When we sleep our consciousness returns to non-physical focus. It’s a bit like a mini death as we go back to source perspective. When we dream, our consciousness is essentially out of body. We are experiencing a higher frequency dimensional reality. A dimension that contains the blue print for what is in the process of manifesting. We are having an out of body experience albeit not a conscious one. And we are identified with our dreamscape until of course we learn how to lucid dream, at which point we are viewing our dream through the eyes of our eternal perspective which is dis-identified with that dream thought scape. Your dreams are always a vibrational match to what you’ve been thinking and feeling, especially subconsciously. Every aspect of your dream is in fact an expression of yourself or your perception of life. In other words, every part of the dream is a part of the dreamer. For this reason, it is one of the best ways to become aware of suppressed and disowned aspects of yourself.
I had a lucid dream last night. It was incredible. In the dream, I was with a group of friends. We were in a tropical rainforest marsh like environment walking down a dirt road to go visit a hotel on the ocean. It was a very unfamiliar place and the environment felt predatory, like there were dangerous things naturally living there and preying on each other but in camouflage everywhere.
The other people on the trip felt fairly oblivious to the danger. That or they had simply accepted it. I was terrified. Trying to move my body forward was difficult because of how tense I was. Suddenly, we heard a sound to our left and when we looked over a colossal python snake was weaving towards us as slowly as molasses with its eyes closed. The snake’s head was the size of a small car. The snake was not camouflaged at all; it was colored in black and white patches, like a paint horse. It became obvious to us all that this snake was dying. It had been hacked to pieces by machetes. We knew intuitively that it had been done by a whole organized group of people that had decided it was a threat. Its head and three other parts of it were almost severed from the rest. I was paralyzed with the horror of the brutality of the scene as well as my terror of the snake itself. One of my friends went over to it and reached around its head as if helping it to get onto the road (what it was trying to do). When he pulled it in assistance, the head disconnected from its body. The friend laid it down and shook his head as if to say “what a pity”. It was obvious it was going to just lie there until it died. It was suffering in silence.
Seeing he could do nothing to prevent the death of the snake, he just kept on walking and the others followed him, jumping over the enormous body of the snake to do that. But to follow him, I would have to jump over the snake too. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t bring myself to get close to the snake. I was too afraid of it. I also couldn’t just go about my day pretending that anything was ok, knowing it was lying there suffering and dying. I was paralyzed by the unfairness. It couldn’t help being born what it was. My friend waived to me as if to say, “if you don’t catch up, you’re going to be left behind”. I got angry about his disconnection from the whole thing that was going on and his disconnection from my fear. I thought about reacting to his behavior with a victim control drama. But in the dream, because I knew that was a manipulation technique designed to get him to stop what he was doing and get him to do what I needed him to do, I couldn’t do it. I decided to turn and run back from the direction I’d come. I was on my own to find a place to be safe. So, I ran thinking “if he doesn’t care that I’m suffering and terrified right now, then I don’t care if he gets terrified that I’ve vanished and he can’t find me”. But I got too afraid that by running I would step on another snake, one that was camouflaged this time. As I stopped, I realized by stepping on the road, which was dirt when I entered, but was now covered in thick, wet vegetation... that I was dreaming. It was at this point that the dream became lucid.
I realized I was only in one perspective of many within this dreamscape. At this point, I could have chosen to manipulate any element of the dream in whatever way I wanted. But I knew that every part of the dream was a holographic representation of a part of me that I was not unified with. So, I decided to use the dream scape to become more aware of myself. First, I decided to become the perspective of the whole marsh. When I went into that perspective, I realized that it was the totality of me. I felt sad that parts of me (like animals and plants) were trying to hunt for and kill or run away from other parts of me and I felt powerless to do anything about it. I felt like I was waiting for harmony to happen, even if it took millions of years. I felt like I was waiting for them all to get aware of the endless cycle of predator and prey and transcend it. I recognized how true that was of me.
Then I went into the perspective of the giant snake. I was not where I belonged. I knew that as a python this was not my natural habitat. I felt powerless to being born what I was... A giant snake that sticks out like a sore thumb. I could feel that because of the ‘scary power’ that I had by virtue of what I was, other things were terrified of me. And as a result, I was either left alone or they rallied together to try to eradicate me. I was grieving because of what had been done to me; the tragedy of being feared to the degree that I was hated so much that I was now killed. But I was also feeling relieved that this was the end of that state of being… The end of what made me special, because it had caused me so much suffering. I wanted tenderness and belonging so bad, I could feel it in every fiber of my being.
Then, I went into my friend’s perspective. I saw that in a state of incapacitation, the snake could do no harm. I was relieved that someone else had incapacitated it so we were safe from it and could continue forward to get where I wanted to go; instead of turning back. I was really disappointed with whatever idiots did this to the snake. But I could not sit there and become incapacitated by what I was seeing or by my negative emotion about it because I can’t do anything to change the world. The world is fucked up. If I can’t do anything to make something better where I am, I must go forward and do my best to disconnect from it. Teal’s inability to do that feels like weakness to me. It makes me feel my own powerlessness and fear, which I don’t know how to be with. I want to avoid that more than anything else. My obsession with accomplishing goals and plans is really about feeling a sense of empowerment and control so I can feel safe. I could only feel good if I can get to the place I decided I want to go to (the ocean hotel). Teal not following me is making me feel really unsafe. I feel like she wants me to marinate in unhappiness. I want to force her forward so she isn’t stuck in negative emotion.
