• My Love Life

    September 19th 2013

    One of my shadows came out into the open last night.  It is amazing that no matter how aware we may think we are, we can still be essentially blind to our own patterns.  When I was fifteen, I fell in love for the first time with a boy named Trevor. He was a red headed hockey player from Alaska.  Ironically, his father was a friend to my mother way back when she was in college.  To say that I loved him is an understatement.  I loved him so completely, I felt like I had lost my soul.  We were together until I was 18 years old.  It was a long distance relationship.  We barely saw each other.  But it felt like my life hung on the letters he would send me through the mail.  That love was the only thing I had to hold on to during those years of abuse.  I never told him what was happening to me at home.  All he knew was that I was getting more and more unhappy.  Being a “golden boy”, his life was all about success.  He had not suffered much in life; just worked hard to be the captain of every sports team he was on and an honors student etc.   His list of accolades could go on for miles.  Needless to say he had a very hard time relating to the way I hated life.  When I was 18, a boy I knew back in Utah proposed to me.  I cried when he proposed and refused him because being proposed to made my heart sink.  It sank because of how much it let me know that I loved Trevor.  I flew up to Alaska to see him on a moments notice after having not seen him for over half a year.  In the journal entry I wrote on the airplane on the way there I said, “I’m praying it will be the same as it always was between us.  I’d rather die than find out that the time that has passed between us has ruined us for each other; I’m so afraid of that.”  Well, my worst fears did come true.

    When I got to Alaska, things were different.  He was less enamored with me because I had become too “dark and depressing”.  My self-inflicted cuts embarrassed him (and I think scared him a little).  He became cold towards me and even elected to spend time away from me with the other boys on his hockey team while I was there.  The rejection was more than I could handle.  At the end of the trip, he read my journal entries in secret about how I felt and he started crying.  He apologized and spent the last two days of the trip trying to show me love.  But the damage had already been done.  The fact that someone that I was so utterly in love with, could look at me like all the Mormons looked at me back home, destroyed my self-confidence completely.  My heart broke.  It was the root from which all of my romantic problems would grow.  I adopted the unshakable belief that I was too dark to love.  I believed that no man could love me with my problems.  When I left both Trevor and I cried at the airport.  Flying home, I felt this terrible sense of emotional severing.  It was motivation enough to devise a plan to run away from my home to live near him.  That plan was foiled upon my return.

    When I got back home, I walked in the front door of my house and visited for ten minutes with my parents and then noticed that my dog wasn’t anywhere to be found.  I asked them “where is Sidney?”  My father said, “Sidney died while you were away”.  Suddenly the room started spinning.  I felt sick to my stomach.  Sidney (my dog) was not just a pet.  He was the only friend I had other than my horse (which had been sold earlier that year).  He had slept in my bed every night with me since I was young.  They explained that my childhood abuser had come over to inspect him because he was acting weird (panting hard etc.) and had informed them that Sidney had to be put down.  And so, he did.  Right there on the spot.  My parents had no idea what that meant.  But I did.  I ran out the door.  I sat in the grass rocking myself back and forth and crying.  Sure enough, when I saw my abuser again, he informed me that his death was a punishment for going away.  He said to me, “If you don’t stop this with him (meaning Trevor), I’ll put your brother to sleep too”.  And so, that night, I called Trevor on the phone.  He told me that he missed me so much that it hurt.  Trevor was the love of my life, but as far as I was knew, I had to decide between love or my brother’s life.  And that is the kind of choice that already has an answer before it is asked.  I knew Trevor wouldn’t accept the break up without a good reason.  And so I gave him one.  Trevor was the type who requires strict fidelity in a mate.  So I told him the lie that I didn’t feel the same way about him and that I had slept with another man.  His world was shattered.  The relationship was over and I stopped thinking that it was possible to find someone who I truly loved.  I gave up on life as well.  I tried to commit suicide twice that year.  And ever since then, I have felt like I am just too dark and the effects of my past are just too big for a man to love me past the phase of initial excitement.

