mental health professional that was actually able to help me to resolve the despair I felt, so the suicidal ideation kept coming back and I ended up making future attempts. This despair that seems absolutely unsolvable is the very reason you are contemplating suicide today.
Here’s the thing, I’m not going to be like every other person and freak out because I am afraid of death and tell you that suicide is wrong. I’m not going to flip out because I need you around for my sake and thus try to convince you not to do it from that self-centered standpoint. I’m not going to sugar coat this life for you by trying to sell you on all the good points of life and by trying to tell you it will all be ok. I get it that at this point life has not been good to you. Right now, you do not have proof that earth is anything but suffering and you have no reason to believe that it will ever get better. You’re right to feel this way. You aren’t wrong about your perspective. And you know what no one else will tell you? Anyone in your circumstance would have probably killed themselves already. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way. Right now, you’re in more pain than you can cope with. Suicide is nothing more than pain exceeding your pain coping resources.
A lot of what is making you want to kill yourself right now is the belief that on top of feeling this much despair, there is something wrong with you for feeling that despair. This causes you to feel more despair and ultimately to turn on yourself. But from the standpoint of a spiritual teacher, I am going to tell you that there is nothing wrong with you. Anyone with your experience would feel exactly this same way. Chances are if you are even reading this article, even from inside this internal torture chamber you’re living in, you are having your doubts about suicide. There is a part of you, maybe an infinitesimal spec that wants to believe that life could be worth living. And so, I don’t need you to want to live right now. All I need is for you to just try what I’m about to suggest instead of kill yourself right now. You are currently in a crisis, an emergency peak of emotional pain. And here is what I want you to try…
Know that you can always kill yourself tomorrow. In fact, you can always kill yourself in five minutes. What I want you to know is that for now, suicide can be your safety net in that it is always available to us. This will enable you to put suicide aside for a moment and instead, you can live with this in mind: “I can always commit suicide tomorrow, so what can I do with today?” Or if tomorrow seems too large of a timeline, make it “I can always kill myself in an hour. So knowing that, what can I do with this hour?” Then use that hour or that day to focus completely and totally on quite literally anything that makes you feel a tiny bit of relief.
Know that the way our body is wired makes it so pain has a way of doing two things. The first is to convince you that you are the only one feeling this way, so you are alone in it and with it. The second is to convince you it will never end. Neither is true. There are people going through this exact same thing at exactly this minute. Think about it. On the other side of the world, there is someone reading this exact same article.
In your life, you have learned that happiness is transient and unreliable. It always goes when it comes. But what you aren’t noticing is that unhappiness is the same. It too shall pass. As unbelievable as it may seem at this minute, this extreme feeling state is temporary. If you didn’t do anything at all about it, it would eventually pass on its own.
Consider that your thoughts and feelings come and go, like messages from somewhere deep within this universe. But you do not have to believe them. They may seem true, but just because something seems true, does not mean that it is. Just ask a magician. You cannot know 100% that this pain will never end and you cannot know beyond a shadow of a doubt that no one else is experiencing this exact same thing. You can believe these painful thoughts are true, but you cannot know that they are. Your pain may just be creating an illusion.
Right now, you feel as if you are trapped inside yourself, in a torture chamber built for one. A part of you is crying out for you to see your own pain and understand it. This is what pain does. It calls our attention to a problem that needs resolution. Chances are, you can see other people smile and seem happy and it feels like you can’t touch that happiness. You feel an unbearable isolation. You’re stuck in your pain as if it were a vat of poison. You need your pain to be exposed to the light of your own consciousness and then to other people’s consciousness. So first, express the hell out of these emotions. My favorite method for doing this is to write. Some people prefer to yell or to sing about it. The point is, you need to get it all out. Express how you feel and why you feel that way. Imagine you are emotionally vomiting.
What you really want is for someone to see your pain. You’ve got to let someone in on your pain. Express what you discovered in the previous step to someone else. But choose wisely. You may have a lot of people in your life right now who are so afraid of pain themselves that they will only enhance the feeling of loneliness and make matters worse.
