The plane is filled. The tips of hundreds of heads peak out from behind the seat backs. From my place in the main cabin, it looks like a river of people stretching out before me. I am crossing the ocean by crossing the clouds once again. This time, back to my home country.
This is not the first blog that I have written since Paris. I wrote one in Monaco too. It seems no matter where I go; I can’t avoid stirring up controversy. I was informed that because this trip to Monaco was an official trip made by a diplomat, the blog would have to be approved by the ambassador before being made public. Needless to say, due to the fact that I did my typical authentic energy diagnosis of the place, the powers that be were not happy with the blog and did not give it the green light. I am now going back and forth with them to figure out how to be able to be authentic without costing anyone their position by virtue of his association with me. Again, I long for the day that political positions will be filled by those who will not yield to politics and who are willing to throw political correctness to the wind.
My whole life has flown in the face of “how things should be”. You’d be surprised that even the most awake demographics in the world in terms of consciousness are held captive by an idea about how things should be. Even the most awake demographics resist and disapprove of anything that doesn’t fit into that mold.
Because of my unique perspective and consciousness level, I do not have many relationships in my life that one would consider to be conventional. Indeed, the very way I approach relationships in general is unconventional. That being said, many lifestyles and relationships being lived across the world make mine look highly conventional. After all, all things are relative. But there are many out there who disapprove of the relationship sector of my life. They are upset with me because they think marriage should last forever and anything short of that is a failure. Or they are upset with me because they think I should do away with the entire convention of marriage and stop doing it because it is archaic and unnecessary. Or they are upset with me because they think I should commit to a specific (and very lengthy) period of aloneness before committing myself to love again. Or they think I should have hidden my relationship from public view for the sake of previous partners. Or they think I should have hidden it for the sake of my own career because my love life makes me look volatile and unstable… Not prized qualities for a spiritual teacher. I can promise that if someone does not hold the same perspective as myself, I will continue to fail to live up to the “shoulds” they have in their head regarding myself and regarding my personal love life. This is why most spiritual teachers prefer to keep their love life behind closed doors so all people are left to do, is guess at what it looks like and assume that it is in alignment with their “shoulds”.
The pain we experience in this life boils down to two sides of the very same coin. 1. Thinking that something should be that isn’t. 2. Thinking that something shouldn’t be that is. Every single one of us does this to some degree. When we do either, we are in resistance to the present moment. As a result, we suffer. The path of ascension brings us the place where we are forced by our hearts to drop the way we think things should be, and to instead take a back seat to the experiences we encounter while we follow our dreams. We are forced to let go and see where it takes us. If you are a person who holds other people to the “should standard” that you have predetermined in your mind, you are the kind of person who holds yourself to this should standard as well. This prevents movement, growth and happiness. It makes you a person of principle. The thing is, the universe pays no respect to principles. It will bring you gifts in forms that you cannot let yourself accept. It will offer opportunities you wont allow yourself to take. You will not be free. You will spend more time sitting in the stadium of life watching the game go on, rather than actually playing. When we drop the way we think things should be, follow our dreams and surrender to the outside the box experiences we are led to, we find that we arrive at a life that is better than what we could have even imagined.
If we hold others to our idea of “should” and “should not”, we will teach them to ignore their internal guidance system. We will cause them to become lost. If we hold ourselves to our idea of “should” and “should not”, we will ignore our own internal guidance system and we will become lost.
Feeling lost is a common problem amongst people today. And it is a common problem for one reason, people have been taught to ignore their internal guidance systems. And what is your internal guidance system exactly? Your feelings and your emotions. Think of your emotions like a compass or a navigation system in your car that tells you everything you need to know about yourself and about your desires and about navigating the world and making choices. When you ignore your emotions or prioritize other things than the way you feel, it is like going on an expedition in uncharted territory with no compass.
