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Their Lives In My Hands, My Life In Their Hands

I remember being a teenager and listening to the rap song from Notorious BIG ‘Mo Money Mo Problems’.  The chorus of the song is: “I don't know what they want from me.  It's like the more money we come across, the more problems we see.” Yes, this is the point at which it shocks everyone that a spiritual figure (me) doesn’t only listen to ambient spiritual music and Indian flute.  In fact, I love rap.  I love rap played at full blast on a subwoofer.  I blame the fact that I have the same birthday as 2 Pac for this ? Anyway, I remember considering this idea that success; (especially fame in this case) had a downside.  But as a teenager, it was abstract for me at that time.  It was someone else expressing their struggle with the pressures of success.  This week, I caught myself carrying out the multiplicity of errands I had to run (every one of them caused by the complications of fame) with these lyrics running through my head on repeat.  This time, I had a whole new personal understanding of those lyrics. 
red-carpet-1842849_640.jpgFame is an insurmountable pressure.  There are SO many problems that come with fame that it is no surprise that stars end up committing suicide or visiting rehab centers.  Problems like:

  • Never knowing for sure if someone is a friend of yours or just someone pretending to be, so as to catapult their own self-esteem or career manipulatively with your fame as the springboard.
  • Betrayal everywhere you look.  Never being able to fully trust people and being terrified to let anyone too close for fear that the second there is any conflict with them (an inevitability in relationships) they will run to the press or to your hate groups with the intimate things you trusted them with. 
  • Being a huge target for inevitable law suits carried out simply because people want to bring you down or because they want to blackmail you into paying them just so you can avoid a public scandal splashed all over the media.  Opposition of you is how they get a sense of significance and fame.
  • People provoking you in horrific ways just so they can get the headline they want.
  • Everything you say being taken out of context so as to paint the picture a specific journalist wants to paint of you.
  • Everything gets magnified.  If a normal person gets mad, it’s a person getting mad… which people do.  If someone famous gets mad, because of the social power they hold, they are seen as a nightmare.  This is even truer if they are a spiritual figure and therefore expected to be the example of non-reactivity.
  • Damned if you do damned if you don’t scenarios at every turn.  For example, if you don’t expose your personal life, they say you aren’t relatable.  If you do expose your personal life and become relatable, they discredit you as an authority and begin to give you advice.
  • Once you get big enough to hire a team of people, you now have the pressure of tons of other people on your shoulders.  You experience things like company politics, taking the fall for other people on the team making mistakes, managing people, expenses rising with every extra dollar you make, bringing with it the pressure to keep up with those expenses.  Not being able to grow at all unless those expenses are paid and therefore having to stay successful enough and in favor enough with fans to support not just you, but the lives of several other individuals and their families (just to name a few things).
  • bodyguard-247684_640.jpgHaving to worry about security and have bodyguards because of the incredible amount of unstable personalities that become obsessed or haters, both of which are willing to kill if they are unstable enough.  
  • Because of the power that comes with fame, you become the projection of every person’s relationship to authority.  This especially means being the recipient of everyone’s displaced issues with, and unmet needs relative to, mom and dad.
  • You stop being seen and treated as human.  People say whatever they want about you and do whatever they want to you as if you were an object.  If you have feelings about it, people tell you “what do you expect?  This is what comes with fame.”
  • The ‘crab in the bucket’ syndrome is no joke.  When you get success, you meet with incredible opposition.  People with low self-esteem either idolize you, in which case it is impossible not to disappoint them one day.  Or they dedicate themselves to trying to knock you down and find fault with you so they can feel better about themselves in comparison to you.  If these people find validation through other people looking to do the same, you have a recipe for a whole hate group dedicated to taking you down in any way they can.  And this makes the world become very predatory. 
  • Being judged for being successful and people hating you for making money even more so than being judged for not being successful.  
  • Not being included by or treated as if you belong with people who you knew before you got famous.
  • Your kids growing up with totally abnormal lives and feeling intensely guilty for this.  This includes having their parent traveling all the time, having to hear everyone’s opinions about their parent, being condemned by virtue of association and having to grow up worrying about whether their parent is going to die.  This means people who have read bad press on the internet calling the police and child protective services to check up on your child.  This means all the parents at your kid’s school not allowing their kids to come play at your house and raising hell with the principal just in case what they read on the internet is true.  This means having to get security for your child due to threats you receive not just against you, but against your kids.
  • People assuming all kinds of things about you and your relationships that are absurdly and totally untrue.  They misinterpret things as well.  In many cases, you have no way to set the record straight.  Or you are in a damned if you do, damned if you don’t position relative to responding.  If you do set the record straight, you will spend your life answering to opposition instead of doing your job and people will condemn you for being defensive.  Or people take your lack of response as confirmation that what was assumed and stated is true.    
  • Slander works.  As if it isn’t hard enough to succeed without opposition, you will be faced with trying to succeed in spite of everyone else.  Honestly think back to standing in line at the grocery store.  When you see the headline “Angelina Cheats on Brad, The Babysitter Tells All”, either you buy the whole story hook line and sinker. After all it is someone close to the family (the babysitter) that said so.  Or you wonder whether it is true or not. It plants a seed.  Either way, it does affect the way you feel about the person because you now see them through the filter of that slander.  When you are famous, your reputation precedes you, whether it is true or not.  And you get to feel the tension of that filter that precedes you meeting with people all the time.     
  • Press and people who were close but decide to turn against you either intimately know or have a 6th sense for what hurts the most, your greatest weak spots and what you are the most sensitive about.  It is always that place that they choose to attack you.    
  • metaphor-1209691_640.jpgUnless you are in the mood to be ‘on stage’ and have every move you make or thing you wear scrutinized, you become a hermit.  
  • Fame is intensely, intensely isolating.  Your chance at having successful relationships goes down like crazy.  It is nearly impossible to find someone who is actually compatible to you because no one cares whether or not you are compatible to them.  So many people are with you simply because of the image they hold in their head of who they think you are and what they can get from you.  You become an accessory to someone else’s sense of self.  And worse than that, so many people who would be good friends or partners cannot handle the many pressures that come with fame and also the way it isolates you and they do not choose that kind of exposed and limited lifestyle for themselves, so they distance themselves from you.  It becomes too hard for a multitude of reasons to be friends with people who don’t understand and can’t handle the business and reality of fame.  As a result, you end up for self-preservation sake, having to associate primarily with other super successful and famous people, who are also isolating, distrusting and insanely busy.     

