• Top Down, Bottom Up

    emotionalcords.png The washcloth slid along the counter top, drinking up the last splashes of sink water.  I was in-between clients, haphazardly tidying up when it hit me… a terrible sensation of severing beneath my sternum.  A large energetic cord attachment that had been there for nearly two years was stripped in one fell swoop from my energy field.  Someone in my life had decided to end the attachment with me as punishment for feeling replaced.  Energetic attachments exist to bridge the perceived gap in connection.  At first glance, one might expect that cutting these cords is for the best and healthy.  But to sever them or cut them is to create further trauma within a system that created them as a result of the fear of separation.  To cut an energetic cord like that, is similar to cutting a breast off of a mother so that a baby is weaned.  An energetic cord must be loved to the degree that no need for it exists because in a state of love, there is no energetic separation and thus, no need for an attachment.  It simply dissolves.  When a cord is cut, I experience very high levels of trauma.  I cannot only feel it; I can also see it visually and hear it audibly.  When this cord was cut yesterday, on top of the feeling of severing and being forsaken, I could see the intense ‘bleeding out’ in my emotional body that occurred as a result.  I sat on the bathroom floor, attempting to repair the energy bleed with tears streaming down my face.

    mocanu-bw-blackwhite-tremendo-artistic-black-and-white-photography-woman-sadness-sad-beauty_large.jpg Sometimes, no matter how ‘practiced’ you are, your spiritual practice goes out the window and your vibration plummets.  When you become a spiritual teacher, you become a reflector for the world.  In other words, you become the projector screen for the world.  This makes ‘alignment’ even more important but ‘tests’ your alignment constantly.  I felt like someone had done surgery on my heart with a grapefruit spoon.  My chest felt like macerated crabmeat.  And I found myself in a vibration of hopelessness.  Hopelessness functions like a spider’s web.  The more desperate you feel, trying hard with effort to get out of it, the more ensnared you become.  But you try anyway and you line up with the most obnoxious experience on earth… I call it the ‘can’t reach the top shelf’ experience.

    The ‘can’t reach the top shelf’ experience happens when your vibration is low enough that all advice (especially high-vibe spiritual advice) serves to do is to make you more aware of how hopeless you are.  It makes you more aware of where you aren’t.  You want to be in a high vibrational place, but you literally can’t reach that place because the vibrational gap or disparity between where you are and where you want to be is just to big.  It’s as impossible to reach the vibrational top shelf as it is to jump the grand canyon and yet, everyone who is on the top shelf has the tendency to look at you quizzically and say things that can largely be reduced to “you just have to reach the top shelf” as if they don’t even see that you’ve been desperately trying to do that and failing at it for so long you are now reaching a place of despair.

    guru.jpg I’ve decided that one main reason I am so popular as a spiritual teacher and one reason I am so motivated to continue with my role here on earth, is that I personally detest the top down approach to spiritual practice.  And as such, the top down approach is not my teaching style.  The top down approach is the most traditional approach spiritual teachers take to spirituality.  The top down approach to spirituality is to offer teachings about the ‘end state’.  There is usually no how offered in end state teachings.  For example, if a spiritual teacher says, “you need to forgive” or “live from the heart” or “let go”, this is an end state teaching.  Forgiveness is the natural byproduct of an integration process that unfolds within a person.  You cannot just ‘decide’ to forgive like there is a button you can just push and forgiveness descends upon you.  If forgiveness were a button people could push, everyone would have pushed it a long ass time ago.  “Live from the heart” and “let go” are abstract concepts, experiences that cannot be conceptualized.

    When a spiritual teacher offers higher dimensional truths that do not mirror in the physical dimension, such as “all is one” or “you’re never alone”.  These also become top down teachings because they are a perspective that cannot be accessed from the purely temporal perspective.  Therefore, regardless of whether they are true or not, they are rendered ineffective and correct in theory, but non applicable.  In fact, they can be at times downright harmful because presenting them to someone in a low enough vibrational state can cause that person to slip into the hopelessness of how they ‘should’ perceive the world in contrast to how they ‘do’ perceive the world.  This pushes people into believing something is inherently wrong with them.

    In my opinion, regardless of whether wonderful, high vibrational (high dimensional) spiritual truths are true or not, they are theoretical unless they can be directly applied to your life.  They are as fictitious in the lower dimensional realities as a unicorn.  If I were to tell you, “you’ll be fine, you just have to find the unicorn”, chances are that wouldn’t make you feel good, it would make you feel hopeless.  When one is currently in the three dimensional reality and suffering from the separation inherent in that perspective, “you are never alone” is a useless spiritual truth to offer even though it is true, because you can clearly look around your room and see you are the only one there and hear the loud silence of isolation and so, it causes an internal war between the reality you are perceiving and the reality you think you ‘should’ be perceiving.  This road leads to despair and self-hate.

