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Passing Through

The countryside flows by so fast that the eye cannot settle on anything to look at.  The movement of this European train makes the outside look like a river of landscape or like a Van Gough painting perhaps.  After seeing this, I find myself reflecting on the movement in his paintings.  It makes me wonder if he ever really settled into life on earth or if he spent his days merely passing through life.

architecture-buildings-city-1308940.jpgI am on European tour again.  This time I am stopping in Paris, Amsterdam, England, Dublin, Luxembourg and Basel.  The last time I was in Paris was the day after the 2015 Paris terrorist attacks occurred.  I expected to find Paris restored to its original ways but I find the city much changed.  Fear hangs in the air in the city still.  I have never seen more police and military officers there before.  Paris is not alone in this way of being.  Since being here I must admit that Europe in general feels incredibly unstable right now.  It is caught in a state of guarded uncertainty. 

Chateau.jpgThe last two days were spent in the countryside of France with my very close friend and master healer Jacques Connan as well as his family and friends.  I spent a lot of time doing inner journeywork in his healing room late at night.  Yesterday, we visited a medieval castle called Chateau de La Roche–Guyon.  For me, visiting historical sites is like eating a cream filled doughnut… You know better than to do it, but it tastes so good you end up doing it anyway and regretting it later.  As a ‘sensitive’ the density of these ancient thought forms is destructive to the subtle matrix of the energy body.  It is a bit like heavy poison.  I find places like that so utterly fascinating that all of myself is gripped into the experience.  But as the minutes go by, I feel weaker and weaker, more and more horrified by what was considered “normal” back then.  For an extrasensory, these places are still fully alive with the practices that once took place in them.  When it comes to medieval castles this means beheadings and dark religious rites and torture and public defecation and imprisonment in dungeons and complete unconsciousness.  Human life did not hold the same value then that it does now.  Human life was expendable. 

These places are also alive with the people who were the most identified with them.  We had the thought form of a gamekeeper from the 1600s following us through an entire wing of the place.  It was lurking around the stairway stretching from the main building to the tower. 

Coming from a lawsuit happy country, I am both terrified and thrilled at the lack of restriction that exists in many other countries.  To reach the tower, one has to climb a seemingly never-ending vertical staircase that is chiseled through the limestone, like a white cave going straight up.  There is a metal handrail in the center that you literally have to use in order to not fall backwards.  I could not believe it was open to the public.  In America no place would risk the potential law suit of someone inevitably injuring or killing themselves by slipping while going up or down it.  I really wonder how many people have hurt themselves or died there over the years.  Alas, because we were not in America, we made our way up it, huffing and puffing from the exertion.  Vertigo hit me so hard I felt weak in the knees.  It was that same off-kilter feeling I get in so many of my nightmares that involve heights. 

IM0604-hr.jpgExiting the cave-stairs you can see the tower above you with a barred window on its left side, exactly like the one depicted in the old story of Rapunzel.  It is not hard to imagine what life would be like, imprisoned in that room.  When you climb to the top of the tower, miles of French landscape unfold before you.  The architecture below, the spires of the castle, the courtyards and the gentry manors below, have not changed with time.  The sound of the homing pigeons that were kept there still exists in the present day.  The sound itself has become a ghost. It is a pleasant sound to behold. 

I managed to get myself stuck somehow in a hallway where the only way out was to pass by the castle crypt adjacent to the 2 religious halls.  Now it remains open and empty of bodies, but in no way empty of emotion and projection.  It has the energy of a cavern where coveted jewels are kept safe, but jewels that terrify and afflict people with the feeling of mortality and loss.  The impression you get of the rawness of life back then is brutal against the bones.  It makes you feel sore and heartbroken underneath the fascination that compels you forward.

IM0612-hr.jpgOften a soul stream will incarnate over and over in a certain way or at a certain time or place in the universe if the experience available to that perspective causes the kind of continual expansion that the soul stream is looking for.  For example, a being may project forth into third dimensional life as an insect over and over again during the cretaceous period on earth.  Because of the type of expansion available to me at the time, the soul stream that I belong to projected itself forth over and over again as a human in Europe from the 1200s to the 1600s.  This expansion is part of the reason I opted into European genetics this time around again.  In fact, I chose to come into Genetics in this life that are the direct result of people who I actually was in the past.  Let’s hope that means that my current perspective is an improvement upon who I was then.  I was particularly interested in the perspective of Gentry…  Both the freedom and imprisonment inherent in positions of leadership and nobility. 