This is a very short list of some of the problems that come with fame.  And they are so painful it is ineffable.  As so many of the people around me in my close circle can tell you personally, it is something you only really get when you are on this side of it.  
photographers-16724_640.jpg.8fd6fa54190a57035c4b9ac0ab2ddd85.jpgTo be totally authentic, this last three years has been a real struggle for me in terms of the problems that come with fame.  The music and movie stars get their relationships and characters shredded.  But spiritual figures, much like politicians, are famous for their opinions.  This means not only will our relationships and characters be shredded; we will also be targeted and shredded for whether we help or harm people in general.  This not only destroyed my personal life, it also led to a rash of periodicals in places like The Guardian and Daily Mail that have created a level of controversy surrounding me that is so intense, many people are afraid to even associate with me at all.  

Way back in the day, when I was still seeing individual clients, I saw a woman named Leslie Wangsgaard whenever she felt the need for a visit.  I was very close to Leslie.  She was not only seeing me for help, she was also simultaneously under the care of a psychiatrist and on medication for anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts.  I had a trip planned to go into the desert for a solar eclipse.  It was my first vacation in 4 years.  But in a heart crushing turn, that was the exact time that Leslie went into crisis and ended up killing herself.  When I got back into cell phone range, I had a few voicemails.  The first few were distress messages from both Leslie and her husband asking for a session with me at my earliest convenience.  Then, a desperate message from Leslie’s husband informing me that Leslie had killed herself with her prescription medication.  It was the first time I had ever been in a ‘mentor/guide’ position relative to someone that had committed suicide.  I had been told by psychologists that I knew before that time, that the day inevitably comes in every therapist’s career that someone you worked with will commit suicide and it makes you doubt the choice to become a therapist.  I am not a psychologist.  But I found out first hand exactly what they were taking about.  For three days, I fell into a career/purpose crisis.  Just like everyone else around Leslie, I searched for how I could have done something to prevent it.  I felt guilty that I hadn’t been there when she needed me.  I was very attached to her as a person and to her husband as well.

Unfortunately at that time, we had taken on a very unstable volunteer named Cameron Clark.  When the entire team decided Cameron was a liability because of her divisive and antagonistic, mentally disturbed behavior and needed to be sent home, Cameron turned against me and became one of my principal haters.  She went straight to anyone with a following who publicly attacked spiritual teachers looking for help to take me down.  She found assistance.  Unfortunately, the two weeks she stayed in the community was exactly during the time that Leslie committed suicide.  Cameron was in close enough vicinity to me to see me cry about Leslie’s death and express my regret that I had not been there when she went into crisis.  And so the first thing she did, going straight for my weak spot, was to create slander flyers that said “Leslie Ann Wangsgaard (birth date and death date)...  Goes to Teal for a session and commits suicide…  What would you think?”  This was where the slander rumor that equated me to a person that causes people to commit suicide began.  

