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Their Lives In My Hands, My Life In Their Hands

I remember being a teenager and listening to the rap song from Notorious BIG ‘Mo Money Mo Problems’.  The chorus of the song is: “I don't know what they want from me.  It's like the more money we come across, the more problems we see.” Yes, this is the point at which it shocks everyone that a spiritual figure (me) doesn’t only listen to ambient spiritual music and Indian flute.  In fact, I love rap.  I love rap played at full blast on a subwoofer.  I blame the fact that I have the same birthday as 2 Pac for this ? Anyway, I remember considering this idea that success; (especially fame in this case) had a downside.  But as a teenager, it was abstract for me at that time.  It was someone else expressing their struggle with the pressures of success.  This week, I caught myself carrying out the multiplicity of errands I had to run (every one of them caused by the complications of fame) with these lyrics running through my head on repeat.  This time, I had a whole new personal understanding of those lyrics. 
red-carpet-1842849_640.jpgFame is an insurmountable pressure.  There are SO many problems that come with fame that it is no surprise that stars end up committing suicide or visiting rehab centers.  Problems like:

  • Never knowing for sure if someone is a friend of yours or just someone pretending to be, so as to catapult their own self-esteem or career manipulatively with your fame as the springboard.
  • Betrayal everywhere you look.  Never being able to fully trust people and being terrified to let anyone too close for fear that the second there is any conflict with them (an inevitability in relationships) they will run to the press or to your hate groups with the intimate things you trusted them with. 
  • Being a huge target for inevitable law suits carried out simply because people want to bring you down or because they want to blackmail you into paying them just so you can avoid a public scandal splashed all over the media.  Opposition of you is how they get a sense of significance and fame.
  • People provoking you in horrific ways just so they can get the headline they want.
  • Everything you say being taken out of context so as to paint the picture a specific journalist wants to paint of you.
  • Everything gets magnified.  If a normal person gets mad, it’s a person getting mad… which people do.  If someone famous gets mad, because of the social power they hold, they are seen as a nightmare.  This is even truer if they are a spiritual figure and therefore expected to be the example of non-reactivity.
  • Damned if you do damned if you don’t scenarios at every turn.  For example, if you don’t expose your personal life, they say you aren’t relatable.  If you do expose your personal life and become relatable, they discredit you as an authority and begin to give you advice.
  • Once you get big enough to hire a team of people, you now have the pressure of tons of other people on your shoulders.  You experience things like company politics, taking the fall for other people on the team making mistakes, managing people, expenses rising with every extra dollar you make, bringing with it the pressure to keep up with those expenses.  Not being able to grow at all unless those expenses are paid and therefore having to stay successful enough and in favor enough with fans to support not just you, but the lives of several other individuals and their families (just to name a few things).
  • bodyguard-247684_640.jpgHaving to worry about security and have bodyguards because of the incredible amount of unstable personalities that become obsessed or haters, both of which are willing to kill if they are unstable enough.  
  • Because of the power that comes with fame, you become the projection of every person’s relationship to authority.  This especially means being the recipient of everyone’s displaced issues with, and unmet needs relative to, mom and dad.
  • You stop being seen and treated as human.  People say whatever they want about you and do whatever they want to you as if you were an object.  If you have feelings about it, people tell you “what do you expect?  This is what comes with fame.”
  • The ‘crab in the bucket’ syndrome is no joke.  When you get success, you meet with incredible opposition.  People with low self-esteem either idolize you, in which case it is impossible not to disappoint them one day.  Or they dedicate themselves to trying to knock you down and find fault with you so they can feel better about themselves in comparison to you.  If these people find validation through other people looking to do the same, you have a recipe for a whole hate group dedicated to taking you down in any way they can.  And this makes the world become very predatory. 
  • Being judged for being successful and people hating you for making money even more so than being judged for not being successful.  
  • Not being included by or treated as if you belong with people who you knew before you got famous.
  • Your kids growing up with totally abnormal lives and feeling intensely guilty for this.  This includes having their parent traveling all the time, having to hear everyone’s opinions about their parent, being condemned by virtue of association and having to grow up worrying about whether their parent is going to die.  This means people who have read bad press on the internet calling the police and child protective services to check up on your child.  This means all the parents at your kid’s school not allowing their kids to come play at your house and raising hell with the principal just in case what they read on the internet is true.  This means having to get security for your child due to threats you receive not just against you, but against your kids.
  • People assuming all kinds of things about you and your relationships that are absurdly and totally untrue.  They misinterpret things as well.  In many cases, you have no way to set the record straight.  Or you are in a damned if you do, damned if you don’t position relative to responding.  If you do set the record straight, you will spend your life answering to opposition instead of doing your job and people will condemn you for being defensive.  Or people take your lack of response as confirmation that what was assumed and stated is true.    
  • Slander works.  As if it isn’t hard enough to succeed without opposition, you will be faced with trying to succeed in spite of everyone else.  Honestly think back to standing in line at the grocery store.  When you see the headline “Angelina Cheats on Brad, The Babysitter Tells All”, either you buy the whole story hook line and sinker. After all it is someone close to the family (the babysitter) that said so.  Or you wonder whether it is true or not. It plants a seed.  Either way, it does affect the way you feel about the person because you now see them through the filter of that slander.  When you are famous, your reputation precedes you, whether it is true or not.  And you get to feel the tension of that filter that precedes you meeting with people all the time.     
  • Press and people who were close but decide to turn against you either intimately know or have a 6th sense for what hurts the most, your greatest weak spots and what you are the most sensitive about.  It is always that place that they choose to attack you.    
  • metaphor-1209691_640.jpgUnless you are in the mood to be ‘on stage’ and have every move you make or thing you wear scrutinized, you become a hermit.  
  • Fame is intensely, intensely isolating.  Your chance at having successful relationships goes down like crazy.  It is nearly impossible to find someone who is actually compatible to you because no one cares whether or not you are compatible to them.  So many people are with you simply because of the image they hold in their head of who they think you are and what they can get from you.  You become an accessory to someone else’s sense of self.  And worse than that, so many people who would be good friends or partners cannot handle the many pressures that come with fame and also the way it isolates you and they do not choose that kind of exposed and limited lifestyle for themselves, so they distance themselves from you.  It becomes too hard for a multitude of reasons to be friends with people who don’t understand and can’t handle the business and reality of fame.  As a result, you end up for self-preservation sake, having to associate primarily with other super successful and famous people, who are also isolating, distrusting and insanely busy.     

