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The Current

mangoes-4229578_640.jpgDescending the long staircase from the main building to the pool, the smell of mango is heavy in the air.  The heat has caused the leaves of the mango trees to sweat.  It has sucked the scent from them and the wind has brought it to the people as an offering.  Costa Rica is a cornucopia of smells.  Rich, overpowering polarities of scent like sweet fruit against earthy moss.

We are embarking on our fifth retreat at our retreat center, Philia.  It is turning into exactly what I envisioned, a shamanic platform for transformation.  I see the people who are coming here going through metamorphosis every day.  Sometimes I feel like this is a spiritual birthing ground where everyone is somewhere in the process of the labor of self delivery.  I see the flux of introspection and interaction.  This place is like a container for all of this.  In Costa Rica, you feel disconnected from the rest of the world.  You cannot feel the pulse of society.  It feels like a separate world with separate rules and a separate pace that has been existing unbeknownst to the other world where most people live.  And within that separate world is Philia, which in and of itself feels like another miniature world that is cut off even from the world of Costa Rica.   

philia t.jpgSometimes, I leave this property and feel like I have woken up from the depths of a dream.  Many shamanic journeys make you intensely present, but within that deep presence it reveals different dimensions that feel “out there within”.  You feel like you are dreaming and awake at the same time.  This place, being shamanic land, feels exactly like that.  The second you enter the gate; you feel the heavy, epic feeling of a dimension just below what meets the eye.  You feel it waiting for you.  You feel all the multi dimensional energies at play below the surface of things.  It feels like the statues may come alive.  It feels like the trees are watching you.  It feels like a marriage between sanctuary and shadow.  This land is not the kind of land that soothes.  It is the kind of land that catalyzes.  It is no mistake given the intensity of its nature that it fell into my hands.

I was joking with this week’s attendees that if I could afford it, I would buy a second center.  The second center would be a center that is the embodiment of angelic calm, safety, soothing, gentleness and lightness.  That way, people could come here to have their world catalyzed and to do the deep work of personal transformation.  And after, they could go to the other retreat where the softness of the place would settle the changes into their being.  A bit like the trauma of birth is followed by the softness of mother’s arms and mother’s milk.  Perhaps it will become a serious plan of mine for the future.

rainys.jpgI love this land.  Places like this, they steal a part of your soul and they wont let go.  And I love these people.  People like this, they also steal a part of your soul.  My career takes me to all corners of the globe.  On these various journeys, I have met the best of people.  It has felt like once there was one stone that cracked into a thousand pieces and those pieces were scattered across different countries around the world.  Slowly (being one of these pieces that was divided from the main stone), I have been finding the other pieces of that stone and bringing them together with one another.  But now with Philia, I have a place for all of them to come together in one place.  Like the stone is uniting once again.  It is the dream of the child in me that had no friends in a land where no one and nothing was like me.  It is the dream of belonging.  It is incredible what you can create if you initiate it.

I love the different flavors of the retreats being held here.  Each one is like a dive into specific waters.  One week it will be a dive into shadow work, the next it will be a dive into femininity, the next it will be a dive into conflict resolution, the next it will be a dive into detoxing the self and you can feel the ripple effect of the expansion that is the inevitable result of that exploration that is taking place here.  It is an epicenter of change. 

Speaking of that change, in this last retreat it became apparent that one reason I upset people so much as a teacher in the world is that more like a revolutionary, I am calling for change.  At face value, all spiritual teachers call for change.  The change from unloving to loving.  The change from imprisoned to free.  But most spiritual teachers, teach you how to cope with the world.  The self-help and the spiritual field is littered with this pollution called “coping”. 

 level-3072428_640.jpgI have one observation and one question after observing this world.  The observation is that everything we eat, every action we take, every decision we make, every relationship we get into, every retreat we attend is done so that we can feel better.  Every minute of our lives is spent clambering to feel better.  The question is where are we and what kind of world is this that we have created if every action we take is an action to try to feel better in it?  What kind of world have we created if we have to teach our children how to cope with it? 

The dream that will not die in me is the dream relating to the world and of changing the world into something that people don’t have to cope with.  The blessing of people like myself who were born incapable of 'coping' with the current world is that we have only one decision to make... Willingly die to leave the world or willingly alter the world so it is livable.  

hands-1222866_640.jpgThere is a concept in biology that certain species, like amphibians, are barometer species.  They are the indicators of the health or inevitable collapse of an ecosystem.  They will be the first to die if something that is unhealthy for the entire ecosystem is introduced.  Sensitive people are the barometers for humanity.  What they cannot cope with, is what is in fact unhealthy for all people.  If we would follow the lead of these ‘barometer people’, by creating the kind of system that is suitable for them, we would by default be creating a world that is suitable for all people on this earth and people would not have to cope with the world.  Instead, they could live.

My intention is to make Philia the pilot for a world like this dream that will not die in me.  We can then take that way of relating to the world and those ways of changing the world out across the world, like a ripple that begins in one center point but eventually reaches the furthest edges of the lake.


