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Their Lives In My Hands, My Life In Their Hands

I remember being a teenager and listening to the rap song from Notorious BIG ‘Mo Money Mo Problems’.  The chorus of the song is: “I don't know what they want from me.  It's like the more money we come across, the more problems we see.” Yes, this is the point at which it shocks everyone that a spiritual figure (me) doesn’t only listen to ambient spiritual music and Indian flute.  In fact, I love rap.  I love rap played at full blast on a subwoofer.  I blame the fact that I have the same birthday as 2 Pac for this ? Anyway, I remember considering this idea that success; (especially fame in this case) had a downside.  But as a teenager, it was abstract for me at that time.  It was someone else expressing their struggle with the pressures of success.  This week, I caught myself carrying out the multiplicity of errands I had to run (every one of them caused by the complications of fame) with these lyrics running through my head on repeat.  This time, I had a whole new personal understanding of those lyrics. 
red-carpet-1842849_640.jpgFame is an insurmountable pressure.  There are SO many problems that come with fame that it is no surprise that stars end up committing suicide or visiting rehab centers.  Problems like:

  • Never knowing for sure if someone is a friend of yours or just someone pretending to be, so as to catapult their own self-esteem or career manipulatively with your fame as the springboard.
  • Betrayal everywhere you look.  Never being able to fully trust people and being terrified to let anyone too close for fear that the second there is any conflict with them (an inevitability in relationships) they will run to the press or to your hate groups with the intimate things you trusted them with. 
  • Being a huge target for inevitable law suits carried out simply because people want to bring you down or because they want to blackmail you into paying them just so you can avoid a public scandal splashed all over the media.  Opposition of you is how they get a sense of significance and fame.
  • People provoking you in horrific ways just so they can get the headline they want.
  • Everything you say being taken out of context so as to paint the picture a specific journalist wants to paint of you.
  • Everything gets magnified.  If a normal person gets mad, it’s a person getting mad… which people do.  If someone famous gets mad, because of the social power they hold, they are seen as a nightmare.  This is even truer if they are a spiritual figure and therefore expected to be the example of non-reactivity.
  • Damned if you do damned if you don’t scenarios at every turn.  For example, if you don’t expose your personal life, they say you aren’t relatable.  If you do expose your personal life and become relatable, they discredit you as an authority and begin to give you advice.
  • Once you get big enough to hire a team of people, you now have the pressure of tons of other people on your shoulders.  You experience things like company politics, taking the fall for other people on the team making mistakes, managing people, expenses rising with every extra dollar you make, bringing with it the pressure to keep up with those expenses.  Not being able to grow at all unless those expenses are paid and therefore having to stay successful enough and in favor enough with fans to support not just you, but the lives of several other individuals and their families (just to name a few things).
  • bodyguard-247684_640.jpgHaving to worry about security and have bodyguards because of the incredible amount of unstable personalities that become obsessed or haters, both of which are willing to kill if they are unstable enough.  
  • Because of the power that comes with fame, you become the projection of every person’s relationship to authority.  This especially means being the recipient of everyone’s displaced issues with, and unmet needs relative to, mom and dad.
  • You stop being seen and treated as human.  People say whatever they want about you and do whatever they want to you as if you were an object.  If you have feelings about it, people tell you “what do you expect?  This is what comes with fame.”
  • The ‘crab in the bucket’ syndrome is no joke.  When you get success, you meet with incredible opposition.  People with low self-esteem either idolize you, in which case it is impossible not to disappoint them one day.  Or they dedicate themselves to trying to knock you down and find fault with you so they can feel better about themselves in comparison to you.  If these people find validation through other people looking to do the same, you have a recipe for a whole hate group dedicated to taking you down in any way they can.  And this makes the world become very predatory. 
  • Being judged for being successful and people hating you for making money even more so than being judged for not being successful.  
  • Not being included by or treated as if you belong with people who you knew before you got famous.
  • Your kids growing up with totally abnormal lives and feeling intensely guilty for this.  This includes having their parent traveling all the time, having to hear everyone’s opinions about their parent, being condemned by virtue of association and having to grow up worrying about whether their parent is going to die.  This means people who have read bad press on the internet calling the police and child protective services to check up on your child.  This means all the parents at your kid’s school not allowing their kids to come play at your house and raising hell with the principal just in case what they read on the internet is true.  This means having to get security for your child due to threats you receive not just against you, but against your kids.
  • People assuming all kinds of things about you and your relationships that are absurdly and totally untrue.  They misinterpret things as well.  In many cases, you have no way to set the record straight.  Or you are in a damned if you do, damned if you don’t position relative to responding.  If you do set the record straight, you will spend your life answering to opposition instead of doing your job and people will condemn you for being defensive.  Or people take your lack of response as confirmation that what was assumed and stated is true.    
  • Slander works.  As if it isn’t hard enough to succeed without opposition, you will be faced with trying to succeed in spite of everyone else.  Honestly think back to standing in line at the grocery store.  When you see the headline “Angelina Cheats on Brad, The Babysitter Tells All”, either you buy the whole story hook line and sinker. After all it is someone close to the family (the babysitter) that said so.  Or you wonder whether it is true or not. It plants a seed.  Either way, it does affect the way you feel about the person because you now see them through the filter of that slander.  When you are famous, your reputation precedes you, whether it is true or not.  And you get to feel the tension of that filter that precedes you meeting with people all the time.     
  • Press and people who were close but decide to turn against you either intimately know or have a 6th sense for what hurts the most, your greatest weak spots and what you are the most sensitive about.  It is always that place that they choose to attack you.    
  • metaphor-1209691_640.jpgUnless you are in the mood to be ‘on stage’ and have every move you make or thing you wear scrutinized, you become a hermit.  
  • Fame is intensely, intensely isolating.  Your chance at having successful relationships goes down like crazy.  It is nearly impossible to find someone who is actually compatible to you because no one cares whether or not you are compatible to them.  So many people are with you simply because of the image they hold in their head of who they think you are and what they can get from you.  You become an accessory to someone else’s sense of self.  And worse than that, so many people who would be good friends or partners cannot handle the many pressures that come with fame and also the way it isolates you and they do not choose that kind of exposed and limited lifestyle for themselves, so they distance themselves from you.  It becomes too hard for a multitude of reasons to be friends with people who don’t understand and can’t handle the business and reality of fame.  As a result, you end up for self-preservation sake, having to associate primarily with other super successful and famous people, who are also isolating, distrusting and insanely busy.     

