• Mirror Image

    140107105929-01-weather-0107-horizontal-gallery.jpgThe cold of New York City is the meanest kind of cold.  It is a cold that is vicious and bitter like a miser who takes his pain out on other people.  Like that old man who is yelling through the hallways, the cold targets you in the gray streets and alley ways of the city.  At this time of year, it seems like everyone is spending the majority of their time just trying to evade its wrath.

    Some people are so identified with the city they live in or with their culture that any negative appraisal is taken as a personal attack.  I would be lying if I said that didn’t make me just a little apprehensive to be honest about my perspective on the places that I visit.  I’m especially apprehensive to speak about New York because New Yorkers are the Americans that are the most identified with their city.

    download (2).jpegI’ve already done an energetic diagnosis on New York.  Nothing has changed on that front.  But people seem to be much more desperate than usual.  This is not just true for New Yorkers.  I’m wondering if it has to do with the current political climate or the rapid expansion cycle we are in universally right now as a species.  But in general, people are wanting something so badly that they don’t feel like they can have.   And this is what desperation is all about.  On an energetic level, that state is like getting ripped in half.  And your emotions mirror that internal splitting process perfectly.  That desperation leads people to extremes.

    My trip to New York this time did not go smoothly.  It seemed like the universe was putting me in a position to stop doing anything and go even deeper with inner journeywork.  The restaurants we tried to go to were totally booked out.  It seemed like every time we tried to go somewhere, we were prevented from doing so.  Things I wanted to buy were sold out.  People I was planning to meet with cancelled last minute.  I tried to go to the Frick Collection and the line was so long they told us we would have to stand out in the cold in a line for an hour.  This was physically not possible unless you had a ski outfit on.  New York is not a friendly city (I know people who identify with New York City hate when anyone says this).  No buildings nearby were willing to have anyone standing in their foyer, not even parents with tiny children.  So we gave up on it.  I spent the entire trip either on stage or inside the apartment I rented. 

    owen-jumbo.jpgI ended up seeking shelter from the cold that day in the closest store I could find.  Unfortunately, I picked the wrong street…  A street lined with nothing but high end fashion designer boutiques.  I wandered around the place trying to connect to the place.  I tried to connect to it as if I were a buyer.  When that failed, I tried to connect to it as a former model that loves the runway.  When that failed, I tried to connect with it as a fellow artist.  None of it was working.  The people working in the place were deliberately playing a status game with the occasional person who walked in.  It was the exact opposite of an enthusiastic sales approach.  The attitude was like “We are too good for anyone who walks through this door but to our dismay, you were lucky enough to find us, so we will tolerate you looking around.”  When a buying client walked in, it was like watching a body language pissing contest to establish pecking order.  I understand it on a psychological level but I still can’t believe that the kind of exchange that happens in those high-end boutiques would motivate any person on earth to return. 

    I ended up smiling to myself wen I realized that I feel the exact same way in high end fashion designer boutiques as I do in some super fancy restaurants.  Like you pay an exorbitant amount of money for an empty plate with a carrot curl on it and some fancy dressing made from something that only grows in the bottom of the ocean…  Like they are really selling you on the idea that you are special by virtue of having it; as opposed to there being any real intrinsic value to it.  There are only a few fashion designers on earth today that I feel are worthy of the clout.  And in the name of fashion as well as for the sake of a little shout out to any of you who are fashion enthusiasts, my favorite designer is Herve Leger. 

    The best news is that by being in New York, I had access to Whole Foods again.  Ale likes to tease me that there is one way in which I am super American… I am super attached to convenience.  The consumer aspect of me is the one who just cannot let go of the attachment I have to giant natural food/product stores.  It is my adult version of a toy or candy store.  You could drop me off and come back hours later and I’d still be lost in the aisles, completely content and picking out items to try.  I took full advantage of the luxury this week.  And long story short, as of this morning, the kitchen in the apartment looked like someone had gone on a binge bender.  