Involve someone who is capable of being fully unconditionally present with your pain. If you feel like you don’t want to use someone who is in your life already, know that I have personally trained a group of facilitators who are experts in doing just this. You can subscribe to my newsletter. The link is on the homepage of this website. On www.thecompletionprocess.com I have a list of these facilitators. You can look through the list and let yourself be drawn to whichever one resonates with you the most and reach out to them. Alternatively, you can reach out for someone’s presence on befrienders.org, which is an international organization that provides support for anyone who is suicidal; no matter your time zone.
Right now, you feel completely powerlessly hopeless in a state of despair. The state of despair is the feeling state that follows the thought that you are trapped in an intolerable situation and powerless to do something about it… permanently. Whatever you do, do not try to focus positively and do not try to think happy thoughts. Don’t write a single affirmation or even look at one. This will only serve to make matters worse and make you feel more hopeless. Despair functions like a spider’s web. The more desperate you feel to try hard with effort to get out of it, the more ensnared you become. So just stop wherever you are.
Lay down on the floor. I mean completely collapse on the floor and give up. I want you to imagine dying. If you are suicidal, you’ve been toying with the idea of fully giving up on life and killing yourself. I want you to get much more deliberate and conscious about it and consciously imagine killing yourself. This is different than suicidal ideation, which is just a subconscious reaction to an emotional state.
Imagine how you want to kill yourself and where you want to kill yourself. Imagine every grizzly detail. Imagine who is there and how they will react. Become aware of the impact you want it to have on other people and why you want your suicide to have that impact. Imagine watching every detail of your funeral and what happens with your body. Imagine watching people grieve and move on with their life. Imagine you watching it all. Then imagine yourself going back to source. Becoming part of the universal mind or God again. Imagine that now you have the relief you were seeking. You’re not in pain anymore. You’re watching earth from that removed point of view. You left it all behind. You’re just objectively viewing the madness down on earth. Let yourself imagine that peace for as long as you can. And when your mind begins to fidget in that peace, I want you to ask yourself this question… “Now what?” Stop reading this article and do this exercise before going any further and when you are done, keep reading. What you have found out by doing this process is that there is nowhere to go from the peaceful stillness of death. Instead of permanently wonderful, it is a kind of ended-ness of expansion. And so what do we feel compelled to do as souls? Come back into that movement by coming back into life once more. This is the drive that fuels reincarnation. Death is nothing more than a halting of all forward momentum and from that place, we find we desire momentum. And so, if after death the only place to go from there is towards life once more, why leave? Why not do the most with what we have already built and learned instead of starting over from scratch with a new life?
Some part of your soul wants to be here; otherwise you would not have come into this life in the first place. What did this exercise teach you that you really want out of life that is different than the life you’re currently living? So far, you’ve been passively committed to life. You’ve had one foot in and one foot out and this can never lead to a life that is worth living. Your inner most being may be putting you in this horrible crossroads so as to force you to stop being passive and make a choice to align with your original intention for being here by completely committing to life. Just because you are alive, does not mean you are consciously committed to life.
I had a moment the last time I was suicidal where I realized that I could no longer straddle the fence. I needed to commit one way or the other to death or to life and that if I didn’t make that choice, I would not have all of me behind the creation of my life. With the safety net of it always being an option to kill myself, I was able to set suicide aside long enough to give life my all. I committed consciously to life. It was really nothing more complex than making the decision “I’m all in” and caring more about how I felt in with the minute I had in front of me than about anything else. I started to make decisions in my life according to the criteria of whether it felt better and nothing else.