This is a very short list of some of the problems that come with fame.  And they are so painful it is ineffable.  As so many of the people around me in my close circle can tell you personally, it is something you only really get when you are on this side of it.  
photographers-16724_640.jpg.8fd6fa54190a57035c4b9ac0ab2ddd85.jpgTo be totally authentic, this last three years has been a real struggle for me in terms of the problems that come with fame.  The music and movie stars get their relationships and characters shredded.  But spiritual figures, much like politicians, are famous for their opinions.  This means not only will our relationships and characters be shredded; we will also be targeted and shredded for whether we help or harm people in general.  This not only destroyed my personal life, it also led to a rash of periodicals in places like The Guardian and Daily Mail that have created a level of controversy surrounding me that is so intense, many people are afraid to even associate with me at all.  

Way back in the day, when I was still seeing individual clients, I saw a woman named Leslie Wangsgaard whenever she felt the need for a visit.  I was very close to Leslie.  She was not only seeing me for help, she was also simultaneously under the care of a psychiatrist and on medication for anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts.  I had a trip planned to go into the desert for a solar eclipse.  It was my first vacation in 4 years.  But in a heart crushing turn, that was the exact time that Leslie went into crisis and ended up killing herself.  When I got back into cell phone range, I had a few voicemails.  The first few were distress messages from both Leslie and her husband asking for a session with me at my earliest convenience.  Then, a desperate message from Leslie’s husband informing me that Leslie had killed herself with her prescription medication.  It was the first time I had ever been in a ‘mentor/guide’ position relative to someone that had committed suicide.  I had been told by psychologists that I knew before that time, that the day inevitably comes in every therapist’s career that someone you worked with will commit suicide and it makes you doubt the choice to become a therapist.  I am not a psychologist.  But I found out first hand exactly what they were taking about.  For three days, I fell into a career/purpose crisis.  Just like everyone else around Leslie, I searched for how I could have done something to prevent it.  I felt guilty that I hadn’t been there when she needed me.  I was very attached to her as a person and to her husband as well.

