The door opens; I enter a dimly lit room that is overflowing with the uproar of cheering and applause. The Sydney audience quite literally yanks me into the room with their collective enthusiasm. I love an enthusiastic audience. In truth every performer does. I make my way over to the ornate red velvet chairs that are waiting at the focal point of the room. In a twist of humor, I have to hold the waistband of my pants up while I walk across the room because the audio clip attached to my microphone is pulling them down. I sit in the heat heavy glow of the stage lights. For most people on earth, the heart rate increases in front of a room with hundreds of people staring at you, waiting to see what you’re going to say. For me, the heavenly feel of stage lights and the conscious presence of hundreds of people makes my heart rate go down. I find it calming. There is a certain kind of pressure that comes with it. But that pressure kind of hugs and contains me.
I look out into the audience. I see an ocean of faces and brilliant colors. Some faces are so familiar to me that it soothes me. I can see them smiling at me. There is kindness in their eyes. I think to myself, no matter what country I visit, the 'Tealers' are all the same. I could spot them a mile away. A group of the most “benevolent badasses” on earth. Like me, they are raw. Like me they are sensitive. Like me, they are both human and divine. Their energy possesses the same texture of sharp passion. Many people dream of being able to meet people who resonate with them. In the seconds of silence before I begin talking, I think to myself… I am a genius. I have created a career that flushes like-frequency people from the woodwork and draws them to me in a tidal wave. It is true that the person who has the potential to be your best friend could be on the other side of the world. And it is no feat for the universe to bring you together. But in my line of work, meeting best friends is like catching fish from a tidal pool. They come to me now from all corners of the globe. And I can genuinely say that I have officially gone from a person who had absolutely no one; a person who was drowning in the kind of isolation that sucks breath from your lungs, to a person who has people that are so close to me that they will live and die by my side. So often when I meet other Tealers, all I can think to myself is “where the hell were you when I was in high school”?
I feel like all of us were suffering in our respective lives. Unaware that anyone like us existed. And all I did was stand up with determination one day and say… “I’m gonna go climb that mountain and start yelling incase anyone is out there and incase anyone hears me”. And low and behold, people started following the sound. More and more of us keep coming out of our respective isolation and now we are gathered in awe that so many of us actually do exist. One day, I would love to do a gathering of all of us. A gathering that lasts several days and is so large it could rival the rainbow gathering. A gathering where we could share and sell our respective crafts and enjoy each other. I have been incorporating more experiential elements into my workshops lately. I made the decision to do that in Paris. In the wake of the Paris attack, I did not feel like teaching from an intellectual angle as the heart’s first language is not words. So, I introduced some interactive and emotional processes to the formula of the event. I liked the results immensely. So, I decided to play with the Sydney Audience as well. We did a vulnerability/questioning process and a pure positive focus exercise. I love the way it dissolved negative boundaries in the collective. People began to relate to each other and let each other in. There is something both terrifying and epic about having no plan whatsoever for the workshop until the day-of. It allows for more impactful healing because the issue at hand is the one directly addressed.
I have another workshop to host tomorrow in Brisbane. We boarded the plane yesterday morning to fly there. But on a whim, we decided to rent a car and drive an hour to the Gold Coast. I wanted one day of total and complete rejuvenation so I could be on the top of my mental and emotional game for Brisbane. I’m not one of those people who thrives on travel. I have been around earth enough lifetimes that what tempts me forward into the new and the exciting is not the external landscape of earth, but the internal landscape of human existence. Traveling for me is more like having someone put an exotic new flavor on my plate. I’ll enjoy it with curiosity once it’s on my plate, but I don’t exactly feel inspired to seek it out. This time, the Gold Coast showed up on my plate. I am now officially sunburnt. We spent 4 hours on the beach yesterday. Enjoying the surf on a public beach in this area is so very… expectedly Australian. The problem with rip tides is real enough that there are flags set up on the beach 100 meters apart. And you have to swim inside that area, straight in front of the lifeguard on duty... with every other tourist in the area. So as you go over the unpredictable waves, you end up getting kicked and elbowed. And if you drift outside the flag area, the life guards come on over megaphone and discipline you back into the correct area for the ‘sake of safety’. On top of my apprehension about swimming in the ocean in general, it was basically an all around un-pleasurable experience. I’ve decided the only way to do it in Australia is to take the risk and find beaches that are not popular tourist sites. This is assuming you can find places that are not graced by rip tides, great whites, box jellyfish and other life threatening elements
Lying in the sun was lovely though. I love the thought that we are all essentially bathing in starlight on fine golden sand with turquoise water sparking as it rolls into shore. It was a struggle to be present despite the beauty of the scene. My mind was tossing and turning over a new concept that dawned on me about emotional suppression. The concept that needs work like emotions do. A need that is suppressed in one person comes up and out in the other party of the relationship. This concept, once refined is likely to come up in a future talk of mine. I spent nearly the whole time on the beach yesterday watching a group of teenagers that settled five feet in front of us, completely oblivious to the fact that they were kicking up sand and blocking the ocean view we had found. Like a movie, I watched them. Two girls and two boys. None of them made one authentic move the entire time I watched them. Every breath they took was measured. It was as if they were screaming to find a sense of identity in the world. Desperate to give the impression that they are who they think the rest of the group wants them to be. Like a performance, I watched the girls overact with each other to manipulate the boys into being more attracted to them. I watched the boys play a game of antagonism to try to elicit a bonding reaction in the girls. It progressed to the point where one of the boys ran off and put the girl’s designer purse directly in the surf.
I have to say, this style of bonding is not limited to just the teenagers in this country. I have also seen this behavior exhibited multiple times by adults in the various streets we’ve visited here. It goes along with the last blog I wrote where I exposed abrasion as the dominant negative pattern here. It is as if antagonism is the dominant method for getting close to the person you like. In other words, it is as if antagonism is linked to sex and love here. In the rest of the world, we go through this phase of getting hit over the top of the head by the person who is secretly in love with us in grade school. But this style of relating does not often make its way beyond grade school.
I felt glad for my age as I watched these teens on the beach. The best part about getting older, provided that you become more and more conscious, is that you settle into yourself more and more. Authenticity becomes much more the priority than manipulating other people’s opinion of you. It is such a relief to not have the pressure of putting on a show and to not feel the inner burn of mistaking that show for who you really are. But there is something juicy about the way the soul thirsts for self-awareness and the ego screams for a sense of where it starts and ends in adolescence. There is so much wanting and momentum within the being. Today, we are driving back to Brisbane to reconvene with Blake (The COO of Teal Eye and beloved member of my intentional community for 12 years) and Zach (my lovely event coordinator). I am keen to taste the energetic flavor of the city. I am keen to peer below the surface of the collective consciousness there. But I can assure you, (as we found out the hard way in a serious near miss on the way to the airport yesterday) that driving on the opposite side of the road is nothing short of a feat of epic proportions. Bring it on Brisbane!
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