The smell of breakfast greets me. The sounds of my people laughing in the kitchen. My eyes are opened to an unfamiliar house. The curtains let a sliver of light into the room and through it; I can see a humming bird hovering beneath the flowers on the tree outside. San Francisco seems to wake up slowly. People walk their dogs up and down the streets, yawning. The coastal light moves slowly into position in the sky. I have been here for 4 days now. It usually takes me a matter of an hour or less in a place to give my “energy diagnosis”. But I confess that this time it took days. Each area you visit in San Francisco, possesses a different energy and despite the aesthetic coherence of the city, there is little energetic coherence to be found. But the city has revealed itself to me and I have arrived at my diagnosis.
The dominant negative vibration of San Francisco is isolation. If you read my blog about Boston, you saw that the “mind your own business” attitude of Boston has created a kind of bubble of containment around the people there and that it creates a kind of isolation. San Francisco makes Boston look good by comparison. Remembering that this is a generalized diagnosis, let me explain… So many of the people who end up in San Francisco, came here to escape the torment of not fitting in. But one cannot take an action step without lining up mentally and emotionally with the improvement they wish to see first, and hope to see positive results. So even though many have come here in order to fit in somewhere for once, their dominant vibrations of not belonging and not being seen and not being heard and not being understood and not being accepted have remained. Even when they fit in on the outside, they do not fit in on the inside and feel deep down that they are one of a kind or set apart. So many a people in San Francisco have a subconscious expectation that they will always maintain an inner world that will never be known to anyone else, that the social atmosphere is chilly beneath the smiles. And the people always seem to be on the constant lookout for an opportunity or excuse to try to express that individuality to the world. The isolated inner world wants to be seen… so we dress up in costumes, we try to be noticed, we do anything we can to make people pay attention.
The people of San Francisco are desperate for acceptance. But ironically that desire is covered up under the pretense of “I don’t care what you think”. San Francisco is the perfect example of the vibration of “alone in a crowded room”. The subconscious attraction to protests and marches that many in San Francisco share is this: The truly lonely person can only feel a sense of harmony and connection when they are uniting in order to push against something that is unwanted. Knowing what is unwanted can provide a basis for multiple people agreeing upon something. And in that experience of agreement, a much-desired sense of commonality arises. It is the closest thing to intimacy that many have ever known. This vibration of isolation extends through the city’s noticeably big problem with homelessness.
After having driven around San Francisco, I can officially say that this is the hardest city to drive around out of any city in the US that I’ve been to. The roads are like a never ending and confusing roller coaster. Amidst the occasional tourist like screams let out by any (or all) of my team members as we approached the top of streets so steep that it literally felt like the brakes would crack and the car would careen backwards, I couldn’t help but feel that San Francisco would be an excellent place to own a car repair business or a chiropractic business. Also, the city is blanketed by a maze of electric trolleybus wires. To an extrasensory, this is torment. The anxious buzz of the currents radiates down towards you and I found that each time I went out, I was quickly reduced to an agitated, headache tinged daze. I’m so excited for the day that green transportation doesn’t come with any drawbacks.
As for the dominant positive vibration of the city, it is “Niche”. To clarify, niche is a position or activity that particularly suits somebody's talents and personality or that somebody can make his or her own. When people create a city with the intention of fitting in, but they feel too individual or too unique to fit in with anything that already exists, they end up carving out a unique life of their own and a way of life that suits them. They then invite others to join in. This creates little pockets of unique culture. San Francisco is full of these pockets. I notice that for the people who love San Francisco, even if they don’t fit into anything, they fit in nicely to the unique little lives that they create for themselves here and so they are able to feel a sense of belonging in this city that allows for their full and unrestricted self expression. This is the vibration of niche. With niche comes all the opportunity in the world to create something unique enough to blow the world away; something that has never been thought of before. I think there will always be room in the world for the revolutionary ideas that could come out of San Francisco.
For someone who admires older architecture, like me, San Francisco is a real treat. I must confess that for years, when people ask me what type of house I’d like to live in the best, my answer has always been Victorian. I love the angles and the embellishments and colors and especially the circular rooms and spires. So San Francisco was glorious to admire. It may as well be the capital of Victorian houses. I am utterly in love with the houses here.
On Sunday, we had a picnic with the workshop volunteers on a beach overlooked by the Golden Gate Bridge. The wind and drizzling rain graced the array of fruits and vegetables that covered the picnic table. The waves crashed on the dark sand of the pacific shore. Being so used to Southern California, I did not pack appropriately for San Francisco. My feet turned white and went numb in the cold. It was an interesting contrast to be so cold outside as a result of the weather and so warm inside as a result of the intimate connection I had with the people that were there. It was bitter sweet to say goodbye to everyone. It doesn’t matter where I am in California, California itself and the people of California feel like home to me. It feels wrong to fly home to Utah. This kind of feeling is always a sign of an impending change that is more in alignment with my destiny and so, we shall see where my path takes me and how quickly.
My parting gift to San Francisco is a message… The biggest reason that our feeling of isolation continues, even when we are technically in a situation where we could belong or do belong is that we have low self esteem. When we are young and we do not fit into our family or society, we develop the idea that something is wrong with us. Like a slow acting acid, this belief begins a slow corrosion of our ability to feel connected with others or to share ourselves because we fear rejection and ostracization so much. So, instead of rebelling against that belief, we must face it and work with it and change it directly. You will soon come to know that the only thing that is truly wrong with you is that you think something is wrong with you. That there is your key for allowing genuine connection to occur.