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Why Get Married?

rings.jpgI am in the middle of doing an Ask Teal Episode on Marriage.  I have been watching a series of proposal videos and wedding videos on you tube to inspire me towards what needs to be said about marriage.  I am what you’d call a “serial monogamist” who has the intention of being a happy life long monogamist. I started thinking about myself and the true reason that I chose to be in monogamous relationships and get married.  After all, people ask me all the time why I chose to do it, given that it is a “restriction of love”.  So I am going to list my reasons:

  1. In the physical dimension, we live in a binary universe.  This duality is a source of contrast.  The unification of this duality is bliss.  Marriage provides us the opportunity to live out the physical expression of this unification of dual aspects.
  2. Through the symbolic act of public pair bonding, other people feed energy to the union.  It is a declaration of love.  A powerful setting of intention.
  3. It provides security within the commitment that allows both partners to open to intimacy fully. On an emotional level, physical level and spiritual level.
  4. I am committed to self-awareness and to transformation and expansion, all of which are greatly served by marriage at this time.  It takes great growth to merge with another.  It is an opportunity to exercise a great many spiritual practices.  It provides the opportunity to see yourself reflected through someone else.
  5. It provides an opportunity to heal the wounds of prior primary relationships (with parents especially).  Relationships can harm us if they are damaging.  We cannot heal damage done in relationships by being alone.  Damage done in relationships must be healed by relationships.  If we are insecure because our primary relationships were insecure, marriage provides a secure relationship and what you find is that it teaches people to become secure.
  6. Being in love makes you want to declare it and make it known to the world.  It also makes you want to bond with them in a sacred way.
  7. I wanted the nation states to recognize the union and recognize us as a family, which enables us to stay together and work in whichever country we decide to live in.
  8. I wanted to take his last name because I love it and it suits me and it suits my transformation into a new phase of my life.  And it fits in perfectly with my career path.
  9. Many conservative countries or regions would not recognize the relationship if we were not married, and it would be an emotional and legal and logistical hassle, which is important in my line of work where I need to visit these countries.
  10. It guarantees that we have legal rights with regards to each other.  (Just ask a Gay couple how hard this one can be if you’re not legally recognized as a spouse)
  11. To be honest, the idea of bringing a child (if we ever decide to have one) into this society at this point in time, out of wedlock, makes me really nervous on many levels.
  12. Marriage does provide a level of security that I have never experienced outside of marriage.  It gives a sense of structure and stability and I feel as if I have a partner who is publicly committed to my wellbeing.  This security enables me to become more and “fly to greater heights”.
  13. The intention of a union being permanent, provides an added sense of relationship security and that enables us to open our hearts to each other to deeper intimacy and not protect ourselves from loss or separation.
  14. As for restricting sexual expression to only each other, if his attention is on someone else or mine is on someone else (ie: another woman he is having sex with or another man I’m having sex with), it’s a breach of intimacy between the two of us.  Honestly, even my self worth would be affected by his choice to be with another woman instead of me.  It would mean that he desired intimacy with her more than he desired it with me.  And if I desired to be with another man instead of him, it would mean I desired intimacy with that person more than I desired it with him.  Until our self-concept is removed from our partner and our energies are literally capable of expressing fully to all people simultaneously, we are faced with having to make the choice of giving our energy to one person over another.  If I chose someone over him sexually or otherwise, there is no point to being in a committed relationship with him.  Besides trust has the potential to make sex even more awesome!
  15. Because of the intense intention and promise of marriage, it serves as a reminder and motivation to both couples to put the necessary energy into each other and the relationship (or it should… if both partners don’t take marriage to mean that their marriage is guaranteed and therefore they no longer need to “try” or put forth energy into the relationship).
  16. Because it is a commitment of recognition, witnessed by community, family and society, there is energy coming from outside sources to help the couple stay unified.  Our society is dependent on coupling currently and so it is set up to support the couple instead of the individual.  Family support for the union comes as a result of marriage because they feel more secure that they are not going to become connected to a person and then lose them.

And car repair shops don’t hassle me as much! haha

I want to know your answers!  If you don’t want to get married, why don’t you want to get married?  If you are married, why are you married?  If you want to get married, why do you want to get married?

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I would rather make up some kind of soul unification ceremony, where our friends and family are present. I don't know why but the societal conditioning surrounding marriage and weddings greatly goes against my internal guidance system. But I'm a real romantic and unfortunately I do secretly believe there's one person out there for just me. So maybe I'll get married one day.......... 

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Marriage to me is exhaustion.  I've never planned on getting married, and although in a long-term relationship (successful or not, I haven't decided yet), I don't ever plan on it.  I think it's a religious title that brings nothing to what should already be there and if anything, just makes the government and people who need money from you more in your business.  I think it is over-complicating, creates a sense of fantasy temporarily blockading reality, and is highly unnecessary.  I have not witnessed marriages or relationships I'm particularly envious of (I have been told that's sad, I think my standards are quite a bit different than most people's, so that rather annoyed me and I found it condescending), and I find the whole situation silly, and a reflection of humanity's desire for perfection and hence, constant disappointment, to be honest.  I choose to abolish the whole thing altogether.  No, I want to stop fussing with all of this fantasy and have what is real and LIVE, real and raw.  I do not want to live in a fantasy world, I want the positive and the negative.  I don't want this "party wedding" celebrating what is already right there.  Sillyness.  So marriage and it's whole ideology is out of the cards for me, for now anyway.  There's always exceptions to everything and I have a lot of life ahead of me.

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