This is a very short list of some of the problems that come with fame.  And they are so painful it is ineffable.  As so many of the people around me in my close circle can tell you personally, it is something you only really get when you are on this side of it.  
photographers-16724_640.jpg.8fd6fa54190a57035c4b9ac0ab2ddd85.jpgTo be totally authentic, this last three years has been a real struggle for me in terms of the problems that come with fame.  The music and movie stars get their relationships and characters shredded.  But spiritual figures, much like politicians, are famous for their opinions.  This means not only will our relationships and characters be shredded; we will also be targeted and shredded for whether we help or harm people in general.  This not only destroyed my personal life, it also led to a rash of periodicals in places like The Guardian and Daily Mail that have created a level of controversy surrounding me that is so intense, many people are afraid to even associate with me at all.  

Way back in the day, when I was still seeing individual clients, I saw a woman named Leslie Wangsgaard whenever she felt the need for a visit.  I was very close to Leslie.  She was not only seeing me for help, she was also simultaneously under the care of a psychiatrist and on medication for anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts.  I had a trip planned to go into the desert for a solar eclipse.  It was my first vacation in 4 years.  But in a heart crushing turn, that was the exact time that Leslie went into crisis and ended up killing herself.  When I got back into cell phone range, I had a few voicemails.  The first few were distress messages from both Leslie and her husband asking for a session with me at my earliest convenience.  Then, a desperate message from Leslie’s husband informing me that Leslie had killed herself with her prescription medication.  It was the first time I had ever been in a ‘mentor/guide’ position relative to someone that had committed suicide.  I had been told by psychologists that I knew before that time, that the day inevitably comes in every therapist’s career that someone you worked with will commit suicide and it makes you doubt the choice to become a therapist.  I am not a psychologist.  But I found out first hand exactly what they were taking about.  For three days, I fell into a career/purpose crisis.  Just like everyone else around Leslie, I searched for how I could have done something to prevent it.  I felt guilty that I hadn’t been there when she needed me.  I was very attached to her as a person and to her husband as well.

Unfortunately at that time, we had taken on a very unstable volunteer named Cameron Clark.  When the entire team decided Cameron was a liability because of her divisive and antagonistic, mentally disturbed behavior and needed to be sent home, Cameron turned against me and became one of my principal haters.  She went straight to anyone with a following who publicly attacked spiritual teachers looking for help to take me down.  She found assistance.  Unfortunately, the two weeks she stayed in the community was exactly during the time that Leslie committed suicide.  Cameron was in close enough vicinity to me to see me cry about Leslie’s death and express my regret that I had not been there when she went into crisis.  And so the first thing she did, going straight for my weak spot, was to create slander flyers that said “Leslie Ann Wangsgaard (birth date and death date)...  Goes to Teal for a session and commits suicide…  What would you think?”  This was where the slander rumor that equated me to a person that causes people to commit suicide began.  