    LighthouseImage.jpg The typical spiritual teacher would say that presenting these truths, calls people towards their eternal selves like a lighthouse beaconing a ship to shore.  I’m not going to disagree with that.  You can plant the seeds of awakening in people’s beings and watch them germinate.  But to me, primarily teaching from the top down opens the door wide for creating ‘can’t reach the top shelf’ experiences within people.  Also, you run the risk of not being able to ‘reach’ people of a low enough vibration.  To present very high vibrational spiritual truths to a person, who is currently in a very low vibration, is like broadcasting a radio signal at 67.8 fm to someone whose dial is tuned to 98.5 am.  They will not be able to receive and thus perceive the signal.  This is why it is so important to be attuned enough to who is in front of you, to teach according to where they currently are.

    The_ladder_of_life_is_full_of_splinters_0.jpg The down up approach to spirituality is to offer practices or steps which if used, open the person up to the personal experience of the high level spiritual truths.  The down up approach, offers teachings of a vibrational range that are in the vicinity of where a person is to create incremental vibrational increase.  Even as a lover of philosophy, I prefer practical spirituality to philosophical spirituality.  And no other time does this preference show up louder than when I, myself am having a ‘can’t reach the top shelf’ experience.   I am hoping that over the course of my career, this personal preference makes me, as well as my ‘teachings/offerings’ accessible to people.  I don’t want to sell high-level spiritual truths like a different version of heaven; the dream state we all want to get to but feel is above and beyond us.

    I understand why I have incarnated like I have at moments like this.  Like everyone else, I have two very distinct points of perspective within me, the temporal self and the eternal self.  Most people are completely identified with the temporal self and so their life’s goal is to become dis-identified enough with their temporal self that they become aware of and connect to their eternal self.  But I was born able to dis-identify and identify with both perspectives to the degree that I can literally switch between the two.  But the goal of my life is to completely integrate these two points of perspective.  By doing so in my own life, I will teach the world how to close the gap between the temporal self and the eternal self.  It is very frustrating when I have a ‘can’t reach the top shelf experience’ because I quite literally could reach the top shelf in a second… by jumping out of my temporal self-perspective and into my eternal perspective.  But by doing so, I leave the temporal self where it is.  It is more like abandonment than integration and I will return right back to the vibration the temporal self held once I return to it.  To become a living embodiment of the eternal self, I must merge the two perspectives.  It’s like a spiritual version of ‘no man left behind’.  I escaped into this eternal self-perspective during the abuse in my childhood.  But escapism is not on the menu of my life any more.  I want to take all of me with me into a state of living enlightenment.  Anything less, feels profoundly out of alignment.

    Lighthouse-Park.jpg

    Today, the bottom to top approach looks like this: Make a list of things you appreciate about your current life; things that are positive and are going right.  It is not possible to think a thought of appreciation or gratitude and think a thought that vibrates at hopelessness at the same time.  It is like an antidote to thoughts that try to convince you that life is going badly.  Perhaps post your answers in the comment section below.


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    Things I appreciate about my life today

    • birth control, and its ability to slow my body down so that i can function in the world in a stable way
    • meditation, and the things that it revealed to me about myself today
    • modern medicine and doctors, even though they aren't holistic in their approach, they fix things when they need to be fixed, and i love them for that
    • ayurvedic medicine. because it feels right, and because it has confirmed to me much about my body and emotions that i had intuited already.
    • cute journals, stationery, and planners. oh my god, i love organizing
    • delicious vegan curries
    • healthy, whole foods that make me feel so good and alive
    • being girly and cute af in my life all the time
    • rediscovering my creativity and passion for life! i didn't realize how stagnant i had been, and i'm so grateful for the epiphanies i have been having today.
    • my phone, for connecting me to the world and my friends
    • my mom for trying
    • my dad for caring
    • cuticle oil, for making my hands and nails so nice
    • teal's 3rd eye opening process... it's so intense and fun, and scary, wtf.
    • sensual, inspiring bedrooms
    • how well i am going to be taking care of myself, and how well i already am...
    • how intuitive i am and how sensitive i am to energy
    • letting myself do things that feel good, not just things that i have to do
    • making amazing food!!!

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