• My Love Life

    September 19th 2013

    One of my shadows came out into the open last night.  It is amazing that no matter how aware we may think we are, we can still be essentially blind to our own patterns.  When I was fifteen, I fell in love for the first time with a boy named Trevor. He was a red headed hockey player from Alaska.  Ironically, his father was a friend to my mother way back when she was in college.  To say that I loved him is an understatement.  I loved him so completely, I felt like I had lost my soul.  We were together until I was 18 years old.  It was a long distance relationship.  We barely saw each other.  But it felt like my life hung on the letters he would send me through the mail.  That love was the only thing I had to hold on to during those years of abuse.  I never told him what was happening to me at home.  All he knew was that I was getting more and more unhappy.  Being a “golden boy”, his life was all about success.  He had not suffered much in life; just worked hard to be the captain of every sports team he was on and an honors student etc.   His list of accolades could go on for miles.  Needless to say he had a very hard time relating to the way I hated life.  When I was 18, a boy I knew back in Utah proposed to me.  I cried when he proposed and refused him because being proposed to made my heart sink.  It sank because of how much it let me know that I loved Trevor.  I flew up to Alaska to see him on a moments notice after having not seen him for over half a year.  In the journal entry I wrote on the airplane on the way there I said, “I’m praying it will be the same as it always was between us.  I’d rather die than find out that the time that has passed between us has ruined us for each other; I’m so afraid of that.”  Well, my worst fears did come true.

    When I got to Alaska, things were different.  He was less enamored with me because I had become too “dark and depressing”.  My self-inflicted cuts embarrassed him (and I think scared him a little).  He became cold towards me and even elected to spend time away from me with the other boys on his hockey team while I was there.  The rejection was more than I could handle.  At the end of the trip, he read my journal entries in secret about how I felt and he started crying.  He apologized and spent the last two days of the trip trying to show me love.  But the damage had already been done.  The fact that someone that I was so utterly in love with, could look at me like all the Mormons looked at me back home, destroyed my self-confidence completely.  My heart broke.  It was the root from which all of my romantic problems would grow.  I adopted the unshakable belief that I was too dark to love.  I believed that no man could love me with my problems.  When I left both Trevor and I cried at the airport.  Flying home, I felt this terrible sense of emotional severing.  It was motivation enough to devise a plan to run away from my home to live near him.  That plan was foiled upon my return.

    When I got back home, I walked in the front door of my house and visited for ten minutes with my parents and then noticed that my dog wasn’t anywhere to be found.  I asked them “where is Sidney?”  My father said, “Sidney died while you were away”.  Suddenly the room started spinning.  I felt sick to my stomach.  Sidney (my dog) was not just a pet.  He was the only friend I had other than my horse (which had been sold earlier that year).  He had slept in my bed every night with me since I was young.  They explained that my childhood abuser had come over to inspect him because he was acting weird (panting hard etc.) and had informed them that Sidney had to be put down.  And so, he did.  Right there on the spot.  My parents had no idea what that meant.  But I did.  I ran out the door.  I sat in the grass rocking myself back and forth and crying.  Sure enough, when I saw my abuser again, he informed me that his death was a punishment for going away.  He said to me, “If you don’t stop this with him (meaning Trevor), I’ll put your brother to sleep too”.  And so, that night, I called Trevor on the phone.  He told me that he missed me so much that it hurt.  Trevor was the love of my life, but as far as I was knew, I had to decide between love or my brother’s life.  And that is the kind of choice that already has an answer before it is asked.  I knew Trevor wouldn’t accept the break up without a good reason.  And so I gave him one.  Trevor was the type who requires strict fidelity in a mate.  So I told him the lie that I didn’t feel the same way about him and that I had slept with another man.  His world was shattered.  The relationship was over and I stopped thinking that it was possible to find someone who I truly loved.  I gave up on life as well.  I tried to commit suicide twice that year.  And ever since then, I have felt like I am just too dark and the effects of my past are just too big for a man to love me past the phase of initial excitement.