One hate article led to two and three, all of which took this same provocative angle.  When I addressed these claims, I went public with my opinions on suicide in general.  I went public not only as a spiritual mentor, but also having been someone who attempted suicide myself as a teen.  Pretty soon, regardless of the fact that I never intended for suicide to be my career focus, I developed a reputation for being a person who is specializing (and apparently in a controversial way) in suicide. Regardless of the fact that it is complete fallacy, people started treating me like an accessory to suicide.  

Because suicide is such a juicy headline, this has become a situation that has been the focus of nearly every interview.  Earlier this year, a writer for Gizmodo Media Group (which is operated by the Media group that bought out Gawker when it went into bankruptcy losing a law suit for its slander against Hulk Hogan) posed as a neutral journalist looking to cover my story.  Instead, this writer wrote an investigative piece and several podcasts that were so biased against me that I had other journalists contacting me to apologize for the lack of professional journalism of their colleague and to request interviews to do more balanced periodicals.  He did interviews with several experts, such as doctors involved with The Completion Process, in which out of the hours of positive things they had to say, he would extract the one thing they would say that could cast doubt in people’s minds and include that alone in the podcast.  Our team trusted him and gave him all the information and access he asked for.  While he pretended to be an ally, it was all spun against me in the end.  To put it mildly, if I first heard about me from his podcast, I would think I was a monster.  But the most important thing to know about this journalist is that he too chose the juicy angle of posing the idea that I harm people because of my approach to suicide.  What has happened in the wake of this article has led to a situation that has shocked every member of our team. 

suicide-2347543_640.jpgNo one wants to talk about controversial things like suicide.  It is easier to just wash your hands clean of things and refer people to a suicide hotline.  But I have talked about it.  I talked about it in response to this chain reaction that started with Cameron Clark’s absurd strategy to take me down with what would really hurt years ago.  I talked about it not only for the sake of my own career, but also because people who are suicidal have no advocates and we are approaching suicidal ideation in the wrong way precisely because people do not understand suicidal people and therefore do not understand how to approach them.  Getting a degree in psychology or psychiatry from a classroom in a college does not mean that someone can understand the mental and emotional state of someone who is suicidal.  As a result, the approaches to suicide prevention that exist in the world today are not adequate.  Unfortunately, I had to find this out personally back when I was trying to get help for it and literally kept running into either no help or ‘professionals’ making it worse no matter how much they meant well.  Now, I am facing three problems.

  1. My haters have seen this as a great leverage tool to take me down.   The media craze around me and suicide specifically has created a situation where now on a weekly basis, we receive threats that people will kill themselves so as to take me down. 
  2. My very manipulative fans who are partial to victim control drama are using it now as a way to force me into doing what they want.  They are threatening that if I don’t let them stay at my retreat center Philia or solve their problems, they will commit suicide, so I have to help them personally or do what they want if I don’t want more bad press relative to suicide and blood on my hands.
  3. I am one of the only people in the field of health and wellness being associated with suicide and directly addressing it with my opinion on how it should be approached.  As a result, now suicidal people who are actually in need of help are flocking to my workshops and retreats in droves.  I both love this because I do want to help people who are struggling with suicidal ideation and hate this because of the insane liability it poses.  What happens if someone who was suicidal comes to me for help but commits suicide?  Am I to be blamed for it?  It quite literally feels like I have been made responsible for people’s lives and deaths.  

question-mark-1019820_640.jpgThe honest truth that no one wants to admit is that no one in the mainstream mental health field knows what to do with suicidal people and it is an epidemic in the world today.  It is such a problem that even the government is trying to figure out what to do.  If you drug suicidal people, it doesn’t deal with the underlying problem and so many of the people who commit suicide are on prescribed mental health medication already.  So the medication itself isn’t the solution.

If someone goes into the hospital when they are suicidal, it costs them an arm and a leg financially (at least in America) so people are looking at an even worse life on the other side of being released than before they went in.  It may get someone past a crisis.  But no one can turn the underlying issues creating suicidal ideation around in a day or a week stay in a hospital.  So inevitably, they return.  On top of that, so many of the people who commit suicide never say a thing to anyone about it and simply kill themselves.  Those who try to get help for it are not wanting to die.  They are wanting help to get out of pain, which they feel totally powerless to do.