Unfortunately at that time, we had taken on a very unstable volunteer named Cameron Clark.  When the entire team decided Cameron was a liability because of her divisive and antagonistic, mentally disturbed behavior and needed to be sent home, Cameron turned against me and became one of my principal haters.  She went straight to anyone with a following who publicly attacked spiritual teachers looking for help to take me down.  She found assistance.  Unfortunately, the two weeks she stayed in the community was exactly during the time that Leslie committed suicide.  Cameron was in close enough vicinity to me to see me cry about Leslie’s death and express my regret that I had not been there when she went into crisis.  And so the first thing she did, going straight for my weak spot, was to create slander flyers that said “Leslie Ann Wangsgaard (birth date and death date)...  Goes to Teal for a session and commits suicide…  What would you think?”  This was where the slander rumor that equated me to a person that causes people to commit suicide began.  

One hate article led to two and three, all of which took this same provocative angle.  When I addressed these claims, I went public with my opinions on suicide in general.  I went public not only as a spiritual mentor, but also having been someone who attempted suicide myself as a teen.  Pretty soon, regardless of the fact that I never intended for suicide to be my career focus, I developed a reputation for being a person who is specializing (and apparently in a controversial way) in suicide. Regardless of the fact that it is complete fallacy, people started treating me like an accessory to suicide.  

Because suicide is such a juicy headline, this has become a situation that has been the focus of nearly every interview.  Earlier this year, a writer for Gizmodo Media Group (which is operated by the Media group that bought out Gawker when it went into bankruptcy losing a law suit for its slander against Hulk Hogan) posed as a neutral journalist looking to cover my story.  Instead, this writer wrote an investigative piece and several podcasts that were so biased against me that I had other journalists contacting me to apologize for the lack of professional journalism of their colleague and to request interviews to do more balanced periodicals.  He did interviews with several experts, such as doctors involved with The Completion Process, in which out of the hours of positive things they had to say, he would extract the one thing they would say that could cast doubt in people’s minds and include that alone in the podcast.  Our team trusted him and gave him all the information and access he asked for.  While he pretended to be an ally, it was all spun against me in the end.  To put it mildly, if I first heard about me from his podcast, I would think I was a monster.  But the most important thing to know about this journalist is that he too chose the juicy angle of posing the idea that I harm people because of my approach to suicide.  What has happened in the wake of this article has led to a situation that has shocked every member of our team. 

suicide-2347543_640.jpgNo one wants to talk about controversial things like suicide.  It is easier to just wash your hands clean of things and refer people to a suicide hotline.  But I have talked about it.  I talked about it in response to this chain reaction that started with Cameron Clark’s absurd strategy to take me down with what would really hurt years ago.  I talked about it not only for the sake of my own career, but also because people who are suicidal have no advocates and we are approaching suicidal ideation in the wrong way precisely because people do not understand suicidal people and therefore do not understand how to approach them.  Getting a degree in psychology or psychiatry from a classroom in a college does not mean that someone can understand the mental and emotional state of someone who is suicidal.  As a result, the approaches to suicide prevention that exist in the world today are not adequate.  Unfortunately, I had to find this out personally back when I was trying to get help for it and literally kept running into either no help or ‘professionals’ making it worse no matter how much they meant well.  Now, I am facing three problems.

