I did an interview with a budding self-help expert Laura Marie today. Watching her on the other side of the screen was quite soothing for me. She was like a work of art to behold; porcelain skin that folded across the structure of her face and hair like spun silk. She was full of vigor for life. Her words, lightly tinted with a French accent. I couldn’t stop thinking after the interview was over, about women in general. It is so important that as women, we are out in the world setting an example of what it looks like to fully embody and express ourselves. It is time that those of us who were born female, release our resistance to our own gender and begin to embrace and express our feminine essence. Women have been in resistance to the divine feminine within themselves for far too long just like human society has been in resistance to the divine feminine for far too long.
The dimension we are living in is a dimension designed for the purpose of expansion; and in this dimension, expansion is the byproduct of contrast. By contrast, we mean polar energies. This is a dimension of duality. And this is why as we digress away from the unity of source energy, we can see two polar energies arise. For centuries these polar energies have been referred to as yin and yang or the god and goddess. The goddess represents the divine feminine; the god represents the divine masculine. On a manifested level this translates to a physical woman and a physical man.
Divine feminine energy represents these aspects within the universe: Restoration, life, renewal, creation, birth, healing, receptivity, openness, motherhood, nurturing, love, understanding, compassion, insight, intuition, wisdom, forgiveness, the moon, connection, harmony and sensuality. To allow the divine feminine within ourselves to surface, we need to search for these aspects within ourselves. You will find that you are more in touch with some aspects of your divine feminine nature and less in touch with others. For example, you may be fully in touch with your own sensuality but not in touch with motherhood. If this is the case, expressing the divine feminine within you, means connecting with and expressing the latent motherhood within you in your own unique way.
It is understandable how in today’s world, many of us would have suppressed these energies in order to cope with modern day life. For example, it is difficult to allow the softness of receptive compassion into our life when we are expected to maintain competitive careers in the work place. But our health depends on making the space in our lives to allow these inherent qualities to surface. Our womanhood is unique. Every woman is a unique expression of the divine feminine. Coming into alignment with the divine feminine within us is not about conforming to an archetypal idea of what divine feminine is or isn’t. It is about releasing the things that disallow our own unique feminine essence from radiating through us. It is about re claiming who we really are.
Many of us have built our lives and our image either in resistance to the traditional idea of what “female” should be, or in support of the traditional idea of what “female” should be. This is a problem because neither course of action represents our true selves. Neither allows us to be who we really are. Instead of being genuine to our true feelings relative to our feminine identity, we spend our time either rebelling against expectations or embracing expectations that we don’t actually enjoy because we desperately want acceptance and approval. We should ask ourselves is there any part of the traditional female gender role that we actually enjoy? For example, do we actually enjoy wearing high heels or makeup? Are we using these things to highlight our femininity? Or do we do it because we feel we are not adequate without it, or must simply because we are female? Do we enjoy the idea of a man being the “provider” because it is fun to experience a person loving us enough to support our physical needs and wants? Or are we embracing the idea of a man as a provider because we do not feel capable of providing for ourselves? The answer will vary from woman to woman. We need to ask ourselves, does the answer we receive come from a positive emotional space or a negative emotional space?
I’ll give you a personal example; I was raised by a devout feminist. My mother was a byproduct of the 60s. She was part of the woman’s rights movement and so my mother has been rejecting the traditional view of femininity for years. She dressed like a man. She burned her bras in public demonstrations. Why? Take a look at some of the ads she grew up with as a child...
You get the point... I could put thousands of these ads up on this blog. But I can feel my blood pressure rising.
Anyway, by virtue of my mother's resistance to things of this heinously sexist nature, she managed to manifest a daughter who is all about lipstick, pushup bras and high heels. What did this mean for me as a child? It meant that my mother went to great lengths to exclude anything pink from my wardrobe and toys. I got the message very young that pink was a color for girly girls and that girly girls were pathetic, powerless, weak, and to blame for the continual tyranny of men. Growing up, I was repulsed by pink because of that idea. I looked down on women who identified with pink as inferior. I saw them as a discredit to our gender. But when I was going through therapy some years ago, I was asked to visualize a color that felt safe to me and pink kept coming to mind. When I questioned my resistance to pink, I found my dislike of the color pink was not integral to who I was. I was rejecting the color pink because of what I was taught pink had to represent. When I was honest with myself I found out that I absolutely love pink. It’s one of my favorite colors. And it does in fact make me feel safe. The thing about life in general is that if we are committed to living the kind of life that makes us happy, we need to commit to only keeping the beliefs and practices that add to our happiness. This means that many of us will be embracing things that are traditionally seen as feminine; while some of us will be discarding things that are traditionally seen as feminine. The goal as far as embracing our own femininity goes, is taking the time as individuals (not as a female race) to decide what works for us and what doesn’t. We do not have to (and should not) get rid of beliefs and practices that work for us based on the fact that other people have decided it doesn’t work for them. We simply need to be very honest with ourselves about what does and does not work for us.