On top of that, so few crisis hotline interventionists and psychologists have dealt with being suicidal or tried to commit suicide themselves.  As a result, they approach suicidal mentality from the outside looking in.  This does not work.  For example, there is nothing worse than hearing words of hope from someone when you are suicidal.  Telling someone who is suicidal that there is a good reason to live or that suicide is the easy way out or reminding them that it destroys people around them is a death sentence. 
I so badly want to change the way that the mental health field approaches suicidal individuals.  I so badly want to help people who are in this space that I was in.  But I do not want my entire mission brought down because someone who came to me for help decides to commit suicide.  I would love for someone to see me as a key factor for why they did not commit suicide.  But is it fair to make someone, whether it is a psychologist or psychiatrist or life coach or spiritual leader  responsible for whether someone decides to take their own life?
fear-4208770_640.jpgIn the 1980s, some of Osho’s disciples established Rancho Rajneesh.  It was essentially an intentional community of his, consisting of people who followed his teachings, in Oregon.  The local community was really upset by the idea of a religious community, which they saw as a cult, moving into the area.  Some tolerated it, others were absolutely up in arms determined to prevent the commune from establishing itself there.  Multiple legal battles ensued.  Some of his unstable followers decided in response to frustration regarding the opposition they were met with, to carry out a biological attack in 1984, the year I was born.  They deliberately contaminated the salad bars at several local restaurants in order to incapacitate the people who would vote against them so their own candidates would win the Wasco County Elections.  751 people were infected.  That was meant to be simply a trial run before infecting the entire water system.  Because of their association with Osho, Osho was placed under investigation for the crime and faced being charged with the crime.  Because there was no evidence to prove he knew about any of it, he was not arrested for the poisoning.  Instead, he was arrested for immigration violation.  For people, like myself, who are leading a spiritual movement, we live in terror of situations like Osho got himself into.  We live in terror of being unable to control what other people in our following do and don’t do, but being made responsible for it.

As a result of this press campaign against me, I live in fear of being unable to control whether someone ultimately decides to take their life, but being made responsible for it.  I live in fear that I will be blamed for not being able to prevent it.  I live in fear that I will be accused of somehow contributing to someone’s decision to do it, even though my aim is to help someone want to live.  I live in fear that a hater of mine, or someone who turns against me, will try to take down my career in this insanely aggressive move to “kill two birds with one stone” (what the last person who threatened us actually threatened to do).  I live in fear that someone will kill themselves if I don’t do what they want me to do, which is to take them into my retreat center as an act of charity/implied duty.  They want me to be totally responsible for them financially and emotionally, which is something I cannot do.  I cannot afford to take in suicidal people as if they were stray cats or orphaned children as much as I wish there were somewhere in the world that could do this.  I also know that when I refer them to the hospital or suicide crisis hotline (which I do if someone is actively threatening in a crisis to commit suicide, as opposed to trying to get help with their chronic suicidal thoughts or feelings) it solves nothing long term and usually traumatizes them further.  This is an issue that no one really has a good solution for.  But I am curious if anyone has any thoughts to share in the comments below this blog. 

no-symbol-39767_640.jpgWhile all of this terrifies me (and the whole team to be honest), it has also inspired me.  The unexpected avalanche of focus on suicidality in general has made me aware of just how much this issue needs to be talked about and needs to cease to become taboo.  It is a serious subject.  But if it continues to be taboo, and continues to be a subject we all want to avoid in order to stay safe and emotionally clean, the people who so desperately need help with it will never get the help they need.  Metaphorically speaking, the blood will be on all of our hands.  For this reason, I will continue to speak about it.  I will continue to speak about it, hoping that people will see that I am an advocate of a life worth living for those who feel like I once felt... That all life is, is suffering. 

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I think the breaking open of truth (light..in dark) makes the unhealthy ego snap in more clearly (fear, controlstructures). Since the „choice for love“ is so intreaging and universal ground, the ego feels manipulated (it’s own language) by it. Ego just snaps in stronger and clearer. But  in that sense choice doesn’t really seem fairly and freely enforced, god. In the „end“ we will have to make the choice for love. Which funny enough doesn’t seem free. It seems like only a matter of endurance, where the point of  suffering becomes clear. So the ego seems like a disconnected god. But then again a certain dissconnection is needed to take a INDIVIDUAL choice. The egos concern for survival makes it alway about a battle to win over the other. And the strength of the beaten down by it is the point of nothing left to loose, uncovering true free will. Easy said, but not easy survived. In practical life I have not found a formula how to correspond to the ego..perhaps, since cought in the mind, by moving into the heart or staying clear in the minds gained conciousnes..focus? Ego needs justification, but giving it that won’t help. Perhaps asking for the motive..it will say truth. So how is truth gained. Where and on what level does one choose to settle? Accepting their „will“ to create harm..how behold bounderies in a connected way?