  1. My haters have seen this as a great leverage tool to take me down.   The media craze around me and suicide specifically has created a situation where now on a weekly basis, we receive threats that people will kill themselves so as to take me down. 
  2. My very manipulative fans who are partial to victim control drama are using it now as a way to force me into doing what they want.  They are threatening that if I don’t let them stay at my retreat center Philia or solve their problems, they will commit suicide, so I have to help them personally or do what they want if I don’t want more bad press relative to suicide and blood on my hands.
  3. I am one of the only people in the field of health and wellness being associated with suicide and directly addressing it with my opinion on how it should be approached.  As a result, now suicidal people who are actually in need of help are flocking to my workshops and retreats in droves.  I both love this because I do want to help people who are struggling with suicidal ideation and hate this because of the insane liability it poses.  What happens if someone who was suicidal comes to me for help but commits suicide?  Am I to be blamed for it?  It quite literally feels like I have been made responsible for people’s lives and deaths.  

question-mark-1019820_640.jpgThe honest truth that no one wants to admit is that no one in the mainstream mental health field knows what to do with suicidal people and it is an epidemic in the world today.  It is such a problem that even the government is trying to figure out what to do.  If you drug suicidal people, it doesn’t deal with the underlying problem and so many of the people who commit suicide are on prescribed mental health medication already.  So the medication itself isn’t the solution.

If someone goes into the hospital when they are suicidal, it costs them an arm and a leg financially (at least in America) so people are looking at an even worse life on the other side of being released than before they went in.  It may get someone past a crisis.  But no one can turn the underlying issues creating suicidal ideation around in a day or a week stay in a hospital.  So inevitably, they return.  On top of that, so many of the people who commit suicide never say a thing to anyone about it and simply kill themselves.  Those who try to get help for it are not wanting to die.  They are wanting help to get out of pain, which they feel totally powerless to do.

On top of that, so few crisis hotline interventionists and psychologists have dealt with being suicidal or tried to commit suicide themselves.  As a result, they approach suicidal mentality from the outside looking in.  This does not work.  For example, there is nothing worse than hearing words of hope from someone when you are suicidal.  Telling someone who is suicidal that there is a good reason to live or that suicide is the easy way out or reminding them that it destroys people around them is a death sentence. 
I so badly want to change the way that the mental health field approaches suicidal individuals.  I so badly want to help people who are in this space that I was in.  But I do not want my entire mission brought down because someone who came to me for help decides to commit suicide.  I would love for someone to see me as a key factor for why they did not commit suicide.  But is it fair to make someone, whether it is a psychologist or psychiatrist or life coach or spiritual leader  responsible for whether someone decides to take their own life?
fear-4208770_640.jpgIn the 1980s, some of Osho’s disciples established Rancho Rajneesh.  It was essentially an intentional community of his, consisting of people who followed his teachings, in Oregon.  The local community was really upset by the idea of a religious community, which they saw as a cult, moving into the area.  Some tolerated it, others were absolutely up in arms determined to prevent the commune from establishing itself there.  Multiple legal battles ensued.  Some of his unstable followers decided in response to frustration regarding the opposition they were met with, to carry out a biological attack in 1984, the year I was born.  They deliberately contaminated the salad bars at several local restaurants in order to incapacitate the people who would vote against them so their own candidates would win the Wasco County Elections.  751 people were infected.  That was meant to be simply a trial run before infecting the entire water system.  Because of their association with Osho, Osho was placed under investigation for the crime and faced being charged with the crime.  Because there was no evidence to prove he knew about any of it, he was not arrested for the poisoning.  Instead, he was arrested for immigration violation.  For people, like myself, who are leading a spiritual movement, we live in terror of situations like Osho got himself into.  We live in terror of being unable to control what other people in our following do and don’t do, but being made responsible for it.