    28thstreet2010.jpgI must say that I felt safer in New York this time than I’ve ever felt there before.  Usually, I have to kind of hold my breath and close my eyes and run into the fast lane when I come to New York City.  I get emotionally bruised a little bit and then go home to heal the bruises.  But being able to at least speak the same language as everyone and have access to any product I want and to be familiar with the culture and to feel like even the poorest demographic of society isn't  primitive, made me so confident compared to usual.  It’s incredible how spending so much time in a third world country can make you feel instantly safe in the most unsafe parts of a first world country.  It’s completely psychological.                                           

    Teal and Gabbi.jpgTo be completely authentic with you, I had really painful dreams last night.  Recently in my public life this desperation people are experiencing has been making it so a lot more people do not treat me like a person.  Instead, they see me as a resource to exploit.  They really don’t care about the impact on me or on anyone else for that matter.  This is the reality for anyone who is famous.  But it is much, much worse for ‘expertise celebrities’ than ‘entertainment celebrities’.  People tell me (in not so direct ways) that I have no right to feel bad about it because I chose this line of work, where I literally am a resource.  But because of this desperation, I feel consumed.  Also, lately the money some people spend to attend an event I am putting on is now only worth it to them if they get exactly what they think they want out of me.  My entire team has been observing this shift in my public life.  As well as how it is forcing all of us to be less and less available just to be able to have the energy necessary to really be there for people.  It has been leading to some very emotionally painful dreams. 

    In one of my repetitive dreams lately, I am sitting on a stage in a blue kaftan.  My legs are exposed to the audience.  Every time I try to speak, an audience member interrupts me with a question they have to know the answer to.  Like it is life or death for them to know the answer.  But each time they ask a question, a strip of flesh goes missing as if taken off by a vegetable peeler from my legs.  I feel the terror of not being able to have boundaries.  I am paralyzed and don’t want to get up and leave the chair because I know if I don’t let them consume me, they will feel as if it is me who has prevented them from having what they need so desperately, which makes me the enemy. And I see them turning into an angry mob of dissatisfied haters.  Eventually in the dream I look down and I have no flesh left, just fragile leg bones.  I feel doom knowing that I literally can’t get up and off the stage because the leg bones are too fragile and will shatter if I stand on them.  Then I wake up. 

    talk kripalu copy.jpgThe pressure of my position is going up and up with no glass ceiling in sight.  And the hard part is that I can’t fault people for it.  I know what it feels like to be desperate for something.  It is a real question how responsible someone can be for their actions from that place of emotional hell.  I want to be there for that desperation.  I want to close the distance between the side of them that wants so deeply and the side of them that doesn’t think they can have what they want.  I love that work.  But with enough desperation, it feels like energetic cannibalism, which is hard for anyone to hold space for. 

    The theme of this entire trip, no matter what event it was, was shame.  I think humanity is in the process of clearing up the collective subconscious.  And shame is the heart of the subconscious.  I am going to be teaching a great deal more about it I think.  I am becoming more and more aware that the nature of my work (pointing out the shadows as well as authenticity) is inevitably bound to trigger shame.

    I think that out of every spiritual teacher in the world today, I am the one who hates spirituality the most.  Spirituality is not a box that you can open and close again.  Like Pandora’s box, after you open it, you spend half of your time thanking the heavens that you opened it and the other half of your time cursing yourself for having cracked the lid.  There is nothing comfortable about awakening.  Awareness is as painful as it is satiating.  So much of spirituality being practiced in the world is a coping mechanism instead of an avenue to awareness.  This kind of usage causes pain to the world.  This kind of usage drives us deeper into ignorance and illusion.  I have very little mercy for this kind of spiritual practice, which is hard because so many of the ‘sacred irrefutable pillars’ of spiritual practice around the world fall into this category.  And very few people see it.

    download (3).jpegOne of these beliefs is that all of our relationships with people are just a substitute for our relationship with God (or whatever you want to call God).  That everything you need (even emotional needs) are within you and will ultimately only be met by your relationship to God.  This is not an objective truth.  This is a belief that sounds poetic, which was invented as a cognitive coping mechanism by people whose needs were not met by the people in their lives.  Essentially, it’s better than emotionally starving to death.  Watching the people of New York this week, most especially those people who are consciously trying to un-need other people by adopting this belief, makes me particularly sad.  The human race needs to learn how to have relationships far, far more than they need to learn how to not rely on other people for anything.  For that reason, before I leave New York, I am going to present an alternative perspective. 

    That the ultimate truth in this universe is the truth of oneness.  Therefore each being in existence is in fact an extension of what many call “God”.  We are indivisible from it.  And as such, having good relationships with people is the same as having a good relationship with God.  That by deciding to give up the quest for good relationship with people for a good relationship with yourself or a Greater God, you are actually giving up on having a good relationship with part of God.  Therefore, because you are indivisible from God, you are dividing yourself.  You are giving up on part of yourself. 