I considre being mentally ill of life. The given thoughtpatterns (I live in Switzerland) if not compliend to create your own murdering. The „peace“ restored, creates internal living hell. And I was born into a material worldview (also enforced by esoteric claims) only my story has brought me to believe (nothing else left) in hope and trust. What I mean is, not properly equipped for this, god. I‘ld love to have a loophole to the law of attraction, but I understand the danger in motives. 

The moment, the heart, consciousness chosen and gained is what I‘m left with. And I don’t know how to deal with ego. Perhaps in it‘s own suffering, which it avoids, then, over time, it will be left with only one thing: what is true. True to them and true to you. Playing the game of life to universal truth. Hello god, do you know yourself now? Here is me talking to me: let connected power rain down! Give all your power (givin, inherent, not taken)  dive in..and make it worth living, will ya.


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On 8/14/2018 at 5:07 AM, Majin Ben said:

You have R Mars and R Saturn in Scorpio so you are someone who dives fearlessly into the taboo and uncomfortable darkness with focus and maturity. I've experienced a lot of suicidal ideation and it is really unpleasant, I feel like I can provide some insight on a true solution... I have had a NDE where I crossed over and honestly I feel like death is pretty beautiful as a result of what I experienced, so I don't blame people for wanting to escape the madness and pain of life. Humanity is totally disconnected in this old paradigm from the truth of who, what, when, where, how and why they are. This disconnection causes the misery and suffering, so you are hunnit percent correct in saying we need to reconnect.

On the surface level, I can say that in treating my condition a product called colloidal gold really helped me, and I always recommend this for people going through depression. In addition, I believe that wireless frequencies and gut flora/probiotics play a huge factor in mental health, so I raise awareness about that as well. In healing our emotional body, we must consider the positive impact of conscious eating to help balance unstable thoughts and emotions, and re-calibrate the spirit.  A supportive community is important, where you can be authentic and intimate and heart-centered and grow together without judgement. Nature is therapeutic, hugging trees and grounding, fresh air, sunshine, pure water, creation. Entheogenic substances used respectfully in safe environments can also really help bring the unconscious to the surface and connect new neural pathways to open up new possibilities previously not thought of.

But what truthfully kept me going was much deeper than all that.

The only reason I am still here is because of my Dharmic soul purpose and sense of self. I know who I am. I know what I'm supposed to do in this world. I know how necessary I am. That's what saved me.

Astrology has given me even more insight and confirmation into this, but it is this deep sense of self and sense of my place in this universe that was the key for me and that has given me a sense of.... unconditional self love? pride? duty? obligation? reason? purpose? courage? I found a reason, something to believe in. 

My Dharma is to establish Anark-Eden (true freedom in paradise) on planet Earth, to inspire and initiate a Conscious Human Uprising 2018-2025. I feel like this concept I have been envisioning and manifesting can provide everyone with a light at the end of the tunnel, where currently people see hopelessness and no way out! This is what it provided me. Anarkeden is astrologically aligned, divinely inspired, spiritually encouraged, and most importantly, it helps people discover their self, creates a beautiful, good and COMFORTABLE life that no one would want to escape from, and it would really connect people with the truth of this universe exponentially. 

Anark-Eden is a decentralized, wild system harmonized with Natural Law; a symbiotic, mutually-beneficial, ecologically-stimulating, spiritually-liberating, automatic-abundance economy, never before tried – except in Atlantis! By rising above the old paradigm and channeling our energy towards mutually-beneficial initiatives, we will create a thriving state of Anarkeden!

The Uprising involves a lot of emotional and personal work, as well as collaboration to co-create a symbiotic life, the solution strategy is available on my website for free. I feel this is vitally important because depression is a symptom of a much larger causal issue which is society is broken and people are unconscious and disconnected from the Love vibration.

It is those whom refuse to acknowledge suicide or any of the darkness in human society that are causing more, through their ignorance and denial and lack of personal responsibility to own up to their own contribution to this condition and their own ability to make a difference.

By working from this causal plane of reality - the why before manifestation - we can provide true and permanent shamanistic healing to this planet and prevent and mitigate these symptoms from manifesting in the first place.

This is the true solution to every single problem humanity faces and I know you are already aware of this. I just feel the word Anark-Eden is a very beautiful vibration and can be used as a mechanism to initiate a RISE in consciousness and LOVE and inspiration in order to reclaim our Right to Freedom in the Garden of Eden. I can't do it alone but I believe this idea has so much potential.