As a result of this press campaign against me, I live in fear of being unable to control whether someone ultimately decides to take their life, but being made responsible for it.  I live in fear that I will be blamed for not being able to prevent it.  I live in fear that I will be accused of somehow contributing to someone’s decision to do it, even though my aim is to help someone want to live.  I live in fear that a hater of mine, or someone who turns against me, will try to take down my career in this insanely aggressive move to “kill two birds with one stone” (what the last person who threatened us actually threatened to do).  I live in fear that someone will kill themselves if I don’t do what they want me to do, which is to take them into my retreat center as an act of charity/implied duty.  They want me to be totally responsible for them financially and emotionally, which is something I cannot do.  I cannot afford to take in suicidal people as if they were stray cats or orphaned children as much as I wish there were somewhere in the world that could do this.  I also know that when I refer them to the hospital or suicide crisis hotline (which I do if someone is actively threatening in a crisis to commit suicide, as opposed to trying to get help with their chronic suicidal thoughts or feelings) it solves nothing long term and usually traumatizes them further.  This is an issue that no one really has a good solution for.  But I am curious if anyone has any thoughts to share in the comments below this blog. 

no-symbol-39767_640.jpgWhile all of this terrifies me (and the whole team to be honest), it has also inspired me.  The unexpected avalanche of focus on suicidality in general has made me aware of just how much this issue needs to be talked about and needs to cease to become taboo.  It is a serious subject.  But if it continues to be taboo, and continues to be a subject we all want to avoid in order to stay safe and emotionally clean, the people who so desperately need help with it will never get the help they need.  Metaphorically speaking, the blood will be on all of our hands.  For this reason, I will continue to speak about it.  I will continue to speak about it, hoping that people will see that I am an advocate of a life worth living for those who feel like I once felt... That all life is, is suffering. 

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You have R Mars and R Saturn in Scorpio so you are someone who dives fearlessly into the taboo and uncomfortable darkness with focus and maturity. I've experienced a lot of suicidal ideation and it is really unpleasant, I feel like I can provide some insight on a true solution... I have had a NDE where I crossed over and honestly I feel like death is pretty beautiful as a result of what I experienced, so I don't blame people for wanting to escape the madness and pain of life. Humanity is totally disconnected in this old paradigm from the truth of who, what, when, where, how and why they are. This disconnection causes the misery and suffering, so you are hunnit percent correct in saying we need to reconnect.

On the surface level, I can say that in treating my condition a product called colloidal gold really helped me, and I always recommend this for people going through depression. In addition, I believe that wireless frequencies and gut flora/probiotics play a huge factor in mental health, so I raise awareness about that as well. In healing our emotional body, we must consider the positive impact of conscious eating to help balance unstable thoughts and emotions, and re-calibrate the spirit.  A supportive community is important, where you can be authentic and intimate and heart-centered and grow together without judgement. Nature is therapeutic, hugging trees and grounding, fresh air, sunshine, pure water, creation. Entheogenic substances used respectfully in safe environments can also really help bring the unconscious to the surface and connect new neural pathways to open up new possibilities previously not thought of.

But what truthfully kept me going was much deeper than all that.

The only reason I am still here is because of my Dharmic soul purpose and sense of self. I know who I am. I know what I'm supposed to do in this world. I know how necessary I am. That's what saved me.

Astrology has given me even more insight and confirmation into this, but it is this deep sense of self and sense of my place in this universe that was the key for me and that has given me a sense of.... unconditional self love? pride? duty? obligation? reason? purpose? courage? I found a reason, something to believe in. 

My Dharma is to establish Anark-Eden (true freedom in paradise) on planet Earth, to inspire and initiate a Conscious Human Uprising 2018-2025. I feel like this concept I have been envisioning and manifesting can provide everyone with a light at the end of the tunnel, where currently people see hopelessness and no way out! This is what it provided me. Anarkeden is astrologically aligned, divinely inspired, spiritually encouraged, and most importantly, it helps people discover their self, creates a beautiful, good and COMFORTABLE life that no one would want to escape from, and it would really connect people with the truth of this universe exponentially. 