    Perhaps the point of human life is not to find our way out of human-ness (including human relationships) and back to God.  By doing that, we have chosen to exit the world due to our own discomfort with the illusion of it. We have done nothing to heal the fragmentation in the whole.  Perhaps the point of human life is to really be in it.  Perhaps by resolving our war with other physical people and creating harmony in our human relationships, we will automatically be resolving our war with our self, healing the fragmentation within God and creating embodied unity…  Because that which we call God is a mirror image of us.

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    I have this afternoon experienced that feeling of total inner peace, just sitting in the sun for a few minutes No more judgment. Unconditional love for myself. And it radiated out to the world. People were staring. I even got a few looks, lol. This is imho what feeling God inside us is....

    So, it is possible folks. Keep applying Completion Process so you can move into that state of non-attachment. And you will be able to climb out of that box of beliefs! That is the secret. To see beyond all realities by unbelieving all you are told.

    This is my view for the future. The old souls, the Masters who are awakening now, you who are reading this, will be able to reach that state and help Humanity becoming more conscious. It's your choice. Everything is;) 

    Gratitude.

    Marcel

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    Nice to have you back on Turtle Island...

    Good one, thank you for always keepin it real...

    Holding my sweet new born in my arms now, being grateful to you Teal, and your whole team, for the thread of hope that you maintain for humanity, for my daughter.  Grateful for the insights and the guidance that have helped create the woman I am now,  that I might pass them on to her, and create a new legacy.

    We're here right now, nourishing the "Teal entity" with energetic love and happiness from NM.

    Edited by Cherry

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    Come to the Adirondacks.  This man https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1278852850 has a crystal shop and awesome soul knows where and what is about us.  I couldn't afford to go for the second year.  The mirroring here is constant .  Messy and cluttered.  It is as if we are being pushed to down size.  So the we don,t have  human fleas and I mean that literally.  I want to open intentional community living in Adirondacks one day,   Meanwhile I am trying to do more than just survive.  The cold is mother nature purifying the filth in our streets as we are purify our selves.  There is so much institution going on.  Mostly Rehabs and its a revolving door.  But those awakening here are pushing others too and it seems holding a frequency for others.  So makes sense to why I always feel like I am taking on the towns stuff.  Ultimately its literately like living in the matrix aware of it yet still blending in in order to live.  Music and Art is our true form and we need human connection.  The cold is the lonesomeness and rage are.  Underneath all that is loving children waiting to play.  We want to play.  In the rooms full of 60 people Ill play all alone still I cant understand why?

    We have a place where "Star Seeds" or "Light Workers" can play and be free and be them.  Its the Tramontane In Utica, Ny

     

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    Hi Teal, 

    I wish I was there having tea with you. 

    I live in Montreal, Canada and I have visited Toronto off and on and lived there for some time between 2010 and 2016.  Toronto is quite similar to New York energetically, but not quite in the downtown area... you would have to go further north into North York.  Downtown TO is full of Happy People, I literally call it Happy Town. When I first lived there, I was living downtown and didn't know much about Toronto.  However, as a 'sensitive' for lack of a better word...   I knew when we were coming up to happy town while traveling on the bus or subway just by the 'feel' of the environmental energy and the energy of the people boarding the trains along the way.   However, I had to live in North York.. specifically the Jane/Finch District and this is a completely different world. The entire opposite of downtown Toronto. When people visist Toronto as a tourist, they always head for downtown as this si where Union Station is and most of the shopping connections and hotels. However, the truth is further North. :) 

    I was so happy to have come home to Montreal which is VERY European.  It's a city, but at the same time.... you get more warmth overall. More nature etc...  I'll stop flaunting Montreal.  It has it drawbacks of course, like any other city where there are large amount of people.  Montreal has 3.5 million. So you can imagine the craziness.  lol 

    For a long time I've been following your work.  Actually since I first went to Toronto yrs back. I have to say that every pinnacle of awakening you have with just about anything, that you share ... is SO in sync with a lot of my awakenings.  I go through something, I become aware..... rest assured Teal will have a video or Blog about it lolol. It's so awesome! 

    I say this, because I did similar work as you (just did not gain notoriety) and back in 2013 when I was 35 I had been doing it since the age of 19 and had come up with the same realizations as you here and decided to walk away.  But that was my choice! :)

    Reading what you have written was like reading something quoted from my own consciousness.  You are a complete and amazing confirmation that I'm not alone in these realizations even though in my little reality here in Montreal (physical and not my online community), there is not 1 person that I can bounce off of and it makes it sometimes that I feel like I'm going insane and there's no way out. Reading your blogs, listening to your video's, helps me continue to believe I'm not alone and I'm so grateful to you for that gift.  