Then I went into the perspective of the others. “They” were more like one unit of consciousness that was caught in between these two parts, which were Teal and her friend. They were caught between two different ways of dealing with the situation. They decided to follow him because he seemed much more in control and less fearful and so they believed they would be safer being led by him. They turned over their own guidance system to his because they didn’t feel capable of the task of leadership or making decisions in a place so unfamiliar and unsafe.
I went back into the original perspective I was in. The fearful ‘Teal’ self in the dream. I thought 'wow, the part being played by my friend, is a part of me that is so suppressed that I don’t even recognize it as a part of me'. I reminded myself that when I wake up to start looking for the part of me that he is a mirror of. I also acknowledged that of all the different parts, he was the part of me that was not so terrified of the snake that he couldn’t touch it. He embraced it and tried to assist it, but willingly left it behind to forge forward in order to get to safety.
Looking at the snake, I knew EXACTLY what it was. It was the part of me that so many people, including my own mother feared about me. My life force energy… my essence/kundalini. Some souls manifest as golden retrievers. Some souls manifest as dolphins. Some souls manifest as willow trees. These things, people do not fear. Some souls on the other hand manifest as tarantulas. Some souls manifest as Crocodiles. Some souls manifest as water hemlock. These things, people do fear. We could say that because other people fear them, they are perceived as having a ‘dark power’ instead of a ‘light power’. Because people fear them, they feel powerless to them. This is why even though a human is 60 times bigger than a tarantula, the average human runs away from a tarantula. Long story short, this is what I always felt like. My mother often says that by the time I was two years old, I had more power than everyone else. She openly admits that it scares her sometimes and scared her even when I was very little. It didn’t just scare the people in the town where I grew up. It terrified them. As a result, I always felt like one of these creatures, like a tarantula or a poisonous plant, which like it or not was born with the kind of power that people fear.
The power of my essence, the one that other people attack incessantly and warn others about and try to kill in me, is embodied as a giant black and white snake. I reminded myself that when I wake up, in order to “own” this aspect of me, I want to see if I can find a white and black patch colored snake figurine or a painting of one so I can remember this aspect of me on a daily basis. I was overcome with sadness at the realization that I was trying to run away from this part of me and refused to touch it because other people (through their actions, such as hacking me to bits with machetes) had made me feel as if there was something dark, bad and shameful about it. I knew that the people who had done this was a representation of my haters (all the people who had feared me or felt like they would be hurt by me over the course of my life). I approached the snake’s head. I opened its eyelid and under it was not an elliptical eye, it was a big black eye that was deep and liquid looking, like a horse’s. It was gentle. I opened its jaws and saw its huge backwards curving fangs. But they had been worn down to the point that they were no longer sharp by eating plants. I could feel that its venom glands were atrophied, like most Pythons. All through its mouth were the remnants of plants and mosses. My heart broke when I realized that it only ate vegetation. I felt so guilty for the attitude that I held towards it. I hugged its head and kissed it. But when I kissed it, I knew I was intentionally going to bring it back to life. When I kissed it, a pink energy shock wave rippled through the snake, which caused it to begin to regenerate. Each part of the snake began to re attach to each other part. It came back to health.
I decided that this was going to be my way of staying safe in the world. I decided to enter into a symbiotic friendship with this part of me. The snake curled up in a secluded part of the marsh with me inside of its massive coils. I sat there encircled, knowing and feeling that I am completely safe and protected by this snake. It was similar to how I used to feel with my horses, only even safer. I intentionally invited the experience of the people with machetes to show up again to kill the snake. But this time, I got out in front of the snake, as did the other people who were in the dream that followed my friend initially. We had our own machetes and we threatened them that if they ever dared come near the snake again, we would kill them. They left. I knew that these haters that appeared were the manifestation of the aspects of me that are trying to keep me safe in the world by getting rid of this part of me that other people want to attack and exclude. But I left the healing of this aspect of me to another day. I also knew that the part of me that was my friend in the dream was something I would have to integrate in the future because it was nowhere to be found during this re-unification and resolution.
Sitting in the safe coils of the snake again, feeling complete belonging and knowing that it felt complete belonging, I thought to myself "I really have to start metaphorically owning that I am a python at one level of my being". Being born a snake means I have a specific kind of power. It doesn’t automatically mean that the power I have is bad. It doesn’t automatically mean I am dangerous or even venomous. Just because I have the capacity to hurt people doesn’t mean that I will. Before I decided to consciously wake up, I remembered the powerful Wiccan teaching “That which can poison can also heal and nothing can heal that cannot also poison.”