Poor Health
Artificial Scarcity
Violent System
Unhealed Trauma
Unconscious Parenting
Unnatural Environment



Conscious Parenting
Natural Environment


PS: "Never knowing for sure if someone is a friend of yours or just someone pretending to be, so as to catapult their own self-esteem or career manipulatively with your fame as the springboard."

I genuinely think your work is really awesome and want u to know my only motivation is to free humanity, heal the environment, and end suffering on planet earth. I don't want to make a career of it, not looking for fame, of course I'd love some money but I am providing my content for free as a philanthropist. I just want to share the idea with as many people as I can because I am so enlivened and impassioned by it and excited for what it can achieve in reality once enough people see it.

Thank you so much for sharing this. Wowee. Thank you.

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Hi Team. 

I came across Teal give or take 8 or 9 years ago. Via You-Tube. I was severely wounded in all realms of my past and my current life at the time of finding her teachings. 

I was suicidal beyond. Attempts after attempts. I'd been mentally disassociating severely from my body. There was no way I would still be here if it wasn't for finding Teals teachings.

I am very aware to this day, that I have Teal and Blake to thank for those early videos. 

I reflect back from time to time as to the very reason I have healed so much and am still  in this 3D dimension. And it was all because of you.

So there's a feather in your cap.

A suicidal person has the seed planted from the very first suicidal idiation and it becomes a tunnel vision kind of focus. Essentially a bad habit that they keep practicing whenever they feel pain. The responsibility is entirely on them as to how they want to move away from the bad habit of feeling that suicide is the only solution. I had to find a way to call forth the strength to choose a way that was healthier. Less victim oriented. Beforehand I blamed my suicidal habitual thinking and way of being on an array of things. People. Circumstances. Instead of saying "my life feels bloody awful. How can I navigate my way out of it."

In your position, when faced with suicidal people, refer them to your videos. That's what you created them for.

You gave me those tools and I was serious enough to follow them. 

I have cast aside so many spiritual teachers. A new one pops up every day. And you are still my go to spiritual anchor.

I have followed you precisely, blogs, workshops, vids, articles. I'm not interested in what any haters have said. Kat Von D has the most hateful fans on FB. Yet she is an absolute gift of a human on this planet. Her entire nature and her being does not deserve it.

If someone is suicidal, as a suggestion, as you requested us to send.... Just keep referring them to the videos that would help them most. 

We share birthdays, the struggle that we experience with our birthdays is that we are super sensitive and feel deeper than words can describe. We will literally lose sleep over an animal in distress. We feel everything at once. And we feel a great responsibility towards helping fix the entire world. We recoil when we feel judged or blamed. Because at essence, we are really constantly trying to assist in helping every being experience the very best of this life. 

Wow. I wanted to keep this short. But you need to know that you are touching more lives than you can even fathom. 

I'm in South Africa. You have been the only true constant in my life in nearly a decade. 


Edited by NinaNass

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On 8/15/2018 at 5:16 PM, MXO said:

Since you wrote "I am curious if anyone has any thoughts to share in the comments below this blog", below are my thoughts.


Backstory: I have been suicidal for a lot of time, and still am. Also, I have tried to commit suicide multiple times; however, in a way where I personally have a chance to stop it while in progress, rather than doing it the sure way and then accidentally being found and rescued by others.


Regarding the question in that slander flyer: "Goes to Teal for a session and commits suicide…  What would you think?"
I would think that even Teal could not help her at that time.
But can Teal help everyone?
What if we all would put such pressure on her, and require that she would and could help every single one?
What if we all also require that LeBron James would hit every single shot in every Basketball game, and also would win every game? And blame him if he doesn't.


Regarding the reputation of being a person who is specializing in suicide
TBH, you specialize in a lot of topics (including food haha), and you obviously are a specialist in suicide field as well. I don't know if your way is THE most effective way, but it is the most effective way I have seen so far.


I agree that people who are suicidal have (almost) no advocates. Most people that you tell about it just look at you in a strange way, and tell something similar like you wrote it:
-You just have to have hope;
-Well I, see the beauty in life. Of course, not everything is perfect, but I'm not walking around talking about suicides;
-You just have to see beauty in life, and stop being so pessimistic;
-You are dragging me down;
-Think how your family would feel;
-Well that's just an easiest way out, you have to be stronger, look at me, I also have bad days but I'm not complaining like you;

And so on.
(vomit emoji)
And later I'd be even in worse situation, thinking that I tried again, and got some stupid lecture again, so is it worth to try again?