    I was on a modeling shoot when I was seventeen years old and a man at the photo shoot (who loved cars) told me that all women can be related to a type of car.  According to him, the unappealing, mean women are like rusted Buicks that you don’t even want to drive.  The women who are homely but friendly are like your basic Ford Taurus; there isn’t much special about them, but they never let you down and they are low maintenance.  The pretty girls who aren’t very smart are like Honda Civics.  They aren’t very original but they handle well and they only need a little basic maintenance.  The pretty, smart girls are like BMWs.  They take a little more maintenance, but it is worth it because they make you look like you’ve got your shit together.  And then there are the women who stop traffic.  They are not just pretty, they are gorgeous and they are intelligent too.  Those women are like Ferraris.  They take a lot of maintenance and you have to order out all the parts that make them work but they are unforgettable and driving them, is what dreams are made of.  This man told me that I was like a Ferrari.  It was a compliment when he said it to me 12 years ago, but it has become the symbol of my terrible self-concept relative to dating.  You see, I feel like I’m that Ferrari that a man is so excited to buy, until he drives it home and finds out that he has purchased a “lemon” (In other words a car that is found to be defective only after it is purchased).  And true to form, I’ve attracted an endless parade of men who have reinforced this belief for me.  They end up deciding that being with me is just too hard.  They end up feeling like my problems are too big for them and that no matter what, they cannot make me happy.  They decide I am “too dark” and “too intense”.  And it has only gotten worse since I took the world stage as a spiritual guide.  People expect that I have transcended all of the effects of my childhood abuse and are surprised to find that I still struggle in any way.  They think my world is all sunshine, gumdrops and roses.  When it isn’t.  They don’t realize that throughout my years of enduring torture, as a way to escape my abuse, I learned how to increase my frequency to such a degree that I am an exact vibrational match to the frequency of my higher self.  And thus, when I am teaching, I often hold a different perspective (a much more transcendental perspective) than I do when I am fully participating in my limited physical perspective.  They do not understand that the work of my life is to marry those two perspectives so that the vibrational gap between them disappears; at which point I will be a walking embodiment of my higher self.  But in order to do that, I cannot run from my physical perspective by trying to “transcend” it.  To try to transcend it is to run away from it by trying to rise above and away from it.  I can only fully integrate these perspectives and become the truest expression of myself by fully embracing that which I perceive as my “lower self” (and by doing so realize that it is not lower… instead it is the necessary cause and therefore vehicle for my expansion).  People expect me to always act like the perfectly enlightened being they imagine me to be in their minds.  And then, they feel let down or tricked when they see me seizure or get triggered as the result of a movie preview that reminded me of my past.  And I feel ashamed of myself.  I discourage men from pursuing me, because I cannot take the feeling of being told that I am too difficult or too dark.  After all, that is what I have been trying to get away from all my life.

    This week a very famous actor, who had seen my videos on you tube and had decided that he wanted to take me on a date, contacted me.  We had been talking and texting each other over the course of a few days.  I began opening up about my life and had mentioned the fact that I do not travel alone due to my past and that I still struggle with PTSD.  And that was all she wrote.  Though he complimented me on my brilliance, talent and beauty (in and out), he was disappointed to learn that I had not completely transcended my past.  He did not want to complicate his life with someone who was still dealing with as much as I am.  He could not suffer the pain of a difficult relationship with yet another woman who was struggling with trauma (according to him, his past two relationships ended painfully because both of the women had experienced horrible trauma).  He said that he is worried that I am too attached to my pain and that he is not currently interested in exploring the darker side of spirituality (shadow work).   And though I understand his fear, it hurt like hell.  But there is a plus size to the pain… I saw my pattern clearly today.  I saw it for where it stemmed from.  I saw it for what it’s doing to my life.  I saw that it has caused every break up I’ve had since Trevor.  It has tainted my willingness to love in a romantic way.  And I have decided today that I am done with it.  I realized today that I cannot ask someone who does not love my shadow, to love my shadow.  But I can ask for a man who will love all of me…including my shadow.  So here goes.

    I decided I do want to fall in love again.  I am ready to be vulnerable again.  I am ready to know that I can be loved exactly where I am.  I am ready to be loved with my shadow.  I am ready for my shadow to be treated like a beloved part of my depth and substance, instead of like a shortcoming.  I want a man who would rather move the statue of liberty to my front yard, than lose me.  I want a man whose happiness includes my happiness (in other words seeing me happy makes him feel happy).  I want a man who will find my darkness beautiful because he sees that my past and the effects of my past are the soil, which has given rise the lotus of my life.  I want a man to see the beauty and necessity of my vision so clearly that his happiness is served in part by enabling my vision and financially supporting me while I carry it out.  I want a man who sees the full story of who I am as beautiful… not just the final chapters.