One hate article led to two and three, all of which took this same provocative angle.  When I addressed these claims, I went public with my opinions on suicide in general.  I went public not only as a spiritual mentor, but also having been someone who attempted suicide myself as a teen.  Pretty soon, regardless of the fact that I never intended for suicide to be my career focus, I developed a reputation for being a person who is specializing (and apparently in a controversial way) in suicide. Regardless of the fact that it is complete fallacy, people started treating me like an accessory to suicide.  

Because suicide is such a juicy headline, this has become a situation that has been the focus of nearly every interview.  Earlier this year, a writer for Gizmodo Media Group (which is operated by the Media group that bought out Gawker when it went into bankruptcy losing a law suit for its slander against Hulk Hogan) posed as a neutral journalist looking to cover my story.  Instead, this writer wrote an investigative piece and several podcasts that were so biased against me that I had other journalists contacting me to apologize for the lack of professional journalism of their colleague and to request interviews to do more balanced periodicals.  He did interviews with several experts, such as doctors involved with The Completion Process, in which out of the hours of positive things they had to say, he would extract the one thing they would say that could cast doubt in people’s minds and include that alone in the podcast.  Our team trusted him and gave him all the information and access he asked for.  While he pretended to be an ally, it was all spun against me in the end.  To put it mildly, if I first heard about me from his podcast, I would think I was a monster.  But the most important thing to know about this journalist is that he too chose the juicy angle of posing the idea that I harm people because of my approach to suicide.  What has happened in the wake of this article has led to a situation that has shocked every member of our team. 

suicide-2347543_640.jpgNo one wants to talk about controversial things like suicide.  It is easier to just wash your hands clean of things and refer people to a suicide hotline.  But I have talked about it.  I talked about it in response to this chain reaction that started with Cameron Clark’s absurd strategy to take me down with what would really hurt years ago.  I talked about it not only for the sake of my own career, but also because people who are suicidal have no advocates and we are approaching suicidal ideation in the wrong way precisely because people do not understand suicidal people and therefore do not understand how to approach them.  Getting a degree in psychology or psychiatry from a classroom in a college does not mean that someone can understand the mental and emotional state of someone who is suicidal.  As a result, the approaches to suicide prevention that exist in the world today are not adequate.  Unfortunately, I had to find this out personally back when I was trying to get help for it and literally kept running into either no help or ‘professionals’ making it worse no matter how much they meant well.  Now, I am facing three problems.

  1. My haters have seen this as a great leverage tool to take me down.   The media craze around me and suicide specifically has created a situation where now on a weekly basis, we receive threats that people will kill themselves so as to take me down. 
  2. My very manipulative fans who are partial to victim control drama are using it now as a way to force me into doing what they want.  They are threatening that if I don’t let them stay at my retreat center Philia or solve their problems, they will commit suicide, so I have to help them personally or do what they want if I don’t want more bad press relative to suicide and blood on my hands.
  3. I am one of the only people in the field of health and wellness being associated with suicide and directly addressing it with my opinion on how it should be approached.  As a result, now suicidal people who are actually in need of help are flocking to my workshops and retreats in droves.  I both love this because I do want to help people who are struggling with suicidal ideation and hate this because of the insane liability it poses.  What happens if someone who was suicidal comes to me for help but commits suicide?  Am I to be blamed for it?  It quite literally feels like I have been made responsible for people’s lives and deaths.  

question-mark-1019820_640.jpgThe honest truth that no one wants to admit is that no one in the mainstream mental health field knows what to do with suicidal people and it is an epidemic in the world today.  It is such a problem that even the government is trying to figure out what to do.  If you drug suicidal people, it doesn’t deal with the underlying problem and so many of the people who commit suicide are on prescribed mental health medication already.  So the medication itself isn’t the solution.

If someone goes into the hospital when they are suicidal, it costs them an arm and a leg financially (at least in America) so people are looking at an even worse life on the other side of being released than before they went in.  It may get someone past a crisis.  But no one can turn the underlying issues creating suicidal ideation around in a day or a week stay in a hospital.  So inevitably, they return.  On top of that, so many of the people who commit suicide never say a thing to anyone about it and simply kill themselves.  Those who try to get help for it are not wanting to die.  They are wanting help to get out of pain, which they feel totally powerless to do.