Anark-Eden is a decentralized, wild system harmonized with Natural Law; a symbiotic, mutually-beneficial, ecologically-stimulating, spiritually-liberating, automatic-abundance economy, never before tried – except in Atlantis! By rising above the old paradigm and channeling our energy towards mutually-beneficial initiatives, we will create a thriving state of Anarkeden!

The Uprising involves a lot of emotional and personal work, as well as collaboration to co-create a symbiotic life, the solution strategy is available on my website for free. I feel this is vitally important because depression is a symptom of a much larger causal issue which is society is broken and people are unconscious and disconnected from the Love vibration.

It is those whom refuse to acknowledge suicide or any of the darkness in human society that are causing more, through their ignorance and denial and lack of personal responsibility to own up to their own contribution to this condition and their own ability to make a difference.

By working from this causal plane of reality - the why before manifestation - we can provide true and permanent shamanistic healing to this planet and prevent and mitigate these symptoms from manifesting in the first place.

This is the true solution to every single problem humanity faces and I know you are already aware of this. I just feel the word Anark-Eden is a very beautiful vibration and can be used as a mechanism to initiate a RISE in consciousness and LOVE and inspiration in order to reclaim our Right to Freedom in the Garden of Eden. I can't do it alone but I believe this idea has so much potential.


Poor Health
Artificial Scarcity
Violent System
Unhealed Trauma
Unconscious Parenting
Unnatural Environment



Conscious Parenting
Natural Environment


PS: "Never knowing for sure if someone is a friend of yours or just someone pretending to be, so as to catapult their own self-esteem or career manipulatively with your fame as the springboard."

I genuinely think your work is really awesome and want u to know my only motivation is to free humanity, heal the environment, and end suffering on planet earth. I don't want to make a career of it, not looking for fame, of course I'd love some money but I am providing my content for free as a philanthropist. I just want to share the idea with as many people as I can because I am so enlivened and impassioned by it and excited for what it can achieve in reality once enough people see it.

Edited by Majin Ben
Mercury Retrograde

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Such an incredibly difficult situation.. you have such a vital life purpose, yet the shadow side of it looks virtually unbearable. You must be exhausted on every level. Personally I would contact Eckhart Tolle.. go visit him.. ask him about this and hear his perspective/advice. He’s so insightful, like yourself. I’d love to hear what he says. Like you he’s so wise, but different too. Not better. Different.

Thank you Teal for the truth you allow to come through you, I find your YouTube videos and your teachings totally invaluable to my journey. There are good people out here who appreciate you and what you do, so very much. Thank you for your sacrifice and I’m so sorry that you are suffering so much under its burden. Love to you, from an ordinary person who blames you for nothing. I hope you’re ok and can find a path through. 

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Hi Teal and team

I would like very much to think you would actually read this. First I appreciate you. I love you. Whole team. I love what you do. I am a little insignificant human living on the tip of Africa a place you will never visit. Without that fame thing I would never have found you. I would never have had the opportunity to be exposed to your teachings. As I said I'm insignificant so I have not encountered any of these fame problems. But it feels like you are living in the problems of fame instead of embracing the positives. (I imagine you know this but in your blog there is no balance you only refer the negative and problems without looking at some of the positives) Main stream media love controversy. People thrive on negativity they thrive on people failing especially famous people because it makes them human. You used Angelina and Brad. Imagine an average unawake person looking at their lives. They perceive them to have everything. Money partnership children career success they are beautiful to look at. They aren't fat lonely or poor. I imagine there is an emotion of God I want that life, and realistically I cant have that life so I am going to do everything to destroy that life. And when shit goes wrong everyone rejoices. The media the public they become like vultures on a kill. You have to accept that fame has its negatives and that is it's big positive. So someone who hasn't heard of Teal sees an article on how you encouraged suicide and they think wow what a terrible person. Another person will think ha what's this about and listen to your video. That could save that one person. Instead of resenting the measures you have to put in place because of the fame embrace them because without them your message would not be as strong or as loud. Your haters make your message louder. Protect yourself as best you can. Protect your team as best you can. Most especially protect your little angel. Put measure in place so you feel safe. Allow the haters to hate. Allow the media to say what it will. Allow those to dishonor you. Dont resent it. Do the chores willingly. Embrace the fact that you have reached so many people. 