Your mind will never tell you what is true for you, only your feelings can tell you that. So, if you are disconnected from your own feelings and emotions, you are disconnected from the truth of you. This means you will feel unknown and like a stranger to yourself. When we say “The truth of you”, what we mean are things like, what you enjoy and what you don’t enjoy, what resonates with you, what you are thinking, what you believe, and most of all, what you really want, need and desire. These things are the only real accurate measure of who you really are in this life.
Now pretend you started ignoring your internal guidance system over twenty years ago, when you were very young. How far off track do you think you could get in twenty years? Potentially you could have gone so astray from the truth of yourself that you have had to tune out your emotional guidance system all together. Perhaps you went so far astray that you now experience numbness. When you do something that is not in alignment with your own personal truth, your emotional guidance system starts alerting you, (just like a navigation system in a car) that you have missed your exit. It does so, with the use of negative emotion. In order to continue in the direction you are going, you need to tune out to your emotional guidance system. You have to be listening to something other than your own guidance system. Maybe it is another person that you’re listening to, maybe it is your parents, maybe it is a coach, maybe it is a friend or maybe it is society at large that you are listening to. Either way, your thoughts (which are not the same thing as your feelings) have been swayed by them and you aren’t listening to yourself. It’s like taking duct tape and taping over the top of your compass and turning the volume down on your navigation system. You will experience this perpetual ignoring of your emotions as a deadening or a numbing within yourself. The good news is, your compass never stops pointing north. Your navigation system never stops talking to you, no matter how far down you have turned the volume or how much duct tape you’ve used. So all you have to do to get un-lost is to tune back into your feelings and emotions. All you have to do is begin to listen to your feelings instead of your thoughts. And be very honest with yourself (even at the risk of hurting other people) about your own personal truth.
Most of us were raised in a punishment and reward parenting setting. This means, when we were children, we learned that the only way we could get love, was to be good. We want to be good people so badly that we forsake our own truth (our desires and true personality) to make other people happy. We think that this is what makes us good. Really, it just makes us lost. If you are lost, you have cared (or still do care) much more about other people feeling good than you care about yourself feeling good. You have had to get what you want in round about ways instead of in straightforward ways. And ironically, this means that you line up with people who do not actually resonate with you, so you will feel fundamentally flawed. You know on some level that you are surrounded by people who are nothing like you and who would most likely reject the truth of who you really are if they only knew it. So you begin to not only feel lost, you begin to also feel alone. You do not know that if you allowed yourself to tune back into how you feel and re connect with yourself and your own personal truth (because you would no longer be in the vibration of self rejection), you would begin to attract people into your life who truly do resonate with you, and who would be in total approval of your own personal truth, no matter what that is.
Anyone who is lost suffers from a deeply suppressed story of self-rejection. And when we are in a space of self-rejection, we can only attract people who reject the truth of who we are. This means, if we are gay, we will be surrounded by religious fundamentalists who hate gays. This means if we are afraid of intimacy, we will attract all kinds of people who need us and pull at us for intimacy. This means if we crave intimacy, we will attract all kinds of people who are independent and whom don’t want to give their time and energy to us. This means, if you are an artist, you will be surrounded by people who are practical nine to five workers, who constantly put down irrational, impractical, irresponsible people who think it’s appropriate to follow their heart. You get the point. But the sad part is, because of this rejection that we feel from the people around us (which ultimately stems from our own rejection of our own truth as children in order to fit into the world we were raised in), we begin to feel as if there is something fundamentally wrong with us.
If we are out of touch with the way we feel and disconnected from our own truth, pretty soon we cannot figure out what we like and don’t like. We cannot figure out why we are doing what we are doing or how we ended up where we ended up. It’s as if we just let ourselves float into a tide and drifted here, to wherever this is. Emotionally, it will literally feel as if we have “drifted” or are “drifting”. This, along with emotional numbness, is the emotional hallmark of feeling lost.
With thanksgiving right around the corner, most of us are sure to face the tyranny of “should”. It is sure to be projected onto you by those who profess to love you. This holiday, I urge you to keep the volume of your navigation system on high. Keep your duct tape in storage and follow your compass no matter which direction people tell you that you should or shouldn’t go. Because your life is waiting!