On top of that, so few crisis hotline interventionists and psychologists have dealt with being suicidal or tried to commit suicide themselves.  As a result, they approach suicidal mentality from the outside looking in.  This does not work.  For example, there is nothing worse than hearing words of hope from someone when you are suicidal.  Telling someone who is suicidal that there is a good reason to live or that suicide is the easy way out or reminding them that it destroys people around them is a death sentence. 
I so badly want to change the way that the mental health field approaches suicidal individuals.  I so badly want to help people who are in this space that I was in.  But I do not want my entire mission brought down because someone who came to me for help decides to commit suicide.  I would love for someone to see me as a key factor for why they did not commit suicide.  But is it fair to make someone, whether it is a psychologist or psychiatrist or life coach or spiritual leader  responsible for whether someone decides to take their own life?
fear-4208770_640.jpgIn the 1980s, some of Osho’s disciples established Rancho Rajneesh.  It was essentially an intentional community of his, consisting of people who followed his teachings, in Oregon.  The local community was really upset by the idea of a religious community, which they saw as a cult, moving into the area.  Some tolerated it, others were absolutely up in arms determined to prevent the commune from establishing itself there.  Multiple legal battles ensued.  Some of his unstable followers decided in response to frustration regarding the opposition they were met with, to carry out a biological attack in 1984, the year I was born.  They deliberately contaminated the salad bars at several local restaurants in order to incapacitate the people who would vote against them so their own candidates would win the Wasco County Elections.  751 people were infected.  That was meant to be simply a trial run before infecting the entire water system.  Because of their association with Osho, Osho was placed under investigation for the crime and faced being charged with the crime.  Because there was no evidence to prove he knew about any of it, he was not arrested for the poisoning.  Instead, he was arrested for immigration violation.  For people, like myself, who are leading a spiritual movement, we live in terror of situations like Osho got himself into.  We live in terror of being unable to control what other people in our following do and don’t do, but being made responsible for it.

As a result of this press campaign against me, I live in fear of being unable to control whether someone ultimately decides to take their life, but being made responsible for it.  I live in fear that I will be blamed for not being able to prevent it.  I live in fear that I will be accused of somehow contributing to someone’s decision to do it, even though my aim is to help someone want to live.  I live in fear that a hater of mine, or someone who turns against me, will try to take down my career in this insanely aggressive move to “kill two birds with one stone” (what the last person who threatened us actually threatened to do).  I live in fear that someone will kill themselves if I don’t do what they want me to do, which is to take them into my retreat center as an act of charity/implied duty.  They want me to be totally responsible for them financially and emotionally, which is something I cannot do.  I cannot afford to take in suicidal people as if they were stray cats or orphaned children as much as I wish there were somewhere in the world that could do this.  I also know that when I refer them to the hospital or suicide crisis hotline (which I do if someone is actively threatening in a crisis to commit suicide, as opposed to trying to get help with their chronic suicidal thoughts or feelings) it solves nothing long term and usually traumatizes them further.  This is an issue that no one really has a good solution for.  But I am curious if anyone has any thoughts to share in the comments below this blog. 

no-symbol-39767_640.jpgWhile all of this terrifies me (and the whole team to be honest), it has also inspired me.  The unexpected avalanche of focus on suicidality in general has made me aware of just how much this issue needs to be talked about and needs to cease to become taboo.  It is a serious subject.  But if it continues to be taboo, and continues to be a subject we all want to avoid in order to stay safe and emotionally clean, the people who so desperately need help with it will never get the help they need.  Metaphorically speaking, the blood will be on all of our hands.  For this reason, I will continue to speak about it.  I will continue to speak about it, hoping that people will see that I am an advocate of a life worth living for those who feel like I once felt... That all life is, is suffering. 

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I’m so sorry Teal that this responsibility has been placed on you. I know that I’m definitely guilty of seeing you as someone who I wish could solve my problems for me and be something that you aren’t. I’m sorry. I don’t know you personally, although I have had the pleasure of meeting you and being in your presence. I often wish that I could take the aspects of this world that cause so much suffering into myself and transmute them so that you, Winter, everyone on your team, people that I have come to love and all beings on this planet didn’t suffer in those ways. I have often wished I was a trillionaire(something that hasn’t existed yet as far as I know) so that I could relieve the financial difficulties that you face supporting so many, reaching out to the world, creating safety and security for you and your team, and so you had no financial barriers to creating a change in the justice system, the education system and so I could spread your frequency art around the globe in massive quantities because I believe it should be everywhere. I also have my own dreams that I would want to support as well. I have often wished that I could be a part of your team and dedicate my life to helping emotionally transmute, guide people through emotional awareness, support your mission, witness the beauty of the future you are helping create, transform my life with the support of your beautiful community, and to know all of the Teal Team as individual people because I know that you are all incredible and amazing people taking on the world in a way that no one has before. I’m so sorry that you all have faced so much hatred, so much loss, so much fear. I’m sorry for everything, yet I am also grateful for your willingness to go on and continue with what you came here for. I’m so sorry that I haven’t seen your struggle, I haven’t seen you as you are, and I’ve placed my burdens on your shoulders. My sense of worth as a person feels inadequate and wrong when I think I could never measure up to you as a role model, yet you still move me more than anybody else in the world, besides myself now. I’m so sorry Teal. I choose with my free will to integrate all the aspects of me that have been unwilling to see you and your truth clearly and I choose to open myself to know you as you are if that would bring you happiness. I really want to be your friend, your supporter, your ally so that you can experience that without fear and I can know who you really are. Thank you Teal for giving me the gift of choice through your example and your perseverance in making this world a more compassionate, authentic, unconditionally loving and presence based place. You are in my heart always. I’m more myself than I have ever been because you came into my life and have continued to make a life changing impact that continues to expand who “I “ am. 

