• The Holy Grail

    How far must we deviate from ourselves?

    How long must we abandon ourselves?

    Since the moment we first chose to do so

    We abandon ourselves in birth.

    And if we do not rejoin ourselves over the course of our lives

    We rejoin ourselves in death.

    We must die to ourselves In order to be born

    And all life is a process of being re-born to ourselves.

    And what of emotion?

    Emotion is the tether

    Emotion is the link that remains when all else is lost

    Emotion is the only remnant of the true self

    Which we abandoned in order to be born here.

    Emotion is what leads you back to you

    All things done on this planet are done to escape emotion.

    Every cigarette smoked

    Every lover gained

    Every book read

    Every bite eaten

    We even find our way to spirituality because we are desperate to escape the way we feel

    But then we find that the only way to find joy and to set ourselves free permanently,

    Is to walk into the eye of the storm

    To be so ready to die as a result of our pain

    That we stop running or escaping

    We stop trying to feel better

    We stop trying to change the way we feel

    And instead,

    We walk right into the eye of the storm

    Ready for it to swallow us up

    Even daring it to

    For the first time in our lives, we do not abandon ourselves,

    Because for the first time, we do not run from the way we feel

    We do not try to use positive focus to move away from ourselves

    We do not use alcohol to suppress ourselves

    We do not use a lover to protect us from ourselves

    Instead, we move towards and into our feelings.

    We don’t ask them to change

    We don’t want them to be different

    We are simply in and of and with them

    And because of it, we are completely in and of and with ourselves

    And something beautiful happens…

    After practicing the art of being with ourselves again and again

    The universe reveals itself in its entirety

    There is a hole inside all people

    A deep emptiness, wanting to be filled up

    But what is that emptiness?

    That emptiness is grief.

    Greif is the baseline emotion for all people incarnated on this planet.

    But what is it that we are all grieving?

    The answer is the loss of self

    We lost ourselves in our birth into physical form.

    We abandon ourselves when we separate ourselves from that which we truly are

    From source

    Like a stone dropped into still water

    The ripples from that original transgression

    Travel outward

    After the original separation from our true selves,

    We re-live that separation again and again

    Separation from the womb

    Separation from the breast

    Separation from our parents

    Separation from friends

    Separation from lovers

    Separation from our children

    And eventually, separation from life itself upon our death day.

    We suffer the original separation throughout the duration of our lives.

    We suffer to the degree that the desire within us

    To be whole again

    Is strong enough

    To draw us back to ourselves.

    To draw us back to source

    Because Source and self are one and the same.

    Greif is at the core of all of our lives.

    All of us abandoned ‘ourself’ to come here

    We broke into a billion pieces

    We call them by different names

    I am Teal

    You are John

    Or Mary

    Or William

    Or Emily

    All pain and suffering on this planet, is a ripple

    Cast off from the original stone

    Of Separation

    All human behavior

    Is seen accurately through the stages of grief

    The entire emotional scale

    Is in essence, the expression of a grief process

    When we are separated from other people

    And feel as if we have lost them

    As they leave us

    As they die,

    The grief we feel, is none but a reflection

    Of the original loss of ourselves upon our birth

    And we will lose our loved ones

    As long as it takes

    To reunite

    With ourselves again

    This grief process that is occurring within all of us,

    Is the grief process of having lost a loved one

    And we have all lost this loved one

    We have all lost ourselves

    We could not be born unless we did

    And so, this grief is shared by us all.

    We are united in this grief

    And yet, we are torn apart by it

    This grief process now plays itself out upon the world.

    It accounts for all of our actions as a species

    We are utterly powerless at birth.

    We deny what has happened to us

    We feel utterly isolated

    We become angry

    Because we are so scared

    We start to bargain with our parents

    And then we bargain with the world

    We fall into depression

    Because nothing can make the hole inside of us go away

    And one day, we either die because of it

    Or we find acceptance.

    To find acceptance for the separation

    And to set ourselves free from the prison of it

    We must go straight into the eye of the storm of grief.

    To be reunited with ourselves,

    We must let ourselves grieve

    We must let ourselves grieve for the loss of ourselves

    And in every following thought and word and movement

    We must make a vow to never abandon ourselves again

    We must make a vow to be completely with ourselves

    In each and every moment of our lives

    Without needing ourselves or the way we feel

    To be different



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