    When things improve financially which they will soon, just creating my foundations first and foremost after a hard awakening process .... I will most definitely come to one of your workshops. Hopefully you'll have one in Canada, perhaps?! ;)   I just want to meet with you and have tea to be honest....  exchange of energies and experiences, if that will be allowed.  

    Also, I know  exactly how you feel when it comes to your dream. I had similar dreams where people were cutting me and taking my blood, me vomiting what I know now as Dark Ectoplasm from my mouth... so much my mouth couldn't open wide enough in the dream... I had to pull it out... also being chased in the woods and hunted by people .... etc... Always involving Knives.  What's up with the knives?!  Sheesh Kabooby *sigh* lol.   As you were describing your dream, I was brought 'into' it.... and it is horrifying!  You most definitely need to be authentic here, for your own well-being as a person and a Human Being.  You have my thoughts and love here XOXO. 

    Always,

    Laura  *HUG*

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    I was on stage with you in Toronto and at a retreat in Philia, and I appreciate your authenticity both on stage and off.  There appeared to have been a little frustration or anger in your voice during some dialogues on stage in New York this past Saturday.   At least, that is how I perceived it.

    Now reading your blog, I hear it again and it has given me the courage to comment about it.  

    I was triggered by what I perceived impatience and frustration you appeared to have with some of the participants on stage in New York.  (I was online) especially the people that, didn't seem to apprehend/undertand/connect with what you were attempting to have them hear/see/feel.

     In my relationship, I am so triggered with what appears to be  impatience  when I don't comprehend something almost immediately.  I feel his frustration and impatience, and  it doesn't sit well with me.  I will use CP on my own go back and look  at the aspect that triggers that within me.

    This is by no means coming from a place of desperation.  It is just something I wanted to share.  

     

     

    Edited by Debra Elkin

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    Question. 

    So like, we have THIS reality which is one of many realities of many universes even if we all were to collectively ascend (into Oneness) on THIS Universe wouldn't there be another Universe within the Infinite Universes/Dimensions/Realities that has not reached complete enlightenment?

    Is that a weird question? 

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    I was at the workshop in New York this past weekend and I have lived in New York my whole life.  I am a psychotherapist and I was actually not going to go to this event because it was so cold outside and I missed my train and I was tired. However, that morning I had a dream about Teal and I was speaking with her but I cant remember about what. I woke up still not convinced I should go because that would mean I had to take my car to NYC and did I mention it was cold.. augh! But than I saw a commercial for Park City Utah and knew I was being called to go. 

    It was very cold outside and we have had abnormally warm weather until that day and the venue was very cold. I was literally wearing my gloves to keep warm. The energy in the room was so strange-heavy and stagnant.  The vibration of the room felt slower. I guess if we are working with our shadow  this feeling makes sense.  It was not an easy day with the audience. .. like the lights are on but nobody is home. Everything felt like it was going in slow motion.  I am not entirely sure why the call to be there for me was so strong. I am very familiar with things that go bump in the night. As a therapist, I do similar work with clients. However, Teal is amazing and  has brought my understanding to a higher level both on a professional and personally level. I will continue to look at this. 

    It hurts me that Teal is being energetically consumed but makes sense since the shame in us is so strong and the need is an endless well. However, we need more teachers like her. Teachers who embrace both their humanness but connect to higher levels of consciousness to be a catalyst to break the barriers of our limited realities. Teachers who are willing to be vulnerable in front of us and show the dark part of themselves and reflect the dark parts in us. She is raw and she is open and that makes her a target. However, she needs to be for our healing so it is a double edge sword. The words are honey in our mouths but turn bitter in our stomachs. Life is pain... 

    I personally have stayed away from "spiritual groups" my whole life because I have lived in the darkness and it has led me inside. Peace and love.... is a nice Sunday service to makes us feel better. Teal is one of the few teachers I actually want to scream " Yes!!" when she is speaking.  Finally!

    Thank you Teal. Thank you for putting yourself out there and being vulnerable for us for our healing even when we don't see how it hurts you, even when we dont care how it hurts you because we are so wrapped up in ourselves. Sending love your way.

     

     

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    I hope to someday contribute to you, Teal.  Thank you for this blog, I love how I come to some realization in this life and within a few days, you have a blog about it.  The synchronicity is delightful.   

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    I think there is one logical flaw in this: If you say that healing your relationships with others will also heal your inner world and relationship with "God", that would also mean that healing your inner world and relationship with Source (Well, it's the same actually) will heal your relationships on the outside. 