Edited by Celestial Love Pheonix

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Hi Teal,

I'm so sorry you are experiencing so many troubles. I just want to say thank you for all you do, your work has made me feel a little less alone in this world. You've helped me far more than any psychologist I've seen could ever hope to. I still suffer with intense OCD but your work has helped my anxiety and relationships. I have learnt so much from your invaluable insight in a variety of topics. Maybe teams of dedicated people could work on creating places like your health retreat in different countries where people could go instead of hospitals, with a focus on making them accessible to people. I have no idea how to do this but I hope other people do :) 

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Since you wrote "I am curious if anyone has any thoughts to share in the comments below this blog", below are my thoughts.


Backstory: I have been suicidal for a lot of time, and still am. Also, I have tried to commit suicide multiple times; however, in a way where I personally have a chance to stop it while in progress, rather than doing it the sure way and then accidentally being found and rescued by others.


Regarding the question in that slander flyer: "Goes to Teal for a session and commits suicide…  What would you think?"
I would think that even Teal could not help her at that time.
But can Teal help everyone?
What if we all would put such pressure on her, and require that she would and could help every single one?
What if we all also require that LeBron James would hit every single shot in every Basketball game, and also would win every game? And blame him if he doesn't.


Regarding the reputation of being a person who is specializing in suicide
TBH, you specialize in a lot of topics (including food haha), and you obviously are a specialist in suicide field as well. I don't know if your way is THE most effective way, but it is the most effective way I have seen so far.


I agree that people who are suicidal have (almost) no advocates. Most people that you tell about it just look at you in a strange way, and tell something similar like you wrote it:
-You just have to have hope;
-Well I, see the beauty in life. Of course, not everything is perfect, but I'm not walking around talking about suicides;
-You just have to see beauty in life, and stop being so pessimistic;
-You are dragging me down;
-Think how your family would feel;
-Well that's just an easiest way out, you have to be stronger, look at me, I also have bad days but I'm not complaining like you;

And so on.
(vomit emoji)
And later I'd be even in worse situation, thinking that I tried again, and got some stupid lecture again, so is it worth to try again?


Regarding those 3 problems:
1. Threats to commit suicides in order to take you down. In such case I would be just public about it (which you are haha). What is there to do about it? Hey, LeBron James, if you don't win that game, imma gon commit suicide.
2. The same answer as first one.
3. I think people are flocking to you because they feel relief, and the feeling that someone understands, for the first time in their lives.
"What happens if someone who was suicidal comes to me for help but commits suicide?"
- Nothing.
"Am I to be blamed for it?"
- Yes and No. Yes, because you are the universe and they are a part of you, haha. No, because ultimately it's their decision, and all other circumstances in person's life that led to that moment cannot just be ignored, and it's not like you force them to do it.


"It is such a problem that even the government is trying to figure out what to do."
hehe lol


You ARE changing the way that the mental field approaches suicidal individuals, by being you. Eventually, when there is a new, working, way, the old ways will have to dissipate. And of course no one measures how many times you prevented suicide, how do you even measure that? For example, you helped me with that multiple times, and you were a key factor in helping, but I'm not in any statistics for sure.


How to solve the problem, when someone is actively threatening in the crisis to commit suicide?
I don't know the universal answer, but I can tell my personal answer.
If I actively tried to kill myself, I would be fine (and even consider to not kill myself) if the person beside me would be like:
OK, I have no fucking idea what to do now.
I want to tell you something: I won't blame or shame you if you don't kill yourself, and I won't blame or shame you if you do kill yourself. And I also won't tell anyone about this, unless you want me to tell.
I assume you are in pain and suffering right now.
But I have no fucking idea what to do now.
And then, they should just do nothing, but just like sit there or something.

Another situation, is if someone is actively threatening to commit suicide from a distance or if it is some random person;
in this case, some of your hacks look perfect to me and helped me a lot:
(below is paraphrasing, not necessarily your words)
H-1: You can always kill yourself tomorrow (meaning, not now).
H-2: Try to find anything that feels like relief, in the next 1 or few minutes; the again, only for the next few minutes; fuck thinking long term, think what feels good now; something like play a video game, or take a bath, or play a song, or pet a cat, or something.
H-3: The knowing that you can end it all, is kinda liberating, and you don't have to heal it or fix it, you can always have this knowing as you friend actually.
H-4: The knowing why you are suicidal, helps: it's because you are in pain; in pain alone (even if among people); and see no end to it.
H-5: If the thought does not feel good it is not true from objective perspective.
H-6: You don't have something, it's because there is an aspect of you that doesn't want it.
H-7: We suffer not from the thing itself, but from resistance to that thing.
H-8: The life that you genuinely want to live is just on the other side of WANTING to be you, instead of agreeing with your antagonistic parent, that you should be someone else.

