I grew up in the wilderness. I have never felt so much like a byproduct of the wilderness as I do today. Most people in the cities of Europe cannot comprehend ‘wilderness’. They will not comprehend of it until they see it with their own eyes; mile upon mile, upon mile of wild landscape, untouched by the hands of men. Man does not rule over the wilderness. He is a small, rebellious child of the wilderness. He has built this metropolis of concrete, cobblestone, metal and glass over the top of the wilderness. Like a teenage child who slams his door shut, so his parents cannot interfere in his life. He shuts love out too. Just as the concrete that covers every square inch of the city shuts out life. The ill vapor of this polluted sky is seeping through my pores this morning. Walking on the streets here in the heart of the financial district of the city,
Besides a general Vitamin deficiency that occurs in nearly everyone here, there is a mass dissociation amongst the people. There is a mass dissociation because there has to be. No one could live here (with no time spent removing oneself to recharge somewhere else) and be fully sensitized. People dissociate to cope with it. Without a second thought, they walk by drunken men, pissing on the building walls and passed out in the alleyways. They walk by people whose faces have been painted white with cuts and blood, advertising horror tours. They walk by monuments and castles, whose histories are rich with beheadings and public executions. They walk by each other without looking each other in the eye. The “city people” here in London are cut off from their own emotion, they do not feel the impact that this lifestyle has on them. Cut off from each other, there is a feeling that every man is out for himself and that they have to spend their days surviving each other. It is a sad, driven disconnection that has made men give off an air of sociopathy and the women give off an air of bitterness.
The “void” that can be felt in this part of London is more evident now than ever. If a person lived here long enough, I imagine that they would find a way to cope with the city. They would find places within the city to gain respite. They would find familiarity and build good memories there and then associate the city with those things and those places, whilst tuning the rest of the malady of the city out.
I am going to search for some of these places in the city to gain respite today.