Regarding those 3 problems:
1. Threats to commit suicides in order to take you down. In such case I would be just public about it (which you are haha). What is there to do about it? Hey, LeBron James, if you don't win that game, imma gon commit suicide.
2. The same answer as first one.
3. I think people are flocking to you because they feel relief, and the feeling that someone understands, for the first time in their lives.
"What happens if someone who was suicidal comes to me for help but commits suicide?"
- Nothing.
"Am I to be blamed for it?"
- Yes and No. Yes, because you are the universe and they are a part of you, haha. No, because ultimately it's their decision, and all other circumstances in person's life that led to that moment cannot just be ignored, and it's not like you force them to do it.


"It is such a problem that even the government is trying to figure out what to do."
hehe lol


You ARE changing the way that the mental field approaches suicidal individuals, by being you. Eventually, when there is a new, working, way, the old ways will have to dissipate. And of course no one measures how many times you prevented suicide, how do you even measure that? For example, you helped me with that multiple times, and you were a key factor in helping, but I'm not in any statistics for sure.


How to solve the problem, when someone is actively threatening in the crisis to commit suicide?
I don't know the universal answer, but I can tell my personal answer.
If I actively tried to kill myself, I would be fine (and even consider to not kill myself) if the person beside me would be like:
OK, I have no fucking idea what to do now.
I want to tell you something: I won't blame or shame you if you don't kill yourself, and I won't blame or shame you if you do kill yourself. And I also won't tell anyone about this, unless you want me to tell.
I assume you are in pain and suffering right now.
But I have no fucking idea what to do now.
And then, they should just do nothing, but just like sit there or something.

Another situation, is if someone is actively threatening to commit suicide from a distance or if it is some random person;
in this case, some of your hacks look perfect to me and helped me a lot:
(below is paraphrasing, not necessarily your words)
H-1: You can always kill yourself tomorrow (meaning, not now).
H-2: Try to find anything that feels like relief, in the next 1 or few minutes; the again, only for the next few minutes; fuck thinking long term, think what feels good now; something like play a video game, or take a bath, or play a song, or pet a cat, or something.
H-3: The knowing that you can end it all, is kinda liberating, and you don't have to heal it or fix it, you can always have this knowing as you friend actually.
H-4: The knowing why you are suicidal, helps: it's because you are in pain; in pain alone (even if among people); and see no end to it.
H-5: If the thought does not feel good it is not true from objective perspective.
H-6: You don't have something, it's because there is an aspect of you that doesn't want it.
H-7: We suffer not from the thing itself, but from resistance to that thing.
H-8: The life that you genuinely want to live is just on the other side of WANTING to be you, instead of agreeing with your antagonistic parent, that you should be someone else.

TBH, referring suicidal people to current-day hospital looks like wrong move (although I see how there can be situations when you are left no choice).
The person could be like "Really Teal? You are referring me to the fucking modern-day hospital?".

Referring them to crisis hotline could help, if that hotline is any good, and if you tell suicidal person - look, this is not a RANDOM hotline, this is a fucking GOOD hotline. But, TBH, the hotline operators should be trained by Teal, haha. Or, trained by those who are trained by Teal to train.

I think that your decision to refer them somewhere is good, and actually inevitable, because: if some hundred people would flock around you to help them, you could not do that physically. So it is inevitable that you have to refer (redirect). It seems to me that the problem is you don't have a good place to refer them to, so you are left with an option either to create that good place, or find it, or like now, to refer to some shitty or at-least-not-so-shitty place..


I love how you try to make a suicide topic not a taboo. Because of you, I already talked about this subject with like 5 people in a few years span. And they told me (all of them) that they actually know some suicidal people (but it's a taboo to talk about it). And I told them some of your hacks and how the fucking "life is beautiful" line does not work. So, your work is propagating, like ripples, across consciousnesses.


I love how you said that you will continue to speak about it.
Despite the shit going on.
It's not that you are fucking forcing your opinion and forcing to be it your way.
For fuck sake, if I don't like how someone does some shit, I just unfollow, ignore, and just don't give attention basically. The problem with you, is that your shit works.


Sorry for the long 2 cents.



Seriously I have read every line and you have come up with some incredible, well thought out ideas on how best to navigate this very tricky, and pervasive problem. Great feedback. Hats off to you.

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"This too shall pass".

Be very clear that you are not responsible for people's well being, they are.

We are given the wheat, but it is we who must make the bread.

As you well know, because of your position, you will often be the target of unconsciousness.

Any truly intelligent person can see that blaming you for someone's suicide is crazy.