TBH, referring suicidal people to current-day hospital looks like wrong move (although I see how there can be situations when you are left no choice).
The person could be like "Really Teal? You are referring me to the fucking modern-day hospital?".

Referring them to crisis hotline could help, if that hotline is any good, and if you tell suicidal person - look, this is not a RANDOM hotline, this is a fucking GOOD hotline. But, TBH, the hotline operators should be trained by Teal, haha. Or, trained by those who are trained by Teal to train.

I think that your decision to refer them somewhere is good, and actually inevitable, because: if some hundred people would flock around you to help them, you could not do that physically. So it is inevitable that you have to refer (redirect). It seems to me that the problem is you don't have a good place to refer them to, so you are left with an option either to create that good place, or find it, or like now, to refer to some shitty or at-least-not-so-shitty place..


I love how you try to make a suicide topic not a taboo. Because of you, I already talked about this subject with like 5 people in a few years span. And they told me (all of them) that they actually know some suicidal people (but it's a taboo to talk about it). And I told them some of your hacks and how the fucking "life is beautiful" line does not work. So, your work is propagating, like ripples, across consciousnesses.


I love how you said that you will continue to speak about it.
Despite the shit going on.
It's not that you are fucking forcing your opinion and forcing to be it your way.
For fuck sake, if I don't like how someone does some shit, I just unfollow, ignore, and just don't give attention basically. The problem with you, is that your shit works.


Sorry for the long 2 cents.



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I actually had a conversation about suicide with my family the day before you posted this.

I was trying to make the point that suicidal people are being treated in a very detrimental way without mentioning the fact that I had tried to kill myself before.

My family believes so strongly that there is no better way to deal with suicidal people than there already is, and they would not listen to a word I said about what is actually needed.

People who have felt suicidal often feel shame regarding that time in their life, or at the very least feel like it is wrong to speak up about what they learned is actually needed.

You're very brave in what you're doing, Teal. I think that what we need is more people to be brave. More people to get better after having been suicidal and daring to talk about what they actually needed at that time. If there are a lot of people saying "this is the only thing that actually helped me back then" or "if someone had told me these words I would not have attempted suicide," then slowly the reality of what is actually needed in these situations will become acceptable in society instead of taboo.

I'm sorry that you're going through all of this. Thank you for being brave enough to stand up for those who are not seen.

Next time the topic of suicide comes up, I'll try to be brave too. I may not be famous, but you don't have to spread this message on your own.

Together, we can remove the taboo around suicide.

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I'm sorry that you have to go through that. I can't even imagine what that would be like to experience that kind of pressure. It's like celebrities in society are commodified and treated as both super-human and sub-human at the same time. Either way, it's dehumanizing. 

But I really hope that you continue to share more on your experiences with the emotions and thoughts that come with being suicidal. I am someone who observes my emotional state a lot, I like to share that observation to help others understand their inner world's better. But being suicidal is a blindspot of mine because I've never truly felt that way. So, I don't know what the internal experience of being suicidal is like.  

I often wonder if it is similar to when someone wants to hit reset on a video game because the situation that they find themselves in is too difficult for them to see a way to navigate out of. So, perhaps hitting the reset button is the only clear solution. Or perhaps people have to struggle every day with the same problems, and they just get too tired to continue the struggle. Or perhaps it's a sense that they can't cope with existence and the passage of time and all the losses and changes that it entails. It's something that I try to relate to, but I cannot fully. 

So, it's so important that an astute observer of internal experiences like yourself knows what being suicidal entails and what causes it. People desperately need that help.

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Hi Teal, 

Thanks for opening up. What a read. Yeah the pressure of fame is very painful and isolating. And it's a whole lot on one person's back. The whole trust issue too - who you can count on especially. Although I don't know fame first hand, I can empathize and imagine the isolation and the huge amounts of responsibility. Just want to say, I hear you girl. You're doing the best you can and you're taking one for the fucking team by being so outspoken. It's noticed and I truly appreciate it. 

My thoughts on the whole suicide situation, you're doing it right. I don't see a "better" way of going about it right now. You can't possibly do the job you're currently doing and also personally save everybody. You'd completely loose yourself and your bigger purpose. So I agree. And it sucks, because you're right, these people don't have a ton of options. It's incredibly painful. Hopefully the teal tribe movement will create resources worldwide over time that have a lasting impact. #tealtribe. 