    I was on a modeling shoot when I was seventeen years old and a man at the photo shoot (who loved cars) told me that all women can be related to a type of car.  According to him, the unappealing, mean women are like rusted Buicks that you don’t even want to drive.  The women who are homely but friendly are like your basic Ford Taurus; there isn’t much special about them, but they never let you down and they are low maintenance.  The pretty girls who aren’t very smart are like Honda Civics.  They aren’t very original but they handle well and they only need a little basic maintenance.  The pretty, smart girls are like BMWs.  They take a little more maintenance, but it is worth it because they make you look like you’ve got your shit together.  And then there are the women who stop traffic.  They are not just pretty, they are gorgeous and they are intelligent too.  Those women are like Ferraris.  They take a lot of maintenance and you have to order out all the parts that make them work but they are unforgettable and driving them, is what dreams are made of.  This man told me that I was like a Ferrari.  It was a compliment when he said it to me 12 years ago, but it has become the symbol of my terrible self-concept relative to dating.  You see, I feel like I’m that Ferrari that a man is so excited to buy, until he drives it home and finds out that he has purchased a “lemon” (In other words a car that is found to be defective only after it is purchased).  And true to form, I’ve attracted an endless parade of men who have reinforced this belief for me.  They end up deciding that being with me is just too hard.  They end up feeling like my problems are too big for them and that no matter what, they cannot make me happy.  They decide I am “too dark” and “too intense”.  And it has only gotten worse since I took the world stage as a spiritual guide.  People expect that I have transcended all of the effects of my childhood abuse and are surprised to find that I still struggle in any way.  They think my world is all sunshine, gumdrops and roses.  When it isn’t.  They don’t realize that throughout my years of enduring torture, as a way to escape my abuse, I learned how to increase my frequency to such a degree that I am an exact vibrational match to the frequency of my higher self.  And thus, when I am teaching, I often hold a different perspective (a much more transcendental perspective) than I do when I am fully participating in my limited physical perspective.  They do not understand that the work of my life is to marry those two perspectives so that the vibrational gap between them disappears; at which point I will be a walking embodiment of my higher self.  But in order to do that, I cannot run from my physical perspective by trying to “transcend” it.  To try to transcend it is to run away from it by trying to rise above and away from it.  I can only fully integrate these perspectives and become the truest expression of myself by fully embracing that which I perceive as my “lower self” (and by doing so realize that it is not lower… instead it is the necessary cause and therefore vehicle for my expansion).  People expect me to always act like the perfectly enlightened being they imagine me to be in their minds.  And then, they feel let down or tricked when they see me seizure or get triggered as the result of a movie preview that reminded me of my past.  And I feel ashamed of myself.  I discourage men from pursuing me, because I cannot take the feeling of being told that I am too difficult or too dark.  After all, that is what I have been trying to get away from all my life.

    This week a very famous actor, who had seen my videos on you tube and had decided that he wanted to take me on a date, contacted me.  We had been talking and texting each other over the course of a few days.  I began opening up about my life and had mentioned the fact that I do not travel alone due to my past and that I still struggle with PTSD.  And that was all she wrote.  Though he complimented me on my brilliance, talent and beauty (in and out), he was disappointed to learn that I had not completely transcended my past.  He did not want to complicate his life with someone who was still dealing with as much as I am.  He could not suffer the pain of a difficult relationship with yet another woman who was struggling with trauma (according to him, his past two relationships ended painfully because both of the women had experienced horrible trauma).  He said that he is worried that I am too attached to my pain and that he is not currently interested in exploring the darker side of spirituality (shadow work).   And though I understand his fear, it hurt like hell.  But there is a plus size to the pain… I saw my pattern clearly today.  I saw it for where it stemmed from.  I saw it for what it’s doing to my life.  I saw that it has caused every break up I’ve had since Trevor.  It has tainted my willingness to love in a romantic way.  And I have decided today that I am done with it.  I realized today that I cannot ask someone who does not love my shadow, to love my shadow.  But I can ask for a man who will love all of me…including my shadow.  So here goes.

    I decided I do want to fall in love again.  I am ready to be vulnerable again.  I am ready to know that I can be loved exactly where I am.  I am ready to be loved with my shadow.  I am ready for my shadow to be treated like a beloved part of my depth and substance, instead of like a shortcoming.  I want a man who would rather move the statue of liberty to my front yard, than lose me.  I want a man whose happiness includes my happiness (in other words seeing me happy makes him feel happy).  I want a man who will find my darkness beautiful because he sees that my past and the effects of my past are the soil, which has given rise the lotus of my life.  I want a man to see the beauty and necessity of my vision so clearly that his happiness is served in part by enabling my vision and financially supporting me while I carry it out.  I want a man who sees the full story of who I am as beautiful… not just the final chapters.