      Report Blogpost


    User Feedback




     

    This is my testimony about the good work of Dr Paul who help me.... I'm Katherine from usa. And am sorry for putting this on net but i will have to by this world top spell caster that brought back my husband which left me out for past 3 years, i eventually met this man on a blog site posting by one of is client for help, i explained everything to him and he told me about a spell caster that he had heard about and he gave me an email address to write to the spell caster to tell him my problems. In just 2 days, my husband was back to me. I just want to say thank you to this truthful and sincere spell caster, sir all you told have come to pass and thank you sir. Please i want to tell everyone who is looking for any solution to problem, i advice you to kindly consult this spell caster, he is real,he is powerful and whatever the spell caster tell is what will happen, because all what the spell caster told me came to pass. You can kindly contact him on: his email address is astoriashrine@gmail.com or directly on whasapp +2349051441669
     

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites

    Hello everyone.. I was married for 8years with William. things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time. it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce. I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me. But he moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for the divorce. I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when a friend introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out. I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice. He did special prayers and used roots and herbs. Within 4 days he called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, he moved back to the house and we continue to live happily. what a wonderful miracle dr Lucky did for me and my family. I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news. I strongly believe someone out there need's his help.(Realspellcasteronline@gmail.com) so make extra effort to save your marriage/relationship,you can also contact him if you have any problems..
    1) want your ex back.
    2) You always have nightmares.
    3) To be promoted in your office
    4) Do you want a child.
    5) You want to be rich.
    6) you want to keep your husband / Husband for you alone forever.
    7) Do you want to be in control of that marriage
    8) Do you want to be attracted to people
    9) The lack of children
    10) needs a husband / Husband
    11) HOW TO GET YOUR LOTTERY
    12) PROMOTIONAL SPELL
    13) SPELL PROTECTION
    14) BUSINESS SPELL
    15) GOOD JOB HECHIZO
    16) cure for any disease.

    Email Dr Lucky Now For Any Problem To Be Solve 

    download (2).jpg

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites

    This is my testimony about the good work of Dr Paul who help me.... I'm Katherine from usa. And am sorry for putting this on net but i will have to by this world top spell caster that brought back my husband which left me out for past 3 years, i eventually met this man on a blog site posting by one of is client for help, i explained everything to him and he told me about a spell caster that he had heard about and he gave me an email address to write to the spell caster to tell him my problems. In just 2 days, my husband was back to me. I just want to say thank you to this truthful and sincere spell caster, sir all you told have come to pass and thank you sir. Please i want to tell everyone who is looking for any solution to problem, i advice you to kindly consult this spell caster, he is real,he is powerful and whatever the spell caster tell is what will happen, because all what the spell caster told me came to pass. You can kindly contact him on: his email address is astoriashrine@gmail.com or directly on whasapp +2349051441669

     

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites

    I contacted Mr. Femi okuns, after wasting time on other so called witches & spell-casters. I spent thousands of dollars with no results. Up to the point where I contacted via email: homeofspells.247@gmail.com I had No contact with my lost love,my husband whom he helped to bring back to me permanently.I realized Dr was special, because,the day and moment i sent our details,He asked me to call my husband, after two months of No contact at all.from that point,everything changed,now my husband is back to me. Mr. Femi has since cast 3 different spells for my friends and all are working fine.the days whilst he is performing the spells, He is there, as he says on his site 24/7. I live in the UK, and the time difference makes it difficult to keep in touch within reasonable hours, but he is always willing to listen and cast spells. I am confident that the results you wish for will manifest when you contact Mr. Femi okuns,via email: homeofspells.247@gmail.com. whatsapp him online +2348133586416, I want to share my testimony he is more than a wizard, he is a friend, mentor and HERBAL HEALER & spiritual spell-caster Contact directly on whatsapp or call: +2348133586416, today for your HERBAL CURE and spell

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites

    My Dear friends online, My name is Jessica  And i live in USA, New York, I have to give this miraculous testimony, which is so unbelievable until now. I had a problem with my Ex husband 2 years ago, which lead to our break up. I was not myself again, i felt so empty inside me, my love and financial situation became worst, until a close friend of mine told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem too his name is Doctor Landy. I email the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happen, less than two days my husband gave me a call and told me that he was coming back to me i was so happy to have him back to me. The most interesting part of the story is that am pregnant. Thanks to Doctor Landy for saving my marriage and for also saving others own too. Continue your good work, If you are interested to contact the great spell caster email address: landylovespell@gmail.com or landylovespell@yahoo.com contact him on whasapp +2347053160384 

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites

    This is my testimony about the good work of Dr Paul who help me.... I'm Katherine from usa. And am sorry for putting this on net but i will have to by this world top spell caster that brought back my husband which left me out for past 3 years, i eventually met this man on a blog site posting by one of is client for help, i explained everything to him and he told me about a spell caster that he had heard about and he gave me an email address to write to the spell caster to tell him my problems. In just 2 days, my husband was back to me. I just want to say thank you to this truthful and sincere spell caster, sir all you told have come to pass and thank you sir. Please i want to tell everyone who is looking for any solution to problem, i advice you to kindly consult this spell caster, he is real,he is powerful and whatever the spell caster tell is what will happen, because all what the spell caster told me came to pass. You can kindly contact him on: his email address is astoriashrine@gmail.com or directly on whasapp +2349051441669