Anyway, having lived so intently over that period of time, it is now the time period most familiar to me somatically.  So I have this problem any time I visit Europe and find my way back to these old castles and manors.  They immediately feel more real to me than the life I am currently living.  It feels as if I have awoken from a bizarre dream, but the bizarre dream is this life as Teal Swan.  I feel disoriented for the remainder of the day after stepping back into them.  I relate to them all so strongly that the memories that live there are echoes of my own memories. 

chess-316657_640.jpgBecause I am in the middle of a new book, I have been holed up in a room, writing from 6-8 hours every day.  This tour has forced me to put it on hold and come out and begin to interact with the outside world again.  My first on-stage appearance is tomorrow in Amsterdam.  I know that those who want to see my career end will revel in knowing that they have succeeded in negatively impacting me.  But, I feel like being honest even though it will give them pleasure to hear.  To be honest, I feel apprehensive to be on stage again.  Putting yourself ‘out there’ is hard enough as it is, much less when people are booing you off stage.  This year has been the year for that experience.  I have had more people turn against me this year than ever before, and aggressively so.  I expected this opposition to happen because it is the nature of the career I have chosen.  But what I did not expect is that this opposition would come from so close to home.  I did not expect that people who I considered to be 100% trusted friends and even family would turn on me and join the opposition.         

The people who turn against me tend to band together.  They form groups where they all get together and validate each other about how terrible I am as a person.  And now, I feel this terrible feeling that I cannot afford to have a disagreement with anyone or fail to live up to the expectations they have in their mind for how a spiritual teacher ‘should’ be; because of the inevitable course of action they will take. I have been feeling like I cannot afford to fall out with people because they join my hate groups and then become convinced through influence that I am in fact way worse than they thought… I am in fact corrupt and fraudulent and evil. 

blue-1593878_640.jpgThink about it this way, if you and your friend or co-worker have a big disagreement that makes you feel hurt by them in some way, you have nowhere to go to get validation for the way you feel.  But when people have disagreements that make them feel hurt by me, they do have somewhere to go to get validation for how they feel.  They can go to the people who already publicly say that I am a horrible person.  My haters will justify and validate the way anyone feels about me as long as it is not in favor of me.  In fact, they will fuel it.

And I have learned the hard way that I cannot do anything to create repair once they turn against me because they adopt a certain perspective.  They see me through the lens of “evil” and everything I say or do will be filtered through it.  For example, when I write this blog, in which I am authentically expressing the fact that I feel hurt, they will warp it into me manipulating people through self-pity.  I am damned no matter what I do.  Everything must simply be converted into proof that I am what they have decided that I am.       

horse-racing-2714849_640.jpgWhen people are opposing you, especially those who you took far into your heart, the natural inclination is to withdraw, close up and not extend yourself towards the world anymore.  I feel unwanted in the world because of how much louder and dedicated the minority is with their hate than the majority is with their love.  And I do not keep my energy where it is unwanted.  And yet I know that I am like a racehorse.  The minute their hooves touch the track, they are in their element and the rest is merely the bliss of instinct… The peace of doing exactly what they were designed to do.  And I know that the minute I can get face to face with someone who is in a place of questioning or struggle, I will snap into this place where nothing exists except for them and me.  A place where we are concealed in a vortex of my obsessive passion for this work. 

I can see now that anonymity has a sweet texture to it that I never felt compelled to touch before now.  Too much of anything is a poison.  Too much anonymity is a prison of insignificance.  Too much visibility is to be a target on display in a world full of weapons.  And I am sore from the arrow points today.

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I agree and resonate with the comments of all.  I too face this same dynamic, almost every word spoken, Teal..  Although, I don't have as much to lose...

I would love to invite you to my home whence it's finished and just surround you with those you love.

The old saying/mantra about surrounding yourself with those who truly love you for YOU goes a long way.

Many of us are ready to die for your cause.  Much like myself, though I'm quite feeble, I'll still stand by you anywhere despite me being rather weak whilst being at the prime of 23..  got nothing much to offer you.

But, best way to disarm hate is with unconditional love right?  Much like Aikido...  one simply uses the other persons own strength against them.  Not even self defense or to harm  "residence" in that.  simply aid them to move through you.