Way back when I did my video on divine feminine, I presented these suggestions for helping women tap into the divine feminine within them, but I wanted to include them in this blog because of how essential it is that we embrace the divine feminine within us, and help others to do the same.
1. Allow yourself to create. Women are natural creators. This is part of why we can create life. When we are out of touch with divine feminine, we do not allow ourselves to create. One of the best ways to awaken your creative energies is to begin to do art. Any kind of art will benefit you as long as you enjoy it.
2. Collaborate and come together with other women. Come out of isolation. It is profoundly healing if you’ve been in resistance to your own womanhood to gather with other women specifically to focus on healing yourself and each other relative to womanhood. Several cultures in our ancient world understood this. This is the thought process behind the red tent movement. You can hold a woman’s group that is centered on a feminine subject such as periods or motherhood and open up the floor for discussion. It is incredible the kind of healing that can occur when women are opening up about their own struggles and thoughts relative to womanhood with each other. There’s no right or wrong way to do this and you can trust that when you gather women in a room, the energy will always go in the direction of healing.
It is important to note that the “no guys allowed” attitude that women hold towards these gatherings is not healthy in any way because exclusion is the opposite of divine feminine energy. Separation of the sexes is part of what fuels the fire and misunderstanding between us. If men want to participate in these gatherings, consider yourself in good company. This means the men in your life are not threatened by the divine feminine and so it will just be that much easier for you to express your divine feminine essence around them. It may be difficult for some women to express their divine feminine nature with a man in the room. This is not natural. It is simply a byproduct of women being taught to suppress their femininity. It is a byproduct of embarrassment and shame that we do not feel as if we can be open with ourselves as women when a man is present. But having an open minded, curious man present (or several present) for these gatherings, can actually help us as women to learn that we can unleash the divine feminine around men. Think of it as rehab! Besides, we are always complaining that men do not understand us, so help them out! Open up to them and maybe they will understand us.
3. Explore your sensuality. The divine feminine is known as beauty incarnate. This means it is time to appreciate and celebrate beauty in your life. Does your life reflect sensual pleasure? If not, it is time to re-decorate. Surround yourself in aesthetically pleasing things. Allow yourself to enjoy sensual pleasures whether it is a warm bubble bath or fragrances you like. Surround yourself in color. And, it is time to begin exploring your own sexuality. Our bodies should not ever be off limits to us. Get to know yourself intimately.
4. Explore, question and heal your ideas and feelings towards motherhood and towards your own mother. It does not matter whether or not you actually want kids; most of us still have unhealthy ideas and feelings about motherhood. Either we are in an unhealthy state of resistance about motherhood, or we feel that it is our only way to have significance and justify our existence. Neither of these ways of being makes us healthy as individuals or as mothers. Your first introduction to the divine feminine is none other than your mother. If you have resistance to your mother, you have resistance to the divine feminine within you. This means that one of the most important parts of the process of coming into your own feminine essence is to examine and heal the relationship between you and your mother. For some of us, this is a tall order. This does not mean that we have to take action to re connect with your mothers. It does not mean we have to become best friends. Our mothers do not even have to be alive in order to heal our relationship with them. What we do need to do is separate ourselves from our mother so we can shed off all the damaging ideas they passed on to us and set ourselves free from them. We will find that once we distance our self mentally and emotionally from them, we can learn to be ourselves and only then can we make peace with our mothers. Only then can we truly embody the divine feminine within us.