     

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites

    Hi everyone I'm Olivia Hannah and am here to share the wonderful work Dr Raypower did for me. After 5 years in marriage with my husband with 2 kids, my husband started acting weird and going out with other ladies and showed me cold love, on several occasions he threatens to divorce me if I dare question him about his affair with other ladies, I was totally devastated and confused until a old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet called Dr. Raypower who help people with relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love spells, at first I doubted if such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, when I contact him, he helped me cast a love spell and within 48hours my husband came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with other ladies and his with me for good and for real. Contact this great love spell caster for your relationship or marriage problem to be solved today via email: urgentspellcast@gmail.com or Call or WhatsApp: +14243308109.

     
    Read more about him on his website: http://urgentspellcast.website2.me/

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites

    This is a testimony that i will tell to every one to hear. i have been
    married four 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had 
    a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids 
    and we have suffered for 2years until i meant a post where this man Dr,landy
    have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring 
    my love Husband home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that 
    of my husband and after 48hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into 
    the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids 
    and that is why i am happy to make every one of you in similar to met with 
    this man and have your lover back to your self His
    email: landylovespell@gmail.com or landylovespell@yahoo.com you can also contact him or whatspp him on 
    this+2347053160384 thank so much

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites

     

    This is my testimony about the good work of Dr Paul who help me.... I'm Katherine from usa. And am sorry for putting this on net but i will have to by this world top spell caster that brought back my husband which left me out for past 3 years, i eventually met this man on a blog site posting by one of is client for help, i explained everything to him and he told me about a spell caster that he had heard about and he gave me an email address to write to the spell caster to tell him my problems. In just 2 days, my husband was back to me. I just want to say thank you to this truthful and sincere spell caster, sir all you told have come to pass and thank you sir. Please i want to tell everyone who is looking for any solution to problem, i advice you to kindly consult this spell caster, he is real,he is powerful and whatever the spell caster tell is what will happen, because all what the spell caster told me came to pass. You can kindly contact him on: his email address is astoriashrine@gmail.com or directly on whasapp +2349051441669
     

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites

    Hello my name is Lauren i'm from USA i want to testify of a great and powerful spell caster my husband left me and the kids for 2 weeks when i called him he didn't pick up when he came back home the 3rd week he told me he wanted a divorce i was so sad i cried all night he left again i was so lonely the next day i was searching for something online when i found a spell caster called Priest Ade who have helped so many people with their problems so i contacted him with my problems he told me it will take 24hrs and my husband will be back to me i did every thing he told me to do and the next day my husband came back kneeling and begging he canceled the divorce we are now happy together Priest Ade can help you too Email him at

    745.jpg

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites

    This is my testimony about the good work of Dr Paul who help me.... I'm Katherine from usa. And am sorry for putting this on net but i will have to by this world top spell caster that brought back my husband which left me out for past 3 years, i eventually met this man on a blog site posting by one of is client for help, i explained everything to him and he told me about a spell caster that he had heard about and he gave me an email address to write to the spell caster to tell him my problems. In just 2 days, my husband was back to me. I just want to say thank you to this truthful and sincere spell caster, sir all you told have come to pass and thank you sir. Please i want to tell everyone who is looking for any solution to problem, i advice you to kindly consult this spell caster, he is real,he is powerful and whatever the spell caster tell is what will happen, because all what the spell caster told me came to pass. You can kindly contact him on: his email address is astoriashrine@gmail.com or directly on whasapp +2349051441669

     

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites

    This is my testimony about the good work of Dr Paul who help me.... I'm Katherine from usa. And am sorry for putting this on net but i will have to by this world top spell caster that brought back my husband which left me out for past 3 years, i eventually met this man on a blog site posting by one of is client for help, i explained everything to him and he told me about a spell caster that he had heard about and he gave me an email address to write to the spell caster to tell him my problems. In just 2 days, my husband was back to me. I just want to say thank you to this truthful and sincere spell caster, sir all you told have come to pass and thank you sir. Please i want to tell everyone who is looking for any solution to problem, i advice you to kindly consult this spell caster, he is real,he is powerful and whatever the spell caster tell is what will happen, because all what the spell caster told me came to pass. You can kindly contact him on: his email address is astoriashrine@gmail.com or directly on whasapp +2349051441669