When you are in this amount of emotional pain, it is critical that you stop thinking about the future. Reel it in and live five minutes at a time. What can you do with the next five minutes that would feel a tiny bit better? And do that. And when those five minutes have passed, ask again. What can I do with the next five minutes that would feel a tiny bit better? And do that. Right now it is quite simple, all you have is now and all you have is the option of thinking and doing something that feels better or doing and thinking something that feels worse. If you just chose the step in front of you that feels better and then the step in front of you that feels better, you can cover some serious emotional distance from this place of complete despair.
Only after you have found some relief and the immediate desire to kill yourself has passed, you may feel the desire to put a tiny bit of energy into improving the way you feel. Do this slowly. Start by doing anything that feels just a little bit better. For example, play music, watch a stand up comic or a movie, sit in a salt bath, go on a walk, distract yourself from your thoughts with anything that causes you to feel a hint of relief. Then, when you feel ready to really dig into consciously improving the way you feel, watch four videos on my YouTube Channel the first is: What To Do If You Feel Hopeless. The second is: The Self Soothing Process. The third is: How To Feel Better. The fourth is: How To Raise Your Frequency and Increase Your Vibration.
The bottom line is that if you’re genuinely suicidal, you need to treat your life with the same approach as you would if you were terminally ill. Suicidality is like a terminal illness. If it is not handled appropriately, it will end in death. So what would I tell someone to do if they were terminally ill? I’d tell them to stop in their tracks. I’d tell them to re-evaluate their life. I’d tell them to make every minute of their life about how they feel. I’d tell them to start doing those things that they have on their bucket list and to literally quit doing things they think they have to do that aren’t adding to their happiness.
You may have a list five miles long of things you think you have to do, but would those things really matter if you were dead? Would that sparkly clean house or college degree or promotion really matter if you were dead? The bottom line is that when we are terminally ill, priorities change. And they change into what they always should have been. The absolute gift of surviving a brush with suicide is that you can make this change in priorities without being physically ill or dying. You have more of a shot at really living life than most people ever do. If handled right, suicide can get you out of the prison of a box that so many people live their life in. If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do with today? If we want to be happy in our lives, all of us (especially you) need to start living our lives as if next year may never come.
- When and if you ever feel ready to really create resolution, become acquainted with and begin to resolve the underlying emotional condition below the suicidal impulse you feel. As I said earlier, suicidal feelings and thoughts are merely a symptom. You are trying to find resolution for an internal wound. You need to become aware of that wound. You need to seriously explore why you are feeling this way. When you feel ready, I want you to watch some specific YouTube videos that I have created. This will set you on the path of resolution. The first video is: Today’s Great Epidemic and How To Solve It. The second video is: The Emotional Wakeup Call. The third video is: How To Heal The Emotional Body. And the fourth is: Nervous Break Down (what to do about a mental or emotional breakdown). I have created a process that heals the underlying cause of suicide. I am calling it The Completion Process. My book, which explains exactly how to do this process is quite literally titled, The Completion Process. It is released as of fall 2016. I strongly encourage you to purchase a copy of this book and try the process for yourself. If you need help with resolution before fall 2016, I encourage you to subscribe to my newsletter (the link is on the homepage) so you are sent a list of facilitators that I have trained to facilitate this process. Contact one of them and have them teach it to you.
It may not seem like it right now, but there cannot be a problem without a solution. One polarity cannot exist in this universe without the other. And it may not seem like it at this moment, but you are a critical puzzle piece of this full picture of life here on earth. Your absence would be a devastating loss for us all. It would create trauma in a ripple effect for all of us, most especially those who are closest to you. And I completely understand that you may very well want to create that impact because you want them to see the pain you’re in and perhaps even hurt people because of how they have hurt you. This how I felt in fact. The thing is, they will see and feel that pain if you kill yourself, but the sad part is that you wont be around to feel that feeling of being seen. You wont be around to experience that impact. You don’t want to die, you just want to stop hurting and right now, you think dying is the only way you can stop hurting. But what if that wasn’t true? And what if you weren’t actually alone in this? What if there was actually an end to this pain and what if instead of trying to hurt you, your pain was instead crying out for you to help it?