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     My wife is back with the help of Dr Trust love spell......


    My wife left me heartbroken, this made me sick and my problem became very very difficult and it made me almost gave up but after the love spell from Dr. Trust, my relationship was restored instantly, I was happy that the outcome was fantastic and effective, only 2 days after Dr. Trust started it all,i got result instantly,my wife was back with full of love and sincerity. Never in my life have I thought this would work so fast. My wife reconcile with me and she started acting completely different, we make love everyday, I feel happy once again, and like never before. It felt so good to have my wife back again, Thanks to Dr. Trust for your wonderful love spell done. Please email him if you need any help in your relationship. Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com. WhatsAPP Or call number (+2348156885231)

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     My wife is back with the help of Dr Trust love spell......
    My wife left me heartbroken, this made me sick and my problem became very very difficult and it made me almost gave up but after the love spell from Dr. Trust, my relationship was restored instantly, I was happy that the outcome was fantastic and effective, only 2 days after Dr. Trust started it all,i got result instantly,my wife was back with full of love and sincerity. Never in my life have I thought this would work so fast. My wife reconcile with me and she started acting completely different, we make love everyday, I feel happy once again, and like never before. It felt so good to have my wife back again, Thanks to Dr. Trust for your wonderful love spell done. Please email him if you need any help in your relationship. Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com. WhatsAPP Or call number (+2348156885231)

    Also check and contact him on his website now: https://utimatespellcast.wordpress.com
    Derek Luke
    From Texas

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    Hi Friends Dr. OCUSODO is the best spell caster to help fix your relationship problem
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    I never knew people still have powers and make things happened this way. My name is Sandra Raymond am from United State. my boyfriend Williams left me for another girl for three months' ever since then my life have been filled with pains, sorrow and heart break because he was my first love who dis virgin me when I was 19 years old. A friend of mine Kido Matthew told me he saw some testimonies of this great Dr OCUSODO that he can bring back lover, I laugh it out and said I am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great priest on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after three days my boyfriend called me for the very first time after three months that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through. I still can't believe it, because it highly unbelievable it just too real to be real. Thank you Dr OCUSODO for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for any one who might need the help of this great priest here is the email address: drocusodospellcaster@gmail.com or drocusodospellcaster@yahoo.com or add him up on whats-app +2349067457724.

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    Hi Friends Dr. OCUSODO is the best spell caster to help fix your relationship problem
    Read my testimony and contact him now:
     
    I never knew people still have powers and make things happened this way. My name is Sandra Raymond am from United State. my boyfriend Williams left me for another girl for three months' ever since then my life have been filled with pains, sorrow and heart break because he was my first love who dis virgin me when I was 19 years old. A friend of mine Kido Matthew told me he saw some testimonies of this great Dr OCUSODO that he can bring back lover, I laugh it out and said I am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great priest on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after three days my boyfriend called me for the very first time after three months that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for every thing he made me went through. I still can't believe it, because it highly unbelievable it just too real to be real. Thank you Dr OCUSODO for bringing back my lover and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for any one who might need the help of this great priest here is the email address: drocusodospellcaster@gmail.com or drocusodospellcaster@yahoo.com or add him up on whats-app +2349067457724.

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    MY name is kapil weafer, I feel very happy to share my great and wonderful testimony with everyone on this site..: I was married for 4 years to my husband and all of a sudden another woman came into the picture he started hating me and he was abusive. but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost.... He filed for divorce and my whole life was turning apart and i didn't know what to do, he moved out of the house and abandoned me and the kids... my very close friend told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster so i decided to try it. although i didn't believe in all those things then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 2 days, my husband came back and was pleading that he had realized his mistakes I just couldn't believe it, anyway we are back together now and we are happy in case anyone needs help here is his email address; driraborspellcaster@gmail.com His spells is for a better life OR call his number +13019098775 

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    THE MIGHTY SPELL CASTER THAT HELPED ME SOLVED MY URGENT CRITICAL RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM.
     