I remember reading or listening to the story of the woman who killed herself. At the time I was irritated with the crap people were spewing. When a person dies like that everyone looks for something or someone to blame. You will be in that firing line. When someone thinks that they have support in their blame game they feel vindicated and fueled to make more noise. But that's what it is .. noise. Imagine being a person who has lost someone to suicide. Perhaps those people need more help. They were not enough to keep the person alive. The person killed themselves even though I'm here and love them. They abandoned me. Why did I not see the terrible space they were in. Why did they not speak about it. Why was I not enough to help them. What an invalidation. Imagine being able to find someone to blame how empowering. 

Sorry I'm preaching. And you know all that I am saying. Sometimes reminding helps. I hope it does. We could talk for hours on the dynamics of everything. (In fact I would love that). 

Embrace your fame. Dont resent the time spent doing stuff to undo the damage of the haters. Thank them. Their noise makes your message louder.

You will need to harden when dealing with people. Keep your circle close. Fame doesn't only bring fake people being human does. Being a person who acts from a space of love brings haters. That is not fame dependant.  I have nothing to offer on this without another preachy essay. Which you dont need or want.

I have to go to work or I could do this all day. Rambling on. I feel we will meet one day in person. I think that is destined.

Embrace your fame. The message is louder than the haters noise. Protect yourself and family to feel safe.  

Your fame saved me. Your message re suicide is clear. Wait you can always do that. It is always there as a back up plan. I thought it was inspired and I still do. Keep doing what you are lead to do.

Little South African who was helped by Teal.



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Hi Teal and Blake and Gabi and Lynn and Winter and everyone on the Team, I just want to share that you each are part of my reason for recommitting to Life over and over again. On days I am ready to exit I think about what hope remains in the world. Something worth fighting for,  something worth living for. I remember the movement that you helped facilitate,  by helping me find other people who have dreams like mine. Dreams of creating authentic connection. On days I am crawling I remind myself there is a "Teal Swan" warrior in the world. And it gives me strength,  reminds me of my own courage, and that I won't leave her fighting alone. 

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 I wrote this a while back during a thankfulness exercise of things I feel genuine positive for. You were on that list. The movement is so much bigger than just you but you symbolize it to me. But the movement IS bigger than just you, Teal Love, It will go on because it is our hunger and desire. So that's my voting to take some pressure off you ?


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Great blog Teal. So needed that people learn that spiritual teachers don’t live in vacuum they are part and parcel of the context they live.
By the way, I am working on the issue of Suicide since few months. In Northern areas of Pakistan, suicide is quite rampant, and the way mental heal community deals with the issue is like fixing a problem. They make it as a technical issue since and not as a social and existential emotional issue. The underlying assumption is that this is something to be prevented because subconsciously it hurts and reflects our own shadows. I and my colleague recently tested out a more humanistic approach to Suicide prevention which I would love to share with you if got an opportunity . It pretty simple and effective. , I have learned a lot from you about the topic and strongly feel that it can be taken to the common people in the communities even the illiterate in our societies. I am trained in social sciences especially in participatory action research and community engagement approaches. Since you mentioned in your article about how to do that. In my opinion, to spread your message quicker and faster, we need to develop groups of catalysts in every community in the globe, so that communities are able to own the issue of suicide themselves and generate local responses. I am testing out one in Pakistan in the northern areas.
I am writing an op ed triggered by this blog which I will be happy to share and seek your feedback on if possible . So happy to know you .....??

Edited by Sohail Bawani

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Perhaps another book?  Training CP practitioners/making your own hotline for suicide prevention?  Idk if you could do a commercial for that, but since it is taboo, it would get a lot of attention.  