I'm sorry you have to carry so much on your shoulders. It's unfair. I can feel the sadness. I'm sending you one of those really good, comforting hugs. 

So much love teal, 


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So some of your "haters"? believe in your power to solve their problems but are willing to make you look like a fraud?

That seems super powerless to me! And paradox of course 


It´s so incredible with what you have to deal. I hope we can all help you

Lots of love to you all ❤️

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18 hours ago, XYZ said:

What is the proof of the dates you have mentioned?

Bingo. That's What I was thinking too. It sounds like something haters would do. Seriously, if the haters spent as much effort on trying to help people who are struggling in pain, or to create working methods that help people in pain, then the world would be a much happier, healthier place. If you don't like someone's methods then go create a working method that can replace it! seriously, get a life! And stop trying to destroy Teal because that is profoundly cruel and unloving and you would feel awful if someone treated you the way you treat her. 

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❤️ Oh my goodness, this breaks my heart to read .You are so so brave beautiful  Teal, I so agree with you about this very delicate subject. When I struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts and did try a couple of times , there was absolutely no where ot no one to go to the darkest time of my life.Several years later when  I heard about you and your  knowledge about this subject nobody wants to talk about , everything fell into place for me and I only felt sad I had no contact with you way back, it would have helped  me immensely. Dear Teal , from the bottom of my heart  THANK YOU. If I  can support you in any way please me know.We are more that love and appreciate you than the haters and those who slander. So happy you are coming to Stockholm this fall looking forward to seeing you in IRL I  love you. Sending blessings and love from Stockholm . ❤️

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I hope someone on Teal's team reads this.
Teal needs a PR person very badly. Teal also needs a legal team. Teal can't write posts like this naming people by full name and not expect repercussions. Does Teal understand what Slander is? Some stuff is cringeworthy and doesn't do much for gaining more fans. Gossiping is one example. (Btw Cameron lived with Teal a year after the Leslie incident.)

Good PR is important when one is a "public figure". Teal needs good PR to clean up the bad publicity. A legal team could also go a long way.


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Hey teal and tribe.... Firstly thanks so much for writing so honestly and beautifully. 

In 2016/2017 I really thought about killing myself a lot and sunk down into planning it. I watched your videos, read your entire blog and book series religiously. Every day, I woke up and started the day with one of your blogs (I went from the beginning). I loved your books, I worshipped your videos. I attended the Sydney mirror event and got to give you a hug a few months ago!!!

I have never once thought about suicide since that dark time. I relied on you teal, and your teachings and they allowed me to grow, evolve and love deeper and more beautifully than I could ever have even imagined. 

It was directly because of you, that I did not kill my self. I'm sure of this. 110%. 

Please know that for every crazy out there that throws "you make people commit suicide' you're a cult leader, you just a cray ass bitch! (Hehe)" there are ten others that are still here BECAUSE of you. You have opened up a life for thousands on this planet that is worth living and loving. 

You are so special and even the way you have handled this onslaught of craziness is almost worth it, because look at the example you are setting for everyone else out there. Famous Or not the honesty you express in this blog with such grace and style is inspirational  I have learnt a lot and will always continue to learn a lot. Because you are wonderful teal swan (and co!) 

thank you soooo much for existing the way you do. I love it. I adore it. 

Keep going, there are sooooo any people that love you like crazy. 







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Dear Teal, the Rose that grew from concrete,

Damn, this was an eye opener, and also hard to hear.  As a long time supporter and lover of you and your team, I create a dreamy impression of what life must be like with you all.  I think sometimes how maybe there is an alternate universe where I am a part of your family and I totally help kick ass for the team, and we grow and transcend and are super healthy and happy together.  Haha! I am glad I live in a small, quiet, secret paradise with my small family, but that's destiny.  (I do see you all still living with these joyous qualities).  Remember you are Free.

I feel like there was a sweet spot, before this bullshit about that chick, where it felt great, your message was getting out, you were reaching people, your fame was on the rise!  Yay Teal, you're so Beautiful and Badass! 

We're all human beings here with our paths and you just need to take care of Number One.  You're not putting yourself out there to be fed off of and drained.  You're offering to share the message that your well tuned vessel is delivering to help us reclaim our power.  You're not letting anyone down.  Their karma is not your karma.  The act of suicide is not your responsibility.  How ever you choose to proceed with the topic, or any time, remember to bolster yourself and keep your space clear and sacred. Consult with the field, see what it has to say.  You are so Loved.

Things are changing.  Trickster Uranus just went into comfort oriented Taurus for the next seven years and there is considerable shake up in values, career, the monetary system...make way for the Rowdy Revolutionary (that's you too!)!  