     

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites

    This is my testimony about the good work of Dr Paul who help me.... I'm Katherine from usa. And am sorry for putting this on net but i will have to by this world top spell caster that brought back my husband which left me out for past 3 years, i eventually met this man on a blog site posting by one of is client for help, i explained everything to him and he told me about a spell caster that he had heard about and he gave me an email address to write to the spell caster to tell him my problems. In just 2 days, my husband was back to me. I just want to say thank you to this truthful and sincere spell caster, sir all you told have come to pass and thank you sir. Please i want to tell everyone who is looking for any solution to problem, i advice you to kindly consult this spell caster, he is real,he is powerful and whatever the spell caster tell is what will happen, because all what the spell caster told me came to pass. You can kindly contact him on: his email address is astoriashrine@gmail.com or directly on whasapp +2349051441669

     

    This is my testimony about the good work of Dr Paul who help me.... I'm Katherine from usa. And am sorry for putting this on net but i will have to by this world top spell caster that brought back my husband which left me out for past 3 years, i eventually met this man on a blog site posting by one of is client for help, i explained everything to him and he told me about a spell caster that he had heard about and he gave me an email address to write to the spell caster to tell him my problems. In just 2 days, my husband was back to me. I just want to say thank you to this truthful and sincere spell caster, sir all you told have come to pass and thank you sir. Please i want to tell everyone who is looking for any solution to problem, i advice you to kindly consult this spell caster, he is real,he is powerful and whatever the spell caster tell is what will happen, because all what the spell caster told me came to pass. You can kindly contact him on: his email address is astoriashrine@gmail.com or directly on whasapp +2349051441669

     

    This is my testimony about the good work of Dr Paul who help me.... I'm Katherine from usa. And am sorry for putting this on net but i will have to by this world top spell caster that brought back my husband which left me out for past 3 years, i eventually met this man on a blog site posting by one of is client for help, i explained everything to him and he told me about a spell caster that he had heard about and he gave me an email address to write to the spell caster to tell him my problems. In just 2 days, my husband was back to me. I just want to say thank you to this truthful and sincere spell caster, sir all you told have come to pass and thank you sir. Please i want to tell everyone who is looking for any solution to problem, i advice you to kindly consult this spell caster, he is real,he is powerful and whatever the spell caster tell is what will happen, because all what the spell caster told me came to pass. You can kindly contact him on: his email address is astoriashrine@gmail.com or directly on whasapp +2349051441669

     

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites

    My husband is my hero, he saved our marriage and my heart from an unhealthy emotional attachment with my ex. The problem was that I jumped into marriage from a fresh breakup, I never allowed my heart to heal, that’s why I was heavily hunted and distracted to a point that I almost abandoned my husband and our 2 beautiful daughters to my ex. Look how stupid I was to think that my beloved husband of 5 years can be replaced by a bad ass ex-boyfriend. My husband proved that real men still exist despite all the embarrassment I brought to him, he didn’t let go, he rather worked with Dr. Wakina through his love spell to untie me from the unhealthy emotional attachment with my ex. Now my eyes are open to cherish the beautiful family I have, I also realised the meaning of true love. I’m hoping to do more than what Dr. Wakina via dr.wakinalovetemple@gmail.com did for me. Thanks to my husband for letting me share this story. Remain blessed.  

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites

    Hello My name is Monica, Am from USA, Texas. and I am very happy for posting on this blog on how a great spell caster helped me in bringing back the love of my life. I know there are lots of woman like me out there who have done so much to have back their Husband, I am here to tell you all to search no further because the answer is right here. I sincerely believe if there are up to five spell casters like Dr Landy this world would be a better place, I have seen people complaining on how fake spell castes promised to help them but couldn’t but with Dr Landy I tell you your problem is solved already. My Husband and I had been apart for 4 YEARS and I couldn’t bear without living with him, I have tried everything to have him back but nothing was working until I saw numerous testimonies about a spell caster called Dr Landy and how great his work is. I contacted him via email landylovespell@gmail.com immediately and follow the step that he ask and in less than 48 hours my lover called me and was eager for my forgiveness and that he wished nothing more than to have me in his arms forever. I filled so much joy and happiness that I found Dr Landy , I hope you all here will find this testimony of mine and get your husband back in just 48 hours thanks… contact his email: landylovespell@gmail.com or landylovespell@yahoo.com you can whatsApp him +2347053160384

    Share this comment


    Link to comment
    Share on other sites



    Create an account or sign in to comment

    You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

    Create an account

    Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

    Register a new account

    Sign in

    Already have an account? Sign in here.

    Sign In Now