5. Examine the current perception of womanhood in your family and in your culture. Examine what you learned while you were growing up in your family about what it meant to be female. Examine the traditional gender roles and associations with femininity on your culture. This will vary even from culture to culture in your own country. For example, where I live in America the traditional role of being female entails:
Birth control pills
Concealing Periods with tampons and pads
Shaved legs and armpits
Becoming a wife
Not expressing anger
Allowing men to manage the household money
Having hobbies but not a career
Self-sacrificing to others in order remain virtuous
Decorating the household
Allowing men do the heavy lifting and manual labor jobs for us
Allowing men to open doors for us
Examine what it means in your family and culture to be female and decide which ones you connect with and enjoy and which ones you do not. Which ones do you personally feel reflect your divine feminine and which ones do you personally feel suppress it? For example, if we grow up in a culture that identifies womanhood as staying home to raise the children, it is easy to feel inadequate as a woman if we do not enjoy staying home to raise children. It may feel as if there is something wrong with us because we watch other women who love motherhood feel as if their soul is flourishing when they are at home raising children. Then we feel guilty about it. Because of guilt we may try to force ourselves to try to enjoy child rearing in the same way that these perfect stay at home moms do it. This is the time to remind ourselves that divine feminine expresses itself in different ways. Just because you’re a different kind of mother doesn’t mean you’re less of a mother for doing it your way instead of trying to conform to society’s idea of what motherhood should and shouldn’t look like. It could be that for you, staying home to raise a child while your husband works is not an expression of the divine feminine within you. For you, allowing yourself to have a career is allowing the divine feminine within yourself to express itself. Another woman might feel as if she is not valid without a career. She may try to force herself to enjoy a career in the same way other women do. This is also the time to remind herself that the divine feminine expresses itself in different ways. Just because she enjoys staying at home raising the children rather than having a career outside the home doesn’t mean she has sold herself short. She is no less successful and significant as a person. It could be that the divine feminine within her is screaming that its highest expression is to stay at home to raise children. For this woman, allowing herself to stay at home with the children, is allowing the divine feminine within her to express itself.
6. Get in touch with your intuition. Listen to your emotions. A woman who is run by logic is a woman that is profoundly out of touch with the divine feminine within her. Womanhood is a receptive state of being. Receptivity means taking down those walls that we have built around ourselves. Receptivity is a state of profound openness and part of what comes with that openness is receptivity to that which is beyond the physical dimension.
7. Cultivate openness, love, compassion and gentleness towards the world and towards yourself. I want to reiterate that this does not just apply to others. It also applies to yourself. In our modern society we push ourselves so hard every day, there seems to be no room for these qualities in our lives. But we are developing breast cancer because of it. We are dying because of it. Our delicate biochemistry cannot keep up with what we are doing to it. It is time for a change. Choose three changes you can make in your day-to-day life that would allow these energies to come through. For example, you could commit to calling a friend one time a week just to practice listening to them with compassion and without judgment. Or you could commit to doing one loving thing for yourself each day, such as getting yourself a pedicure, letting yourself go to sleep instead of finish that project or buying that new outfit you can’t stop thinking about. Trust yourself to know what would benefit you the most to do.
8. Do meditations that are aimed specifically at connecting to the divine feminine. There is no right or wrong way to do this. You can invent your own if you like, but hundreds of these meditations can be found on line. Guided meditations are effective and a lot of people have great ideas about how to connect with your divine feminine essence. Try any of them that you feel compelled to try. The worst thing that could happen is that you could find one that really works.
9. Examine your resistance relative to being female on the spiritual, mental, physical and societal level. Resistance is a word we use to describe the energy behind negative emotion. Do you have resistance (therefore negative emotion) relative to your periods? Do you have resistance relative to being a wife? Do you have resistance relative to your breasts? Do you have resistance to wearing or not wearing makeup? Do you have resistance towards being open with others? Do you have resistance to natural birth? If you feel resistance relative to any aspect of life that you identify as “female”, you have something in the way of the divine feminine within you. For example, you do not need to wear dresses to embrace the divine feminine, but you are suppressing the divine feminine as long as you associate dresses with being female and continue to harbor resistance to dresses. Try to find your core beliefs relative to the resistance you feel and then release those core beliefs. Nothing helps divine feminine shine through better than releasing your resistance relative to the things you associate with femininity.
10. Embrace your body. Our culture is at war with the female body. As a result, we are at war with our bodies. Divine feminine expresses itself physically in unique ways. If you are resisting the parts of your body that make you female, you are resisting the divine feminine. There are many great books on the market that are aimed at helping women to embrace their bodies.
We need to be willing to heal our negative emotions relative to anything we identify as female to set the femininity within us free. Divine feminine does not need to be cultivated or created within us as women. It is us. It is the essence of our choice to come into this life as women. And so, it is an ever-present energy that is always there. It is merely obscured by our thoughts and actions. If we begin to clear our minds and lives of the things that are obscuring that essence, it will immediately shine through on it’s own. It is exhausting suppressing the essence of who we are. And so, it is time to quit suppressing it. It is time to embrace it and let it shine.