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That does sound like immense pressure, don't think I could deal with it as well as you have, it sucks to be given that kinda responsibility by others and to not feel like you can trust anyone

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Also, there's a Korean music group called BTS whose popularity is pretty much based around their social consciousness, and not just in Korea, worldwide to.  They're gaining a lot of attention, and since you like rap it could possibly be your cup of tea.  


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We just need to start centers in various places. Period. I am hoping to be part of one and help create it. Then people feeling suicidal or just having emotional distress in general can come in. There would be psychologists who are familiar with your work and maybe trained in CP plus CP practitioners, energy workers/healers, etc. I am desperate to create this...

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Hi Teal,
You say Cameron Clark was in your community when Leslie committed suicide, but Leslie committed suicide on May 20, 2012. Cameron Clark came to your community in 2013 when Fallon was your partner. I remember seeing those shadow house episodes w
ith both of them. In the website you made with testimonials (thetruthaboutteal.com) it is also clear that Cameron joined your community in 2013. I also checked your blog and your relationship with Fallon happened in 2013, not 2012 (https://tealswan.com/teals-blog/lido-key/). 

What is going on here? Can you please explain?

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I loved this blog. I notice in the comments that the level of empathy is almost zero, but that's the trouble with low consciousness. It simply can't see outside the box. Your very intellectual way of conveying insights does not reach the bulk of them I think...

I would not have told the 'unbalanced associate'-story naming names. I sense that you may have poured more oil on a fire. For sure you didn't make more friends. In my view, this is gossiping and there are a few other metaphors I can come up with for this subconscious behaviour. And that is a pattern I've pointed out to Ale as well, in response to one of his FB posts about his ex-wife. It's Authenticity vs shaming. You're shaming people.

This blog allowed me to punch two Blind Spots today ; traits of a Bipolar disorder and the antagonism in me. Well, I see more clearly now how twisted the world really is. But we are making progress within the bigger picture.... Bipolar. Mirror mirror. haha.


Self reflection is wisdom. Enjoy your evening.


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The world must love mediocrity, because it created so many of us common folk.  A bad mashup, on my part, of thoughts/quotes from “Amedeus” and Abraham Lincoln.  I hope you get what I mean.  Take courage dear.

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I am a crisis worker and may have an interesting perspective on this subject. Not only do I work in this specific line of work (suicide prevention) but I also have spent my entire life in a state of passive suicidal ideation. I have recently obtained my therapist license. I spent my first year out of school working on a suicide/crisis hotline. And now, I currently work as a crisis worker on a mobile crisis team. We go out and engage with people who are suicidal, homicidal or experiencing psychosis or some other sort of mental health crisis. We meet with people all over the place: jails, schools, hospitals, homes, and in strange places like parking lots and grocery stores. I work with people who see trauma and crisis all day. We collaborate with law enforcement, hospital staff and other community resources to help people. All of this sounds great on paper: we try to provide support, resources and help to people who are at their most vulnerable. But the reality is that I am aware how useless and ineffective my job is. The mental health field right now does nothing to resolve people's pain, and I go to work everyday knowing that. We put people in psychiatric hospitals or send them to clinics where they get no help to resolve the actual trauma that initiated the crisis in the first place. I started following your work about 3 years ago, and I knew that one day your method for trauma resolution is going to be the way that things start to change. I just feel very conflicted because most people in this field would not see "shadow work" as an effective or safe way to treat crisis. Your work is going to be very controversial, but I honestly know that it is going to be the norm one day. I just don't know how to integrate your methods into my job at this time. I work for the county, and you have to do things a certain way to keep your job. So i have to use the tired and ineffective methods that I don't find helpful in order to stay in line. Don't get me wrong, I still think that there are some parts of crisis work that are helpful, like being able to listen and be present for people in crisis, but i'm ready for things to start changing in a big way so that we can enact long-lasting change in this field. 


I really love my job. Its very fun and interesting. And I get to be there for people when they feel more alone than ever. But as someone who is chronically "over" being alive, I want to see treatment that actually works for people like me. And I would love to be apart of the wave of change that your work will bring.  


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