The giant chime outside is being tickled by the wind.  It lets out heavy harmonious tones in response to the touch as if its music is its laughter.  I walk through the hallway and I can see that on each bed, in each room is a frequency-painting duvet.  They are twisted and braided with the bed sheets.  Even messy instead of flat, the frequencies project just as strongly into the room.  They emanate to the degree that the air in every room is entirely entrained with the specific frequency of the bedding chosen for that room.  The artist in me loves the feeling of the un made beds.  They are lived in.  The warmth of breath and movement is still alive in them.  The workshop attendees have taken an hour’s journey to the ocean to drink out of coconuts while laying on the sand of a calm, white sand beach.  Even the silence they have left behind is not silent.  It is alive with the welcome residue of their presence here.  Each moment here is poetic.

I am being called down to the river today.  I will walk up it to the waterfall.  Deep under the canopies of trees, whose branches are so enmeshed with each other that they shut out the light, I will walk against the current.  It seems a metaphor for what my life feels like since being born here to this planet.  It seems a metaphor for the direction my purpose has taken me in the world.  A metaphor because following the current of my own river downstream, sometimes faces me instantaneously against the current of the rest of society and often against the current of the rest of the world.  But there is no other way to be.  There is no other way to live but to follow the current of your own river.


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Oh dear Teal, this post is sooo beautiful! 

It makes me feel in awe, gratitude and thrilled all at the same time <3

Through your magnificent description I was able to sense the smell of the ripe mangoes (It is one of my favorite fruits!) and feel the energy of the trees and other vegetation. It really seems like a dreamy place.

I love your idea for  a second retreat center, dedicated to calm and soothing feelings ^_^

I share the same idea about the world: my main desire is that human societies on Earth would become based on love, emotional connection with self and "others", emotional intelligence, respect for all life and that we all could live in communities that are safe, empowering in the best of ways, happy, healthy, thriving!!!!

In the past people called me utopist , but I still feel it is possible. Actually I deeply feel it is the future of humans and sometimes I dream about it (very green, flourishing places and fearless and happy people communicating by telepathy):)

I am truly grateful for the reminder that it is possible, that the feeling of not belonging and urgency to co-create a better world is not wrong or pathetic...

Much love to you  and the community <3  <3  <3


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1 hour ago, Moon Goddess said:

 your plan of intentional communities really piqued my interest! 

That is exactly my heart reaction! Oh what a wonderful world we will have - and it is up to each one of us to be the change now. What Teal is describing makes me hard with desire. The pieces of our unfolding world are coming together!!! Today feels really good to me and the thoughts I have attracted makes me feel exuberant. Thanks for this community, Teal.


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Yes, the land grabbed me immediately.   I sat present with it.   I changed my location.  I sat present again.  I was open.  It called the shots.  I guess abundance does that.   

The womb healing retreat went really well.  It was a catalyst for all.  

I didn't expect the embodiment of angelic calm, safety, soothing, gentleness and lightness. (The only time I had that experience was after sitting at a Buddhist silent retreat, and even then, only by the 4th week.)  

It takes a while to settle energies.  It has been a bit of a crash landing to come home and process change.  

I am very grateful for all you are and do and share and encompass.   I am very grateful to your family/tribe for their gracious hospitality, warmth and openness.


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There is one reason why ppl find it hard to live in this world. A malfunctioning spine. 

There is a spiritual reason why things are as such, why we have to align with the world. If you have difficulty  doing that, then you have to look for a solution. It is not your fault or the universe's fault. Your job is to find the method so tt you can do your job here.


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You are definitely executing your plan, Teal. KUDOS!  I think your spiritual resort and intentional community reality (and ambitions) are perfectly aligned and ideal for showing humanity new and better possibilities for high-consciousness living. Thanks for sharing your life and spiritual insights. Teal!  :)

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The second retreat sounds like a great idea! I especially resonate with the ideas of people who are incapable of "coping" only have the choice of leaving or changing the world. That turned on a light in my mind of what makes me think of leaving the world, believing there's nothing I can do to usefully change it... it's tiring always swimming against the general current of society. Also the barometer species allusion. I love finding posts that put intangible ideas into words. And the last sentence is so true: "There is no other way to live than to follow the current of your own river." ?☺️?

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I have been talking to the people who own Eden in Atenas a small BnB 9 rooms about buying it and turning it into a healing center. I imagined a place of peace and healing with meditation, massage, Reiki, prayer and caring. There is alao a clinic in Atenas that uses Ibogaine to help people overcome their addictions. We could offer aftercare services to them as well. Damon and I have been talking this up on the Teal Tribe Facebook page and numerous people want to invest mostly small amounts 2-3k. My Recovery Ministry property in Florida is up for sale. I leave for Guatemala 3-11 and hope to be in Costa Rica on or about April 1st. We could set up a corporation, partnership or other legal entity to own the property and an intentional community/ cooperative to operate it . Selling time-shares would be another possibility. We could certainly use your help in setting it up. Message me if you want to talk. Peace

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You're the best! I totally agree that you are a revolutionary also. You call for a kind of change that makes most people uncomfortable; you call for them to trust themselves in a world where we externalize our trust, and you call for them to embrace the emotions that they've spent their life running from, disowning, and/or denying. Your words go deep enough to where they are polarizing by nature. Your teachings require us to do as are doing: to forsake the flow of society and instead float down our own river, which runs in the opposite direction. I ran through many spiritual teachers before you, and all of them taught me masked self-hate and coping mechanisms. Your were the first teacher that said, and made me understand, that there is nothing wrong with me, and you are the only teacher that's made a real and positive impact on my life. Keep being revolutionary; we need a revolution of consciousness. I can't wait to the day I go to Philia (awesome name btw)! Thank you for all that you do.

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