Let me take a moment to explain my process to you. In other words, my method for helping people to improve their life experience. It is my hope that by understanding my process, you can decide whether or not it is something that you are ready for and whether it is right for you.
Let’s say that someone wants to improve some aspect of themselves or their life experience. The first thing we do is to identify what the problem is. We identify what is not working for them. Usually this will be a thing that is creating pain or suffering in their life. Sometimes, it can be hard for people to identify and admit to what the problem is, even when it is causing them pain. Some people may even be in denial about it and attend my seminars and seek help despite saying things like “My life is fine. I have a great life.” When this is the case, I will help someone to admit to what the problem is and help them to come out of denial about it. And depending on the person, this may involve some confrontation. The first part of the process requires a person getting to the point where they are able to own what their problem is and look at it directly.
Next, we will identify the cause of whatever is not working for them. The cause of the problem. There is always an origin to our problems. There is a “when this started and why it started”. You can’t hope to solve a problem unless you understand when and how and why it started. I approach a person with the attitude of: It isn’t what is wrong with you, it is what happened to you. Usually, this process of identifying the origin of the problem involves a person looking deep into what happened to them over the course of their individual past histories and seeing clearly how these key experiences led to them making specific decisions and adopting specific beliefs and behaviors and taking specific actions. All of which may be contributing to their problem today. During this part of the process, we find the root of the symptoms that are manifesting in a person’s current life.
The root cause of the problems we face in our adult life almost always occur before we exit the time period of our childhood where we are operating from a state of felt perception and enter a phase where we begin thinking about the world. This transition happens for most children around age eight. So, this means that my process involves looking at your childhood experiences, and primary relationships, including the ones that are negative and traumatic. If you are afraid about the danger of false or implanted memory, I want you to be aware that you do not need to worry about false memory and you do not need to worry about implanted memory when you are engaging with my process. Memory can be extremely reliable, a veritable recording of the past. Memory can also be distorted, contaminated, constructed and destructed. Human memory is both more capable and more incapable than we would like to make it out to be. It is incredibly complex. This is why, when it comes to my process, I encourage people to stop thinking in terms of true of false all together and instead, think in terms of VALID. Regardless of whether or not a memory is a perfect replica of what happened, it is valid. It means the mind is trying to communicate to us through actual memory or through symbolic memory about what is unhealed within us and what needs to be resolved either way. Memories don’t come up for no reason. Relative to your memories, it is no one else’s place to decide what is true and what is false. That is for you, yourself to come to terms with. But figuring out what your being feels is unresolved and bringing resolution to it is essential, otherwise, we remain stuck in the past, we operate from determinism rather than from our free will and our past will simply repeat itself in our adult lives until we resolve it.
Your past experiences are formative. They shape the structure of your personality, how you engage in relationships, how you behave in different situations and how you perceive and experience the world. When we are in pain because something is not working for us, we have to be willing to identify it and change it. To resolve the traumas and the thoughts, words and actions that we developed as a result of them that are keeping us stuck. And doing that changes everything.
All this being said, there is something important to understand. We live in a universe that is multidimensional. People are not straightforward. They are multifaceted. The process of identifying the root cause of a problem, so as to figure out how to fix it in a universe that is multi-dimensional and with a person who is multifaceted means that the problem someone is dealing with may be multilayered. It may be something we need to address in a specific dimension. There may be several elements feeding into one problem. And these elements may need to be addressed on many different levels as well.
For this reason, I use an unlimited amount of awarenesses, tools and methods and approaches to identify and gain awareness of the root of a problem. I also use an unlimited amount of awarenesses, tools and methods and approaches to solve that problem. This is because there is no “one size fits all” equation to a problem. What there is, is trends. So that you can understand what I mean, one person may have a problem that is the result of trans-generational trauma. Another person might have a problem that originated when they decided to adopt a specific protector personality in response to a trauma in their childhood. Another person might have a physical ailment that is manifesting because of a specific painful relationship pattern that is currently occurring in their life. Another person might be suffering because they simply lack a certain bit of information that would change the way they experienced life. If I approached each of these issues with the exact same tools and in the exact same way, it would lead to poor results. Some need to be addressed on a mental level. Some need to be addressed on an emotional level. Some need to be addressed on a physical level. Some problems need to be addressed on a spiritual level. The reality is that we are spiritual beings living a temporary, human experience. There may be problems that need to be addressed on a purely mental or physical level… Problems that don’t have anything to do with spirituality at face value. But there is no way to live an integrated life when we deny this entire dimension of our lives. And sometimes, the key to someone’s life improvement and healing can only be found on this level of reality.
To give you a very small taste of some of these tools and methods that I may choose to use to help someone either gain awareness of the problem or solve a problem, I may for example decide that they should use The Completion Process or any number of meditation techniques or shadow work exercises or somatic experiencing or parts work or breathwork or display work or The Connection Process or Trauma Release Exercises or core belief work or channeling or integration processes or work with subconscious patterns or stream of consciousness exercises or presence work or shamanic ceremony or therapeutic art or journeywork or discussion etc. etc. I offer many of these awareness’s, tools and methods to the public totally free through my free YouTube videos and also through my books, e-courses, products and workshops.