But people want some one to blame, it's easier than facing the vulnerability, the horror, the darkness, the fragility.

You are pushing into some tender places, kick back is definitely to be expected and is perhaps unavoidable.

I for one, respect you deeply for taking this on regardless.

Root yourself deep down in the belly and keep plowing on, I know you will.


Luke x







Edited by EmbraceTotality

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Hi Teal, I enjoy your posts but I really REALLY like this particular blog because I have been suicidal in the past and the subject fascinates me AND because I’d always thought that being famous would be a nightmare. But it occurred to me that fame (my thoughts on the subject only scratch the surface, and you’re  saying the list isn’t  even comprehensive) hang ups would be good themes to address with a combination of the Completion Process and Byron Katie’s “the Work”. I have been doing both on myself and with others and the combo does such a brilliant job at diffusing the charges (that feel so real and substantial before CPing and “Work”ing) and I bet it could remove the charges listed. It would take some time, but to not be a match to the nightmares of fame would go a long way in making your  “Anatomy of Loneliness” book skyrocket to the top of the bestseller lists. Since I’m not famous  I’m prioritizing other themes BUT I’m completely enthralled by the “Connection Process” already. If that’s just an appetite whetter for AoL, I wanted to offer my two cents worth that if you can address a couple of the themes on your list with your own CProcess, I bet your AoL will be flying off the shelves and be virtually “selling themselves”. I’ve read about how hard you’ve worked doing interviews like crazy so the groundwork appears to be fully laid... maybe doing these processes would make things easier AND give you more peace in your upcoming mega-your. I personally can’t wait for AoL to come out...

Thanks for all your awesome efforts. Sending you good full moon energies today and congratulating you in advance for your AoL bestselling successes deep into the future!!!


Edited by Tclusener

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There's one part I want to question: You comparing yourself to Osho.

Osho came to a foreign country and basically took over a city. Shouldn't this "spiritually enlightened being" have known that he's basically taking away the city of Antelope that the locals really really want to be intact? Agreed that he wasn't responsible for his followers being unstable, but he should have known that his commune is ruining lives. Why didn't he know that his followers are resorting to arming themselves with AK 47s to protect themselves against the US government? As far as taking over the city bureaucracy is concerned, I don't know how responsible he was for that.

You're doing a really great job as far as inspiring people is concerned. You are wading some really uncharted territory and I perfectly understand your fears related to that. While I understand why you would want to compare yourself to Osho, I am a much bigger fan of you than I am of Osho! (to be honest) I really love you and I wish you all the best in facing your challenges.

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On 10/30/2018 at 3:24 AM, Parth said:

There's one part I want to question: You comparing yourself to Osho.

Osho came to a foreign country and basically took over a city. Shouldn't this "spiritually enlightened being" have known that he's basically taking away the city of Antelope that the locals really really want to be intact? Agreed that he wasn't responsible for his followers being unstable, but he should have known that his commune is ruining lives. Why didn't he know that his followers are resorting to arming themselves with AK 47s to protect themselves against the US government? As far as taking over the city bureaucracy is concerned, I don't know how responsible he was for that.

You're doing a really great job as far as inspiring people is concerned. You are wading some really uncharted territory and I perfectly understand your fears related to that. While I understand why you would want to compare yourself to Osho, I am a much bigger fan of you than I am of Osho! (to be honest) I really love you and I wish you all the best in facing your challenges.

I agree she is the most enlightened person I've found so far and I watch a good amount of content 

I feel like she has a great grasp on what people need 

Its odd that people meet her content with such distrust

She even has a degree

I'm not sure why people take information from people without using discernment

Thats my only explanation for why people are freaking out and buying guns to defend themselves from the government

Its as if they hear the content but take it out of context

They then use it justify their fears instead of fighting them within or ending the internal battle 

Which does help aid in healing the collective issues we all worry about it but the solutions are found within

before you can change the world you have to change yourself ya know 

this doesnt always get solved by just buying a gun 

that may actual just make the world worse off if you do it out of that type of fear

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hello Teal,

I know about suicide from both sides just like you do: my very own attempts, and how I lost 2 of my very bestest friends to suicide as well.

We both know how fast inner demons, memories and traumas and (perception of) the lack of a connection  can trigger somebody to wanna quit this hell at the speed of light. In other words, people really motivated to kill themselves may eventually do whatever the manner and sometimes without any prior warning like sending distress signals. We should never ever judge them.

From the text you wrote on the topic and from the standpoint I was when I read it I really don't think you are more of a suicide preacher than I am,  my dear Teal.

My inner little girl wants to hug yours, can she?












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