Perhaps spend time with the honorable martial arts?  Karate, Bushido, Kyudo, Naginatajutsu, Shaolin, wing chun.  the act itself clears the mind.  You're bound to find an awesome Sensei.  ( makes me think of that Chinese master you met in your early days.  and also about that guy who took you pain unto himself, revived/upgraded your entire self from the ground up. )  I want to see you soar even higher, when positive flow meets momentum.. Nothing stops it..

even tai qi, and qigong.  These things are truly magical.  and bolster self love & for others around you.

I love you Teal.  i love you so very much.

3 hours ago, Alexia said:

It is my desire to bring more positivity and support to you. I have faith this will happen. 

I desire the same thing.  We need more teal tribe meet ups and simply get out there together to have loads of fun being vulnerable with each other, etc.  But also advocate teal with the same zeal as the haters,  so far many of us dont do much ( for reasons I'm sure, but we could all try a little harder.  Next chance I get, I will offer my home to teal tribe meetings from time to time. ( when it's renovations and reconstructions are finished.

Edited by AbsoluteWave

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Try to not let the haters into your vibrational space, I personally appreciate and love the work you do Teal. And If I've learned anything over the years it's that every time strong emotions come up like this, there is a personal life lesson to be gained. Hope you find the silver lining in all this. 

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Thank you for sharing your story 

I too have been a victim of these haters and thanks to the internet is has been so easy and convenient for them to create groups and constantly update each other and fuel each others hate. Like you I have been accused of brainwashing people and manipulating them to think I am kind, men were warned not to look into my eye because I might lure them into liking me.  It has affected my work before even in new companies I worked for they have been  'secretly contacted  ' to be warned against me and all of a sudden slowly but surely everyone was starting to get hostile at me and  picking on me. It got so bad I left with no notice in those two companies even though work wise I was performing very well. I felt so depressed since I have a daughter but I was also ashamed of the bullying that was done I was also scared that it would keep happening I have even  deleted my facebook and stopped IG partly because of that. This was two years ago but til this day I dont goodle myself because  I fear I will only hurt myself if I seek .

But lo and behold endings are indeed beginnings, I found a work at home job I love love love that gives me the freedom, money (higher than my previous salary btw/       and feeds my passion to share my knowledge. I have never been more passionate in a job.  This is definitely my calling. I have more time to travel and do yoga to oh what an amazing feat for me I realized I am a yogi indeed  doing headstands in only a month of yoga practice. My daughter and I have never had such a close bond before because now I can spend most of my time with her we go out and have fun a lot. Because of this job and freedom I can travel, and I found my spiritual cravings fulfilled through esoteric teachings online. It still makes me sad sometimes but most definitely the good outweighs the bad in this experience.  This and so much more good things have happened because of these people. So I want to tell you good things are coming to you too. As long as your intentions are good and yes we know we are not  perfect we make mistakes like everyone  but noone deserves slander and defamation.

 

So Keep your head up! I hope you read this. 

it made me feel better that someone like you also experience something so harsh not because you deserve it but I think you are someone with good intentions     trying to uplift humanity.

 

Love and light !

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Thank you for doing what you do and, even in the struggle, putting yourself authentically out there. It gives us permission to do the same. 

Much of what you wrote here hit home with me, as it must have for many. Particularly the part where you write about withdrawing and closing up serves as a mirror for me at this point because of bitterness and envy that has come my way lately.  You remind us that we are not as alone in being so highly sensitive to these things as we may at times feel we are. 

 

Thank you.

 

Keep on keeping on

 

<3 

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Teal - I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. You are right when you say a small majority of hate can speak louder than the larger majority of love. So,  today, let love shout from the highest mountain that you are loved and appreciated so much. Your work has impacted my life in the most positive way because of your willingness to be authentic. Thank you Teal for being exactly who you are everyday. We love you Teal. xoxo Andrea

Edited by Andrea Albee
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I am observing such pattern in Teal's life- everybody wants to be friends with her, lovers, husbands, etc. especially people who project and are crazy fans who worship her. Then they get to know her, and after some time, which is normal, they get into conflict or disagreement and then they write "open letters"  how bad she is and join haters groups.  why? In the first place they where not her friends, it takes time to become real friends. Fans or worshippers   or idolisers are usually full of fantasies about their object.   A good idea to keep distance from such poeple or be just professional. 

