A long time ago, I was over at a friend’s house for tea. We were discussing the fact that people tend to have a relationship with Source or God that is distant. A bit like the relationship you might have with a distant authority figure like the president or a king. But deliberate manifestation depends upon having a close relationship with Source or God. I confessed that day that I had a love hate relationship with Source because at times, I felt like the universe was on my side and at times, I felt like the universe was against me. This friend of mine suggested that I start having conversations with Source directly, like a wife would speak to her husband. Basically conversing with Source as if I were in an intimate relationship with Source. The idea of speaking directly to Source felt difficult and forced to me. But I am a writer, so I turned this idea into a practice that I still use to this day. I’m going to share this practice with you today.
At the most ultimate level, the level we call Source or God, all is one. All essentially is God and is indivisible from God. So, the living room table is God, your mother is God, your dog is God, the grass growing outside is God. You are God. Everything is just a different expression of this one energy, which is imbued with consciousness that we call God or Source. What does this mean? It means you can mentally bypass the person or the dog, or the grass or the table or your mother and talk to the God in them. It’s a bit like pretending that the only relationship you do have is with Source and that this being called Source is simply expressing itself to you in all these different ways for the sake of your own awareness and growth. So, for example, if you get in a fight with your mother, you can write directly to God about why God (as your mother) decided to make you feel the way you feel.
To do this exercise, purchase a journal. Then every day, write a letter to Source. You may not have had any real connection to Source or God before and that is ok… you will not be ignored just because you’ve never interacted before. And be prepared to find out how you really feel about Source or God or the universe. Pay attention to how you feel writing these letters. This is your time to let yourself really be known to source and to let yourself be honest and to be heard. Be prepared to express some really strong emotions. What you will find is that we overlay the personality of our authority figures in childhood (usually the one we were the most afraid of) over our idea of God and so we expect the same treatment from the universe as we got from them. This means, if you had authority figures who punished you, prepare to discover that down deep, you feel the universe wants to punish you. Remember that Source can handle any and all of your negative emotions, even hate and revenge and anger. It is not like your parents, it will not punish you for the way you feel and it will not hate you for hating it.
These letters can be positive or negative or both. They should be true to however you feel at the moment. Perhaps you will write source a love letter one day or a praising letter the next or a letter asking for something or a letter to express how much source has hurt you and why. Ask any questions you’ve been dying to know. This exercise is like prayer on steroids. Here are two example letters that my clients were so kind to lend me for this episode:
1. Dear God, When I was standing in line today at the grocery store, you smiled at me as a little boy. It made me remember that I am taking life too seriously and that I need to play again so I made a decision, I decided I’m going to take my son mountain biking this weekend. I need you, as my boss to let me have an extra day off. I’m going to ask you for that day off tomorrow. Please say yes. I don’t want to be put into the position again where I have to choose between making one person mad to make another one happy. Why do you do that to yourself? Put yourself as me, in between two people who want two different things so you, as me have to choose between them? I hate this feeling. It makes me feel like I’m 6 years old again choosing which parent to go with after the divorce. What decision did you want me to make? Why keep putting me in the situation over and over again. I don’t understand it, please help me understand it. Thank you for becoming the sunset tonight. I love when you turn into a sunset. I am proud of myself because ever since I started trying to notice the little things in my life that make me happy, I am seeing things like sunsets again and life feels more livable. I hope that you are proud of me too. I really want you to put more little things to appreciate in my path this week. I’ll be looking for you in them. Thank you for the little things. 2. Dear God, Why do you hate me? Why do you want me to hurt so much? You know what I want. I want safety and belonging and to feel valued, so why did you, as my husband leave me today? Why have you, as my husband been ignoring me, shaming me, punishing me and making me feel like I’m unlovable for months? Why did this have to happen? I do not understand what you want from me. Leaving me is not loving me. Why does it have to be the hard way? Why do you, as people have to find out how to feel love before you get love to feel rich before you get rich. Why can’t you just help yourself out once in a while by becoming a man who will love a woman even if she’s never felt loved before? Why are you so unfair? Sometimes I think you want me to suffer. What do you like about suffering? I’m tired of the idea that suffering leads to enlightenment or happiness, I don’t think it’s worth it. Please stop torturing me. Stop leaving me through all these people. Please stay with me instead. I need your help, please help me?
After you write your letter, just remain open to receiving answers or messages to your letters in the world around you. Some will be subtle; others will not be so subtle. If you don’t recognize any return messages, don’t stop the exercise; simply write letters asking why you aren’t seeing messages, or why Source is ignoring you.
Also, when you have finished each letter, do a little exercise in self-awareness. After you write your letter to Source, mentally exchange “Dear Source” with “Dear Self” and then each time you say “you” referring to source, mentally exchange it with “I”. So a line that read “why are you punishing me?” Is changed to “why am I punishing me?” We do this to see how a great many of the things that cause you to suffer, are in fact things you’re doing to yourself. And also how a great many of the things you credit to God, you are doing for yourself. Once you have done this, exchange “Dear Source” for Dear Mom” or “Dear Dad”(try both to see which parent you overlay with source) and then read the letter over as if you have written it to that parent. This exercise will show you the true origins of your feelings towards God and also what unresolved wounds are still present from childhood. This exercise can release trauma we’ve been holding for years. If you don’t like writing letters, you can speak or think your messages out to God as if you’re talking to the universe directly. If any of you saw the amazing scene in Forest Gump where Lieutenant Dan is screaming at God from the crows nest of the ship and the peace he felt after the interaction, have a picture of how this can go.
After a time, you will begin to feel like you have a connection to source everywhere you go, and a secure one. You will begin to feel source in everything and everyone. It may even turn into your primary attachment relationship. You will feel much less alone and your manifestations will be amplified greatly. You want to work towards a relationship of trust and closeness and connection with the universe itself. It will make life seem livable and safe and abundant. But for some of us, this journey to closeness with the universe will begin with the realization about how disconnected, distrusting and hurt we feel with Source or God. Screaming at God is still a better relationship than no relationship at all. So try it out for yourself.