    I just want to share my experience and testimony here..MY name is Laura Blunk from UK I was married for 5 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hailing me and he was abusive..but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost…then he filed for divorce..my whole life was turning apart and i didn’t know what to do..he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster…so i decided to try it reluctantly..although i didn’t believe in all those things… then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 2days, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn’t believe it.anyways we are back together now and we are happy..in case anyone needs this man, his email address drocusodospellcaster@gmail.com his spells is for a better life. again his email is drocusodospellcaster@yahoo.com also call his or add him up on whats-app +2349067457724.

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    I'm here to testify about what DR. PEPOKO did for me. I have been suffering from (GENITAL HERPES VIRUS) disease for the past 2 years and had constant pain and inching, especially in my private part. During the first year, I had faith in God that i would be cured someday.This disease started circulating all over my body and I have been taking treatment from my doctor, few weeks ago I came across a testimony of Lolita Thompson on the internet testifying about a Man called DR. PEPOKO on how he cured her from 5 years HSV 2. And she also gave the email address of this man, advise anybody to contact him for help on any kind of diseases that he would be of help, so I emailed him telling him about my (HSV 2) he told me not to worry that I was going to be cured!! Well, I never doubted him I have faith he can cure me too,, DR. PEPOKO prepared and sent me Healing Oil, Soap, roots and herbs which I took. In the first one week, I started experiencing changes all over me, after Two weeks of using his Roots/ Herbs, Oil and Soap, I was totally cured. no more inching , pain on me anymore as DR. PEPOKO assured me. After some time I went to my doctor to do another test behold the result came out negative. So friends my advise is if you have such disease or know anyone who suffers from it or any other disease like HPV, HBV, HIV, ALS, HBP, CANCER etc. you can contact DR. PEPOKO for help via email} pepokoherbatemple@gmail.com or whatsaap him through his mobile} +2347053699933 
    You can also email me on alex.eliana4040@gmail.com I may not reply your mail immediately but at my leisure i will do so, Thanks once again DR.PEPOKO for making me a happy woman again


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    whatsapp Or Viber number::: +2347053699933

    Here is my details also if you wish to contact me personal:::: alex.eliana4040@gmail.com

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    THE MIGHTY SPELL CASTER THAT HELPED ME SOLVED MY URGENT CRITICAL RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM.
     
    I just want to share my experience and testimony here..MY name is Laura Blunk from UK I was married for 5 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hailing me and he was abusive..but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost…then he filed for divorce..my whole life was turning apart and i didn’t know what to do..he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster…so i decided to try it reluctantly..although i didn’t believe in all those things… then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 2days, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn’t believe it.anyways we are back together now and we are happy..in case anyone needs this man, his email address drocusodospellcaster@gmail.com his spells is for a better life. again his email is drocusodospellcaster@yahoo.com also call his or add him up on whats-app +2349067457724.

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    Grace is my name and I am one of the persons that have benefited from Dr.UZOYA Love Spell. Dr.UZOYA appeared in the middle of my life when all hope was lost. I gave up on life and thought the best way to cure my broken heart was to take my life after I tried several processes and traveled to India seeking for spell to reunite with my husband who dumped me after three years of our marriage for another lady but none of my effort worked. I made up my mind to continue with my suicide plan before a strange spirit came over me like a rain and ministered to me to search on-line after seeing so much talks about Dr.UZOYA Love Temple. I reluctantly searched and found amazing testimonies and recommendations about him which encouraged me to contact him via his email. He replied and asked me to wipe away my tears and quit any act to take my life; he said that my case is solvable after consulting his Oracle. Well, here I am today thanking Dr,UZOYA for saving my life and bringing back my Husband. We are so happy today and happier than we have ever been. I am so grateful for being among the people sharing this testimony and Dr.UZOYA telephone number is +13019098775 OR email him on; [driraborspellcaster@gmail.com

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    My name is martin Marisa from Canada, I want to quickly tell the world that there is a real on line spell caster that is powerful and genuine, His name is Dr ozalogbo He helped me recently to reunite my relationship with my husband who left me, When i contacted Dr ozalogbo he cast a love spell for me, and my husband who said he doesn't have anything to do with me again called me and started begging me to come back. he is back now with so much love and care. today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the powers to restore broken relationship back. because i am now happy with my husband. To anyone who is reading this article and needs any help, Dr ozalogbo can also offer any type of help like, Curing of all types of Diseases, Court Cases, Pregnancy Spell, Spiritual protection and lot's more. You can contact him Via his email ozalogboshrine@yahoo.com or ozalogboshrine@gmail.com or call whatsapp him at his cell phone number +2348162562991