Energetically this needs to be burned out and, I'm most positive, that your Phoenix will rise again. 

Onward through the Fog.

Infinite Love from your Sister,

Cherry in NM

Edited by Cherry

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Wow! This is horrible. After reading this, I really don´t know how you (Teal and the whole team) are still able to deal with this at all.

I wish I could somehow help you but I have no solution for it.

To me it seems like as long as humanity is unwilling to take responsibility for themselves, this pattern you are facing right now will not change at all. In my experience unfortunately the level of pain every single soul is in, has to get to an unbearable level first before they are finally willing to face their own shadows/injuries. And at the moment we as a collective are still convinced that there is a pill that will fix it all. Many are still acting as if we are in a classroom and this is all just a big joke. And you are somehow like the teacher walking in and interrupting the game. They want to finish the class but don´t want to learn for themselves. So why can´t you just give everyone the test solutions? Bad Teal, how dare you.. ? Sorry just a joke.

You are right. The level of disconnection is the root of this. But besides pain, I haven't found another inducement yet, that triggers the desire to take responsibility for ones own life/problems yet.

So I can´t do much. But what I can do is carry on, just like you guys. Carry on to heal myself. Carry on to gain awareness. Carry on to help other people to get to know oneself. Helping others to loose the fear of looking at their own vulnerability.
And maybe one day, there will be enough awakened hearts to change this whole game..
But if not, at least we tried. What else could we do? Stand by and just watch? hahahah I guess you couldn´t stand still for a second if you tried! :D 

And hey, yeah, another person here on the comment section suggested that you could train your cpcp´s for suicide prevention hotlines. Or maybe train some of them specifically for suicide prevention sessions?
Maybe it is possible to get therapists on board to create a whole treatment centre somewhere in the world.. where there are all kinds of different specialists to help people out of complete and utter helplessness? Kinda like you talked about this garage thing in the USA where one is treated by several specialists at once... you know?

However I love you! All of you. So all my love and heart and compassion your way! :) 

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Teal I love the way you come out and say what you are feeling and how you are addressing your own problems. Suicide is a response to a situation where the individual has lost the ability to resolve their hurt and fear any other way. They feel trapped and are willing to do anything to relieve the pain. We attempt to treat this from an individual point of view but to me the real solution is a societal one. We have created such a complex and stressful society that many people come to a point of being unable to navigate this impossibly stressful world they live in and "end it all" in order to stop the pain and suffering in the only way open to them at the time. To heal suicide we need to address the causes of suicide, not just in the individual but in the society in general. Isolation, frustration, economic dead ends, predatory practices at all levels of our economy and social stressors from all levels in our society make this a highly toxic time for many. You are one of the few leaders speaking out about this and how we need to live in community to combat loneliness, live healthily in order to avoid physical illness but also to lessen the stress we place on our planet's ecosystem. living in healthier relationship to each other in order to provide each other with a healthier environment to grow and flourish. Building a self sustaining community of like minded people both dilutes the individual stress of fame and insures that your message and your insightful wisdom will continue to be perpetuated even if you are not present to expound it. Take your vacations, enjoy your wealth, build your team, build an international community of awareness and enlightenment that can change how we see the world, how we live together to make a healthier world physically, mentally and spiritually! We love you Teal! Not just for what you do but for being who you are scars and all. It's always easier to follow someone who's been there themselves not just studied others. When you put yourself out there for all of us you make yourself a target for hate, anger and resentment but in doing so you also make yourself an example for all of us who are out here trying to find a better way to live a better life and make a better world.

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I have an idea. 

You should make a lot more content about suicide, and then that way it will be hard for haters or anyone to determine what content actually made someone supposedly kill themselves... that way it will be a speciality and they cannot condemn you for having a neche that very much should be addressed. 

One of your first and most important videos should be about the high suicude rate of men currently and what has brought that about! I think it’s a really important subject to touch on at the moment because of all these overly femenist shit that’s been happening and I have seen the Guardian etc post small articles about it so you bringing up such an important and not widely talked about issue around suicide would be interesting. 

Aside from that, I’m not famous and I don’t have a child so I  have no idea what I’m talking about but perhaps if you just said to yourself, you know, it’s alright, it’s okay... all of this is okay and nothing much has changed since before I was famous, only... the whole world hates me as much as I’ve hated myself and loved myself... so fuck it. As long as my team has enough to eat and live regardless of whether I’m supplying that, and we are all safe: what else matters really? Fuck the world. Fuck em hard. 

And in regards to feeling isolated. Again I have no idea what I’m saying, 

but I think you can do better than that Teal. I think you have the power to manifest genuine connections with people and people or a partner who is not scared of your fame, or overly dependent on it... yes maybe perhaps they will need to be famous too, but get manifesting! 

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