    Works both, inside out and outside in. 

    The reason that a lot of spiritual people say "you gotta heal yourself first' is that people who are not whole/healed or have a connection to Source can experience an inner void. This leads to a craving that they can only fill up by socializing. You know the difference between a craving and a healthy desire. If the need for relationships is based on a void then it's likely to grow issues. I see this all the time. However if you don't feel a craving and instead a natural desire, then your relationships are more likely to be free from subconcious void bs as well. It's when you're super attached to something and desperately need something, that's most often when in your reality that  exact thing won't work out very well. Why? Because the natural manifestation energy desire was hijacked by your void/subconcious or shadow as you or Jung would call it.

    I feel like people who have trouble with relationships and thus try to flee from them in general will feel a slight trigger by what you say, yes, but people who have a craving for other people and can't by all means stay by themselves for a view days without craving others will feel slightly triggered by the "it's all inside you" method that you condemn.

    If all is one then it works both ways, but when looking around me I see more cases of people that have troubed relationships because their relationship to themselves is incomplete, than people who have troubled relationships because they are fixing their relationship to themselves first. So personally I prefer "insdide -> out" rather than "outside -> in".

    The latter becomes a problem when spiritual people are gonna tell you that real life relationships mean nothing, or that they're not as valuable as your relationship to God, or even that you should avoid them. They're both the same. But here's the thing: Because 1. We're incarnated into animal bodies and 2. We're all more or less infiltrated by the subconcious, in this reality other people will NEVER ever meet all of your needs. Let alone because in worst case, they could change tomorrow or even be gone. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't trust them, more like the opposite. Because you're not super attached to the idea that that person is completely gonna soothe all the inner struggels that you'd have felt when on your own, or perfectly meet all your needs, there's no reason to distrust them in the first place. That makes you free to love them without expectation. And they will love you as good as they can, but if you are dependent on them and crave someone who fills a void that can't be completely filled from the outside (because inner void), then that sets you up for hurting others and getting hurt.

    A microcosm of this is a person trying to have their needs met by binge eating. Food is also part of God, but still there's a difference between filling the void from Source within or by filling your void by Source energy in form of chocolate ice cream.

    In that sense, relationships with other people can be a compensation method, too. Relevant quote from C.G.Jung's Red Book: "Solitude is true only when the self is a desert. Should I also make a garden out of the desert?"

     

    Edited by Ptolemy

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    Thank you Teal. Thank you for being such a big catalyst. And please take the time to regain energy. I also experience a very rapid expansion cycle. This will help create more awareness that we are all one. Everything is one. All is well <3. Love! Joyce

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    " Recently in my public life this desperation people are experiencing has been making it so a lot more people do not treat me like a person.  Instead, they see me as a resource to exploit." - it is interesting that you mention this now. I felt it long time ago. I was on your first workshop at Joseph's house and one in New York long time ago. At that time many people treated you like a person and a friend. Many of them did not want anything out of you. They just enjoyed being with you. Setup changed with bigger audiences. I came to Boston and realized there is no place for personal human contact. The reason is understandable. At the same time I felt you lost contact with group of people outside of your inner circle who are connected on a human level, through past lives, who cares about you. This is your choice. I am curious if you are interested to find a way to re-establish connections. I believe they bring joy and energy, support and help.

    with Love, Dmitry 

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    I just want to live my life and be happy, this is a lot of extra bullshit.  I can live deeply and have a ton of meaning in my life and create a positive difference without over-thinking my connection with people and God, because frankly I don't give one damn.  And I know I've got a hell of a lot of intelligence and wisdom about the world without all of this spiritual bullshit.  That's a huge misconception, that people who aren't spiritual are less knowing.  Not the truth! :)

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    Dear Teal,

    You've touched a lot of issues I've been working on. 

    Wonderful, on point read it was! 

    Thank you :5761e29ab6425_EmojiSymbols-177:

    Much Love from the neighborhood with the Gold tower in New York,

    So Young*

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    I,m alive thanks to you ,your videos helped me through my addictions ,my pain etc  Teal with all my heart you re my  angel .After reading this blog i cried ,(your dream ),i really wish i could give something back  in return . ..........T.Y  T.Y   T.Y    so i send you the biggest smile i have  with love Robbie Moore         Australia

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    I had the same realisation recently. Your post/video about "and consciousness" rang a bell in me also that supported this view. Essentially we are here to love ourselves and the others. Or in other words be self-serving and others-serving. If you are only one but not the other you are out of balance. 

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