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    Hello i am here to spread this good news to the entire world on how i got my ex love back.I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month,But when i meet a friend that introduce me to Dr Oniha the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to Dr Oniha about how my ex love left me and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 2 days,My love called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact Dr Oniha at the following email address onihaspelltemple@gmail.com and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on onihaspelltemple@gmail.com. and get your problems solve like me.
     

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    I was married for five years with out any child,because of this my husband start acting very strange at home,coming home late and not spending time with me any more.So i became very sad and lost in life because my doctor told me there is no way for me to get pregnant this really make life so hard for me and my family.my sister in law told me about DR.LOVESPELL from the Internet,how he has helped people with this similar problem that i am going through so i contacted him and explain to him.he cast a spell and it was a miracle three days later my husband can back to apologize for all he has done and told me he is fully ready to support me in any thing i want,few month later i got pregnant and gave birth to twins (girls) we are happy with ourselves. Thanks to DR.LOVESPELL for saving my relationship and for also saving others too. continue your good work, If you are interested to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell caster email address is:DR.LOVESPELL of the great benin kingdom(lovespellpower@hotmail.com)tel.+37060501930.Ava 

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    • My name is Mark Smith, This is a very joyful day of my life because of the help Dr, ATARE has rendered to me by helping me get my ex WIFE back with his magic and love spell. i was married for 2 years and it was so terrible because my WIFE was really cheating on me and was seeking for a divorce but when i came across Dr, ATARE email [atarehealingtemple@gmail.com] on the internet on how he has helped so many people to get their ex back and help fixing relationship and make people to be happy in their relationship. i explained my situation to him and then seek his help but to my greatest surprise he told me that he will help me with my case and here i am now celebrating because my WIFE has change totally for good. she always want to be by me and can not do anything without my present. i am really enjoying my marriage, what a great celebration. i will keep on testifying on the internet because Dr, ATARE is truly a real spell caster. DO YOU NEED HELP THEN CONTACT Dr, ATARE NOW VIA EMAIL [atarehealingtemple@gmail.com]  or CALL HIM ON OR Whatsapp +2347059030158 He is the only answer to your problem and make you feel happy in your relationship.and his also perfect in 1, LOVE SPELL 2, WIN EX BACK 3, FRUIT OF THE WOMB 4, PROMOTION SPELL 5, PROTECTION SPELL 6 BUSINESS SPELL 7, GOOD JOB SPELL 8, LOTTERY SPELL and COURT CASE SPELL. Thank you very much Dr for your great work

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    I was in total despair when I found Dr. Todd. My life was going terrible and I didn't know if I was coming or going. I had just gone through a rough divorce, wasn't making enough money to sustain me and my children, and my 17 year old son had just gone to jail for the first time. When I talked to him, I immediately found a sense of peace. He was very honest with me and I could feel that. He also told me that everything would be okay. After my work began, things began to change. My bills were all caught up, the relationship I was in became much stronger, I was never FLAT broke, and my son was released from jail earlier than we expected!! I also completely got over the failed marriage and began to move on. And, received a better position at my job which will cause an $800 per month increase!! I felt completely comfortable with the work that was being done because I was always encouraged by Dr. Todd. manifestspellcast@  gmail.com is the BEST!!!!

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    THE MIGHTY SPELL CASTER THAT HELPED ME SOLVED MY URGENT CRITICAL RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM.
     
    I just want to share my experience and testimony here..MY name is Laura Blunk from UK I was married for 5 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hailing me and he was abusive..but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost…then he filed for divorce..my whole life was turning apart and i didn’t know what to do..he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster…so i decided to try it reluctantly..although i didn’t believe in all those things… then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 2days, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn’t believe it.anyways we are back together now and we are happy..in case anyone needs this man, his email address drocusodospellcaster@gmail.com his spells is for a better life. again his email is drocusodospellcaster@yahoo.com also call his or add him up on whats-app +2349067457724.

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