Anyways, there are people who where changed by your teachings, Teal.  I experienced so much good from the techniques  you are  offering, so much healing. Thank you for your job you are doing in thus world. Keep on as much as you can. 

Good luck with everything you do-

Skirmante

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On 11/7/2016 at 4:22 AM, Eva Clark said:

Listen to me...

1. The way you feel right now is exactly the way youre supposed to feel. It is the correct emotion for feeling hurt and appropriate response to rejection. <YOU taught me to say this verbatim and i use it literally every single day of my life> 

2. Feeling sad for yourself is a sign of emotional health it means you are doing what someone who loves themselves would do. In the same way you would feel sad if someone you love was treated meanly... you should feel those same feelings towards yourself because you love you too. In the same way your instincts would lead you to hug and kiss them and maybe make their favorite snack to comfort them.. your instinct is to share your hurt gain comfort from the acknowledgement, release, and support from your friends here on your blog... who like you.. alot. I dont know if you said that or i said it.. but one of us did and either way its correct.. i dunno read MY blog... maybe it will help you it helps everyone else.

3. People are fkng jerkoffs. 

4. You KNOW what happened to me. Youre the only one who knows the whole story. You KNOW what that psychologist did to me.. abused her power  told everybody exactly what to say tricked me set me up lied and turned EVERYBODY against me. Dude, I DIED..  because of that EVIL WOMAN and i came back... my haters tried to fkng kill me... God said  NOWAY. Now not only did i come back stronger.. but i came back gifted too.. just like you.. but without the visuals. POINT = Everytime one of YOUR haters have really gotten rediculus.. YOU end up doing the most AWESOME stuff you do.. like all of your BEST.. the best of the best comes out right after some crazy haterade shitshow... so... ive said it before and ill say it forever DONT STOP. THE WORLD NEEDS YOU TEAL. You just keep plowing right through those bastards. Just keep knockin right threw em. ;-) <3 I know it hurts. It's supposed to. But.. YOURE Teal Swan.. so.. go be teal swan and dont take no shit.

 

 

:sandance.001:

 

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Sending you so much Love Teal.  I can't imagine how you must feel, but I do wish you could truly feel the amount of real love and support you have from so many of us.  I am so grateful for you, for your authenticity and everything you've done and worked through in your life.  Your work has saved me, and that alone is a blessing.  Eternally grateful for you, and sending you all my love. 

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Hi Teal,

I so would love to enjoy a quiet cup of tea with you. If you ever think of visiting the island of Curacao in the Caribbean, you are very welcome. You represent and share the light of life. 

Much love,

Joyce

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Is so beautiful to read you, I had created Domains of Palaces for interactive writers of Role Play in Internet for the last 10 years. We are as shamans who develop a fictional writing and concentrate to heal and remember a frequency through this characters.

They called me the Wizard of OZ, but as you feel them, I'd wish to be with you and walk among this castles, now the castles I had build was from France, now I held that land in the Map of players. I had sensor much political and historical passages and I have used this form. Now in Jordan with deep silence and respect, working as a nanny, behind the curtains of an important family, come closer from Fiction to Reality in certain ways, we are moving to live in a Castle, I wish to be that Chamberlain, I wish to be that assistant, to treat and teach the Stuff, this is my dream for something greater and hope we come closer and closer some how, beloved Teal Swan, for something yet mysterious to be discovered within the power of creation.

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Hi Teal

I write to you from Cape Town, South Africa. I discovered your videos almost a year ago, and have room ended you to family and friends.I have all your books and so do they.

Our emotional wellbeing, our lives, our awareness...it's expanded and continues to expand rapidly. Words cannot express my love and appreciation for you. Your courage, inspiration to be authentic, and your generosity has been unmatched by far.

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you

Adrienne

 

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Hi Teal,

I went through a period of months that I was in aversion to your teachings because of the feeling of being misunderstood, betrayed, personally attacked even; I now see that was coming from what one of your teachings revealed about my self, my unconscious blaming and persecution toward myself, my non-forgiveness to my life. I am so grateful for seeing that. I can not love someone more fully than the way I love you for being so authentic, your magnetism is palpable and I admire you so much, so very much. There is so much love here for you in these comments and I felt so inclined to provide my perspective and gratitude for your light in the world. You inspire me, Teal.

Love,

Alex Patya Baba

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