• Self Inquiry, The Answers

    questiions-answer-construction_0.jpgIn response to popular request, I am going to open up my world to you even more by publicly answering the questions that I put forth to you yesterday.

    1. What do I want to experience out of life before I die?

    A. So many things.  I want to experience a state of extended joyful contentment.  I want to know what it feels like to feel secure in relationships. I want to gallop a horse across a beach. I want to experience the state of complete guaranteed financial freedom.  I want to live in the pristine, harmonious intentional community of my dreams.  I want to be seen internationally as an icon of forgiveness, freedom and promise.  I want to experience a world I’m excited for my son to grow up in.  The replacement of the society we live in now.  I want to stay at the ice hotel in Sweden.  I want to experience an existence free of fear.  I want to experience a world where all beings have unlimited abundance.  I want to do something for this world worthy of a Nobel peace prize.  I want to know what it feels like to feel like I’ve done all I came to this earth to do.  I want to feel like I enjoy the journey of life. My abuser being free from this life.  Being a repeat best selling author.  Frequency paintings spreading throughout the world and uplifting consciousness.  Being able to take a compliment into my being.

    2. How do I want to grow?

    A. I want to Master the art of being able to return to happiness and the present moment.  I want to be able to be not take things personally.

    3. What/How do I want to contribute?

    A.  I want to provide the world with all kinds of beneficial material so people can use them as resources to find relief and begin enjoying and understanding their lives and themselves.  I want to create the largest non-profit in the world and I want it to grow so big that before I die, it has reformed healthcare, the justice system, the food industry and education.  I want to contribute most of all to people’s belief that they can do or be or have or change anything.

    number-1.jpg 4. What is my number one priority in my life? A. Doing what feels right to do.  Other than that, my sense of purpose, which is currently being fulfilled through my profession.  So my priority is the flow of creation and progression of my career as a spiritual leader.

    5. What would you do differently if you knew there would be no consequences (Ie. No one would judge you or no one would be upset by you)?

    A. I’d yell more when I’m upset without feeling guilty about it.  I’d spend more time naked.

    6. What are my top ten needs?

    A. A sense of achievement and success

    To feel good about myself

    A feeling of security

    Financial freedom

    To be surrounded by people who love me and whom I love

    To experience the manifestation of my desires

    Intimacy with others

    A Sense of Significance

    Absolute freedom to express myself and create (so obvious I’m an artist)

    Inspiration

     

    Living-or-Existing1.jpg 7. How am I living fully?

    A. I am living entirely off of my own creation.  I am my own boss.  I get to do whatever I want with my time.  I am doing what I love to do, what I would be doing if I had all the money in the world and if I had no money in the world.  I am making a living expressing my true self to the world unrestricted and people see value in what I create and express and life doesn’t get better than that.

    8. How am I not living fully?

    A.  I allow myself to get so busy with my work that I do not remember what it feels like to do something for no other reason than it being fun.  I m VERY stressed out.  That is no way to live life.

    9. How am I loving fully?

    A. I have an extraordinary level of openness with the world, which is a profound gesture of love.  It means I do not recognize the separation between myself and other people.  It means I “include” them.

    10. How am I not loving fully?

    A. When I am emotionally hurt by something someone says, I have the tendency to find it difficult to get over that injury and maintain feelings of fear and rage towards that person.  Then, I turn it in on myself and I convince myself that the universe is punishing me and that I am too unhealthy because of my childhood to have good feeling relationships.

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    11. If you could do your life over again, what would you do differently?

    A. I would drop out of public school in grade school and find an alternative arts school for savants.  I would have started to eat the diet I eat now, much earlier.  I would stop looking for straight lines in life.  I would listen to the following universal truth much earlier in life… Everything that happens is the best thing that can happen to get you directly to your ultimate desires, so I wouldn’t want to change anything in my past when i grew up because lets face it, it is painful to want to change that past.

    12. What am I doing because I think it will eventually make me happy, but that is currently making me unhappy?

    A. Prioritizing my focus in my career on things that I think “have to be done” instead of on things I feel inspired to do.

    bucketList_0.jpg 13. If I found out I was going to die in a year, what would I do today and for the rest of the year I had left?

    A. Today, I would do what I have planned (complete the documentary scenes that the director of the documentary being done about me has in mind).  I would create a memorial project for Winter, so he could grow up with it.  I would do the EXACT same thing I am doing right now in my life, except I would hire people to do the little mundane “things I have to do” stuff that I don’t feel inspired to do.  And I’d Create, Create, Create material.

    14. What is preventing me from doing those things now, regardless of how long I have to live?

    A. Nothing in reality.  Except that I have a really painful “competency complex” that says that no one is as competent as I am.  I am effected with the logic that if I can do a better job at everything than they can and If I hand projects over to other people that I don’t want to do, I’m afraid they will mess them up or do a sub par job and I’ll get the blame for it.

    15. What could I do to make myself feel even better right now and enjoy right now even more?

    A. Go get a cup of dandelion root tea, play dinner Jazz music in the background and get another blanket cause I’m cold.  (Doing it now)

    1690170345_1393776023.jpg 16. What pain do you want (In other words, if pain was unavoidable, what are you willing to struggle for)?

    A. I’m willing to struggle for achievement.  I’m willing to endure any amount of pain for the fruition of my vision including pain and death.  In reality, I think I am willing to struggle for any of my needs and desires.  To me, anything less than my desires and goals, is an empty life and so I’d struggle for a life full of purpose and meaning and depth and inspiration.

    17. Who do you love and what are you doing about it? What are you not doing about it?

    A. I love so many living beings (human and non human) I am reducing my contribution to the suffering on this planet and I have dedicated my entire career to creating freedom, happiness, love and connection in myself and others.

    I love Blake.  He was able to unconditionally love me no matter how I behaved towards him.  I am not expressing to him in serious enough terms that his unconditional nature is a big part of why I survived and why I am where I am today and why I did not shut me heart to people after suffering at the hands of people for so long.

    epoch.jpg18. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?

    A. Epoch

    19. What belief is the best belief you possess? And what belief is the most painful belief you possess?

    A. That there is no earthy reason why I can’t achieve exactly what I want to achieve, no matter how “lofty” those goals are.  I do not understand the meaning of “I can’t”.

    That I am fated to be disappointed, unhappy and suffer; that no one will love me for the rest of my life and that my authentic struggles make me incapable of being lovable.

    20. What eleven things are you the most grateful for in your life?

    A. My level of lifestyle freedom I have achieved and created

    My understanding of people and this universe and the compassion it has given rise to within me.

    My talent

    The people in my life who see value and beauty in me, and remind me of it.  Especially Blake Dyer, My son Winter, Graciela Hernandez, Lauren Stokes, Kierstie Leavitt, James Roundy, Juraj Kocar, Melanie Magnus, Bonnie Haskin, Flavia Paiva, Justin Olaguer, Mark Scott, Jim and LaDonna Peterson, Andrew Valles, Harjinder Swan, David Blewett, John Wangsgaard, Tami Hubbard, Joseph Hernandez, Kitty Kortkamp, Elijah Sun, The dog who lives with me, named Caput, the cat that lives with me, named Cosmos, my cohabiting plants and my cohabiting mineral beings.

    Creative artistic outlets (painting, writing, film, performance etc.)

    Skiing

    Presents

    Horses

    Really great culinary delights

    Great experiences that will never be forgotten

    Thought

     

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