Once a person identifies what the problem is as well as the root cause, we identify what they want instead. This is like identifying point A and point B. It may sound hard to believe, but a lot of people struggle because they know what they don’t want. But they don’t know what it is that they do want. That is like having a map, but with no destination point, only a starting point. When people decide what it is that they want, there is a kind of gap between where they are now and where they want to be. I help people close that gap. And closing this gap implies identifying what it is that is preventing them from doing so. In my line of work, we call this ‘resistance’. I work with a person to help them to resolve their resistance to any part of this process of closing that gap between the current unwanted condition and their wanted state. At first, this may strike you as odd. When would anyone have resistance to what they want? The answer is: Any time you have not already achieved it. If a person has not already achieved something they want, there are oppositional forces at play. To give you just one tiny example, a person may say that they want a romantic relationship more than anything. But they may have a belief that they will lose themselves in a relationship and they may never really leave their house to socialize. In this case, the person’s belief and actions are in resistance to what they want. That resistance must be resolved and released for this person to actually be in a romantic relationship. During this part of the process, we look at the resistance to the change and resolve it, which is necessary to get from where they are to what they want. Doing this closes the gap between where they are and where they prefer to be via thoughts, words, and actions.
My process puts people in a point of conscious choice. They can choose to not change and to instead continue on as is, keeping their point of view, patterns, past dynamics, and the way they do things. Or they can choose to make a change and actually make those changes. Sometimes these changes simply happen spontaneously as a result of any step in this process. Sometimes, these changes require more conscious discipline.
We can use our awareness to make different decisions, change our beliefs, see the world in a different way, alter our behavior, and do different things. I don’t want people to engage in this process with the attitude that they must change themselves because something is bad or wrong about them. I want them to engage in this process of changing themselves and making changes to their life because doing so is self-loving. If something is causing you pain, it can be profoundly self-loving to change it. When done from this intention, changing things within yourself and in your life is something you do FOR yourself rather than against yourself. What all this means is that signing up to my process implies that you want to make a change to yourself and to your life and that you are willing to do so. If a person does not want to become aware of what their problem is and does not want to change themselves or make changes to their life, this work that I do is not the right choice for them to make. This process is only right for people who are willing to change themselves and who will own their choice to change themselves as being their choice. It requires you to take responsibility for what you want to change and what you are willing to change.
By making these changes, a person will then be standing in the improved state, having made different choices, seen a new perspective and taken different actions, thus changing themselves and their life for the better.
I want to mention that if at any point in this process, emotions come up, they are treated as valid, important and as messengers of personal truth.
Now that you have a better idea of my process, let me add a few things.
My process is a very deep healing process. It is not a process to simply make you feel good. Ultimately, we all want to feel good. But if you value feeling good above everything else, you will struggle with my process. The reason is, sometimes to get to a place of improvement, you have to face and do some pretty hard things. For example, imagine that a two people married each other out of obligation and their current life is miserable because of their relationship. A person may be able to come in and teach them a tapping technique to sedate their reactivity to one another or a therapist may be able to make them feel a little better by having them practice four positives for every negative. These are pain relieving techniques, a bit like Novocain. But there is a difference between pain relief and actual healing. For actual healing to occur, they would have to first look at the truth that they married each other out of obligation and that the marriage is what is making them unhappy. That is both scary and painful. Then, they would have to go through the process of deciding what to do about their relationship. Assuming that during this process they decided to evolve their relationship to something else rather than a marriage, there are several elements of their life that would have to change and that they would have to face. Things like dividing up assets, dealing with other people’s opinions and projections, stepping out into a different life etc. so that one day, they can officially say that they love their life so much more than they did before. Sometimes my process feels really good to do. But sometimes it is a hard and really uncomfortable journey to genuine improvement.
Another thing is, most people are smart enough to be able to change the things they see are not working for them. When people can’t seem to get improvement, it is because there is something that they don’t see and don’t know. There is something that is subconscious. My process requires you to venture into the realm of the subconscious. Deep into what you don’t know that you don’t know. Because of this, you will be challenged to consider things that you do not resonate with. For something to ‘resonate’ with you, it must be something that you are already somewhat conscious of. For example, imagine that a woman has deeply suppressed anger. Everyone else may be able to see that anger. But if I tell her that she is angry. She is likely to look at me and say “that just doesn’t resonate with me. I’m not an angry person.” She will feel like she is holding on to her sense of autonomy and personal truth by asserting that she is not angry. But by doing so, she doesn’t realize that she is forfeiting the opportunity to heal and get what she wants. It will feel scary, but to begin to explore anger when she gets this reflection from me, is to gain self-awareness and to come more into a place of consciousness and therefore free will and choice. It is for her to have the chance to actually heal.
My process is hard because it can challenge and change the narrative of yourself and your life. It can cause your worldview to change. It requires facing reality. It requires you to see things about yourself and your relationships and your life that may cause you to feel shame. The truth is not often easy to swallow or face. It causes you to see all the ways your current life has been built on inauthenticity. It implies changing yourself and your life, which is something that people naturally have a resistance to.
The reality is that everyone would benefit by this work. But that does not mean that everyone wants it. In fact, if you are not really wanting this kind of process I have described, engaging in it can feel traumatizing to you. If you are one of these people, who does not really want this kind of process, you can keep it on your list of options and try out other options instead.
All that being said, given that the process of genuine healing is different than pain relief, and is therefore sometimes painful before it is good, you may be asking why it is worth it. It is worth it because it will free you. It will make it so you are not stuck anymore. It will give you tons of awareness and knowledge, which will put you back on track and you can carry that awareness with you for the rest of your life. It will restore you to a state of congruence and wholeness. It will relieve you of the heavy weight of your past traumas. It will cause you to make changes so that your life is actually one you want to live, rather than one you need to develop coping skills to deal with. It will fill your life with meaning and cause you to live a life that is both real and in alignment with your values. It will line you up with the kinds of relationships you have always wanted to have in your life. It will cause you to create a life that is authentic to you. It will get you what you truly want in life and so much more.